What Is a "Legal Separation" to You?

For these links, I googled "legal separation vs trial separation" http://www.expertlaw.com/library/family_law/legal_separat... and http://www.firstwivesworld.com/resources/resource-article...

Wish I knew more about all of this legal stuff so I could help more. Only you and your husband know if you should try harder to make this work. I think both of you have to be willing to make it work. If you try really hard and he doesn't make any effort, then I don't see how it can work. Have you tried a counselor? I do think that your kids need both parents, and that divorce is very hard on them. It will affect them their WHOLE lives, even when you guys are grandparents. Good luck. You will get through this, one way or another.

L., time to let him go. put it in his face: let him feel it how it feels. tell him no trial separation put go ahead and file for divorce.
why are you staying in this marriage?
for boys?
don't do it for the boys, they can sense and feel things aren't alright. you need to put a stop to this especially since you've been hearing him say it for such a long time.
if it were me, the first time my husband would say this would be the last time he'd have a chance to say it again
good luck

Legal separation is usually pursued when the parties want to stay married for religious reasons, want the advantage of deductibility of spousal support payments for income tax reasons, want to maintain various insurance coverage's, or are do not want to wait the state statutory waiting period for termination of marital status. For some people, a legal separation is desired to set the parameters for dealing with one another while living separate and apart (especially with respect to continuing support obligations and child sharing issues) while maintaining the status of being married, and leaving the door open for a reunion/resumption of marriage.

A trial separation has no legal status – during a trial separation the law treats the couple as still married. Trial separations are voluntary decisions made by the couple to live apart for a trial period.

In my opinion, "legal separation" is the way to go - it is "legal" and not voluntary, so you have the benefit of the court helping to make certain decisions like how far can someone move away, how much child support should be paid, spousal maintenance, etc. Trial separation would simply be on his terms - he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Personally, I wouldn't buy into it.

Finally, rather than waiting for him to do this, I would consider hiring legal counsel on your own and initiating this procedure. I know that you want to keep the family unit in tact for the sake of the kids, but how can anyone be a good mom (or dad) with the constant fear of the unknown.

Good luck no matter what you decide is best for your family.

Get a lawyer... at the rate your Hubby "threatens" all of these divorce or "separations" that is what I would do.. ALSO since he "threatens" to take the kids.

You NEED to do your research, aside from the emotional issues... and get a Lawyer. For YOUR protection & your kids... in case he decides to act on his threats.

In other words, protect your butt.
You don't have to tell him... or who knows how he will react. He does not seem rational. And, you want to make sure that any "custody" issues, are understood by yourself (thus get a lawyer).

Even with a "separation"... there are the issues of the kids... what if he takes them, or takes them somewhere, or out of State? What then? You NEED to know what the laws are... and what YOUR RIGHTS are, as a Spouse, and in regard to your kids... what he can or cannot do with them etc.

He is jerking you around. And you need to know the laws on it...

All the best,
Susan

I do not know what any of this means as far as the law goes...but to me a "trial separation" means I want a break and I want to be free to have sex with someone else...

I do understand the unwillingness to loose your kids' daddy... that is a huge decision but you have to think about your happiness as well.

Every state has their own laws, but generally:

trial separation is an informal arrangement that you come to with your husband. You work out the guidelines and come to an agreement that you both can live with. There need to be ground rules and you need to understand that if those rules aren’t followed, you have no legal recourse against your husband. Below is a list of issues you will want to think about as part of an informal trial separation agreement:

1. Who will move out? Not only will you need to decide who will move out but, where they will move to and when. There should also be a time limit set. A trial separation should not be an open-ended way of life. Set a time limit and after that period passes either file for divorce or move back home.

2. With whom will the children live? Not only do you have to decide which parent the child will live with, you have to decide what role each parent will play in raising the children and responsibilities that come along with raising the children.

3. How will finances be handled? Will you both continue to use a joint banking account? Who is responsible for paying mortgage, car and credit card payments? Will there be spousal support or child support? There should be a clear understanding of who will use what money and for what purpose and, plenty of trust that the agreement is followed.

4. How will you behave financially during the separation? There should be an agreement to not make any major purchases during the separation. You are still legally married and any spending will be reflected in the division of marital assets should you file for divorce. It should be agreed in advance: no major purchases, no selling of marital assets, and no large withdrawals of cash from joint accounts.

5. Will there be marriage counseling during the separation? As a couple, will you make any effort during the separation period to address and solve the problems in the marriage? If there is a commitment to marital counseling who chooses the counselor? How long will you agree to counseling and how much effort are you willing to put forth to help any counseling succeed.

6. What rules will be in place concerning use of the marital home? Will the person moving out keep a key to the home? Under what circumstances is the spouse allowed into the marital home? It is not uncommon, even in situations of divorce for a spouse to feel as if he can come and go as he pleases. If you are not comfortable with this idea it should be addressed before the trial separation.

7. Are you free to date during the separation? This is a huge issue and one that should be dealt with in a way that both you and your husband can live with. Granted you will be separated but you are still married and it is not unreasonable for your husband to expect you to remain faithful to the marriage.

8. Will you continue a sexual relationship with your husband during the separation? If you do continue to have sex with your husband protect yourself by setting boundaries with him and yourself. The idea is to spend time away from the marriage and each other. It defeats the purpose of a trial separation if you are constantly running to each other when you feel randy.

9. What will be the consequences of breaking the rules of the separation? We all have to play by the rules and we all have to pay when we don’t. If you agree that he will pay child support, he needs to know that you have boundaries and will file for a legal separation or divorce if he fails to follow through. If you agree to not date during the separation there should be consequences should you not follow the agreement.

To me, 'trail separation' means that you and he get to see what things would be like if you were no longer married... And yes, I would expect that he will interpret it as 'no strings on him' when it comes to meeting/dating other women.

I personally think healthy marriages require each person to mentally define themselves as married. There are people who think that, if the ring is off, they aren't married at that moment. My opinion is, if one person (of the couple) no longer defines him or herself as part of a relationship, then that marriage is doomed to fail.

Why is he threatening to take the kids away from you...? For most states, the mother has to be declared unfit before a court will take custodian rights from her. You should talk to an attorney, at the very least so you understand what your rights are and what to expect.

If you are headed for divorce, then don't make any quick decisions. You can be the spider that waits in the web... document his interaction with you and the kids, document his income, document your cost of living needs, PAY DOWN YOUR BILLS! (because the court will divide the debt and its a lot harder to pay it down on 1 income than 2!), figure out what you need in regard to where to live, transportation/car, childcare/daycare, and you may need some time to job hunt before you're divorce and holding the bag yourself.