"If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say. . . "

Me, to my kid:

(On issues #1): Shrug, why in the world would you want to go to a party for such a mean girl?

(On issue #2): Shrug, why would you care whether he likes the way you color or not? Is he like The Coloring Police, or what?

:)

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Simply not replying will eventually make it so the kids stop giving their opinion.

In one extreme circumstance, I had my daughter very firmly tell another girl in dance to "shut up". I remembered her mom told me one time she had her daughter do that to someone who simply wouldn't leave her alone. The girl bothered my daughter for months and nothing we tried worked - saying shut up did the trick.

I heard my son once say, "thanks for sharing". lol That about covers it. =0)

what a delightfully no-drama mama you are, FB!
i think you're rolling along like a boss.
another tactic that might work for him is to drown 'em in sunshine. 'hey, happy birthday! i hope you have a wonderful time!' 'my flowers are different from yours. but yours are very pretty too.'
:) khairete
S.

"okay" and move on.

There was an episode of "Little Bill" in which his dad tells him to say "So?" to kids who say mean things. I thought that was a great idea.

Whenever my kids come to me with a "so & so said this" I use it as a time to remind them how important it is to think before we speak, LOL!

I teach them to brush it off & to see it for what it is.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but for most things the only opinion that matters is yours.

And always use your manners!!

~Because I am the first one to post my answer has an ad in it now? This is new, aey?!

One of the best books is Bill Cosby's The Meanest Thing to Say. I loved that book and read it with both kids. I bet you can find it on half.com or the library. We read it enough to have our own copy. I agree with others that a one word response is good.

Working with him to know that no matter what he has his opinion too and he can learn to state it without being hateful. One of my favorites is I'm sorry you feel that way.

Blessings!
L.

They're just observations.
He can say "oh." Or "ok" or "that's cool" or "whatever"!

I love that you are not running to the school claiming bullying or anything like that!!

With my four boys, I have told them that if someone says something mean about your painting, drawing, or whatever they are talking about? I've told them to say "thank you for your opinion" or "thank you for your thoughts" and leave it at that.

Tyler and I have taught our boys that you won't be liked by everyone and not everyone will like you. People can express themselves and if you don't like it? You don't have to engage, especially when it's a personal attack, you really can't change someone's mind.

A simple one-word response to most of the comments from the other kids would be "Whatever."

My kids have learned to reply,

"That is not kind...."
"You are not being kind...."

It's a quick, easy and effective comeback.

Best,
T. Y

Have you seen the Little Bill episode where the boy just says, "So?" As in "So what?" That might be a good reply some of the time. My DD was told that dinosaurs are only for boys, and once we gave her the rebuttal that ANYONE can like dinos, the other kid dropped it. I think that your response for him re: coloring is great.

I have also taught DD to say, "I'm going to do my work." and ignore them. She used to get riled up...which just made them annoy her more.

This is just kids being kids and your son must learn how to deal with these comments.

Saying "So" is fine, but even that can come across as rude.

I have always let my daughter know that not everyone is going to be her friend, or like the way she writes, draws, and so on. I also told her to always be polite in her responses to negative comments. So for your son to say "if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all" is just fine and sometimes not giving a response at all works too.

Why even give a response to someone that's negative?

I am trying to get my kids to brush things off as a "whatever" type thing. Everyone has their own style and does things their way--and everyone has a critic. My daughter is 16. She draws, animates, plays guitar. All things she taught herself. She gets comments from people how horrible she is at whatever they feel like picking on. I just try to get her to understand and accept that some people just want to pick at others to make themselves feel better for whatever reason. It is hard but something that does not stop just because we grow up. Sometimes no comment is the best.

Here is one for you: just got a message from a friend. Her daughter goes to 3rd grade and they had half day today. There is this girl in the class that just tries very hard to get on the daughter's bad side. Picks and pushes. Well, today that girl told my friend's dd that she had a fabulous birthday party this weekend at some jump place and then they had movies and so much fun. And she was not invited because she is boring. My friend's dd says she told her that she was very happy for her and that it had to be lots of fun and happy birthday. Then my friend said her daughter then sdaid "told her didn"t I?" That probably made the girl shut up for a little while--wish I had been there.

That's an awful lot for a pre-schooler to say to a peer, and even more to expect a pre-schooler to listen to from a peer.

A simple "Who cares?" or "That's not kind." depending on the tone you want him to take will probably go a lot further than a lecture about manners from a child.

B.

he can state "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "SO WHAT?" or "that's your opinion" he can choose to ignore. Personally? I would choose to ignore. Because when you get into it with a child or anyone for that matter when it comes to opinions?? You can't fix stupid. I know you aren't going to tell your son that - but seriously - you can't fix stupid so tell him to ignore or state "thanks for your opinion" and press on...

If he gets mad, sad or anything else? he's allowing them to dictate how he feels.

Unfortunately, he's learning early that people can and will be nasty in order to get their way. He is learning that words CAN hurt and that they can be used to TRY and make someone feel bad. He can ONLY feel bad if he allows someone the power to.

I like what you've told your son to say. I disagree that you teach your kids to make someone feel "good" about their rude remarks by telling them thank you for it. Kids don't "get" sarcasm until they're around 10, so the child saying "thank you" or hearing "thank you" (which is certainly not a thank you) will not understand that they aren't being thanked.

And a remark like "I don't like the way you color" shouldn't be met with a thank you. Your response is a ton better.

I also like your answer "if you don't have anything nice to say..." in the example you gave because it lets the kid know that what he said wasn't nice and makes him think about it. One way a kid learns that their remarks are unkind is to be called on them. You won't always be around, so teaching these ways of coping is to your child's betterment. And it makes things less frustrating for them, too.

My kids usually say, "that's not nice,. Or " that's mean."