The BFF Question - Just Curious

Well it depends, there are things I would never ever say to my best friend even as close as we are. if she looks fat in a dress for example, maybe I'm just polite to a fault.

.

I appreciate honesty. With that said, if you are not prepared to hear the truth---don't ask the question!

M

My best friends (I have a few in different states, but I keep moving away :(
and I talk about deep things. We ask each others' opinions about things. I would never tell them that they're looking fat, although this has come up in conversation. It usually starts with HER saying something like, "Oh man, here it comes. When I'm pregnant, my BUTT gets HUGE!" and I laugh with her and say that I think everyone has something that gets huge when they're pregnant. I may be thinking, "whoa, yeah, wide load!" but I'd never say it.

If my friend were complaining about something her husband did, and I thought she was being immature about it, I'd probably ask her questions like, "do you think he MEANT to say it that way?" or maybe I'd just share a story about something dumb my husband did, how I found out it was just a misunderstanding, and then suggest that maybe this tiff they're having is just a misunderstanding, too. I would never come right out and say, "I think you're wrong, and you're being a baby about this."

As for kids, we talk about the trouble we're having with our kids. So usually, I'm saying bad things about my kids, and she'll give me suggestions, and vice versa.

If my friend caught my husband even holding another woman's hand, she'd better tell me! And if she did tell me, why would I be mad? If she's my BFF, what reason would she have for lying about that to me? Or lying to me about anything, for that matter?

The hardest thing that my friends have told me, and they haven't even said it outright, is that they want me to get a divorce. It hurts them to see me so unhappy, and they have all joked about wanting to maim my jerk of a husband. But even then, it's all supportive friendship. I know they'd do anything for me.

I guess to sum it up, if you can't be honest with your BFF, if she doesn't respect your feelings and you don't respect hers, then you can't possibly be true BFF's.

I have lots of friends but i believe that when you have a BFF that no matter what you say to each other as long as you are saying it truthfully neither one should be upset by it and if they do get upset it should be something you two can talk it out together. All my friends are not like that, with most i have to watch what i say to them because they will stop talking to me for awhile and i don't say things to purposly hurt them but when you ask someone a question you are opening the door for them to come in and give their opinion and i guess my opinion wasn't something they really wanted to hear. I only tell them things that is best for them. I just want to see them happy. I wish i had a BFF that was a girl. but i guess my BFF would be my boyfriend and we never get mad at each other for things like that

Yes, I think they should be honest if it's in a productive and loving way. Such as NOT "you're getting fat girl"... but "I've noticed you seem to be looking a little down lately and your face is looking a little swollen. Is everything alright, are you feeling okay? I know you are super stressed right now, how about I make you a nice dinner on Thursday."

BFF's can get offended and hurt, but they should hopefully mend things after awhile. Now, if it's constant criticism, then that is a different beast altogether and that is not a true friend.

My 2 best friends I've had for 18 years and 12 years, respectively. We tell each other everything and hash out everything. Honesty + Kindness are 2 vital components of our friendships.

I have many very good, very close friends that are NOT at the level of my 2 best friends. I have lost several of them over honesty issues, but they were never best friends. Merely good friends.

((Snogging is a great word, btw, it's a joy to see it used in this country. There's no word that even comes close to what it means/how it's used :))

I don't have one best friend, but have a handful of female friends who are like sisters. We call each out when it is helpful or necessary. Sometimes, that hurts or feels really uncomfortable. Even when I feel hurt, I know that they love me. I know that they are going to stick around and support me, but are being honest from their perspective. They are being honest in an attempt to give me the tools to help me grow. It's a lot easier in some situations to just nod your head and say, "I agree". Instead, they're putting themselves out there, are really taking the time and space to give me feedback, and are trusting me to hear them out, with love and understanding. Like any close relationship, my friendships go through moments that don't feel great, but we do grow from those moments as well. We don't always end up agreeing, but we talk it out and *listen* to each other. We explore our ideas, methods and emotions. I learn a lot, even if the end result is not that we are in complete agreement. Anyway, because we are honest, the support I get/give to them feels real and I can trust it. I wouldn't have it any other way.

If my BFF looks fat in a dress she is trying on in a store, I will re-direct her to another selection...if she is wearing the dress at a party, I will tell her she looks great, her earrings are so pretty...same goes for a haircut. You want to be honest, but if it;s too late, you want to make her feel good about herself. If I saw her hubby 'snogging' another woman, I would likley rip him a new one right then and there, all by myself! And yes, if he didn't tell her immediately then I certainly would. If she came to me ranting about her husband and I thought she was in the wrong...I would tell her I was on his side on this one. I would appreciate the same from her...and I know she would do the same for me. The worst she could insult me would never ruin our friendship...been through too much and she's family. :)

My husband is my best friend, so I can't honestly say I've experienced this. I will say, if my husband was "snogging" some other woman and she DIDN'T tell me, she would be out of my life forever. If these things are being said with tact, I don't see what the problem is.

My BFF and i have been friends since we were 11. We are now 33. I guess with that many years we are so honest. We tell each other EVERYTHING. With tact :) We love each other no matter what. We would never bash...just let each other know when we see something.

I do admit, we are rare though. I am so very fortunate to have someone like her in my life.

Heh - the woman I consider my "best friend" actually has opinions that seem to include information she made up. I would NEVER tell her that! It doesn't really affect our friendship. I am sure she puts up with some quirkty behavior, without comment, from me too. She has ALWAYS been there for me during hard times & I have tried to do the same for her.

I have some other friends with whom I am really equally close and I can't think of anything much *that is not positive* I have ever NEEDED to be honest with them about!

My sister is probably my REAL BFF and yep, we say all kids of things to each other. But that's the friendship that also took the most work, because we didn't "choose" each other! : )

There are 3 of us who have been friends since HS. We are still very close. One of the best things about our relationship is that we are all honest with one another. Some of us are more blunt then the others, but in the end we all know we are going to get honest answers.

Where I think it gets tricky is if you bring something up to a friend rather than them asking your opinion. Because then it is like you are judging them. But if they open the door, you can walk through.

There has only been 2 times in our 15 year relationship where I brought something up that they didn't prompt. In the beginning it was tough, and she was a little upset. But after a while, when she had a chance to cool down, she thanked me. Because I wasn't being judgmental, I was concerned and had every right to be.

If you are truly friends with someone you should be able to handle the honesty. Real friends don't tell you want you want to hear, they tell you the truth!

i have a couple very close friends i can count on one hand but only 1 bff which weve been bffs for 10 years our children were born 1 day apart and we talk honesty about everything without getting mad or offended because we know that we just want whats best for each other and each others children so as long as you have in mind whats best for each other it shouldnt matter if its a real friendship and we also know that if we need anyone we can call each other anytime of day sometimes my hubby is like wow youre so harsh i dont know how you guys are still friends im like well she knows i love her and im not trying to be mean im just telling her what i feel like is best just like she tells me.. we keep each other sane and if i want someone to bring something im doing wrong to my attention why not my bff

I agree with Sarah. Anything and everything is ok with a true BFF...they see things you sometimes can't and the negatives are ok to coming from them.

My Dad just passed away less than 2 weeks ago and when I mentioned it to my BFF, she did not offer support nor sympathy. In fact, she started to talk about her problems. I am seriously looking at putting this relationship on hold. I want to tell her how I feel but think I will just stop calling her for now. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. If these things bother you, try to figure out why your friend is doing this. If it is purely for selfish reasons (as I believe with my friend) then it might not be worth mentioning at all.