Mississippi

One thing I've learned growing up is that rarely anything turns out the way we plan it to! To tell you the truth, I really don't think there is ever "the right time" to get pregnant or start a family. I have felt the same exact things that you are feeling right now! My children are 3 and 1 just like yours, and at times I just want to run out the door and never come back! I feel like when I get angry, or I yell, or I discipline them that I'm just a horrible mother. I guess I'm trying to say that what you are feeling is sooooo normal! But don't give up!! Your kids need you...I know you feel like they are sucking the life out of you, but you are their world! Doesn't it just amaze you that every time you get carried away by yelling or screaming that these little people of ours are the ones that know that we need a hug and they come back 10 minutes later when the coast is clear to make sure we are okay?
Don't feel bad for putting them in daycare! I felt the same way...I felt so bad because I wasn't there for them....like someone else was raising my child. But I soon realized that I felt like a better mother after I got them into daycare. I felt that since I wasn't telling them "NO!" or "STOP DOING THAT!" all day long, I was actually spending time with them in good meaningful ways because I wasn't so stressed out all of the time!
I know what you are saying about your husband. I felt the same way (and still do at times). I wonder if I don't love him anymore and it makes me feel horrible. Someone told me once that our body has a cycle that it goes through (not the cycle we know). It's like a rollercoaster of emotions where at first, we can't get enough of each other and want to spend every minute. I was told that this was all a process leading up to the child creation process. Then all of those feelings kind of hit the back burner for a while! During this time (where we both are right now) we are building our family up and making a future for them! I'm told that those feelings will come again...of course they will be somewhat different! There will be more of a respect for each other and what you and your spouse have accomplished! I haven't reached this point by any means in my marriage! But I hope to some day! We have our good and our bad days....and then we have our VERY bad days, but life is all about struggling these days!!
A few last things....money is ALWAYS going to be an issue...I still have trouble dealing with it!! Children are always going to be expensive! But it's okay! Having everything you could ever want is not going to teach them how to survive in this world! I myself need to practice what I preach here because it's hard not to be able to give my children everything I want to, but in a ways, it teaches them more to see us earn and work for the things we have!
Also, get help!! It's okay to be on medicine!! I went to see my doctor when I had these same feelings so he could put me on some anti-anxiety medication. Don't be afraid to tell your doctor! They have heard it before! You are not alone. I don't think I could survive without it....Zoloft is good. And it may take a trial of a few different kinds of medication before you find the right one. So if you are taking some already, try getting them to switch it!
I know this was long, but I just want you to know that it's normal what you're feeling! But don't give up on your children!! You are their world!!
As far as your husband goes....you have to communicate with him! Let him know what you're thinking and feeling so he can try to help. Try date nights....don't say 'we'll have date night once per month' because this never happens! Just go when you can so there's no disappointment when it doesn't work out!
I know I'm rambling so I'm going to stop, but please write to me if you need to talk! You've reminded me that I'm not alone in the way that I feel! I hope my comments help!

-J. : )

I have the same exact feelings...I love my children, but I am not in love with being a mother. We have had a rough four years. we had twins at 27 weeks gestation, and the little girl was very sick and past away at about nine months. I love my children but some days i to wish i could just leave for a few days to get away from it all...
hang in there...

it saddens me to the core to hear these things from any mom... i think we all go through stages of parenting where we feel we are not 'good enough', but that's b/c we are expecting way too much from ourselves. the truth is, we are given children to take care of, protect & train up to be responsible, functional adults. it doesn't matter if we don't feel like it, we do it b/c they are a gift to us. i know you probably don't want to hear these things, but you have to step up and do it! get counseling with your husband, if necessary but don't give up. you would be setting a terrible example for these 2 innocent lives who did not ask to be brought into the world. don't give up on them or your husband - you'd be doing them & yourself an injustice....

I have to admit I am extremely shocked by your post. Not because I think it's horrible or anything, but because it saddens me that you are so unhappy with the path you have chosen. I will be praying for you.

I feel that you should seek a Christian Counselor for you and your husband. Something else I think will help is for you to get part time job or become involved in a Church Bible Study. There is a really good one that goes on on Monday Nights at Calvery Baptist Church. It runs through the school year, and has nursery for the kids. That way you can get a break from the kids and have some adult conversation.

I am divorced myself, and I understand the need to rid yourself of a bad relationship, and I know how hard it is to do things by yourself. What my concern is, is the relationship you are not having with your children. Please, keep in mind they didn't choose to be born and they should not be punished for your choices.

I am sure you are more than a good mom. If not you'd have left a long time ago. If you didn't have a connection with your children you would have never had them. Turn to God in your distress and He will help you.

In the meantime you are in my prayers.

Hi Parker,

The feelings you're having are more common than you think. I strongly suggest you receive proper professional help from a postpartum expert. You're not a bad mom, you're a good mom who needs help. Feel free to email me or call and I'll be glad to help you myself or refer you to other resources. You deserve to be happy and, believe it or not, it is possible. I was there myself a number of years ago.

S. B., Ph.D.
Author, Postpartum Depression For Dummies
###-###-####

Parker: It sounds like you're depressed. For your own sake, and definitely for the sake of your little boy and girl - please see a doctor. I dealt with some pretty severe depression myself and got on some medication which really turned things around for me. Please get help - you need help and your children need you!

honey, you should leave. Right Now. Your attitude is toxic. You should leave immediately. Your Posioning your family. Your husband can put them in day care and for dinner he has to eat too. and im sure he can put them to bed to. and get them dressed in morning. Not hard. OR MAYBE YOU SHOULD PUT THEM IN DAY CARE FOR YOUR SANITY.

Oh my gosh. It sounds like you're going through a terrible time. Maybe you need to get out of the house? Get a job? Interact w/grown ups? I don't mean that you need to stick your children into daycare full time, but maybe a mother's day out so that you could have a little time to yourself. If you work on yourself, then you'll feel much better about your kids and your husband.

Also, get to a therapist if nothing else. Find one with a sliding scale (I think there's one at the Women's Center or try K. Mason Riss in Midtown). You need someone to talk to and if you have to get your husband to come home on his lunch hour to you can go, then do that. Do something. Don't give up on either your kids or your husband. At least not until you've tried every single avenue you can.