Disapointed That Baby #2 Will Be a Boy

My husband and I went through the same thing. We always said that we wanted one baby and then we had ONE weak moment and got pregnant with our second son immediately. In fact, by the time I found out that I was pregnant my husband and I had decided not to try for a second. All through my pregnancy I felt like I made the biggest mistake of my life and did not feel bonded to the baby like I did with my first. I dealt with a lot of guilt over my feelings (or lack of them) and with the idea that our first child would get less attention once the new baby came. I did some research and this is actually very common with second pregnancies.

I have to say though that the minute I saw my sons face and held him in my arms all of that went away. I have absolutely no regrets at all. Our family never felt complete until we had our second child. I guess my advice is to hang in there because once you see your son you will love him just as much as your daughter and all of those feelings will go away. A huge benefit to us is that our daughter will not grow up alone. My son is now 6 months old and they just started playing together which makes it all worthwhile. I hope that you have a smooth and quick pregnancy (my second pregnancy went by much faster than the first :).

Your depression may be interfering with your ability to feel better about the pregnancy. Treatment for depression can be used during pregnancy with few side effects to the baby. I have chronic major depression and took medication throughout my first pregnancy and am now taking higher doses of medication for this pregnancy due to still recovering from post-partum depression (I have a 9 month old and am currently 10 weeks pregnant). If you are depreesed now, you will have a much higher probability of suffering from post partum depression. Seek out help if you haven't already. This is not to say that I feel you are having thoughts that are just horrible. I think a lot of women have mixed feeling about pregnancy. We just don't talk about it as much as maybe we should because we are afraid that people will judge us harshly. I think that you will grow to love this baby as you love your daughter. You can use a lot of the same things for him that you did for her, with maybe minor alterations to make them more "masculine." Anyhow, I hope this helps some. And by the way, most ultrasound pictures are pretty unflattering to the baby.

Hi L.,
I had a similar experience with my 2nd child. The pregnancy was unplanned, and when we did find out, we hoped for a girl, but I was pregnant with a boy. I felt incredibly guilty both for not really wanting to be pregnant and for not wanting another boy. However, as time went on, I came to accept it and look forward to having him. He is four months old now and totally adorable. I still feel a little guilty about my earlier disappointment, but I'm very happy now.
I think that your feelings of disappointment will gradually fade away. Focus your energy on taking care of yourself and doing things that make you happy. This will make you associate positive things with this pregnancy. Once you have your little boy, you will find that you will love him in a completely different way from your daughter. Aside from being a different gender, your son will probably also have a completely distinct personality that you will love.
I hope you are able to find someone you can talk to about this, and try not to beat yourself up for having negative feelings. Do the best you can to focus on the positive and take care of yourself.
Good luck!

I know EXACTLY how you are feeling! I too was in the same boat. In fact I had even scheduled the date to terminate the pregnancy! I chickened out though.... It was a very stressfull time in my life. My first husband & I were devorcing. I worried that I would not love another child as much as I loved my first (a daughter). When my son was born I imieadatly fell in love with him. I wouldnt let the nurses take his even to clean him up... He is now 16 years old and we truly have a special bond I dont know what I would do without this child. He is my strength.

I since married a man who has 2 children of his own and while they arent "mine" I love them as well.

I hope this helps...? I know you are feeling depressed and stuck right now... Just know that you will have enough love for both.... I am sure he will sweep you off your feet when he finally arrives.

L. ~

I know you already have 38 responses to go through, but I have to make it 39 because I struggled with this same thing so much. I became a mom at too young an age. A lot of moms start earlier than I did and are terrific moms, but I was still very child-like and unprepared. It was a total surprise, but not a terribly unwelcome one, and I REALLY wanted a girl. I was so disappointed on that ultrasound table when I heard "it's a boy". Then when I got pregnant again (this time planned), I thought, it's got to be a girl; God wouldn't deny me twice. (Yes, my arrogance was somewhere between laughable and appalling!) Plus, this was going to be our last child...so I thought.

Well, I thought I'd sufficiently psyched myself up for another "it's a boy" announcement, but apparently I was wrong. When I heard those words again, I got physically ill and couldn't contain the tears. I was in the restroom for over 10 minutes - in the middle of the ultrasound! I was a wreck for a week. I was furious, then I was desperately ashamed. I realized I had put myself on a very serious pedestal and I was gently but painfully being put in my place. Long story short (may be too late, lol), I came to grips with the fact that I didn't know all there was to know about my life, and if God wasn't willing to give me the daughter I wanted, He obviously knew something I didn't and was protecting me from it. And I forgave myself for not appreciating this precious gift.

The next April, I held in my arms the most beautiful thing ever to be born - since his big brother. I fell in love with him instantly. He's still the delight of my life and I can't imagine our family without him. (And I can say this even though he's three!)

As kind of an epilogue, I went into my third ultrasound (yes, another surprise pregnancy) fully prepared to joyfully accept a third son. My little Mercy girl (named after God's mercy to me!) is 16 months now. And I'm pretty sure our family is complete. :)

Enjoy those kiddos, L. girl. They're going to light up your world...both of them!

~ R.

Hey L.!!!
Sounds to me like you need girl time!! Do you have friends here? I would love to get together and just hang out if you would like. Also, i have two little boys ages 2 years and 6 months. THey're a blast and I think it would be fun if you would want to hang out with us and spend some time with another mom and some little boys. I have some clothes that I'd be happy to pass on to you to make the transition a little easier. :) Let me know!

My second baby was a boy, after a first girl. I was also raising my step-son and he had many behavioral, mental health issues that I thought, stupidly, were 'boy-related' so when I found out my second was a boy I was hugely disappointed. That is until I held him for the first time. He was a gift to let me & my husband realize that boys can be terrific additions. I too felt guilty about it for a long time, but trust me you'll accept and love this guy just as much as your daughter once you get over all the physical and emotional stuff going on in your life right now. Good luck!

Hi L., I totally understand how you are feeling. I had my first 2 kids pretty close together. My first child was a girl and my second was a boy. Although I wasn't disappointed that I had a boy, I totally wasn't ready for another baby at that time. My kids are now 5 and 4 and they are like 2 peas in a pod. They are best friends and the best thing for you is that they will always have a play mate and each other!

I agree with a few of the ladies that depression might be a factor and definitely hormones. I went on anti depressants after the birth of my 2nd child and it made a huge difference. I would talk to your OB and get a plan down now because you won't want to deal with a newborn, having a 2nd child and post pardom depression. Hang in there and talk to your doctor!!

you should feel blessed to even be able to concieve and that he will be healthy. count your blessings not your misled sorrows! God gave you what you needed not what you wanted.

Yes, that feeling will go away once he starts growing up. I felt similar to you when I found out my second was a boy. I cried and felt terrible for being disappointed. My little girl is such a joy and I could dress her up. My son is now 18 months old and he is so wonderful. He is so different than his sister. They play great together, and it is so funny to watch him look up to her. Your first will always be special, but you couldn't imagine life without your son either. Hang in there it will get better.

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It will get better and you will come to love him as much as your li'l girl. We have two boys... would have loved to have a girl for our second and last child but God had other plans. Both are wonderful and full of energy. Be blessed you will have a boy and a girl to raise!

Hi L.,

I cried when my first ultrasound showed it was a boy. I have 3 sisters and no brothers. I was SURE I was having a girl. I even bought dresses before finding out... Anyway it took me all of a few hours to wrap my head around the fact I was going into uncharted watters. I LOVE learning all about how my son views the world around him and how he approaches his own way in life. Now he is 5 and I couldn't imagine him not in my life. I am so proud of him. He is so caring and loving. My second child came relatively soon (15 mos apart) after and we left it a surprise. Of course I was thrilled to have a girl! My ultimate feeling is having one of each is the biggest blessing I could ever ask for. And to have them so close together is even better. They are so close, play great and so very lucky to have eachother. We have always told them that they are best friends and you know what? They are! (4 and 5 yrs old now)They are loving and protective of eachother.
You may want to get some help with the depression if it continues. A non biased opinion and shoulder may be just the thing for you. I needed some help getting through the rough spots but being honest made my life much less stressful. Hang in there. You are not the first to struggle like this. Its hard being a Mom no matter what you may hear.

I hope you actually read all of this. You have some good advice in the previous responses. First of all, you need to talk to your husband and let him know how you are feeling. I also think you need to go to couples counseling or something. You should never have agreed to try for another baby that you didn't want just because he wanted you to. These feelings ARE NOT normal. Don't let anyone get you to believe that they are. You need to talk to your doctor and get on some medication for your depression. There are a lot of parents out there that treat one child differently for any number of reasons. Please get the help you need so that you are not one of them. You need to do something ANYTHING to get your emotions in order and be able to look forward to having AND LOVING this baby. If you can't get past those feelings, then you need to consider giving him up. Even if your husband wants him... if you don't then its better for the baby to not be with you. This is probably really harsh compared to most of your responses, but you need to realize that you need help.

I had a similar experience with my baby #4 two years ago. I wasn't sure I wanted a third, and I definitely didn't want a fourth! My oldest is a girl, and #'s 2 and 3 were boys, so I hoped that #4 would at least be a girl. When I had the ultrasound and found out it was a boy, I was terribly disappointed, too. I was upset about the pregnancy all the way to the end. I couldn't even imagine liking him once he was born. I'm happy to say that my feelings totally changed after he was born. (Although I don't enjoy the first couple of newborn months--once I got past that I was really happy to have him.) He has been the sweetest little guy. We named him Isaac (meaning "laughter") Asher (meaning "happy"). So far he's been an example of both in our family. I know it's a struggle, and the hormones don't help, but I believe God has a plan for everything He does in our lives. If life was always easy we wouldn't be able to grow and mature much. Hope this encourages you! ~~I just read some of the other responses and wanted to add that it is true that boy's love their mommy's best! All three of my boys are my snugglers and I hear they are much easier to handle as teens than girls.

L.,
I think it's really important that you speak with your dcotor about these feelings. Depression can be very serious. I too was very disappointed when I was told I was having a girl becasue I so badly wanted a boy but those feelings eventually passed, especially when I held my darling baby girl for the first time. God bless you and your family.

I was scared to have a boy...but Boys are much easier!! You will love him when he is here! They are sooo much fun and love their moms soooo much!

Oh My!! I went through the same stff. I wanted the first one to be a boy! She is now eight and the most wonderful gift, ( faults and all lol) I then had baby #2 and wanted that to be a girl because I knew what to do with them; he is now 3 1/2 and full of all that little boy stuff. I also learned after #2 got here that love is like a candle - no matter how many other things you light with it the flame never gets smaller!! You will love your son as soon as he arrives in your arms. I know because baby #3 was not suppose to happen, baby #2 was only 5 months old when I learned of baby #3. That last baby seemed like the worst thing that could have happened to my family, I really did not want to be pregnant or to have him, turns out God knew he was just what my family needed. I feel for you, I went through the same stuff with #2 and #3 was even worse, but now 2 years after #3 arrived my circle of children is complete, they all bring something to one another. The feelings might not go away until after he gets here and then they may even linger a bit but sure enough one morning you will wake to a whole new love of your life and know that he has not taken from the first child but added to it. Remeber that each pregnancy is different as well as each child is different. Good luck and keep me posted.

L., I'm sorry you are feeling this way. To tell you the truth, all my life i've always wanted and dreamed of having my baby girl and when we found out that our baby was a boy back in april 2005, I was a little disappointed and scared that I wouldn't know how to raise a boy and that I now only had one more chance to have my little girl casue we only want 2 children. I have loved and wanted my baby even before he was a spec inside me. But let me tell you, once I met by little baby boy, I fell in love and now he is a fun, loving 2yr old and honestly, I don't think it's the sex of the child that matters so much as the personality he/she willl have. I could not have asked for a more perfect (for me )child. He is everything I could have ever wanted and I just love his blossoming personality. I still hope that my next baby will be a girl, and though I will be a bit sad if it isn't, but if a boy than there is a reason for that and maybe I will be twice as blessed to have another son like my first. I think for me, my reason for wanting a girl is that my mom and i are very close and i want that same relationship with my children and I feel girls are more closer to their moms than boys when they are older. I think once you see you sweet baby boy you'll fall in love with him and those negative feelings will disappear. If you baby is growing well and healthy, try to focus on those positive things, you are very lucky:)

Hi L., I am sorry you are going through this and I hope you get it sorted before the baby is born. You should definately talk to your OB/GYN about this as I am sure they would have some answers for you.. but please.. talk to someone because it is not fair on you or the new baby. Good luck, you are in my thoughts.

Yes,the sad feeling will go away.You just got pregnant again alot sooner than you expected.This little boy you are carrying will be your daughter's little brother.He'll be her playmate & buddy.When they are older,he will be someone she can talk to.He will also protect her,just as he'll protect you.Mothers and sons have special bonds between them too,the same as Mothers and daughters.I have 2 daughters & a son.They are grown.He helps his sisters & myself any way he can.He's a strong shoulder to lean on.He gives pretty good advice too.Start thinking up names for boys(my son's name is Christopher)and get together with family & friends to plan a baby shower.Baby boys have cute clothes too.Your daughter will be thrilled,the same as your husband & yourself when you see his cute,chubby little face.A baby is such a miracle,a true gift from God.When he's old enough to give you a hug & say "I love you mommy",you'll wonder how you ever had any doubts about being pregnant with him.I wish my son would've been twins.Yes,I love him that much.And you'll love your son that much too.I wish you peaceful thoughts & much happiness in the months & years ahead.Enjoy lots of ice cream and all the other cravings you may have.JoAnne

Both of my pregnancies were planned..but I had a miscarriage before each one and both boys are my miracle babies. I was disappointed at first that my 2nd was a boy too because I wanted a girl so badly and plus my 1st was dx with autism at age 2, that it took me 1.5 years to really accept and cope with the idea that he has it. But now my 4 month old has been an actual joy to us and our mildly autistic son who mainly has speech delay and sensory processing disorder. He loves his baby brother. I'm sure they'll do fine and help out each other. Anyway, I have 4 nieces, 3 nephews on my side of the family and 2 nieces and 2 nephews on my husband's side of the family so far..and 2 god-daughters, I wouldn't know what to do with a girl anyway since when I was a lil girl, I played with Barbies. But girls nowadays are into way more different stuff than I did. I have older brother 6 years older than me. We played baseball, rode bikes, and made mudpies and sandcastles and moats. So all I knew how to play with my 4 y.o. was lots of sensory stuff - painting, playdough, sandbox, water balloons, sidewalk chalk, other artsy smartsy stuff, etc. My husband thought I was crazy with the water balloons and the "pretend" painting of his 8 in 1 playground set. But we just chalked it up and then used water to paint over it as if we were cleaning and he helped wash the windows too. It was fun for us.

And since I was thinking of both pregnancies were hard on me, I wouldn't want to have a daughter to go thru the same stuff I went thru. Both times I hemmorhaged about a bag or two of blood, placenta split due to rare heart shaped uterus, and sensitivity to anesthesia (requiring that I need more) and just some stuff in general.
Good Luck!

I'm sure you're not the first or the last to feel the way you do. I was very disappointed when I found out my first & my only child was going to be a boy. But I started focusing on all the good things a boy will bring to you. Boys become protectors as they get older where a girl becomes more combative with the mood swings, etc. I can go on & on with the joy my son has brought me but there's no doubt in my mind when that little boy is laid in your arms you will wonder how you ever thought any different. As he grows in you, you will find your feelings changing too. I was only able to have one child & I would do anything to have that feeling growing in me again, boy or girl. Give yourself time! You probably had your mind so set on that second girl, of course it was a let down. I say again, give yourself more time and if not write again & I'm sure there will be enough moms to help you get through this confusing time. I am not a real religious person but I do feel strongly that a child is a gift from God and there are alot of woman that never get to experience this joy and many times by choice. Again give yourself time! Best wishes to you!

Each baby is different and special in their own way. I had two in about the same order as you: a perfect little girl followed by a perfect little boy 21 months later. You will love the new baby, too. You will think he is perfect when he is born. My children are now 35 and 33; and I wouldn't have traded out that experience for anything. Sounds like you need some support - believe me, we all feel these things from time to time. You are not alone; others have felt this way before. Find someone you can talk to.

I am actually 24 weeks pregnant with baby 3. I have had a hard time as well with this pregnancy. Although I have to say my preganncy is going great but am really stressed about having 3 kids! I have a 4 yr old boy and 3 yr old girl who keep me so busy already. They are 16 mos apart. I had wanted a boy mainly cause I thought it would be better that my daughter was the only girl...well its not a boy but a girl! I can relate. It honestly doesn't matter to me since I have one of each but I was also dissapointed at my U/S and I really felt like it was a BOY!

I think everything you're feeling is completely natural for some of us. Everyone has this picture of a mother who is completely happy over every event of her life. Believe me when I say I bet your hormones are playing a large part in what you're feeling. My emotions were always so roller coaster... either that or just plain rock bottom.
You sound bitter that it's a boy, but I don't think that's it because you sounded angry about it long before you found out, right? Boys are wonderful and your husband will probably be so thrilled about it that he's ready to help out. I have 2 amazing boys, one second I want to rip my hair out, the next second I would lay down my life for either one of them.
Anyways... my second pregnancy was a shock and I wasn't ready for another baby. When I finally started to accept it, I started bleeding a lot... how's that for guilt huh? I had 2 trips to the emergency room with excessive bleeding and I thought, this is it... I'm going to lose this baby. I was put on bed rest, and I had to quit my job... lost my insurance and everything. Well 9 months later my miracle baby was born healthy. I am also not one of those women who forms an immediate "oh it's so beautiful" bonds you hear about... so it took me a little while... but 8 weeks later when that little guy smiled and started cooing at me. I loved him.
I say give yourself a break on the guilt, it will work out in time... and if you need it afterward don't refuse the medication to deal with postpartum depression... because if something doesn't change I can see it coming. Most of us have it, we just don't talk about it. Good luck with everything and try to remember what a miracle every little baby is... I think you will look back on this someday and think "How could I have thought there was no love in my heart for this child?"

Have you talked to your doctor about the depression? Most women know about depression after the baby is born, but some don't realize that depression DURING pregnancy is also common- AND TREATABLE!!

I took Prozac with my first son. I was already being treated prior to conception and continued throughout pregnancy. I wasn't on it anymore when I got pregnant for the second time- 9 months later. I suffered horrible hatred for my second son. My husband deployed to Iraq when I was 2 months pregnant, but regardless of the reason, I didn't want that baby. I was angry, I felt like no one understood how I felt and that my life was going to be miserable once he was born. I didn't think I could love him, either.... BUT I DO!!! I talked to my doctor and got put back on Prozac, enjoyed the time I had left with my older son one-on-one and things got much better.

I'm pregnant again. Just found out it's ANOTHER boy. I cried. And cried. I wanted a girl, but the day after I found out the sex of the baby, I found out there were also some complications, including a Trisomy 18 scare. It's funny how when you think of having a baby, the health somehow takes a back burner. I was SO disappointed about having another boy, but now, I just realize that this baby is a product of my and my husband and I would give ANYTHING for him to be healthy.

You WILL love this new baby. Your hormones take a wild turn when you're pregnant, and the fact that your baby girl came along such a short time ago, you're probably feeling guilty that you didn't get to spend enough time with her, and.... well, I know exactly how you feel. I got pregnant 9 months after my first baby.

Please write to me with any further concerns. All I can really say that means a damn is that you're not a horrible person, and your feelings are normal. A baby is a BIG adjustment, and the toll it takes on your emotions is huge.

It's time to accept that you are having this baby, so the best you can do is start working on making this pregnancy easier for yourself. First, having a little boy will be as wonderful as having a little girl (I have a little boy and I love every minute of it.) A lot of my friends who had one went on to having a second child and felt the same way as you do (not sure they wanted it, was more sick,etc.) and afterwards they are soooo glad they did it. They said that they felt differently after having the baby.

There are a few things you can do to help ease this pregnancy along.

1) Join a support group for pregnant women (talk to your doctor to see where you can get help in talking to someone).

2) Talk to your doctor about migranes and the sickness and the depression. They may be able to refer you to a nutritionist to help with your diet -- you may be missing something that could help alleviate some of these symptoms. For the sickness, adding foods with extra B vitamins and folic acid may help (yogurt, egg yolk, cereals, OJ for folic acid). I ate ginger snaps to help out (I've heard ginger root tea may help). I also ate a lot of crackers to settle the stomach. But also make sure you get your fruits, vegetables, and protein (lots of protein).

3) If you can, take part in relaxing activities like going for a walk with your husband and baby girl (a little light exercise may make a huge difference). Join a pregnant yoga class. Do meditation. Maybe take on a new hobby that is fun for you. It will help you take your mind off things.

4) Don't fret. It's scary to have a second one and you feel unsure (lots of moms feel that way). I know with my first one I was a nervous wreck, but I was in it for the long haul and I'm so glad I did it. It will work out.

L.,

Let me start off, you have wonderful responses. I, at your age, also found out we were expecting our thrid Boy. I was depressed with the situation. But I took another look, and said, "God has a reason for this Boy." I understand you have a girl first. My mom had me, then three boys. I found out why I was born first, and that was to protect my younger brother. He has down syndrome, and I was a very big protector of him. My three boys are very protective of their three year old sister. Yes, after three boys, I wanted to try again. If I had her first, then a boy, I would be excited. I only wanted two children when I was growing up, a boy and a girl. My best friend, who I call my sister, has four children, too. She has a girl, boy, girl, boy. She said at first, she did not want her first boy, but when she was around four or five months, she was excited, that her boy can carry out the family name. I'm pretty sure though, you will find out this is true for you.

I would also, take in the advise, and get ahold of your OB doctor/midwife, right away, and let them know how you feel. They are there to help you take care of your self, and the baby. The baby can sense what is your emotional state is. I would seriously call your doctor today, and let them know how you fell.

So many things in your post need to be addressed. First, whoever says that you can't/shouldn't feel this way never had a hard pregnancy. I had two really rough pregnancies, each one worse than the other, and understand how chasing a toddler around while you are mentally and physically wiped out can cause you to hate everything in your world. It does get better. But, it does take time. Second, having been talked into having a baby is a scary feeling. Most men don't understand the demands of being a SAHM. They see the financial benefits of having two children closely spaced or they feel that older child will suffer from being an only child. There are people who will agree and disagree with each of those schools of thought. You have to find some ownership in this pregnancy. Don't feel like a faceless incubator for your growing child. You are all this child will have to teach it about love, strength and purity; in order to do your job you have to find those things within yourself. Lastly, don't try and mask your emotions. Talk your feelings through with your health care provider, a church counselor, a close friend or a member of a support group. If you really feel that those closest to you will somehow be unable to support you turn to a professional couselor. Their are many family counselors who have training in this or closely related areas. -- Keep holding on. You are succeeding at doing the hardest job in the world. Growing a human being!

I'm 36 weeks pregnant with my second boy and I was desperatly hoping for a girl. It was a surprise pregnancy, just when my son was about a year. TWO kids under 2! I felt the same way you do. In fact, I still do feel that way somewhat. I don't talk to this baby hardly at all like I did my first. I'm miserable on bed rest (was also really sick and such) and just don't see how I can love another child like I do my son. I told all this to my wonderful OB and she said she even felt the SAME way! She said it goes away, your love doubles and such.... It has gotten easier as I have got clothes and the room set up and stuff, but the excitement is not nearly the same! Really, I guess I am saying it hasn't gone away completely, but I had to really adjust my attitude. Good luck...I'll let you know when I hold him for the first time if it all goes away.

Your feelings are perfectly normal and will more than likely disappear once your baby boy is born. I too made myself get pregnant with my 2nd and was disappointed that it was another girl. While I was still extremely concerned about my firstborn once my 2nd was here, I fell in love with her too!! I have 3 children now (ALL GIRLS!!) and love them equally--for different reasons but defintely equally.....I couldn't imagine my life without anyone of them. Firstobrns always hold a special place in your heart.....they changed your life forever!!

Everyone has had such good advice, but I thought I would add my thoughts as well. I would recommend you also talk with your husband. It won't change the fact that you are still pregnant, but it may help you and your husband's relationship and the fact that he decided you should have a second child. Tell him how you are feeling and get his support in this time of struggle for you. Hopefully it will bring you two closer and help your feelings towards this baby evolve.

This might seem random, but have you seen the movie "Waitress?" The woman is completely unexcited about her pregnancy, even after the ultrasound and the kicking and everything. Then, the minute the baby is born, her whole perspective does a 180 and she's madly in love. I'm praying that this happens for you. Even though your circumstances are grim, this baby deserves to be loved and wanted. I hope it's a hormonal depression type thing and that you can find your way out. You and that baby are in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm sure you are not the only mom to feel this way and go on to love the child as much as the rest. When I delievered my first daughter my husband and I justed looked at each other, like "okay, now what". I was not one of those moms who cry and get emotional. But I love her with all my heart now and when I had my second child, my heart just grew bigger. Maybe it's the hormones that are making you feel this way. Talk to your doctor and make sure. But most of all, don't beat yourself up and know that you can express your feelings here without being judged.

i have 2 biological boys. and all i can say is that boys love their mommas the best. and i dont have to worry about prom dresses or weddings. and i dont have to worry about their reputation becaue even though its wrong to think boys are different, its just the truth.. althoug girls are cute and frilly , they usually are daddys girls and as your daughter gets older you will realise that you are not the most important person in your life. i am a daddys girl, and my mom wanted a boy first. and to this day, i know she loves the boys more than she does me as a matter of fact she has told me. i spent most of my life living at my grannys becaue mom couldnt handle the fact that i was the first and not a boy. even after my borther was born 2 yrs leater. i stayed at grannys so dhe could take care of the baby. i had to move back to her house when i started school and hated it. please dont make your son go through this. get some help see your doctor see a mental health professional. i think that once you get out of being miserable and you see your baby boy, you wll see that he is the sweetest thing.... in a different way that your daughter is. boys are so much fun. by the way, i have a foster girl and hopefully we will be able to adopt in feb. she is 16. i also have 5 other adopted boys. they are all graduated and some in college, some out. beside, girls wont come to your house after their grwon and fix the leaky faucet or anything else around the house. my sons, re did my bathroom when i went on vacation one year. another year they painted the exterior of the house. but on the other hand they eat a lot. at least my boys do. but i love to cook and they love my cooking so its ok.

L. -

You need to speak with your doctors office. Call them today. With all the hormones and a young child already, you may have some depression. They can help you and if they won't find an office that will.

Best wishes!

It sounds like you have depression, so I think you need to go to your doctor and tell her your feelings. She can help you, and help prevent any postpartum depression from getting out of hand. What you're going through can be helped with medication or therapy or a Life Coach. PLEASE talk to your doctor and get some help. Motherhood can be such a wonderful experience, but depression can really hinder that.

My mom suffered from depression and was so sad when she found out she was pregnant a second time so soon after her first miserable pregnancy, that she prayed she'd have a miscarriage, which of course made her feel tremendous guilt. Fortunately, as time went on she came to love the sweet baby growing inside of her and develop tender feelings towards it. I believe it took a conscious effort and change in attitude. And once she held him in her arms, she loved him. I wanted a girl with my first baby and I was so upset when I found out it was a boy. I said, "He better be really cute to make up for not being a girl." Well, I completely forgot that I wanted him to be a girl until I recently read it in my journal. I hadn't even remembered, because once he was born I was so enamored with my precious little child. So hopefully you'll feel the same once he's born.

Hi L.,

I can relate. I, too, wanted my second to be a little girl like my first. My daughter was terrific and I wanted another, I had girl things, and I felt I knew girls better. When I found out at my ultrasound that I was having a boy, I cried all the way to the car. By the time I got home, I new I had a choice to make. I could keep dwelling on not getting the girl I thought I wanted or start the work of accepting that I was having a boy and it was going to be fine. I chose to accept that he was a boy and embrace it. From then on I wouldn't allow myself to have anything but possitive feelings for my little guy. It takes a change in mindset but you can do it and the bennefits far outway the cost. As I sit here typing to you, my now 2 1/2 year old son is sitting on my lap talking through a paper towel tube to his sister. I must say that looking back, I am so glad I didn't get what I wanted. He is so different from my daughter and he does things that are deffinately all boy and I don't quite understand but he is such a wonderful addition to our family. I never think that I wish he was a girl. I love him soo much!

Take some time to think about what life will be like if you decide to stay in this rutt of whishing you had another little girl, how this will affect you, how it will affect your family, and most importantly how this will affect your son, who is innocent in the matter. Then look at what life would be like if you do the work neccessary to accept him and embrace him for the beautiful boy that he will be. You owe it to yourself and your baby boy to accept him and love him. Both of you will be better for it. I encourage you to change how you think about this boy today and don't wait.

The choice is yours. Think about it seriously and honestly. Make a decision that you, your family, and son can live with. One that will make your family whole and happy.

You can do this!

The feeling will go away and you will love him so much! I have a perfect little boy and wanted two little boys. When I found out it was a girl I also cried, but now I feel stupid for crying because she looks just like her brother! Having one of each is a blessing!

I never believed that I could love baby #2 the way I loved my daughter. I was excited about the pregnancy, but like you I was very sick and therefore got down easily. I didn't know the sex of the baby, but suspected it was a boy (and it was). I didn't buy any clothing or do anything special to prepare for baby #2 - I was basically focused 100% on my daughter and neglecting the new baby before it was even born! I have to say that I am COMPLETELY IN LOVE with my little boy. He is such a treasure - so different from his sister in every way, but so wonderful in his own right. I think that if you are a loving mother of your first child then you have what it takes to fall in love with your next one too. Mother Nature will take care of helping you to find all the love you need for your new little guy. Good luck!

Honestly, I was so disappointed to find out my second pregnancy was another boy. I felt so ashamed about it. I didn't really talk to anyone about it because the few that I talked to thought I should just be thrilled he was healthy. And yes I was happy about that but I had really wanted a girl. Now that he is here I adore him, he and his brother have very different personalities. I would recommed you talk to your doctor about it, make sure it's not depression. It is not abnormal to have feelings of disappointment when it wasn't what you wanted, but it's not healthy to be depressed. Take care of yourself so that you can take care of your babies!

I think you are very lucky to be having your second child because I've been trying so hard to get pregnant again for 13 years. Just right when I got off Depo. The shots that you get for the birth control pill.

My brother is the best friend in the whole world. I'm so glad I didn't have a sister who wanted to steal boyfriends, compete to be the thinest and all the other drama I watched my friends with sisters go through. Like the others said, just try to focus on the healthy baby aspect. As someone who also had depression, talk to your dr. I regret not getting help so I could have enjoyed the new baby experience, but maybe your depression will go away once you have the baby? Our body and mind are so weird right now. Hang in there!

When I got pregnant with my daughter, it was a surprise and a bit of a shock. My son had just turned 11 years old. I had a hard time connecting with her while I was pregnant and often felt like I wouldn't love her as much as I loved her brother and those feelings worried me too. I also was afraid of the feelings I was having and felt like a bad mother. It was definitely different than it was when I was pregnant with her brother.
But she's 14 months old now and I can't imagine our lives without her. It didn't take long to connect with her after she was born and every day I fall more in love with her and that love WILL be just as intense as it is for your daughter.
You'll love your son just as much as you love your daughter, don't worry and you'll also come to appreciate what it's like to have a little man running around. They're challenging but exciting too. :)

First, you are not a terrible person. I think it is a natural reaction to your circumstances. However, sometimes we have to adjust our expectations to our reality. This can be challenging, but necessary. I may be reading more into this since I have a background in psychology, but my advice is to not go through this alone. You need to tell your OB/GYN that you are having these feelings and that you need help. Depression during pregnancy is not uncommon but I would imagine that it will only lead to postpartum depression if left untreated during your pregnancy. Please find a medical professional to help you treat it now and hopefully you will be able to see this pregnancy as the true blessing it is.

I am so sorry that you are feeling so "blue". I think that it is really important for your and your family's sake to take these feelings seriously and talk to a professional. The reality is that you are going to have a second child;a boy and it is really important to accept this reality and make it work. You deserve to be happy, your child deserves to feel welcomed and loved. Take control of the situation and talk to a counselor about how you are feeling. Hopefully, by having a professional listen to how you are feeling and help you through this time will help you feel less alone and accept with open arms the arrival of you son.

Dear L., It is normal to feel this way. It happened to my 24 year old daughter when she found out that she too was having a boy (she so wanted a baby girl)...It will pass. The baby boy is now almost 2 and he is entirely different than his brother...he is such a joy. The one boy resembles his mom, the second his dad.

You will be blessed. There are many people out here pulling for you, and if you need anything, they will be there for you. Have you heard about Freecycle? It is a website that most communities have, where the community gives away all sorts of items, sometimes even new. http://www.freecycle.org/

Also, may I ask...Do you have a church home? If you live near Parker Southeast Christian Church on Jordan Rd. is a great place to raise a family in the Lord.

Have a Merry Christmas...

Blessings,
C.

Hi L.,

I am expecting an unexpected third child in about six weeks. I at first had a really hard time coming to terms with adding another child to what seemed like a near perfect family of four. I don't deal well with unknowns, and really like to know what to expect in every situation. In any case, as we get near the due date and I can see the stage at which my two older ones (2 and 5 1/2) will be when the new one arrives, I am feeling better and anxious to have this new one.

If you haven't I think I would talk with your doctor about your feelings and see if he/she could recommend a counselor you can talk with. I've dealt with depression throughout my life, and if that is a part of what is making this all so difficult for you, you can definitely get help. Both talking through your feelings and even possibly medication can make this a whole different experience for you.

I was afraid of how my son would displace my daughter when he was born, but in my experience, having these two is so much better than I ever imagined and better than having just my daughter. We've worked hard to foster caring and friendship between them, and it is amazing to see how much they love and like each other. There are the teenage years to come, but for now I enjoy their relationship (and they enjoy their relationship) so much.

When you are feeling uncertain, scared and depressed, it's hard to see of even think of the good to come. But I really believe with the right kind of help and the time to get to know your new little one, you will be very happy to have them both.

Best wishes to you and your family.

I think that you should feel bad for these feelings, children are blessings in every shape and form. I hope that you can get these feelings straightened out before the baby arrives so he doesnt feel neglected. You shouldnt bring a child into this world unless you really want it. I am sorry to be so harsh but I am appalled by this when there are so many people out there that would give anything to have another child.

Hi L.,

Thank you for sharing your personal feelings. I can imagine how you feel and by sharing I am sure you are helping other mothers who might be feeling the same way. I experienced post pardum depression several years ago due to a pregnancy loss and know how hormones play into your emotions. I also had migraines during my first trimester and it was awful (have had migraines on/off for most of my life prior to pregnancy) but they went away once I entered my second trimester. As I see it, your feelings are completely normal and eventually will change for the better. Expressing your feelings to someone, especially to your husband and your OB-GYN will help them help YOU through these family dynamic changes. If possible, I would make sure to keep an open dialogue with your OB-GYN about your feelings and make sure s/he helps make sure you are not suffering from pre-pardum depression which can then lead to post-pardum.

As was in my case, I was told to go out for a walk for 1 hour a day to get some fresh air and sun. It's amazing what a bit of sunshine does to your biochemistry when you are not feeling well emotionally and/or physically. If possible, have someone join you in your walk so you stay motivated.

God bless and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

D.

((BIG HUGS)) to you!! I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I had the same feelings when I found out my twins were both girls. After the shock that I was expecting twins wore off earlier this year I had convinced myself that they were boys and that was it. A few weeks later at my u/s when the tech said Baby "A" is a girl I can't explain the feelings I had. Even though they are identical I still somehow prayed that Baby "B" would be a boy. My son was 13 months at the time we found out the girls sexes and he was all I knew as far as how to raise a child. I really think now that I look back, that it was a sense of comfort that I lost when I found out I was having 2 girls.

My husband was elated and I on the other hand was so sad and felt I wouldn't be a good mother to not only 1 but 2 girls!! It took me a week or so to get over my feelings of sadness about it and I honestly don't think I really got over it completly until the first time I saw my 2 beautiful amazing miracle baby girls for the first time!!! Now I look at them and I know my life would not be complete without them. And I am sure you will feel the same way too!!! Good luck to you!! I hope you know you are not alone in feeling this way. Pregnancy really just turns our feelings as women upside down all the time. You will be an amazing mother to your baby boy and his big sister!! GOOD LUCK!!! Take Care!!

P.S. What I did every few days was I would go out and walk through the baby girls sections in stores and not buy anything but just picture my babies in different little girls outfits and it would make me smile. Then I slowly got into shopping for them. I know it sounds wierd but it really helped me accept it more.

When I found out that I was pregnant with our second child, I was excited, but a litte scared. How could I possibly love another child as much as I loved my son? Since I also was going to have to have another c-section I was scared that I would leave my son without a mother because something might happen and I felt like my husband and I had been selfish in wanting another child. I ended up having a very fun and exciting pregnancy, just as I had with my first. It was fun buying all of the girl things, having another baby shower really helped, and decorating the kids room made me feel so much better.

Take the time to focus your attention on preparing for the new baby and try not to focus on the fact that it is going to be a boy. When my daughter was born I of course fell in love with her, but it did take almost four months to bond with her. A lot of women do not admit that, but I know that it is hard to feel that connection. I love both of my children equally and they both bring something unique to our family. They are both special and well loved. Give it time and start preparing. Focus on the positive and find someone to talk to. Even if you talk to your husband and cry it out, you will find that some of your thoughts will diminish. I wish you the best of luck-my children are 19 months apart and are the best of friends(a boy and girl)

Also, make sure to talk to your daughter about the baby. Take a doll with you to the store, out to eat, etc. it will help you both get prepared for having a new baby. Give the baby a name and talk with your daughter about all of the fun times you will all have.

the more you think that way, the worse you will make things, just know that this sweet little innocent baby is being given to you, it didn't choose to be made, so don't make him pay for that. I have three children my first is a girl second a boy, they are the best of friends, they couldn't be more different, they are also very close like yours will be. don't expect him to be the same because everyone is different, and perfection is boring. will it go away? only if you choose for it to go away.

You definitely need to seek some type of therapy. These are the feelings that can lead to infants dying after birth at the hands of a mentally unwell parent. You are brave to voice your concerns so I can't judge how you feel, but let me tell you that little boys are the best and you will love this baby. When you have another child you don't divide your love, you multiply it. Definitely, definitely seek counseling. If you don't it could lead to some very serious issues. Thinking your baby is ugly makes me so sad for the parents out there who desperately want children but can't have them. have you considered adoption?

It makes me sad to hear that you are depressed about your current situation. My first instinct is to tell you that yes, this feeling will go away, but I can't say from personal experience, because we were fortunate to have only one child. I wish we could have more, but we can't. I would say, go visit your doctor, because maybe some of this is hormonal. Then after that, count your blessings that you are able to have more than one child! There are a lot of women out there that would give anything to be in your place. I truly hope that your new little boy will be the light of your life, like any child should be! Keep your chin up!

L.-
Hearing your write with such honesty is a good sign, but your words are heart breaking. I think that everyone goes through a period where they are not sure they want to do this, etc. But, it sounds to me lik you are having a pretty serious bout of depression. Are you on meds? I would highly recommend that you talk with your OB or any practitioner whom you trust about what is going on in your heart and mind.

Take care. E

Dear L., First for the migraines and depression... Please watch the 12-minute video at www.mineralstory.com Secondly, you will find a wonderful group of loving and supportive mothers at La Leche League. http://www.lllusa.org/ to Find a Group. Almost every concern you can imagine as a mother will be discussed there. If you go to these meetings, you will be reassured that you will love your baby whether it is a girl or a boy. (It is possible to have a misdiagnosis of a boy during an ultrasound) Be sure to bring your little girl to the meeting because there will be lots of other children there. If you would like more info regarding the essentials MINERALS, please call me at ###-###-####. Happy Holidays, R.

I kinda know how you feel. When I pregnant they told me it was a girl but to everyones surprise when I had the baby it was a boy. At first I didn't know what to do I was all prepared for a girl not a boy and I didn't know how to connect with my baby. But after a few days I realized this is what I was given and make the best of it. I love my son more than anything and we have a great relationship. Even if at first I wanted that little girl to dress up and play dolls with. It just wasn't in the cards for me. I now have a wonderful son I am trying to teach all the things a gentleman would know. Open doors, say please and thank you and too remember everyone loves flowers. It is not you so don't be so hard on yourself. Be ready to have the best of both worlds. You already have a beautiful little girl now you will have a wonderful boy who can be her friend for life. You will love him for him once he is born just wait and see. So learn how to incorporate transformers and barbies so they all play together. Have fun.

I am a mother of a girl 8 yrs and a boy 4 yrs and it is a different feeling when you are pregnant the second time and you know it is a boy. I remember thinking it would be easier to have another girl and that a boy would not be as exciting for me! How wrong I was!! Little boys are wonderful and I have a very special love for him. He will be the perfect little man and love you more than anything in the World! My Son brings me as much delight as my daughter in a totally different way. You will wonder before he is born if you can find as much love for him as you have for your daughter - you will be suprised how it duplicates itself in an instant!! Good Luck with your pregnancy and enjoy every moment!

Hi L.,

First of all pregnancy is not always exciting for everyone. Hormones are changing and it is a very emotional time for us women. I am pregnant with my 4th child. I have 3 boys. And I too experienced some depression when I found out that I was having a 3rd boy, God only knows what this 4th one will be and how I will react. It is hard when you have certain expectations. I have taken on the philosophy that it is not in my hands, but in God's hands. I know it is an emotional time. So much of what the other women have wrote are so true. I wish you the best of luck and pray for your happiness. Take care and God Bless, you and your family.

I would recommend speaking to your doctor ASAP! Since you are feeling this way now, it is possible that you would have the same feelings after delivery. Your doctor will probably be able to help you. Don't be embarrassed! I am sure a lot of women feel like this, they just don't talk about it. Good for you for having the courage to mention it to someone! Now, go talk to your doctor!

L., in Sept 2004, I found out that I was pregnant with my third child. It was totally unexpected and the timing, to say the least, seemed very off...I had just started a Master's program that would conclude in the summer of 2006. I was employeed full time and had two wonderful children at home. I felt overwhelmed from the get go and always questioned how I would make it all work. Early April, 35 weeks into my pregnancy, I delivered a still born baby boy. The pain is still unbearable and the void in my heart is unexplainable. I hope that you find your way through this situation and perhaps talking to your doctor or a counselor could help. I will pray for you because your baby needs you. Good luck.

i am sure what you're feeling is hormonal and normal but speaking as a mom who had to deliver a stillborn 3 months ago and can't have any more children, it breaks my heart to see you can't enjoy the blessing you have been given. i would give anything to have that back and be able to have that kind of hope again. i pray that you will seek counsel, talk with your husband and start enjoying the miracle of life that is inside you, very soon. everything happens for a reason, i hope you can find some peace in that little boy who was created to be yours before you even knew of him. he is yours and he is a gift. treat him as such. pray for grace to show you how.

You sound very overwhelmed and nervous. You are probably depressed and in need of some medication to help with your depression. I am pregnant with my second child and due in Hanuary. I had to go on meds for both my pregnancies at ebout 6 months. Lots of women get down when they are prego with all the hormones going crazy. The second baby isn't as exciting as the first. I have been worried more about how this baby will affect my 2 year old daughter. I keep saying that my fiorst will always be my favorite. But I know once she is born, I will be head over heals in love. ( I will have 2 girls. I cried for a week when I found out I was having a girl first and then having another one.....I have always wanted a son.....but I am happy now) This pregnancy is much harder than my first because I am trying to focus on my daughter and her needs and wants and so who cares about the one in the belly. It is a natural. So I wouldn't worry too much about not loving you new son, you will find that you will love him think he is a true blessing. By the way, I think they all are ugly on an ultrasound. But please consult your OB about how you are feeling so she can make some suggestion to help you through this. If you want someone to talk to, I am available.......I understand where you are coming from

I have to admit that when I found out I was pregnant with my second child I cried. My husband was thrilled, but I was scared to death and not sure I wanted another one. My girls are 22 months apart. I could not imagine life without my second daughter now. I think that as you get closer to delivery you will start feeling better about the situation and more excited. If not, though, you may want to see if you can see a counselor to help you though the feelings. I wish you the best of everything.

Hi L.-
It sounds like you're depressed. I had really severe depression during my pregnancy and post-partum. You should look into a support group! I did that and it really helped me a lot.

You might want to look at what's going on in your life because that's where my depression was stemming from- it wasn't actually the baby, it was a lot of other things and I just took it out on my pregnancy.

You are welcome to send me a personal email if you have questions or just need someone to talk to. I'm sure it will all turn out well, but sometimes it's just nice knowing other people have been through something similar. Best wishes to you!
T.

First, congrats! Then second, you have every right to be disappointed, however, there are millons of women out there that would be totally grateful for any sex baby, they cannot have kids. Having a boy second to a girl is WONDERFUL! I too wanted another girl when we decided to have another baby. I was happy however and felt totally blessed! Having a little boy has added so much to my life! I cannot even imagine not having him. My daughter adores her little brother. It is so fun to see the differences between boys and girls and you are truly blessed. I cannot believe you said your son looked ugly. I am sorry but I will be a hard rear here now as you are blessed, face it, if you are depressed it may be hormones, but DO NOT EVER say that about your baby! Do you know how lucky you are? There are families that would do anything to have a little boy. Maybe you are going through something else and you have to talk to your Dr as you do not want this to be happening after your baby is born. I do not think you are a bad person, if it is chemical issues with you, get it taken care of, it is just that you truly are feeling sorry for yourself, go visit women that just lost their babies and maybe you will snap back into reality!!!!!!!! It isn't about what clothes you already have, I gave all my girl clothes away and welcomed buying blue things, little boy things. Having a little boy has totally made my life complete! It will you too if you open your heart and mind!

First of all you are not a terrible person. Our feelings no matter how unpleasant they may seem are still genuine. Unfortunately when we are pregnant they are often heightened by hormones, and other chemical reactions that are going on inside our bodies. The most important thing to do is be really open with your doctor. Post Pardom is often undiagnosed in the aftermath of a first pregnancy and then we get pregnant a second time and it just heightens the response. I will tell you this.... I am a mom of teenagers now and in the beginning all I wanted was a little girl. I had her named picked out when I was 12 yrs old. After ten pregnancy's and 8 miscarriages (most of them girls) I ended up with two of the most fabulous young men you could imagine. They are 13 mos apart, so overwhelmed I understand. Now little boys have never been my strength, but I can't imagine my life without my guys. Sometimes now a days there is a little too much testosterone flowing in the house, but we are having a blast. This little guy is probably going to be exactly who you need to get through the teen years with your daughter. Since you know that you are having a boy, a new day, or shower party is definitely in order. Take a deep breath, forgive your husband for what ever pressure you felt to get pregnant, and know that if you were not supposed to be pregnant with this little guy, it would not have happened. Boys really are a lot of fun, and they really love their momma's. Sometimes the gifts that seem only destined for our husbands turn out to be our greatest blessings. Just think, when your husband is driving you crazy as you are trying to prepare dinner, or do something with your daughter you can say "Why don't you and your son go to the park and play catch?" There is an upside to everything in life.

I had twin boys 3 months ago....unplanned unexpected twin boys. I guess I should mention that I already have 2 older boys....so I REALLY wanted this unplanned pregnancy to be a girl. My youngest son was 9 months old when I found out I was pregnant again and I was devastated because I didn't want another baby...then at 20 weeks we went to find out the gender and SURPRISE...identical twin boys. My heart was broken because I had wanted a little girl SOO bad! Eventually though I started to get excited and now that they are here I couldn't imagine it any other way:) I think that you are experiencing a normal reaction and like other people have said your hormones are so out of wack right now! You will have enough love for both of your babies don't ever worry about that...I certainly never thought I would have enough love for 4 children but I love them all the same and am enjoying every minute of having my 4 little boys:) Good luck :)

Oh my heart goes out to you. An unexpected pregnancy can be a very difficult thing to deal with. All I can tell you is that I have a wonderful, wild, crazy little boy and he's fantastic! I felt really weird when I found out I was having a boy, but really it's tons of fun. Try to think about the different adventures you'll have with a boy vs. what you've had with your daughter. My brother has 3 girls and they are drama, drama, drama! It makes me smile when my little guy is such a rough and tumble boy! They really are fun, although I'll give you that the clothes aren't as exciting! I think the chances are that you'll love this baby just as much as you love your daughter when he makes his apprearance, but I'd still recommend that you talk to a professional about the feelings you're having. I don't think it's unusual for women to experience depression with pregnancy so you shouldn't feel alone there. But getting your feelings out in the open and dealing with them would be the best thing for everyone.

I understand that it may be difficult for you right now with your overwhelming feelings, but you really should discuss this with your doctor if you haven't already. Although many of your feelings could be a temporary symptom of all the changes your body is going through you need support to help you get through this. You are not a terrible person and you should not keep these feelings to yourself. Discuss it with your husband, family, friends, or even seek counseling. I am sure that as time moves on, your feelings will change and soon you will be anticipating the arrival of your son with excitement.
Having a child whether it is a boy or a girl is truly a gift and think about how excited your daughter will be to have a sibling. Some of the greatest gifts in life are the ones that come unexpectedly. I wish you all the best.

It sounds like you are having depression. Some women have post pardum even before the baby comes and it can be worse the second time. Don't feel like you are a terrible person but do tell your doctor- depression is a chemical imbalance and they can help you feel like yourself again.

L.,

I am the mom of a 2 1/2 yr old boy and a 10 month old baby girl. When I got pregnant the first time I was hoping for a girl, but hubby got his little boy. I was a little afraid at first because I didn't have much experience with boys. When he came though I fell in love with him. He's a wild little man, but so much fun. When I got pregnant with my second I was hoping it would actually be another boy - me the one who wanted girls from the start. I wanted another boy because I had so much little boy stuff. What I did was I went to clothing exchanges and swapped out all of my little boy clothes for little girl clothes. I think I've bought my daughter 3 shirts since she's been born because I got so much stuff. Don't stress over the sex of the baby. I would just be thankful that you are lucky enough to have another baby. There are many women in the world that can't have children or have to pay lots of money for fertility treatments. If you are having serious problems accepting this pregnancy and the sex I think you need to discuss this with your dr. Good luck!

L.

My first was a girl, and I loved her so much that I couldn't possibly imagine how I could love another as much as her. Then the 2nd came, a boy, whom I love dearly. You will definitely get over this feeling. Especially because boys love their mommy's soooo much. Girls are much more independant. Boys just want their moms and moms love their little boys. You are a fortunate person, some people can't have one baby and now you are going to be a wonderful mother of 2.

I think some feelings like this are perfectly normal. Still it is not a bad idea to go somewhere like The parenting Place in Boulder and talk to someone about your feelings. They are really compassionate and know alot about moms and kids there. Are you in Boulder? It is on Pine just East of Broadway.

best, A.

My first baby was a girl. She was easy and cute and fun and I had everything for a girl when I became pregnant with baby #2... a boy. I thought I would not know how to take care of him. I was scared. When he was born, all of the apprehension and nervousness was gone! We took our baby boy home, and my daughter, who had just turned 26 months old, fell in love with him! Since then things have been great.
Your feelings will change. Don't beat yourself up over how you are feeling. Sometimes we are initially disappointed, but that feeling is replaced with a beautiful blessing. You will fall in love with your baby boy just as you did your baby girl! Your love may not be exactly the same for this baby, because all of our children are different and unique in their own special way. The qualities in each of your children will be different. Try not to compare so you don't disappoint yourself further.
You may think it is difficult to understand this now, but you are this baby's mama and you will bond with him!
I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Be blessed,
Isabel
Colorado Springs

You are NOT a terrible person. I'm sure the feelings your having will go away. Pregnancy isnt an easy experience to begin with. Im a mother of 4, only one of which was planned. After your baby is born and you get to look into their face - you fall in love with them. Granted, boys and girls are different. Act differently and respond differently. (I have 3 boys and 1 girl.) You fall in love with your baby and love then with all your heart. I think you should talk to your husband or a counselor with these issues though. Baby blues after hes born could get worse. But I honestly think these feelings will go away once he is born. So get excited and go shopping for some cute baby boy stuff! Even though it will be different, it will be great! Hugs and good luck!

M.

you should seek counceling from a pastor or someone. i'd give anything to have any child. i think you werent ready for another child but gave into your husband and now maybe your putting your resentment and anger on the child instead of yourself for not standing up and saying no and may even resent your husband for pushing you into something you werent ready for. you do need to talk to someone. maybe adoption is a another way, better to adopt out then hurt your new baby and not be able to love him/her. your feelings may change but you need to be honest with your husband and tell him how you really feel. if you cannot raise a son, you need to tell him. i'd give anything to have a baby, you need to check yrself and see if your being to selfish, anyway good luck.