Hi, any thoughts and suggestions would be helpful. My husband and I (who don't have children of our own yet) became guardians of 3 children not long ago. The Mother is a relative in the area and still living with the one who caused the children to be removed last year. Our home is the 2nd place they have been. They are each doing great and learning they do have a voice and respect for themselves and others. The Mother has supervised visits only at this time. The mother passed a note secretly to them while at school thru someone else and is now wanting to come to the school open houses etc. What are we to do...the man still lives in her house and seems she is choosing him over the children.
Thank you all for your comments, suggestions and thoughts...truely appreciated! We are in communication with the case worker very often via monthly home visits, vme's & email. We are very open and honest with the case worker and have been showing tough love to the childrens mother. I made many offers in the beginning (with the approval of the case worker) to allow her more visits and she hardly ever took me up on the offers. I guess I hoped she had actions behind her words. I was wrong and became even more protective of the children and have said to many of our family members that these children come first no matter what. The school(s) are very aware of all the concerns wtih the children. Our family and close friends say we are doing things great and in the childrens best interrest. Doesn't hurt to have others points of view - always can learn something new or even a better way of doing something. I don't understand why it takes the state so long to help provide $ for the boys...as of now we have not received any help with the $ part of support. It has been 6 weeks and hoping something starts very soon for them. We are all managing on one income.
Thank you all again for your time and if you would like to write again, would be fine with me =)
B.
Hi B.. My advice is to ask the social worker involved with the case! My dear friends became foster parents to 2 little boys because gramma let mom come and see the boys. She meant well, but there is a reason that they took them out of her house!Always err on the side of caution. It is better to make sure that it is permissable, than to have them taken from your home because of good intentions. Hope this helps, L.
Good Morning,
Since this case has entered the "system" let her know you will discuss the note and any other options if any that may be available with the worker or what have you regarding the note she sent.
I would firmly let her know that in the future any notes that she wants to send should only be sent to you. I would let her know that it is unappropriate for her to discuss any matters with the children. I'm sure she already knows this but sometimes people need reminders.
I would also speak w/ the school and let them know the situation, if they don't, so they are aware. Let them know to contact you in the event of any suspicious activity.
Hope this helps.
Call protective services...it's just wrong for her to have done that and terribly hard on the children! No slack...there's a reason they were removed, the reason is still valid and God bless you and your husband for creating a safe and loving environment for those children!!!
Sounds like you are doing a great job with those kids........I know it would be hard for the mom to stay away and wants to be part of the kids lives, but she has to do it legally.
That isn't right that she passed them a note secretly asking them to go to their school open houses and stuff. Considering she only has supervised visits with her kids, You should tell someone (like the judge who made you and your husband gardians of these kids)...... about the note and what she wants, and see what they tell you.
Good luck
B.- I'm no expert by any means, but in my opinion & for whatever it's worth, Your PRIMARY responsibility is to those children, if the courts say she is to have supervised visits then that is where it ends. Especially if she is still living with him! I AM sure by now those children mean the world to you, then do not neglect to protect them even though the mother might get angry. For their protection wasn't that the reason you took on their guardianship? I hope I AM not coming off to harsh with you, children are so important, and you have a marvelous opportunity to help, nurture and love these children into healthy and wonderful people, be sure you communicate your love affections and concerns about them & their safety! They probably don't think their mother could hurt them, but in a very real sense she can!
May God truly bless you for doing what is right by those children!
Take care of them & yourself.
L.
wow, I am not sure how these things truly are handled. The important thing to me is: Make sure the children know that you care for them, maybe even love them as we are not sure of your relationship with them.
The sad thing is this: the mother may never ever make her choice to go back to these children. No matter what, and even hitting 'rock bottom' does not always make it clear to us.
Make sure you alert whomever it is that is in charge of the case, as this may be important.
But I feel these children have gone through enough (perhaps more than you are even telling us, as there is a 'man' in their home with their mother and they were removed means so much more is happening to their delicate souls!). Continue on being involved with these children, help them and know that it is not only children we touch: everyone comes into our lives for a reason.
I hope this helps!
There should be a foster care worker assigned to children. I suggest you speak with that person in regards to visitations. From your description, it seems as if the mother is being inappropriate at visits by passing notes. All of her visists should be supervised meaning, even at school events. I work in this field and I am very familiar with the process.
