Ok well heres the story and please i dont need any judgemental answers im trying to save a child from a hard life. My husband and I have been talking about doing foster care for a while now. My parents were foster parents and i have had 27 brothers and sisters growing up and 2 were adopted into our family. Im 31 my husband is 34 me have a 23 mth old son and a 4 mth old son. We both have good jobs full time and a nice house with a extra bedroom. We are very loving people with good hearts and never selfish. Ok here's the story my childrens sitters ( we use a private sitter that keeps kids in her home) There is a lil 3 yr old boy that goes there who is so sweet alil shy but is my sons best friend. Apparently this child was taken from his mother and placed with his grandmother. She put him in daycare with my children about 3 weeks ago. Last week i was at the sitters house waiting on my husband we forgot to go by the bank and get cash to pay sitter lol so while i was waiting sitting on the couch this lil boy comes up and sits next to me and crawls in my lap and gives me a hug just outta the blue. He sits there and cuddles me while watching tv for 10 mins until i had to leave. Well today we drop the kids off at daycare and the sitter tells me that the grandmother can not care for this lil boy and wants to find someone to take him. I talked to my husband as we were driving away and we turned back around and asked the sitter if she could contact the grandmother and see if she was willing to let him stay with us until we become certified foster parents. My sitter called the grandmother and said she sounded very willing and thought she would prolly let him go home with us tonight. She is suppose to call me on her lunch break today. Ok so i know i havent gone the right way about this but i cannot let this sweet lil boy bounce around in the system. Can he legally stay with us until we go thru the foster parenting program? Who do i even call? Do i tell them whats going on or do we just go thru the classes and then ask if we can foster him without telling them he already lives with us? I dont want to do anything that would prevent us from becoming foster parents tho. But cant he just stay with us with his grandmothers consent? Please help me I want this boy in are live and in our home. What do i do please PM me or leave a comment i need advice. O i live in arkansas if that helps, but on the stateline of texas we are looking into finding a home on the texas side tho.
Thank you
K.
Cheryl i agree i wouldnt want that to happen. What about getting a written consent from the grandmother saying that he's staying with us for the summer or something like that. Hopefully by the time school starts we would be done with the fostering classes.
UPDATE:::::: Well we ending up calling CPS and talking to them about the case come to find out mom sent the baby to live with a disabled lady for 7 months and he got attacked by a cat so bad that she had to take him to the ER and thats how the grandmother found out he wasnt even living with the mother so she went and picked him up. CPS told us to please go ahead and start the foster parent process. The grandmother has agreed to keep the child for a few weeks longer. Now this wasnt a for sure that we will get him but the CPS worker said as long as he wasnt in danger at the home they didnt have to take him out at once. But if it gets to the point to were grandmother cant take care of him then he will be placed in another home. So there is a chance that we will get him but then again i think there is a higher chance that he will be placed with someone else in the meantime. Well i tried and im praying about it and hopefully this sweet lil boy will get us or a family he deserves. Thanks for all the answers and advice
I think if she does a notarized letter giving you rights to take care of him, you should be good. I mean I can give someone rights to take care of my kids while I go on travel...I don't have to because of my husband, but if I had to I could. So maybe it will work.
Call the local CPS and give them the situation as a hypothetical. They try to find someone within the family first and then go to emergency and shelter placement until they can find longterm placement. At least that's how they did it when my bff was a foster parent. Ask them what the scenario would be if they had someone available to take a child that was not an approved foster parent, yet, but was willing to take the child long term. Don't give a lot of personal info, just ask what they do in that case.
ETA: A written agreement for child custody and care will most likely NOT be accepted because it was NOT approved by the courts. Any note she writes could be inadmissible if not notarized - someone might say she was being coerced, etc. Get a lawyer involved. You DO NOT want to ruin any chances of becoming foster parents, adopting or anything like that if you do this the wrong way.
K.:
I'm not a social worker. I don't think it would be legal. If the grandmother got upset - she could claim kidnapping.
Please talk to a lawyer BEFORE you take this child into your home. I hope that things work out the way you want them to. JUST BE CAREFUL!!!
Both of my sisters are in training to be foster parents. It's going to take you MONTHS to get certified. They have to take 30 hrs of training, a home study, a 3-ring binder FULL of paperwork, including every detail of every member of the family, refereces, etc. I'm not sure about the legality of having the little child you're talking about but I think you're an angel for wanting to do it! It takes a lot of dedication and love to do this and I just want you to know that I encourage you 100%!
What a big heart you have! Try to keep your heart strings in a good place. DOn't want you to get hurt. I do hope that things work out for you and the lil boy. :)
I have no experience at all in this but I would have to think that becoming foster parents would not help you with this little boy because once it happens you are then at the mercy of who decides where he goes-and this is supposing that his mother/grandmother put him into the system in the first place. I would call your lawyer and ask about this. Maybe there is some kind of document that he can draw up for the grandma/mother to sign that gives you a temporary custody and the ability to act on his behalf as a guradian..
I really hope this works out for you and the little guy-what a kind heart your have to reach out and change a child's life like this.
You can schedule a consultation with an attorney who specializes in these types of things. I would be extremely careful .....taking in someone else's child into your home to live ( even with their verbal consent ) way too many things can go wrong.
I understand your desire to help this little boy , you have an incredible spirit of giving. Talk to an attorney and find out everything you need to know first.
Actually, if the guardian says it's ok for the boy to live with you, then you don't have to be foster parents. You would need the grandmother to sign some paperwork giving you legal guardianship of the child. This would mean that you can make all decisions regarding the child, etc.
Becoming a foster parent can take months and months. If you want to go through the system and have the child live with you through the system, then you're at the mercy of the system. Meaning if they decide the kid needs to live somewhere else, then come take him. You have to go to all appointments through the courts, etc. My in-laws used to be foster parents and things have changed drastically since then. My MIL isn't a foster parent any longer because of how bad it got.
HTH
Have grandma write you a note outlining her permission.
And call your Arkansas adoption office. I'd google, as there's likely lots of advocacy groups that will help you for free.
Many years ago I attended grad school with a woman who was a social worker. When I inquired about fostering (out of interest) she advised me to wait until my children were much older. Her reasoning was that foster kids often have special needs that take extra time and attention, and it can be alot to handle for a family who already has small ones.
Over the years of raising my sons I've come to see that that was very wise advice.
I really admire your heart to help this child. The guiding principle for me, though (and assuming you could legally do it), is "what is in the best interest of the child?" And by "child" you also HAVE to consider your own children. How will they be affected? And what about this poor child, bouncing around from parents to grandparents, and then to another family? And what about when grandma changes her mind because she got some rest, or got caught up financially, or whatever? What does that do to your children? And to this child?
I would also be careful that I didn't do this because it felt "right" thanks to your childhood. It has to be right for the *current* children involved.
Good luck.
PS: I would talk to a lawyer too.
I dont have any advice as I haven't been in this situation. However I have a great deal of respect and love for you and your family. There are too many kids out there that get "bounced" around in the system and just need a loving family to care for them. Kuddos to you and your family for stepping in and making an effort to do the right thing. God bless and I hope everything works out!!
How loving & kind of you.
I would get an attorney that specializes in this FIRST!
I would look into adoption.
If CPS is called, the child will most likely be taken into custody and there is the high likelyhood that you will not be able to adopt/care for that particular child.
My girlfriend took care of a child for a yr and a half when the birth mother took the birth child back.
She didn't have a leg to stand on. She was trying to adopt him but I am not sure she had anything legal drawn up BEFORE she took the child into her home to care for him.
Please do the legal info/questions/paperwork now before you take custody.
Good luck to you & this boy. You are a loving person. Thank you for trying to help. I pray it will work out for you both!
K., Witnesses, witnesses, witnesses! I agree with having her sign something, but do it in front a notary. It still probably won't hold up in court (if lets say mom wants the kid back), but it might save your neck if grandma tells mom that she was forced to give the child up!
If you are in Arkansas STAY THERE if you take this child! Crossing state lines is a HUGE issue when it comes to custody issues.
I think you could very well bipass having to be certified foster parents. This is a one on one agreement, get a lawyer involved.
I know a woman who had a baby and just gave it to another woman. It wasn't a temporary situation though. I heard rumors that the baby was traded for drugs, but like I said, that was a rumor. As far as I know, the baby is still with the woman he was given to. I have no idea how they dealt with social security cards or anything legal though.
The grandmother will need to contact DHS and tell them her intentions. You will have to be approved by DHS and yes go through 6 weeks of classes.....that is IF the state is still involved in the case. Otherwise, if there is no state involvement yall would need to get a lawyer and the grandmother could just sign custody over to you.
P.S. I am an Arkansas FP
If you're serious about this, contact a lawyer who specializes in adoption/custody issues and get the lawyer to help you write things up so it can be legal.
Let the grandma know that you're doing this--for the protection and safety of everyone involved, and so that everyone knows what to expect, and so that there are no questions.
Frankly, no offense to the grandma, but if she's willing to basically give her grandson to strangers, that would worry me a lot. But maybe she is truly desperate.
I know someone who did something along the same lines....I met a lovely family at a family camp several years ago who adopted a beautiful little girl from a single mom who was overwhelmed by the children she had. The child had been kept in a crib with only a diaper and it was winter and the baby had no clothes.
The 'foster' mom to be literally asked the distraught mom straight up if she could help her out by taking the child off her hands for a few days. They wrote up an agreement and she took the baby girl home and called an attorney. There was no need to go through the steps of being certified as a foster parent.
Just be sure to document, document, document. Draw up a form stating the facts of all the parties involved and call an adoption attorney right away.
You have a wonderful, caring heart to accept another little one into your home and family. God bless you!!!!
Please keep us posted of how this all irons out.
I don't normally give out this info because well it is a bit more personal than I want..in other words it can make it easier for people to identify me.
If the grandmother writes a letter or even short note giving you temporary guardianship of the child then you should be fine. I say should be unless Arkansas has changed some things since my aunt was given guardianship of myself and my brother. You see in the early 80's my grandparents stepped in and convinced my so called mother that my brother and I would be better off living with family out of state. At the time we lived in Texas. Anyway my so called mother wrote a short note( maybe 3 lines long) giving my aunt temporary custody of us. I don't remember exactly what was written because it has been probably 25 yrs since I looked at the note. My aunt never filed to be a foster parent or anything like that. A couple of yrs past and my so called mother tried to get us back. The judge ruled in my aunt's favor and gave full guardianship to my aunt. The note apparently had helped and the fact we didn't want to go back to that woman. The note was open ended in that it had no dates on it except for the date she signed it.
I would follow the advice of getting any note/permission notarized.
Another bit of info many military who are single parents have to have guardians listed for their children if they are deployed. If the other parent isn't in the picture that is or the other parent isn't trustworthy. They can name another person be it family or a close friend. I have been the guardian to my nephew more than once and it was only military paperwork that gave me that right.
If the child is in foster care, then he needs to remain in foster care. His social worker will not approve a move to a non-certified foster family. However, if the child is living with grandma via a guardianship then she can terminate that and you can obtain a guardianship if the court deems it is in the best interest of the child. If the child's mother is going through steps for reunification, then you will have to abide by whatever plan she using. If he is under a current guardianship, you and the grandmother (and possibly even the mother) need to speak with an attorney to see if you can set up a guardianship. You might not be able to get it passed since you are not related to the child and barely know the grandmother.
Good luck.
I'm not so sure about this but as long as you have a writing note from the guardian is ok to have a minor on your care, I'm not so sure about it if he's already a foster kid .
