Mom Needing Help with Depression

Get help please. I went thru 6 months of hell before I decided to take meds, and needed them only for about 6 months, and I am better.

I really can't tell you any medicines to take but I went through the same thing. I had a horrible horrible horrible pregnancy. I was in a bad spot in my life. When I had my daughter I thought I Would be happy and everything I went through would be worth it but that wasn't the case. I got through it by talking with my mom or my good friends. I was finally able to talk about it with my boyfriend. I also found my faith again and tried to think positive ALL the time even if I didn't feel like anything positive was going to happen. You are also a young mother like I was/am. It is hard to have a newborn/child at that age and fully be happy with everything going on. (I know it was really hard for me) If you need someone to talk to you can message me.. ____@____.com.

If you're not already, take some multivitamins. Get outside in the sunshine a little bit. If you feel like you need something for the depression, you can try St. John's Wort or Kava Kava (this is kind of hard to find, but it does exist - I found it at Bay Colony HEB). I've suffered with depression for many years and have found that for the most part it was me who had the most control. I have to constantly tell myself that things are not so bad and that life is fleeting, it's not worth being upset. It's hard, but it's all about self control for me. Good luck to you!!

Jennia,

I can't tell you how good it is to know that I'm not the only one feeling the way you are about your baby. I can't explain how guilty and ALONE I feel so reading your post means a lot. I too am married to a wonderful man and am having major issues with postpartum depression. I started medication 11 days ago and it has helped very little so far. I don't have any words of wisdom but I hope it helps in some way to know you're not the only one.

Hi there, Dont be afraid to take medication. I felt the same way about taking medication like I should be able to fix it my self but you cant controll the hormones in your body that can cause the depression and you cant controll that. I take zoloft and it works great for me. it takes the edge off and keeps me even and I was resistant to taking anything but my oldest who is 4.5 has severe ADHD, SID and Aspergers and it is difficult to deal with especially with 2 other young babies so I started taking zoloft to help give me the edge I need to do the best I can for them.

remember your baby needs you and you are her mom and she needs you to be healthy so if medication will help you please dont hesitate to try it.
Also, talk to your dr about what you are feeling and other moms will tell you that especially at 3 months post delivery the feelings you have are normal but if they get worse get help right away.

HUGS, A. J

Your not alone. It is very common to feel down for a while. Everybody is different. Eat a healthy diet, talk to friends, family, and/or a professional. And take a look at a gentle yoga practice. Studies have showed yoga helps lift mild depression, many people are able to get off meds with a regular yoga practice. Look for a class specifically for depression or postpartum or if not available in your area just look for a class labeled yin yoga or gentle yoga, or restorative yoga. Be kind to yourself and get the help you need. Hope this helps.
Mother of 2.
Yoga with D.

The human mind is so powerful! You simply must choose to not allow yourself to be sad and choose to be happy. When you feel yourself going that direction, do something that makes you smile. For me this always works. Besides knowing that I have Jesus Christ in my life, that is the biggest help!:)

Please contact a professional- ask your doctor for a referral to someone they trust and like.

Try taking soothing baths, listen to relaxing music and/or take up exercising... I took my baby for a stroller ride 2x a day and it helped me to get through it...

Remember you are not alone and your child is a gift and a miracle!!

HUGS!!!

J.

After I had my first baby, I felt the same way. You are not alone in feeling this!! The best advice I got was from other moms and they told me to believe that it won't always be that way. If you are having a hard time with the baby (sleeping issues, crying a lot, etc), just know that it won't last and things will feel "normal" again. Very soon, that baby will be sleeping 12-14 hours a night (straight through!!!) and you will feel normal again (just more blessed!). Focus on your marriage and put it first! To have a happy family, your baby has to have happy parents. Also, don't be hard on yourself when things don't get done. In the long run, your child will benefit more from a nurturing, loving, non-stressed mommy more than a straight house.

Find little treasures throughout your day. One day you will miss being able to hold your baby. That little girl will only want to hang out with friends and will roll her eyes at you. haha. (just like we did to our parents...) Enjoy the quiet during her naps. Listen to the birds singing or watch the leaves fall off the trees. This might be corny, but when you treasure those things, life seems more blessed. The negative things won't bother you as much.

God bless you and feel free to email me!!

talk to your dr. about other options. my 2 cents are that you want to enjoy this time with your child...maybe consider doing a trial w/ the meds...you might be happily surprised!

Hi Jennia,

I am so sorry you are depressed. I know it is hard. You are smart to email and get some feedback. If anything you just need to know you are normal. I had the same issue. My ob-gyn wanted to give me meds too. I told him no. You just have to be tough and self-talk alot if you do not want on any medication. You do need to be careful though and be aware of any signs of getting more depressed. Do you have someone you can talk to in person? Do you have family around and/or does your husband help you with the depression?

I would want to die, then only want to live for my two little ones (twins), and tehn realize I wanted to die because of the life change. It is not the baby girl you are not wanting, it is the new life you have. The new life will get better - I promise!! It is just a shock to all the sudden have this little one to take care of 100% of the time. Best way to conquer that is keep a schedule going, especially sleeping. This is where you get nice breaks!

My depression lasted a long time, but it didn't have to. I just kept it to myself and thought I was weak and couldn't handle it. No matter how weird you feel, you need to talk about it. That little baby girl loves you and I have no doubt you love her too...or you wouldn't be worried right now. :)

Email any time if you need to talk, I understand!
S. d

Please seek help right away. Postpartum is nothing to play with. I know you want a natural approach but right now you need to be more concerned about you and your daughter.

Bless your heart - this is actually not uncommon. Ask your ob/gyn or the hospital where you had your baby for an 800 number to call where you can receive advice on this sort of thing. Or look back in your discharge paperwork as they are required to make it available to you and even obtain a signature that you have received it. I know you want a natural remedy, so see what they would have to tell you in regards to this, especially what is safe while nursing. However, having taken an SSRI myself, sometimes it becomes necessary to go the pharmacalogical route - especially when your quality of life is at stake and the enjoyment of your newborn. At this point, we are just thankful that we live in an age of modern medicine and have many options - natural and pharmacolgical. It doesn't mean you'd need to take a drug forever - perhaps just a few months to get your brain chemisty regulated. Many of the drugs are completely safe to take while breastfeeding - they are considered level two - like a tylenol. Please know there is no need to be stigmatized in any way. Our brains are an organ - just like our pancreas is - we would never judge a diabetic or stigmatize them for taking their insulin. Either way - I wish you peace and happiness. - J.

Jennia, I went through the same thing with my first kiddo. Felt like my life was over, felt guilty for feeling that way, had feelings of needing to 'escape' and during some of the really sleepless nights, I would rock my daughter in our rocker and just imagine scenarios to get out of being a mother to my baby. All that was wrapped in a blanket of guilt for having those feelings since I had a perfectly healthy, beautiful baby girl. I stayed in the house for 6 months (and I'm an extremely social person normally) - cut myself off socially. There were truly terrible times in my depressed state when I even thought about injuring my daughter b/c I would become frustrated with her crying. My husband was very supportive but didn't know what to do... so I totally understand what you're going through. Just a promise that it WILL pass and that post partum depression is very common.

Here is a toll free hotline number that you could call if you want to talk with someone 1-877-472-1002. It's answered 24 hours/day. And please continue to reach out to others - reach out to other mommies in your area via a Moms Club - reach out to family members - reach out to your husband. Just make sure you keep talking about it. Don't ever allow the guilt to make you clam up.

Keep in mind there are plenty of doctors out there that can help you without immediately resorting to medications. Although please don't hold a stigma against those, either. Sometimes having a baby causes a hormonal imbalance and some meds make it better. The most important thing to remember is that you need to take care of yourself, don't let this depression go too long w/out seeking help, and know that you are NOT alone! These feelings will pass and you don't need to feel guilty about them - just do the best you can, call a professional for help, and know that you're being covered in prayer! Having a baby and having your whole life change so quickly is not an easy thing - it's very hard but the rewards are endless... those smiles and hugs from our kiddos really do make it all worthwhile in the end, I promise!! Hang in there.

Blessings,
R. E.

Just saw this on the Mamasource website - are you feeling and doing ok now / ? If not, I can give you some directions to go for help.

I had a problem with depression after both of my kids were born, I didn't want to treat it with medication because I was breastfeeding so the things I did that seemed to help were: 1. Go outside for exercise, (just walking with the baby in a snugli or in the stroller) having the sun on your face is a great mood booster (don’t worry if it’s cold, just put a hat on the baby & wrap them in a blanket, I did this when living in Michigan in February!). 2. Take a nap in the afternoon, unless your baby is already sleeping thought the night you are probably a little sleep deprived, which is enough to make anyone feel bad. 3. Find other moms, goto the library during the day, goto a playground, find a playgroup through church, even though your baby is too little to actually enjoy any of this yet you will find a ton of other moms going through the same thing and babies are a great conversation starter even if you are shy!

Good luck and please mention this to your pediatrician at your next well baby check he/she may have some good ideas too.

Hi Jennia,
I'm sorry you have to go through this. I went through post partum depression with my first and it was really hard. You definitely have to talk to your doctor about it. Based on how severe it is- you really may need to go on medication for it. See, when you are not a parent, you can sometimes afford to experiment and try things naturally to see if you can beat depression... but once you have a baby in the picture or a child, your depression can very likely affect that child/baby- and it is unfair and unsafe to you and the baby. You are doing the right thing by admitting that you are feeling down.. but please talk to your ob/gyn- and get referred to a therapist to help you work on your depression. Even if you go on meds- you may not have to be on them long. One of the biggest helps for me was making sure that I had one night a week of uninterrupted sleep.. just getting the rest you need can take its toll. My husband had to step in and feed the baby- and I slept in a separate room for that one night. A therapist can help you find steps to alleviate how you feel and help you heal. Good luck!!!
Adla

sounds like it could just be normal post-partum depression to me. but that doesn't mean you should ignore it! talk to your OB if possible or if not your regular dr. and see if you can get a referral to talk to a therapist. don't worry about talking to a professional, it's more common than you think! also, just getting into a local mom's group can help you feel better, b/c you can talk to other moms and realize most women have gone through the same thing. and make sure you take time to do stuff for yourself too! even if it's just a 15 min. walk around the block, trust me it helps! hang in there

Hi Jennia,

How are you doing today? I was same thing when I had my 1st baby, and I just cried and pray to God that my depression will go away I didn't take any medicine because I don't want too, for me prayer is the only one that really make me strong and go to church....and second your husbands help is important when you tell him that your upset and tired and everything I hope he will give you a break and make you go to the store by yourself or go to library or any place you like please do that because its really important that you have time for yourself I thought that I was like that because of my age I was 31 when I had my baby but now that I've heard young woman are same thing I realized is not just me but alot of woman no matter how healthy you are, when my husband got duty or their out to sea I will play with internet watch my favorite show just for me because those few ours by yourself is really a big help my son cried every 2 hrs for the next 3 mos and cried for evrything for the next 3 yrs and I cannot do anything until my husband come home I have no relatives that I can ask for help and if you can get a chance to go to work even for part time go ahead and do that the only thing is that you will keep worrying about your baby but you can call them to find out how she's doing the only thing with me the woman was real nice and I trusted her so I have nothing to worry about....I think as long as you have time to relax and have quite time you don't need to take meds, when he was 3 wks old I told my husband that I will throw him in the window because he just cried and cried I was just really upset and depressed and he knows I'm already on the edge I didn't mean it of course but it was just terrible and he will take the baby and ask me to go now somewhere and cool off for few hours and I come back home and I'm back to normal for the next few days and now his 5 and I had a girl but she was the most wonderful and good baby I have no problem with her except now that shes 3 1/2 yrs old and they will go through all the terrible twos and threes etc......please hung in there and give time to yourself ...and pray always it helps alot....

S.

OK, if you want to do it on a natural method, try exercising. Go out running and put her in the stroller, join the gym. If money is an issue try qualifying for lower income status at the YMCA. They have child care.

Surround yourself with people. Join a mommies group. Make sure you are around other people. Try to keep yourself as busy as possible. You are so young to have such a big responsibility. Accept that and try to surround yourself with as much help, friends, other quality adult interaction as possible.

Jennia,
Please get professional help immediately. You owe it to yourself and your baby. How you feel is not your fault. It is a physiological problem, just like diabetes, or cancer. And for the most part, it is temporary. Your doctor will determine how to best handle it. Talk to him/her about your concern w/ drugs. Even if you have to take medication, it will be better than feeling like you do now and having the thoughts that you do about your baby. Also, try reading Brooke Shields book, "Down Came the Rain." It might help you in realizing that you are not alone and that you can overcome this.
Don't be afraid to talk to your husband, family, close friends about how you feel. If they truly love you, they will not judge you but, will be willing to help in any way that they can.
I will be praying for you.
L.

Hi Jennia,

I also had postpartum depression after my son was born (he's now 2 1/2), and like you, I did not want to take medications. However, when he was six months old I noticed that things were getting worse rather than better, so I finally decided to take medications. They made a huge difference for me. I finally felt like my old self again and I was able to enjoy my life and my son. I really wish I had taken them sooner so that I could have enjoyed the early months more. At any rate, I would recommend talking to your doctor about it. You don't have to feel this way, and there is help available. I also attended a postpartum depression support group, and it helped me a lot. You can go to www.postpartum.net to find a group in your area.

Take care! I'll be praying that you find a solution that works for you.

Jennia,

I don't know if it's "normal" but I was pretty blue until my daughter was about 8 months and I still sometimes mourn the loss of my freedom. It's hard getting used to the fact that we don't get to nap for as long as we want anymore, or go on a vacation without having to worry about what to bring for the baby or who is going to babysit, or just leave the house without a suitcase full of baby care items. Also, there are lots of moms out there that will make you feel like you're the only person in this world that feels that way. Just tough it out and as they get older it gets easier. I promise. I hated it when people would say that to me - I wanted to know exactly when. I wanted a set date. My little one is still a handful but there are much more rewarding moments now that she is starting to learn something new everyday and I see the interaction and contact I have with her. Hope this helps.

Take care,
N.

Jennia,

Please excuse this response. I am pressed for time, but felt compelled to respond to you.

Get some St. Johns Wort. It is a natural antidepressant. In fact, it is commonly the first thing "prescribed" to depressed patients in Europe. You can get it a Wal-Mart.

Second, start to exercise. Even 15 minutes a day. 30 minutes is better. I know, it is SO HARD to start even that. Trust me, you will be happy that you did.

And don't feel bad about the feelings you are having about your daughter. My kids are 10 & 11, and some days I STILL wonder what on earth I have done! It is perfectly normal to have those feelings.

With all of that being said, if your feelings get much deeper about your daughter, you really might want to go to your doctor. Postpartum depression is very common, but from what I understand, it takes a little more "effort" to come out of it. That might mean medication... but you won't have to be on it forever.

Good luck, and please know that you are not alone.
E.

Being a mother is not for wienies, and I bet that there is not a one of us out there that has not experienced similar frustration and down times. For me, I was being bombarded by well meaning family members who just assumed that I could not take care of my own baby, and were always putting in their two cents' worth. That made me angry and depressed. Any time that I wanted to do anything for myself, somebody had something to say about it. I found myself in a situation where working outside the home was crucial and NOT an option, so I was criticized for that. I guess my point is that you should see if there is anything outside of you and motherhood that is upsetting you. The issue may not be you at all, it may be some excess baggage around you like I had. My first baby was hard like I describe above, but by the time I had the second one, I was better able to ignore the outside influences. Now, number three is on its way, and I feel better than ever. Another issue was that I was going to "spoil" my babies because I wanted to hold and play with them constantly. Not only did holding and playing with them help me with my sadness, but neither of my girls are at all spoiled in a negative sense. Another thing...I noticed how young you are. I was 19 when I had my first daughter, and I was always getting hit with statements like, "Oh...don't worry, hopefully you'll be able to go back to school." or "Oh, I knew somebody just like you, and she was able to get her life back on track." What???? I was married, still attending college and chose to start this family! If any of this sounds familiar to you, just learn to turn a def ear toward others and big smile toward your baby and husband, because they are the ones that will bring you the most happiness.

Just know that you are not alone. First, if you have to be on something to make you feel normal for a few months, it will be okay. It would just give you a little help to even out all the chemicals in your brain. Secondly, you really need to find a mother's support group such as, MOPS(Mothers of Preschoolers), or Mom's club in your area. It helps to be around other ladies that know what your are going through and to also give you advice. Moreover, get out in the sunlight and raise your seratonin levels. Don't stay in the house with the baby all day! Get out and walk outside, go walk around at the mall, have lunch with a friend and engage in adult conversation. A lot of life change all at once can contribute to the depression. Still being a newlywed and having a baby all in the same year must be overwhelming. So, know that it gets easier and talk to people about it, especially other moms. If God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it! Blessings, W. M.

Jennia,

As a pre and postnatal fitness professional I cannot even count the number of studies that show exercise helps treat depression. Exercising with other mommies and being involved in a moms group for support would be great for you....you will also be able to connect with other moms who have felt exactly how you feel, and that only can help you feel better knowing that you are not alone! When you get a chance check out www.strollerstrides.com and see if there is a group in your area. They offer a free moms club with weekly playgroups and you can join at anytime...you don't have to be a member of Stroller Strides to join. Hope this helps and I hope that all this great advice on mamasource points you in the right direction.

M.:)

Wow, I really empathize because I had it bad after my firstborn. You're ahead of the game because you have insight and recognize the problem. I would say "this too shall pass," but this can linger for a long time if not dealt with and can be destructive. I was a first time mom at 34 and had the "nonbonding" feelings with my baby and felt guilty, of course, so although you are very young, these feelings can happen to a woman at any age, I guess. Remember you "feel" you're going crazy but you're not - it's the hormones, together with the overwhelming responsibility of a new baby, lack of sleep, and whatever else is going on in your life. I was separated at 8 months pregnant so had no one at home to talk to, so I kept the t.v. and/or radio on almost at all times to keep the isolating feelings at bay and kept friends and family near as much as possible. If they offer help, take it! Seeking professional help is fine too, does not mean you have to take drugs - ask for help if you need a break or get too overwhelmed at home.

Hi Jennia, I felt this way after both of my babies (now 9 yrs and 3 yrs). It was worse with my 2nd child than my 1st.

I found that taking some time for myself, either out of the house or in a quite spot in the house) to just relax. I got pedicure's and massages. If you are nursing, you need to nurse really good before a massage, then pump & dump the milk afterwards because of the toxins released in your body.

I felt the same you do about not taking meds and I got thru it without any.

It may also help for you and your husband to have some alone time by going out to dinner and/or a movie. Or take a walk.

I hope this advise helps. I will keep you in my prayers.

I, too, had problems with this and did not want to resort to drugs for something that is totally a natural effect of changing hormones. I see a naturopath (N.D.), which is an "alternative" type of doctor. The one I see has a waiting list of approx. 1 year at this point, but there are others in the Houston area. You can do an online search or ask people working at your closest health food store if they know of any naturopaths in your area. My naturopath gave me nutritional & herbal supplements, and homeopathic remedies which helped 100%.

I have a couple of friends who swear by acupuncture, but I did not try that for this situation, although I've had great luck with it in the past for other issues. Hang in there! It does get better!

First question- Is your depression the "typical" depression where you feel down and sad, want to sleep alot, eat more... OR is it anxiety, trouble sleeping, no appetite? I ask because I had what I thought was postpartum depression after all three of my kids and mine was more anxiety, trouble sleeping and no appetite. It turns out what I was suffering from was not depression but thyroiditis (overactive thyroid)which can happen to any woman after having a baby. So that would be something to ask the doctor to check out.

Other than that- I know how awful it is to feel so bad, like you are not yourself. I don't think I felt that "all encompasing, overwhelming bond of love" for my first child until he was about 8 months old, because I was just not "myself" again until around then. I took Zoloft because I had to do something! It helped so much- and I only had to take it for about 6-7 months and then I felt good enough to handle it on my own. My doctor also recommended natural estrogen (not the synthetic ones that are so often prescribed to women)- these had to be made at a compounding pharmacy and they dissolved in your mouth between your cheek and gums. They were very helpful too. That is something you could ask your doctor about if you want to avoid AD's.

Perhaps just some counseling would be helpful if you do not want to take any medication. But don't automatically say no to meds- because you also need to be able to function and be there for your baby.

Any questions email me at ____@____.com
P.

I would stongly encourage you to speak with your doctor. Although you mention not wanting to make medication, there are other alternatives such as excercising, yoga, learning how to breathe internally with deep breathes, etc. Speak with your husband and let him know what and how you are feeling. Be completely honest and let him know that you are really needing his support during this time. I hope this helps. Take care.

I read your update that said you finally spoke with your husband about this. I was going to tell you the same thing. It is very important that he especially knows what is going on with you. I know that you are looking for the natural way to heal, but you should really speak with your doctor and take something. This is not something to mess around with. You hear all these horror stories on the news about these mothers that do bad things to their kids...I would hate to see another on the news...Please please talk to your doctor. I also went through the depression, and I immediately got on zoloft becuz I hated feeling that way. My kids and husband were suffering along with me, and it wasnt fair. Good Luck! Keep us all posted!

Hi Jennia,
Congrats on the new baby. Boy, they do turn our lives upside down sometimes don't they? Well, I had a hard time with my second child (they are 14 months apart) and I found that Omega 3's help. Research has shown it to help with severe psychological issues like bipolar disorder by taking 180 mg per every 10 lbs of weight. You want one that is high on the EPA form of Omega 3's; DHA is great too but not all have a good amount of the EPA. I take a flavored liquid one by Nordic Naturals. I take 1.5 teaspoons so that is about 1800 mg of omega 3's and it makes a great difference for me. That with exercising has make a world of difference. The other posts are right on.....if you get ONE thing done a day, you have done a lot....taking care of an infant is a FULL time job. IF you still are not feeling 'better' go to the doctor and they will test your iron and thyroid....hang in there.