V.M.
Hi D.,
I think Becky got it right. I have an adult daughter (she'll be 21 in October), and I try very hard to learn from the mistakes my mom made with me.
Mom was never short of advice, and it strained our relationship up until her passing last winter. I've tried to remember all of the things Mom would do that made me want to strangle her, and I work very hard not to do the same thing.
Remember, you daughter is under a lot of stress. She doesn't want to make mistakes as a parent, which might lead to ammunition in your arsenal should you have a future disagreement. She also may want to show you that she can be a good parent without your help.
Suggestions to ending the situation ... this is tough. I think the best thing is to talk frankly, openly, and honestly. Above all, stick to the issue (what actions of hers are "intolerable?" Why/how are you affected by these actions?) and stay away from making it personal (she's not a bad person, her actions are hurtful). All the same communication tools we learn about in the office place work very well when dealing with touchy situations in the home.
Good luck D.. Please post an update an let us know how it goes.
V.