Telling My Father I Am Pregnant

Hi, daddy. I'm pregnant.
That should do it.

"when's the wedding"

We're not planning one at the moment.

"children need to be born in marriage"

I'm afraid of my marriage ending up like you and mom.

"Roar rar roar rar"

You're not close to him anyway, right?

S.

Just tell him. I think it will be a shock to him, but his reaction will be his responsibility to own. You cannot prevent that. If he is not happy, that's ok. That is his choice, you did the right thing by telling him and not having him find out some other way. (Been there, done that with my husband's father. He found out when I was about 6 months along.......from my husband's ex-wife of all things)Good luck.

Hi K.! I was there too - in college, unmarried, and pregnant at 21 - my whole family is very religious and I think that is what really helped - It was uncomfortable for a while, but my famil was very accepting (especially after seeing the first sonogram and finding out it was a girl (I was over three months before I told them) - You have gotten lots of great advice already so I'll keep this short - Good luck tonight!

K.,

Hi. Though I have not been through your particular situation, my sister has and as a Christian I could possibly give you some insight to how your dad may react. I will not sugar coat anything, I am sure that your dad will be concerned and disappointed, maybe even upset. You and I both know that he is not going to agree with some of the decisions that you have made. HOWEVER, I am sure that he loves you very much, and he will love your child dearly as well. Acknowledge the fact that you understand that he doesn't agree with your decisions. If you want him to be a part of your life and your child's life, tell him so. Just tell him how you feel and be truthful. I don't know of what religion he is, but I hope that if he is a Christian, the love and forgiveness of Christ be evident in his actions. I will be praying for you. If you would like to talk to someone at anytime, feel free to email me. ____@____.com

This is a tough one. I found out I was pregnant when I was 19, right before Christmas last year as well. Again, like you, my mom knew and my dad didn't. And then I had twins, so big shocks were heard 'round the world. And I'm not married either, in fact now, I'm a single mother and living with my parents.

When I (we) first told my dad, I was PETRIFIED! My father has four girls and one son, and all four girls had children when they were unwed. I would have rather told anyone but my father, and my exboyfriend was a jerk and pretty much said something like, "Well, I know what we want for Christmas now, a stroller!" He's just...well, we're not together anymore for obvious reasons. After that everyone kept throwing around the words adoption and abortion, my grandparents, my aunts, my mom and dad, but one night I started having really bad cramping and bleeding, but you better believe everyone was up at the hospital with me that night, lol.

My advice would have to be to tell him when its just the two of you. But if you're not that close to him, that's probably not your idea of a good time. Just think, no matter what, your dad will love his grandchild. Even though my dad was grouchy for the first couple months of my pregnancy, when we first started getting sonograms, and he could see both of my little critters, he fell in love, and hasn't put them down since. I'm sure this will give you a reason to see your father more, and it'll probably bring you two closer. =) So in reality, I had no advice, lol, sorry. I say tell him over dinner, make sure your boyfriend backs you up and lets YOU say it, though. It wasn't anyone's place but mine to tell my dad, so don't let anyone steal your moment.

K.
Let me give you some background from me so you know where I am coming from with my advice. I am 28 years old mother of 3, I am a RN for NICU, my husband is a full time youth and college minister. I got pregnant at 21(before marriage) by my husband of 8 years now, It was the hardest for me to tell my father as well. My parents are also divorced. I finally did tell him(last of course) and he said nothing his feelings were hurt. He got use to the idea, because the baby is coming ready or not. I feel that God knew exactly what he had planned in our lives, and Aubrie my oldest is one the best things that ever happened to me. So I guess my advice is just tell him and be completely honest and open with him as soon as possible so his feelings dont get hurt. I think everyone makes mistakes(but how one handles their mistakes is the key), but this baby is a blessing and I bet your dad will see it as that also.

I got pg with my first at 22 and was not married either. My parents are still married but I still told them seperatly. I felt like a child again asking for permission but really I did need there acceptance in the issue. I am only giving suggestions here on what I did and should have done because after a few days it was all very exciting and soon became something great. I told my dad right off that I loved him and I respected him and I was an adult and really needed the same. I told him I was expecting and I was OK with it. I didn't need money or sympathy, I was not asking to move back in or for them to help raise the baby. I was taking things a day at a time and praying that God will help me continue down the right path. He had a hard time, I was his baby and chose not to talk about it for a few days which was ok. After a while I told him I didn't want him to be disappointed but to be hapy with me after all he could distance himself and not be a part of things or he could chose to accept it as it is and be happy for me and my boyfriend. Our son was 10 months when we got engaged but we didn't rush a relationship. We know have 3 more boys! Good luck Kristin and I understand it is hard but once that baby bump appears you have to say something ;) If you are better at writing then try that and you can still sit next to him as he reads it. Also, my dad was happy about the baby but his worries were finances, college, marriage, etc. so be prepared with those answers or at least so he knows you have thought about it.

Sure, they might be upset, but if they are truly religious then they will realize that you are going to have the baby no matter what they think, that this child is a gift from God (after all God doesn't make mistakes), and this child needs his/ her grandparents in his/her life. Being angry won't make (what they see as) the problem go away, or make anything better. I advise you to stay calm and let them process thier thoughts and feelings. A shock can through anyone, religious or not, into chaos and they might react in a way they will later be proud of. In my experience though, no one can resist a sweet innocent baby!

I had just finished my freshman year of college when I found I was pregnant. My parents are divorced so my bf(at the time, now husband), mom, and sister were going out to dinner and my bf said "well, Mary Ann, I got your daughter pregnent." She left the restaurante angry. Later giving me choices like adoption and abortion. I was petrefied to tell my dad after that. But, luckily we told him in a different way. I took my dad out of his house alone and said, "Charlie and I are having a baby".
Your tone will set the stage. Tell him in a positive manner and assure him you will be OK. Come to find out, half my dad's family (from Mississippi and very religous) were pregnent before marriage. My aunt who judged me the most and condemmed me had a daughter at 16 run away from home and became pregnant.
Sad to say my husband has never gotten over my mother's advise and holds a grudge. After my mother got over the initial shock and relized she could push me away or be apart of her granddaughters life she changed! She loves all my babies. She even picks up the two older ones every Sunday and takes them to church giving my hubby and the 2 yr old time alone.
It will all work out! Just stay positive! L.

It's probably too late, but thought I should share anyway. I was also 23 when I first became pregnant and was not married either. I basically sat down in front of my dad and told him that even though I knew he would have wanted me to do things differently, getting married before having a family, that I was doing things backwards, that I was pregnant and that eventually I would get married but not right now. My father too is extremely religious a devout roman catholic, but he was very understanding and also extremely supportive. My boyfriend at the time did not stand by me and that made things worse for me and it frustrated my father tremendously, since as a man he did not understand how he would do that. But God knows what he is doing, because I later on found a wonderful man who took my son under his wong and treated him as his own. Anyway, long story short, your dad loves you, and while he may not want things for you to be different he will always be supportive of you.

Hello K.! I am a 24 yr old mom about to have my second son in May! I was in a simialar situation with my first son. I was only 21 when I found out I was pregnant and could tell everyone on my mom's side. (My parents are divorced too) But when it came to telling my dad-who I had just started working for-it was really hard. Bottom line I held on to it as long as I could until it just started eating at me and I had to tell him. When the time came where I couldn't take it anymore, I just asked him one morning--Are you ready to be a grandfather? Well his reaction was what I expected---he was upset because I was soo young and unmarried and he absolutley didn't like my boyfriend. But you know what--IT IS WHAT IT IS! And there isn't anything you can do about it now. After about a week he was excited and very supportive and caring about me and the babies well-being. So--honesty is best and don't wait until you are 7 months pregnant to tell him. Hope this helps...Congratulations and WELCOME to mommy-hood! It is absolutely awesome!

A.

A whell about 2 years ago I was in your shoes I got pregant with my daughter that is now 15mo and my bf and I were planning on getting married (we were planning on getting married before we ever found out I was pregant) My parents are still married after 30+ years and a devout southern baptist. So they were not very happy to hear the news. So bascially what I did was I left them out not in a mean way I just basicly told them that they could be as invoved or uninvolved as they wanted to be. But that I was not going to let them make me feel bad about what I had done or make what should be a happy time an unhappy or uncomfrtable time. And truthfully it wasnt untill after my daughter was born that they really came around it wa hard for me to stand up to my parents that way but it was whell worth it. You dont want to look back at this time and have bad memories about it. I am now 5 1/2 months pregant and my parents are much more supportive because I think they came to realize while I care about what they think It all comes down what me and my bf(now husband) Think. At some point a parents has to realize that you are going to have your own life and if they want to be a part of it they have to be supportive. Oh by the way I was 23 when I had to tell my parents this too... Good Luck and Congrats!!!!!!

Well, I just want to say that if they are great believers in Christ, then they will know that there are no accidents. God has given you this gift of a child. I am sure they do not agree with you "living" with your boyfriend, but the child is a blessing from God. He makes all the decisions and if it is His choice for you to have this baby, then so be it! Just remember that God will not bring you to it if He can't get you through it!
Don't mean to preach @ cha, just trying to help you out here. God bless and He will give you the strength and the words to tell your Father.

I am not certain what you mean by 'religious', but if he has a relationship with Christ, he will be fine! God's grace is for all of us and even though your dad may be hurt in the beginning, he will soon realize that he has received unconditional love from God, and that is what he will feel for you. None of us are perfect, no matter how 'religious' we may be. I think honesty is the best thing. He may be upset at first, but he will get over it! Take care!

I am a very religious, God fearing and God loving person, and about 14 years ago, my daughter told me she was pregnant. It hurt very much, but I was not surprised, I already knew what was going on in her life. She was younger than you and very scared, and being that I loved her and loved God, I rallied around her. I took care of her when she went into premature labor at seven months, and I was with her when her baby was born. She married the father when the baby was 15 months old, and they had three more children, but they have just gotten a divorce and she already has another boyfriend, another great disappointment.
But I love my daughter and my grandson, he's 13 years old now, and grandma's house is his favorite place to be.
If your father and his wife are truly Christians and not just religious, give them a little time to work the grief out of their system, it might not take more than a heartbeat, it may take more than that, and you yourself realize it is your soul they care for, and that's a good thing. Hold your head up and tell them. Get ready for their disappointment, but they are probably going to LOVE your child!

From experience- just tell him and move on. You will remain happy about your pg and he can deal with it on his own time. I too was afriad to tell my dad. I was 28 and scared of dad??? I was so excited about the baby and his disappointment couldnt change that. When I told him, he said congratulations but "Im diappointed in you". He was upset that we were not married. He was concerned about me and the baby throughout the pg, but that is about all the interest he showed. We married 10 days before my dd was born. Now almost 7 years later, we have 2 beautiful girls and my dad is very in love with both of them. Focus on your new family right now and the rest will work out. Good Luck!

Welll, my experience is in reverse. My son called and I answered the phone and he told me that he had gotten a girl pregnant (he was 23 at time) and I told him that he would have to tell his dad. The announcement came at the 6 month mark so that only left me 3 months to prepare for baby and I had just found out about having cancer. I contacted the mother's side and spoke with her father who wasn't too happy but he was working through it as well. The first shock of baby was about over and began to make clothes and things (grandma stuff) for the next 3 months. It was at this time that I made a decision that I must live in order to see this child grow up and have children of it's own - my grandson is 10 years and the light of my life. We don't have to be together all the time but when we are we are totally committed to each other. My husband loves him to death and so there is hope. Just the timing and things that change issues. The two are still not married and have an arrangement where they have joint custody where he stays half a week with one and half a week with the other in separate homes. I made him a bedroom to die for for a little boy it is all NASCAR curtains, bedspread, pillows, pillowcases, and blanket that stays at my son's home. Mom has an apartme - dad has a brand new house (home).

I once asked my dad when I was 13 what he would do if I told him I was pregnant and he said he would not be happy but he would work through it. (I could see the pain just the thought caused him in how he responded but it was something I wanted to know. I am now 60 so life does have its ups and downs.

You will rock and be a good momma.

K., I know it will be hard, although I did not face this issue, both of my younger sisters did. The only way to do it is to be honest and sincere. Try to anticipate his reaction, so that you are prepared. I am sure that he will love you no matter what. Just because he is religious does not mean he doesn't have your best interest at heart. I do know from experience, it is very hard to raise kids alone. If you are not married, you and your boyfriend have no reason to stick it out and make things work. It will be hard, but nothing worth having is easy!
T. R

Hey there K.. I've been in your place but i was 18 years old at the time. My then boyfriend and i were both still in high school and we told his family first who(i was suprised) were happy for us. My family well that's another story. I was raised in a tight knit Catholic family and i am the oldest child. I'm not going to sugar coat things it was the hardest thing i ever had to do in my life. I know our situations are different, my pregnancy was planned. I knew if I became pregnant my parents would want me to marry. My father took it harder than I thought. I think that was the first and only time I've ever seen him cry. You know what, it didn't mean he loved me any less and I know your father won't love you any less. He may be dissapointed but in time he will come around. After all you are a grown woman.
That was 20 years ago for me and we have all moved on. I went on to marry the father of my baby boy and we have 2 more beautiful sons. Unfortunatley our marriage only lasted 12 years but life doesn't end there. Good luck tonight, i know you'll be just fine.

L.

Be positive, be happy and let your own joy shine through. Don't belittle your own experience by pandering to his issues, because they are his issues and not yours. If you are happy about this miracle, then let it show.

If he's very religious, then mentioning God's little miracle can't hurt

Congratulations

The longer you wait, the harder it will be. Perhaps you should speak with your minister or your father's minister about your situation and ask for his guidance in announcing the impending blessing to your father.

May God Bless,
Debbi

I have been in the situation. Telling your dad could be one of the hardest things you will ever do. However you will be surprised that even though your dad may be initially disappointed, he will be one of your strongest supports because not only is he religious but you are his daughter. He will need time to process but will ultimately do whatever it takes to help you. Parents love their children no matter what and it is something you are about to learn! Congratulatinos on your baby--although it may seem overwhelming right now everything really will be OK!

Hi K.
I would like to share my sister's experience as I saw it however she was 19 at the time. I remember her playing that song by Madonna---PAPA DON'T PREACH. She was in such turmoil. She finally summed up the nerve/courage and paid him a visit (our parents divorced when I was 4). Basically, she sat him down and told him that she was pregnant. She was already living on her own but no one knew her boyfriend was living with her as well. My father cried but told her he would help her. I believe he told her that her life was going to be so much more difficult and that her boyfriend should've been more respectful towards her. In the end it was fine. My sister and her boyfriend/husband have been together since they were 16 and now they are 40 years old with 4 children...the oldest is 20. They are all fine.

You are older than she and if you are on your own then all anyone can say is ...we wish you well.

I hope it all works out for you. Seems like you really care about your father.

Good luck with the pregnancy and the baby, too!

easy: crawl up on his lap look at him with those big puppy-dog eyes and ask him how he is going to like being a grandpa.. what dad can get mad over that??????

Tell your religious/divorced father about his upcoming grandchild. There are always things in our lives that test our faith. Support is what you need right now regardless if you ever marry the father of the child. Where a child is conceived is not as important as how you raise that child. Suprisily you may find that this baby may bring you and your father closer together. I hope you have made some long term plans in your life regarding starting a family.
L. R.

Being religious is a Great thing! But being judgemental is not and unfortunately some Christians are. All you can do is be positive and happy. If he sees how happy you are hopefully he will be happy for you. If he is upset with you all you can do is pray for him and you be the better person. God is our judge no one else and he is also a forgiving God and is waiting for you.

I would not say anthing about being disappointed dont assume you know how he will feel. I would deliver it as good news! let your father know that you do love each other and that you both are excited about having a child together. The most important thing is make sure your dispositon is from a happy place if you sound regretful and apologetic he will be too. I am sure your dad wants the best for you and give it a little bit to soak in. you are an adult and the relationship you have with your father is a shared responsibility now so let him know that you hope to be able to share this joyous time with him. If he declines he will miss out on such a blessing.

My daughter got pregnant last year at the age of 18. Her situation was similar to yours as far as the relationship with her dad, although he is not very religious. His reaction was not good. However, we now have a beautiful 4 month old granddaughter & he loves her very much. So I guess my advice is to be prepared for him to be disappointed - I'm sure he only wants the best for you. But it is what it is and you will all get through this. If he and his wife are very religious then surely they understand that everyone makes mistakes and families should come together at a time like this. Be patient and he will come around. You will need both of your parents during this time. Also, babies have a way of bringing people together just because they bring so many smiles to your home.
Good luck!

I would just be honest with him and tell him the truth. Let him know that you and your boyfriend do love each other. but just dont want to get married right now. I had this happen to me when i was 20 i was living with my boyfriend and my parents were married and my dad took it very hard. but here i am 9years later married to my then boyfriend with 3 kids. it will all work i out. It will be a shock at first but once that baby gets here he will just shower it with love. you can be sure of that.

Start by telling them that you realize this is NOT the ideal situation........blah, blah, blah...........end by telling them that they have the choice whether to accept a relationship with this grandchild of theirs or not.....the choice will be up to them. Bye-bye.....end of discussion.

Best of luck. I'm proud of you for keeping your baby.

I was in the same position when I was 20 years old. Both of my parents are and were extremely religious. I found out I was pregnant when I was in college. It was at Christmas, too. Personally, I found the best attack was to tell my parents as soon as possible -- just open up and wait for the axe to fall! Surprisingly, after the first shock and dismay, my parents were extremely accepting and were willing to work with me on what I wanted to do. However, it took several days for the acceptance to set in. In the meantime, I just tried to stay out of their line of attack.

3 years ago my own daughter told me the same news. I have to admit that I was thrilled and I, too, am a religious but far more accepting person. However, her choice was not to continue the pregnancy, and I had to support her and her decision.

Don't be afraid, though. You might be surprised at how they handle all of this. But if they aren't accepting, then stay away from them. People who truly love you will accept you easily and openly and should be happy for you! If they love you, they will support you and help you in any way they can! After all, being a single mother can be a hard thing without family acceptance and help!

But to be honest, I'm glad I continued my pregnancy. I now have a 40 year old son from that particular pregnancy and he has been one of the greatest joys in my life. My parents, who I was so afraid to tell, have been wonderful with me and helped me get through school to become a doctor. They helped with my son while I had classes. So you may be totally shocked how wonderful he may be. After all, pregnancy can happen no matter how religious you are.

M.

I haven't been in your shoes exactly, but from the sense of having to tell a parent that I'm pregnant and knowing they weren't going to like it, I have. It was actually this pregnancy (baby #3) and it was my husband's mother that we were going to tell. Without going into all the details (since that would take forever!), we both knew she was going to have a cow and that it would be stressful. I wasn't interested in telling her yet because I didn't want to deal with the stress that would come from it. I was only eight weeks pregnant anyway and didn't see why we couldn't wait until the first trimester was over. AND, truth it, it is our decision, our life, not hers. I don't feel obligated to include her in things if she is going to be disrespectful and rude about it.

Anyway, my husband really felt like we should tell her, so I kind of reluctantly agreed. We told her. It didn't go well. Ever since then my relationship with her has been very different. She has been repeatedly rude and I don't want to be around her anymore. If I could redo it, I would have not told her and she could've found out later on when it was obvious I was pregnant. It would've lessened the time of this type of stress. I know I might be sounding mean and judgmental, but I think if I had shared all the little details, it would be very obvious that I'm actually not being mean. Her other daughter-in-law (now divorced) and her don't get along at all - they had yelling fights and hated each other...she's a very difficult person to get along with.

My point in sharing this is to suggest that you also consider whether you feel like it's time to share the info with your father. Once you share the information, you're going to have to deal with the outcome of sharing it. If he's going to give you a really hard time about it, decide when you want that to start...and don't tell him until you're ready for it. Then again, maybe it would be a good thing to tell him and it can be a growing process for the both of you. He can learn that you make your own choices and he needs to love you no matter what. Maybe he'll be surprisingly supportive. But really consider when you want to deal with that stress and don't say anything until then.

When you are ready, I'd suggest saying it in an excited way (if you're excited about it). Something like, "We have something exciting to tell you. I'm pregnant." Just say it outright and hopefully he'll react well. Good luck!

I grew up in a very religious family and I got pregant at 17 (almost 18). I told my parents and then walked away. They needed to process. It will be a shock to them, but if you can give them time to process it may go easier. Also, just remember if it doesn't go well, you are not defined by what they say. And for me, I love the Lord and he does not condemn you so don't allow them to. God loves you and He has a plan to help you through this. This baby is no mistake and this baby has great plans and purposes! God knew this baby was coming and he loves you and the baby. Oh and by the way, I think waiting to get married is a great idea. Marriage should be because of love.

I'm going to say a totally different thing. I am a mother of 3 grown children and have 5 young granddaughers. Last week my oldest, a daughter, told me that when she got pregnant last year by her bf and he wouldn't marry her. "It was terminated". This is a 33 year old woman who had the same situation 9 years ago but the bf married her after the child was 18months old. It hurt my heart so badly that she had her child (my grandchild) "terminated". We are members of The Church of JESUS CHRIST of latter-day Saints and she was raised in our faith. Abortion is so the wrong choice. And to top it off we adopted her, so her bio mother made the choice to choose life for her. When you tell your dad remember these things. I'm VERY proud of you to choose life. If your dad is like my husband and I and "extremely religious" like we are he will be proud and accepting of your pregnancy. But give him a little time- sometimes in life it takes us a moment to recognize our blessings. All the best, G.

ok, you wait untill the end of the meal, and just do it. i made my boy friend do it. i had to nudge him a little when the time came (and you will know!) but he did it. explain the you realize the getting married is a huge commitment and you don't want to get into it just because your preggo. ...ofcourse you realize that children are a big commitment too, but it's a little late for that now and you are both going to work together to raise the baby in the best envoronment possible. it will be hard at first, but eventualy he will get over the shock and relax and get happy and excited!

hey, K.
First of all congrats, being a mommy is awesome. I am 27 and I have 3. I started when I was 17 and was scared to death to tell my dad. He took it a lot better than I thought he was going to, infact he took it better than me.
I am a Christian but it took me a long time to understand what religious meant. I am a screw up! The Bible says that "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." And excepting Christ as my Savior doesn't mean that I'm going to instantly stop sinning. It's realizing that I am a sinner and battling my nature to want to do the wrong thing. I know it sounds like I'm babbling but it just sounds a little like you may be feeling some guilt. Yeah, you messed up you had sex before marriage and now you are facing the consquences of that choice. But God is still there seeking a true personal love relationship with you. I heard a statement once that changed my view of Christianity forever. "Don't live it like a religion, live it like its real!" I will pray that God will continue to work in your heart and guide you in raising your new baby. I also want to warn you that a pregnancy can be very straining on a relationship so just remember when things get tough you're not alone. God is there and he will help you. You're going to be fine and tell your bf he's going to be okay too. I'll also throw in a prayer for no morning sickness:) God Bless You and the Start of Your New Family!

First of all, I would like to ask you to ignore the "advice" from Bubba and C. That is not helpful, and is hurtful. My boyfriend (now husband) and I found out I was pregnant when I was 29. We are adults (you and I). Expect for your parents to be hurt/angry/suprised/dissapointed. All those feelings are normal. But it will be alright, they will get over it. And if he and his wife are good Christians then they will remember that God's timing is always perfect. So while you may not have planned this child, God did. My grandma's response to our news was, "well, there will be repercussions". You know what? There aren't. Our daughter is the light of our lives, and everyone loves her. No one judged her for the fact that her parents weren't married when she was born, and both my mom and grandma (escentially my parents) were just pixelated with her from birth. And while I realized that things have worked out extremely well for us, we have now been married seven years and have four of the best children ever, we believe that all children are a blessing regardless of whether you're ready for them or not. My husband and I joke that my getting pregnant with our oldest was God's way of kicking us in the butts, telling us to get a move on and stop fannying about. What was most helpful for me was that it was my boyfriend who told my mom and grandma (with me present). He was upbeat, and put a positive spin on the whole situation. And while they still didn't take it as good news at first, I think his backing me up and doing the right thing helped their opinions of him in the long run. Hope this helps, and hang in there.

K.,
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS!

Have you ever heard the Serenity Prayer? The first part is:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference...

No one can predict how your father will respond. No one can control that. The only one in this situation you have control over is you. Before you go to your meeting with your dad, get YOU ready.

Remind yourself who you are--
A mother: You became a mother the moment you became pregnant. Decide not to let yourself be robbed of that joy.

A daughter: You will always be your father's daughter no matter what happens today. You can decide to treat your dad with honesty and respect, no matter how he may treat you. Eventually, he will realize you are carrying his grandchild. Thankfully, God gives us 9 months to get used to and prepared for that fact. Your dad may need some time, too.

I pray that you are filled with love for your baby. I pray that love and joy exude from you and become contagious. I pray you don't have trouble with morning sickness during your time with your dad tonight. I pray that no matter what happens tonight, the door is still open for relationship with your dad, your baby's grandpa.

May God shine upon you. May He prepare your dad's heart before hand, softening it with love for you, his daughter.

Amen.

Linda W.

You are a grown adult!!! You do not owe your father anything. Just tell him. If he is upset, that is his problem.

wow at least your 23! i was 19 when i found out i was pregnant with my son! we had the same problem with alot of our family on both sides. one thing me and my husband but at the time we were barley dating. but at the same time we had been on and off for 2 years. anyways one thing we made very clear to everyone was that yes we went against god and we know that but, we were not going to get married just because of the baby. and they seemed to understand for the most part. i still got grilled about marriage all through the pregnancy. but when the baby came no one cared anymore, so no matter how judgmental your father and his wife maybe, they might actually surprise you with their reaction, but be prepared for the worst! and if they do get upset give them sometime and they will more than likely change their minds!

I think being direct and honest will be best. Dad, I'm pregnant. This wasn't when we planned to bring a child into the world and when I first found out I was concerned about your reaction. However, I know that this child is a blessing and God already knows him/her and I hope that at some point you can share our in our joy. If you have been with your boyfriend for any period of time at all, it shouldn't come as a big surprise that you were having sex so a baby is always a possibility. Also, unless this dinner is specifically to tell the news, you may want to consider a phone call in advance to avoid an awkward night. Keep in mind that you have had time to come to terms and be joyful about the baby and he may need a little time to do the same. Good luck and congratulations on the baby!!

I am very "religious", so maybe I could help you find a way of telling him.
1) consider if you want to tell your dad alone or with his wife. I would not have your boyfriend go with you.
2) Maybe meet up with him at a Starbucks
3) Start with basic conversation for a bit, to catch up
4) After that, let him know, "I have some information, I want to let you in on."
5) Present him with something that is a symbol of your being pregnant...maybe a sonogram picture or a bib that says "I love Grandpa"...something that he could take as good news, that has not been presented as bad news.
6) Although there will be initial shock and possibly continual concern for you during this big 'event', you can still try to find the joy in it for him being a Gpa.
7) Let him know, "I realize this is not the way you would have chosen for this to happen, but I hope you can feel at peace about this eventually. I want you to be hapy for me, even though I know it is not the way you would have chosen for me."
8) Don't bring up your boyfriend or the marriage issue unless he asks, as he may not be ready to process that much.
9) Answer his questions honestly about you boyfriend, but don't offer information that he does not ask for. Typically males to do not process alot of words productively. :)

I hope this helps give you ideas on how to handle this.
~K.

I know this is a very hard situation. I have not dealt with your situation, but I am a mother and step-mother of children your age. I would assume that my children would consider my husband and myself "very religious" because he is a Baptist minister and we attend church regularly. Just because we are "religious" does not mean we are perfect. My suggestion is that you set up a meeting with your father and his wife with your boyfriend and just be blunt with them. I would hope that their "religious" mind set would allow them to forgive the mistake and move on with joy for the birth of your child. My husband performs many weddings for people who their church does not allow them to marry there because they are pregnant or have children and were not married. He has told me that in his younger days as a minister he could not have done that because he would have been too judgmental, but as he has aged and made many mistakes that required forgiveness he no longer counts that someone got pregnant before marriage as something "unforgiveable" or that he should even judge. I will pray for your decision of how to tell your Dad and pray for his and his wife's understanding of your situation and your decision not to marry at this time.

Congratulations!! Babies are such a blessing!

I don't have experience with this, but my mom went through this. She was a senior in high school when she got pregnant me. She and my dad were planning on getting married at that point anyways, but not until after she went to college. My grandpa was VERY upset. He was coming from a Catholic background, and this was messing up his ideal that he had the "perfect" family, even though he and my grandma divorced when my mom was 16, and all the kids were living with my grandma. He had set aside money for her entire college education, and he cut her off, and didn't want to communicate with her. My mom and dad did get married that fall. She got kicked out of her public high school and finished her school work early at an alternative school, and I was born a few weeks before her graduation.

The day I was born, my grandpa came up to the hospital to see his first grandchild, and my aunt said that she came across him in the hallway just staring at me through the glass in the nursery, and tears were streaming down his face, and he also cried the first time he held me. Their relationship was restored and he was thrilled to show off pictures of his first grandchild.

So I know your situation isn't as drastic as that, but even if your dad is upset at first, he'll have time to get used to the idea, and I am sure he'll be thrilled to have the little one in his arms!

Oh Kristin!
I have been through a similar situation. I am somewhat untraditional and non-religious( but spiritual). My boyfriend and I did everything backwards- house, kid, then ...maybe married if we don't have another child before them. If I had a nickel for everytime I heard "will you be geting married?". I actually had an older patient of mine (who was hard of hearing and very loud!) go off on me infront of everyone. Realize everyone has an opinion and that byou are 23 years old and have your own opinion on how you want your life to go. Hopefully, with honesty and verbalization of a plan, he will accept the situation. If not right away, in time.

I realize I am a day late w/ advice so I was curious what happened? Hope all went well and hang in there!

Being a "religious" family...they should be able to forgive & stand by your side. This is going to be a hard time in your life & you have to show them that you are going to be a responsible Mother & take good care of that baby. It is your choice whether you want to get married...baby or not...and no one can or should make you feel any less special because of this! Good luck! And really...the longer you wait, the harder it becomes. Have faith that they will support you! Babies are such blessings.

I was also in the perdiciment that you find yourself in now. I was 24 and my mom did not really like my boyfriend at the time. I wussed out and just had my sister tell her because I didn't want to hear the negative stuff, or worse see her struggle to "try" to act happy for me. My mom LOVES my now husband (same dad) and we have a great relationship. I kind of had to put my mom in line one time, but after that, things turned out better than I could have dreamed. I live about a mile from my mom now lol and they are IN LOVE with my daughter. I'm expecting my second one in August and she's all about it. Even though things may not turn out the way you wish they would when you break the news, just know it's their opinion- and that is ALL it is. Respect it sure, but accepting it is not your job. You know what they say about opinions lol...Things will be great- this time of your life only comes around so little times, enjoy and be happy :) Congrats!

I had to tell my parents (who had been divorced since i was 10) that I was pregnant when I was 18. It was hard but the sooner you tell your father the better. If your father and his wife really do love the Lord, although they may be disappointed and upset, they should respond lovingly. My family was very disapointed and I was ashamed (I was a youth leader in my church) but even though I had made a mistake we all knew that God didn't make mistakes and the things I had messed up God used for good. The first few months were VERY hard but there's no sense in keeping it secret. The fact is that you're carrying your father's grandchild and even though the circumstances aren't ideal I'm confident that in time everyone will be more than willing to support you and your boyfriend. Children are a blessing! Congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope that everything works out for you. Oh, one more thing, if your father and his wife don't react the way you would want them to be understanding and give them time to adjust to the news. Eventually everyone comes around, hopefully sooner rather than later for your sake though!

God Bless,
N.

The truth statement to your father is for your child,
"I am going to have a baby"... no explanation the obvious is at hand. You've probably already gone through this since my response is the 13th and not the 12th of February...

Our prejudgement of how people are going to react is about our own choices - not about dad's. My own real shame of not telling my preacher parent's when I was 21 is that I didn't allow the child I was pregnant with to be born...

Have raised 2 children since and the regret of the past almost has killed me emotionally over and over...you are such a loving, strong and trusting woman to welcome your child....may you be blessed and may kindness continue to dwell in your heart! Just remember that mercy and grace will follow you wherever you go whether you like it not....you are loved and your child is too!

i completly agree with the previous response. when i got pregnant with my daughter i was in your exact same position. i got my mom to tell my dad and he took it really hard but eventually he came around and now she has him wrapped around his little finger bc no matter how upset he gets. that baby is his grandchild. just tell him, be prepared for a good or bad reaction but either way he will come around they always do! good luck! enjoy your baby you have been blessed and no one can take that from you!

K., First Congratulations on the blessing that the Lord gave you...your precious baby! As a Christian, a 50 year old Mom of kids from middle school to mid twenties...my best advice is to be honest with your father and his wife. Your father loves you and your baby. Having a baby out of wedlock is not what our heavenly Father wishes for us as he wants the best of all possible things for us...a stable home, loving relationship in which to raise our children. However, your baby is a gift from God and He will bless you. Your father and his wife will not judge you. The Bible says do not judge lest ye be judged. I am sure your father will be excited about being a Grandfather and will help you in any way. I'm praying for you and your little one. Let us know how it goes. D.

K. do not worry about what your father and his wife says , you are 23 and you are an adult , who cares what they say, my children were not close to there father either, but when they had the children he is the best grandfather you could ever imagine. so don't worry it is not good to worry when you are with child. you are human and just like he made mistakes you are entitled to yours.

Probably the most important thing to explain to him is that you and your bf will be taking responsibility for this little miracle, and that although it may not be the best of circumstances to him (your dad), you and your bf are very happy about this. I was 25 and not wed when I found out I was prego w/my 1st baby girl! I was SHOCKED...apparently I didn't know how babies were made..lol...my parents were indeed stunnded and disappointed....my bf and I had been together for over 2 years, and it was still "unacceptable"...We are now married and have baby #2 on the way! Nobody even remembers the part about us not being married now...my daughter is literally the light of my parent's life (AND mine and my husband's!)...Congratulations....No, it wasn't how I'd always dreamed of starting off, but it is so wonderful!!! Nobody is perfect...Just know that if he has a bad opinion you are still going to be a mommy soon, and you need to think about you!!!! If he is upset he will get over it as soon as that baby arrives!! Good Luck!

Well, since you are keeping the child, I personally think you should present it like this:

"Dad,

We know you will be disappointed, but we are pregnant. We are hoping you will be happy we are keeping the baby and support us any way you are comfortable. We also know that you will want us to get married right away, but we are waiting until we are ready.

We are very excited and want to raise our child in the best possible, positive, loving situation. We sure hope you and ___ will be a part of our child's life."

I'd say that to him. Write it down so that you can remember to stay on track. You may have to take some flack as lots of parents want their children to do things in the right (or rather a certain) order. All you can do is what is best for you and the baby. I am Christian, but I would not dare judge you... for anyone NOT a virgin when they got married should really count their blessings if they did not get pregnant out of wedlock. I did, and I was 19, and frankly made a different, less brave choice than you are (in some ways)...
I applaud you and your BF for keeping the baby and trying to do what is right.
GOOD LUCK TO YOU! Many blessings.

Hi K.. I got pregnant out of wedlock when I was 18 and my dad is religious too. It was hard--but if you can believe this--he took it better than my mom who is a little less religious than he is. That was almost 12 years ago and just this weekend my dad was telling me how glad he was to have Addyson (my son) in his life--even if the circumstances were a little less than perfect. So your dad will probably take it better than you expect! Good luck and CONGRATS!!!