Seeking Help and Advice - Milford,PA

Dear J.,
It sounds like you may be experiencing symptoms of post partum depression. NJ has a hot line, reach out to the local mental health agency/ hospital.

S.

It sounds like you have post partum depression. I had it too. It took years to be properly diagnosed. Don't wait any more, go see a counselor or a doctor. Get some help. After some counseling and medication I was able to get my joy back. Don't wait as long as I did, you miss too much precious time.

It sounds like you are suffering from post-partum depression which is VERY common. You should definitely seek a counselor's help, some companies offer family services at a discounted rate. Good luck!

Depression is a chemical imbalance and not your fault. I repeat...NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!! You need to discuss this with your doctor and he can prescribe the proper medication. If you had a broken leg you wouldnt hesitate to go to the doctor. Dont suffer any more.

Dear J.
Your words reminded me so much of how I felt after I had my first baby. It could be postpartum depression even though your youngest is 2 - if it is not treated it can carry on for a long time. When I was depressed I felt so low and tired, and found it hard to see the enjoyment in life or to get anything done. Then I would feel bad and guilty because I felt I had nothing to feel down about - my child was healthy, I had a good marriage etc. But the thing about depression is that it is an illness and not necessarily about your life or circumstances. Once I was on the right antidepressants my life really turned round, and I had a year of counselling which helped hugely too.
Seek out the help you need, talk to those you love and I promise it will get better.
When I felt that low I thought I would never enjoy life again, but now I have a lot of fun with my kids, I love my life, I have started a new career and I just feel very positive about things.
It is not your fault, you are not a bad mother - it is just an illness, which can be treated.
I hope it all works out for you very soon

J., my dear,

Physically, Mentally and Emotionally there may be something wrong. However, tschnically there's nothing wrong with you. There are so many factors that come into play when it comes to feeling this way. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE FEELING. I used to be 'best-friends' with this. I saw doctors, therapists, specialists and have been on every damn thing out there. There is only one thing that works for me. It was hard to get started but it's IMPORTANT AND MANDITORY to surround yourself with people who are uplifting and very positive and happy. You don't have to take my advice; and if you do, it probably won't be until you've tried it all first. But, change your schedule around... Get up an hour early (just for you) stretch and excersise (any form) for a minimum of 15 mins. Stretching does your mind more good then your body. Change the way you eat. I'm not saying eat like a rabbit; I'm saying eat foods that are not pumped with so many preservatives and additives. These poison your mind. make plans weekly to get with your friends, family or whomever to catch up on theirs and your life and let the baby play. Set a goal, any goal for yourself (Disney trip, new furniture, anything) write it down and pin it up somewhere so you can see it everyday! I know you're probably rolling you eyes and saying this woman is nuts, my life is so busy, it's not that easy, blah blah blah, BUT I KNOW THE RESULTS ARE WORTH IT. It took a good 3-4 months to feel good again, without meds. There are only three things in life you can control. 1. What you say, 2. What you think and 3. What you do. Believe me, only you can pull yourself out of this. I hope you do. I will be happy to be part of your positive support. You know where to find me. God Bless you.

Sounds like it is time to call the doctor. THe things you are feeling are not untreatable. You may need to think about an antidepressant drug.

I am responding because I think I have experienced something similar to this before and for me, at least, it got better and passed for the most part. There were many times after my second child was born that I felt completely alone (and that seems hard to do when you have a family) and blue. I think the thing that helped was communicating my feelings with my family and especially my husband. I also vowed to try to find some time away from my family (which is also my job) and start doing things solely for myself (like running some errands by myself while my husband watched the kids, getting up before the kids in the morning and having some time by myself to work out or just to have some coffee in peace, etc...). I think what was getting to me so much (besides the fact that having a baby is a HUGE change in your life) was that I felt like I had completely lost my identity as a person and as a woman and felt I could never really get away from it. I love my husband and my two boys more than anything in the whole world, but I need time for myself as well. Try getting away for starters or try to find something that makes you happy outside of your family-- if you don't take care of yourself you won't be as good to anybody else. And if things just continue to get worse or don't get any better I would suggest talking to your OBGYN or maybe trying to find therapist in your area-- they can help a lot. Hope this helped...

post pardunm depression is real, and can occur anytime after the birth of a baby. Yes. 2 years after your baby is born, you can get depressed and it can ruin your life. I strongly recommend that you seek counseling froma licensed hterapist and/or physiciatrist who can advise you about medication. Your family doctor or OB should be able to recommend someone for you. You owe it to yourself anf your family to take care of yourself. This includes treateing depression.

Good luck

I think counseling is a good option. I do think everyone deals with different levels of depression, or just feeling blue at least. Often as a mother, wife, full time employee I get down when I am overwhelmed or when I just haven't been able to break away from the constant demanding routine. I've often felt like I just lost who am I and that in itself makes me feel blue. I was treated for post partum after my son was born too. Looking back, I dont' think I was truly depressed I think I was just SHOCKED - I had no idea what to expect and my son was very difficult - very colicky - even in the hospital the nurses made comments about how much he cried - plus I was late delivering (about a week), I went through labor and would up having a c-section - I'm sorry but I think after all that I should have been a bit blue and overwhelmed - but not necessarily clinically depressed. Anyway - Even before I ever became pregnant I had down periods, when I graduated college and had to join the real world, when my father passed away and I was 24 years old, feeling blue during major life changes is NORMAL. I took ZOloft for a short period the first week after my son was born, but don't feel it was for me. I prefer to try and work on it natural b/c I dont' feel that I am that depressed that I have to rely on a drug. I took it for the recommended time but then after serious consideration went off the medicine. I was reluctant to take it in the first place and just felt I had everyone pushing it on me, I don't feel it was for me b/c I don't feel my depression sypmtoms were ongoing or took over, I should have been monitored before being prescribed the drug - thats my feeling. Thats not to say that it isn't a good alternative for someone who needs it and I have recommended it to one of my friends just recently b/c she has been dealing with some serious issuse since her children were born. She fought for not taking it but two years later hasn't gotten any better..so I'm not putting the the drug down by any means. She also has been in therapy for a long time before coming to this decision,s o its not like a mental health professional didn't know what was going on. Feeling blue and being truly clinically depressed though are different and I personally just felt it was prescribed to me WAY to easily and not even from a mental health professional! (my OB-GYN prescribed it after talking to me for only half an hour...on the 4th day after I was home from the hospital) One other thing I have done since my son was born was seek counseling - I did this this past fall, I mainly did it b/c I felt like my husband and I were sooo not getting along and I had one straight week of feeling truly depressed, not just blue. I just took advantage of an informal program I have through work,which allows me to talk to a 3rd party counselor either in person or via the phone. I tell you, just ONE conversation with the woman and I felt so much better and in control again. I haven't spoken to her again although there are times that I want to, but just remembering her advice that once helped b/c it seems my issues are reoccuring and are as a result of the difficulties associated with being married, a new mom and working full time. Also when I am feeling down but still functioning, I take a step back and take care of myself. Sometimes I just need a break from everything and I need to rejuvenate myself - however that is...get some exercise (which is SOOOO difficult but so necessary for good physical AND mental health), I spend some time out alone, talk to some friends, family, basically just some ME time. Let my husband or whoever else take over some of the responsibility that falls on me and I regroup and get my energy (physical and mental) back again. I think its a combination of methods to continue to be strong and you need to seek all of them out and find what works best for you. The one thing I want to say to you is YOUR ARE NOT ALONE. There is nothing wrong with you for how you feel. It doesn't make you a bad person, bad mother or anything b/c you feel the way you do - OF COURSE you love your family, you just need to take care of yourself right now. Couseling was great for me b/c it was so impartial/unbiased. I could cry to my family and friends and even my husbands family but they couldn't work through it with me like I needed...I just felt like NO ONE understood me! Give it all a try - I think the fact that you admit you have good times and bad and that you are reaching out to us moms is a great sign and proves you will be ok.

Hi, J.. There is nothing wrong with you and this happened the same thing with me and this is what I found out. From what I understand, I may have a chemical imbalance in my brain and when everything is good I feel down and out and i startpraying to God Almighty and Jesus fills me up with His joy which no one can rob me of and then I also understand that things that happened in my childhood that were not good times can affect me more so and makes it look like I have a real bad depression. I have a little bit and but not serious but bad things or unhappy things makes it feel worst. I was on antidepressant but found that I felt numb and couldn't stand it anymore. I found that I needed and still do trust on Jesus and His comfort and let Him fill me up with His peace and joy. If you have any more questions let me know and hang in there and you may want to talk to a counselor first before getting on antidepressand tand not all coundselors are the same and you need to find one that matches your needs and everyone's personalities and character make-up fits different individuals. I just found one recently and he's great whereas others in the past were not exactly what I needed.

If you have a dear friend or someone you can trust then by all means tell someone how you feel. Depression is like an illness and can be controlled. It could be hormonal, or you are overwhelmed with some things that are not worth worrying about. Sometimes we try and fix the world because we are Moms. Not going to happen. Maybe you need a little medication . Nothing wrong with it. Try and take one hour at a time and be happy to get through that hour. Little goals in life are the best.
I myself have depression. Sometimes I have to sit down and just think about how greatful I am. Even just waking in the morning I have to be thankful. You are not alone in your feelings.

Hi J.
I am so sorry that you are feeling badly.
Now what have you done?
Have you checked with the MD?
Have you tried St. John' Wort, or KavaKava two natural remedies for the blues and all that you can get at the health food stores. Sometimes at the drug store health food dept.
Some times it is a case of chemicals being messed up. Once you take something for a while your body gets back on track. Also are you getting enough sleep? Sleep deprived people are often depressed, sad, low, and / or blue.
Are you a pray-er? It has a calming effect on you--- body, mind, and spirit.
My advice would be to read about both natural remedies. One is more for anxiety, and one more for tension. Both of which cause depression. Then decide which will work. I have the best results with St. John's Wort and our daughter is better with Kava Kava. Then go to the MD, and tell all, then ask if you can try whichever natural med. you have decided upon. At that point it is my experience they tell you how long to take it before calling them admitting it is not helping and perhaps you need a prescription. I did not. Our situation was a sick daughter, Praise God she lived through the situation but it was very difficult. The St. John's allowed me to cope.
The other daughter had issues too because her sister was so sick and the St. John's didn't work, but Kava Kava did and she too needed no prescription.
Just some thoughts
God bless you and give you direction and peace.
Since I am usually old enough to be the girls mom's, I remind them if possible to talk to mom. She may have some great stories to tell to help you not feel so alone in this.
K. SAHM --- married 38 years === adult children === 37, coach; 33, lawyer, married with 7 mo.; and twins 18, college, fine arts major; & journalism major.

While I did not suffer from postpartum depression, I know women who have. It certainly does sound like that may be what you are experiencing. While it is great that you are reaching out in a forum like this, you should definitely see a doctor. Perhaps you could call your ob/gyn and ask for a referral. You really do need to talk to a professional about this. Do not be embarrassed or ashamed by your feelings.
If you needed to see a doctor because you had a broken arm or the flu, you would not hesitate to do so. Look at this in that light, you owe it to yourself to see what you can do to feel better.

There are lots of us out here that are experiencing similar feelings as you. You took a big first step in reaching out to the great moms here who can share their thoughts. You can love your family and still feel blue; they are not opposites. They are different feelings. The best step you can take next is to find a professional you feel comfortable talking with. It can be a clergyman trained in counseling, it can be a therapist or a psychologist. Just keep trying until you find the right person. It might be the first person you meet with; it might be the 10th. Just remember, you are worth the effort, and your family will benefit from your taking care of yourself. Your gynecologist might be able to recommend someone who specializes in women's health issues. Take care -- we'll be praying for you.

Hi J.,

I highly suggest you see a psychiatrist. I'm not saying you're crazy or anything, so please don't take it that way. I have been there myself. I am a single mom of twins & only have two days a month to myself to relax, when their father takes them. After I had my twins, I had very bad post-partum depression. I went on some meds for a bit to get me through. However, I restarted meds due to the stress, sleeplessness, & anxiety I have been going through with my divorce & lack of help with the children. Meds don't have to be a life long thing....it may just be something temporary to get you by & shake the blues. I also found exercise to be a nice, natural remedy.

Good luck!
A.

Talk to your ob/gyn. They will know exactly what to do / who you should see for this. Do it now !!!

You should speak to your doctor to recommend therapy. Sometimes it is much easier to talk to a therapist than actual family members.
Good Luck
K.

Hi J.,

It sounds like you may have post-partum depression. If it's not treated then, depression can linger for a long time. I would recommend that you get checked by a professional (not your family Dr. if possible - mine listened to me for 2 minutes, then prescribed anti-depressants after my sister's death. The psychiatrist I went to see afterwards agreed that I was just going through a bad patch in my grieving process and didn't really need the anti-depressants). If you don't want to go the medical route, talk to your pastor or priest, to a counselor, someone who can help you get out of it.

Hang in there, there are solutions and you don't have to suffer like this.

Love,
K.

I can definitly relate to your situation. Im a little confused as to what the baby blues are however i take it that after you gave birth your feeling overwhelmed with the responsibilities that comes with the addition to the family. If that's the case then get somewhere in solitude, find sometime to be by yourself and think of happy times even if its daydreaming. My best advice is to pray and summons a higher power to intervene and guide you in this situation. Most of all its the act of being alone that can help you become happier in your families presence.

Hi J. D it is good that u r seeking for some advice. These feelings r normal. Being a mother can be overwhelming and even though u love your family very much sometimes sadness sets in. See if u can connect with other mothers who have children the same age or close to your child age and do activities together. I have a toddler and school age child and it can be overwhelming. Take some time for yourself at least once a week to get things done for yourself. Ask a family member, godparents, friends to help watch your child while u get things done. At least once every 3 to 6 months plan a weekend or day get away with family or friends. Before u know it you will wonder what happen to your baby because they will be all grown up. Also what works for me is prayer. Hope this is helpful.

You aren't alone...Many suffer with different levels of depression. Some find medications helpful for it...I don't so I refuse to take them... I suffer many side effects from them and for the most part, they zombie me out...

I had a horror of a childhood...have done many years of weekly therapy which helped me to understand myself and the world a little better. I take responsibility for my own behaviors and don't blame others for anything...and I don't try to fix others as everyone has to make their own choices and deal with things in their own time and space... If I don't like someone I don't allow them in my life. If something goes wrong, I ask myself what I did and could have done that might have prevent it...and learn and remember it for the next time..What did I allow, what I won't allow again...
I suffer and will always suffer from a low level of depression....and if I allow it, that depression would get worse.....

So I do many things to keep that from happening. I'm good to myself and I simply do not allow anything to feed into that low level depression.
I make sure I eat properly, take lots of vitamins and minerals and I do an exercise routine every other day.

I use my humor and find the positive things in just about everything....and if you think about it, even good things come out of bad things...one door closes, another door opens. Everything happens for reasons, we just don't always understand why they are happening until we get through it....but when you finally get through it, check out all the good stuff...

I find things to like about my job....I find things to like about my chores as it balances out what I don't like about those things and makes it all easier for me to get things done with enjoyment......and I aways find time to do fun things, something I like doing, be it alone, or with a friend or family member.

I take time out to take stock of all the things and people in my life and come up with great feelings...wow, I'm lucky.
When I run into problems....I always keep in mind, that others have worse problems then me. I take time out to breathe and think over my options...and then I take action. Things may or may not always turn out great or the way I wanted it to but I take pride in knowing I gave it my best shot....

When ever anyone asks me for help...I make the time for them....I set ground rules to let people know what they can expect from me as I do have health limiations......And Giving of oneself is such a great inner feeling...even if the person turns out not to appreciate what I have done to help...It doesn't matter, I did what I could, the best way I could and I feel good about trying for them.. I also learned to ask for help when I need it. I except when they can't and meet them half way when they can.

I never take sides...I go with what I think is correct and decent.

I'm not perfect, I make my mistakes...but my point is...take charge...bring balance into your life....find out what works for you and be good to yourself. Know one but you knows what is best for you....
....but being lazy or procrasinating when it comes to depression isn't a good way to deal with it...
Sending you healing hugs,....

Hi J.,
I would make an appointment with your doctor for a thorough physical and screening for depression - your regular doctor, not GYN. You can have depression that is not related to childbirth/postpartum, and there is no shame in this, or in getting help. There are different things that can help, medication is one, but it's not always necessary to go that route. There's no reason to suffer when you have a medical condition.
Good luck

Hi J.,

You may be clinically depressed. Please see your doctor you may need an antidepresant and please find a social worker that you feel comfortable talking with. Studies show that talk therapy and medication are the best treatment for depression. Nothing to be ashamed of it is a chemical inbalance that can be helped.
Good Luck
Sarah

Hi J... I went through that too... I talked to my primary care physician and she put me on Lexapro 10mg. It works wonders!!! I am much more even-keeled and relaxed and happy. I would urge you to make an appointment with your doctor to talk about it. You could have a mild case of depression and with a little medication, you will see a world of difference!! good luck and let me know how it's going...
please feel free to email me as well if you'd like to talk more... ____@____.com
C.

It's time to see a therapist. Postpartum depression is a serious issue! Nothing is "wrong" with you, and this is actually much more common than you think. Hormonal changes make all new moms sad and confused, but lots of moms don't feel better without help! Baby Blues last a few weeks. Postpartum depression lasts much longer, and can happen up to 2-3 years after delivery.

You're not alone, and there's definitely help! It's amazing what a therapist, and possibly some medication, can do. It's impossible to be a great mama when you're not happy! Take care of yourself, so you can take care of your family. Of course you love them- that's why you should find somebody you can talk to about this!

I go through this once a week. My youngest is almost three and my oldest (22) just found out she is pregnant.

What I do is listen to Third Day, Sugarland, and Casting Crowns. It lifts me up and helps me focus on the good things in my life not all the stuff that needs to be done before I get my needs met...like they get met...lol.

Being a Mom is hard...exspecially when you have no outlet or feel like you have no identiy outside of the Mommy role.

Find something that you like to do for yourself. Take an hour out of your day for "Me" time. It does wonders.

Good luck,
Nanc

Hi. I can't offer you clinical advice, so if you think you might be depressed you should definately seek out professional help. I did after my first child because I really felt like I couldn't do it all. That being said...I think the expectations we have for ourselves and what motherhood is are out of alignment with reality. I am reading an amazing book that is so validating and I recommend it to all moms. "I was a good mom before I had kids" is the title. It really explains the feelings we rarely talk about as moms. I'm about to have a second baby and it's really helping me put some things in perspective. It's a quick and easy read. Good luck and keep reaching out and talking. The more we do, the more normal we might feel! :)

Hi J.,

We all feel like this from time to time. One thing I can suggest which has worked wonders is liquid vitamin D3. Carlson's is the brand I use. It helps w/ the symptoms you've described. I take 3000iu a day. You can get them at Vitacost.com for cheap. Daily recommedation is way to low (400iu) but do not exceed 10,000iu b/c that could be dangerous. Good luck to you. Stay positive and keep healthy!

:-) G.

What it sounds like is post partum depression. Nothing to be embarrased by. Many women experience this and it can go on if not treated. It does not mean you don't love your family. Brook Shields wrote a book about her expereince. Seek counseling. You do not necessarily have to go on medication. I know that freaks alot of people out and scares them to seek treatment. Start with your insurance company and see who and what mental health is covered. Please let me know if you need any additional help. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and have helped women with post partum.

I went through a similar experience and my marriage almost ended because of it. I did speak to my ob/gyn and they recommended counseling and possibly meds. I ended up going to just going to counseling, only because I was breastfeeding and there was only one type of anti-depressant that was compatible with breastfeeding and my insurance would not cover it. My daughter is almost 3 and I feel like my life is somewhat on track now. My marriage is improving and I feel much more secure. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Talk to a professional and join support groups. Keep busy and find time for yourself. I wish you the best!

J., you really need to call your dr and get into see them .it is serious problem your dealing with. i have dealt with it before. my children are 14,10,5 and 3. i still suffer.believe it or not no matter how old your children get you still can suffer from post tartem depression.It can happen please call the drs office and them what is going on this is nothing to fool with H.

Hi J., You may need to see someone about your feelings. Yes, depression and feeling overwhelmed are part of being a mom but should not take you over. Are you home with your children? Maybe you need to get out. It has been a long winter. We have all experienced these feelings and you do need to talk to someone. I have raised 5 and there are many rewards along with the tough times. Grandma Mary

Honey U R not alone. Especially if U R a stay @ home mom like me. It can b a very isolating time. I do suffer from anxiety & depression & the best thing I ever did was go on meds & saw a therapist for a while. I love my family very much but sometimes the best thing U can do is take time 4 yourself. I have 3 kids & sometimes the only thing I can do for myself is go grocery shopping(how exciting)Hormones can play a huge part in how U feel also. I would talk 2 your medical dr & OB/GYN. It wont b the first time they heard feelings like these. Good Luck & it does get better as the kids get older.