Making a Will - Scarborough,ME

Funny I have been thinking about the same thing, today! My oldest is 27 and would be suitable and most desirable to raise her young sister of 4 years old. She is already finished with school, working, and has her savings in place. But my thoughts were more along the lines of the 50/50 split. My oldest has already expressed what jewelry she wants and the youngest already stole my bracelet and hid it and then threw a fit the other day because she asked if she could wear my rings and I said no. What brought the thought up was my mother has recently loaned my sister a large sum of money and probably more then her "share". So at the family dinner my mother brought some blank DVD's to me, which she had and had no use for. I noticed my sisters look as if "What about me", so I opened them and handed her half of them and she took them. They are blank DVD's! Anyway, it kicked off the thought that I should make things my decision before my two girls are fighting over plastic hangers or something.

We have a will, in it we state both our primary guardian choice (my mom), and our second choice should my mom be unable or unwilling (my aunt). I checked with these people first to be sure they were willing to take on the responsibility, and when I review my will this year I will check to be sure that they are still willing.

well I look at it in the way that it might never ever happen as chances are it wont and I just picked someone that I liked both the hubbie and the wife and that they are pretty good parents them selves so I knew they could handle it. someone w/ a kind heart. I did pick a second couple just in case something happens in their life that they are not willing or able when the time (never) comes. good luck!

Being in your situation, where parents and siblings are not an obvious choice, makes it doubly important that you name a guardian in your will. You should also have life insurance for both you and your husband and have it pay into a trust fund that is managed for your children (the estate attorney who draws up your will can set up a living trust). That way if you were to both pass, whoever you have named as their guardians would have access to the financial support they need to raise your children without taking on financial hardship in their own family.

When I first became a mother, I was very young so none of my siblings was in a place to name as guardian. I named my parents but as backup, I picked my youngest aunt, who now also had a young child of whom I am the named guardian in her and her husband's will. In your situation, look beyond your immediate family to your cousins and even grown neices and nephews if you have them. If no one in the family is suitable, move on to friends who seem stable, would have enough room to be able to take in two kids, and whose values and parenting style you agree with. Of course over the years things change and you can change the named guardians as appropriate. For example, I now have one of my sisters as the primary with my parents as backup.

Just go ahead and get this done and then you don't have to worry about it anymore!

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S.,
This stresses everybody out, and usually no one seems appropriate because no one is you! But the chances of something happening to both of you are slimmer than slim, so keep that in your mind. Don't look for the perfect situation. Choose someone you trust to love your children. Then you need to ask their permission. If they agree... time to write the will. Which IS a good idea. Get yourself a lawyer and do it right.

Good for you for thinking of this! Yes, it's unpleasant to think about, but *way* better for everyone who survives you should the worst happen, especially if there are likely to be disputes.

As for picking guardians, we went with a couple who have similar parenting styles, and whom the kids are familiar with, and who of course were willing. We named my parents as backup guardians...they're too old to raise the kids themselves, but we trust their judgement for finding suitable care if it came to that.

In my state at least, the will *is* the place where you name guardians for the kids, as well as where your money is to go (and who takes care of the kids' money if they aren't old enough yet.)

I made my own will using Quicken Willmaker software, then legalized it by having two of my friends sign as witnesses. I didn't feel the need to consult a lawyer because I didn't have anything really unusual in my estate, and Willmaker walks you through everything in plain English then translates your will printout into legalese. It was my best option to get something on paper 'cause we're on a tight budget.

Good luck and good for you. It's always my hope that Murphy's Law will kick in and if you're ready with a will, then nothing will happen! :)

Well, it sounds like your obvious choices are out. What about cousins or aunts/uncles? What about close friends? Without someone in place, family would have to fight it out or the kids would go to the foster system.

I know it seems overwhelming, but just bite the bullet and make an appointment with a lawyer specializing in family law and start the process. Even if it isn't ideal, I would think naming one of your parents would be the way to go and you could probably update it easily if the sibling got their act together.

This is a hard, sensitive issue. We were actually advised not to choose parent since they could be elderly by the time this is needed and it's an unfair stress on them. We chose our best friends, a family we have a similar parenting style and values with. Their only daughter has been a best friend to one of ours for years, they already function as if they are sisters!! We did discuss it with our parents so they know of the choice and it wouldn't be a shock if the time comes. Plus, our friends committed to being very available to our parents if the time comes.

Good for you! It's very important to have a will. A will is a way to say, "This is what I want to have happen, and the law is behind me." If you don't make a will, anything you want is just a wish... and wishes aren't paid much attention to.

When our children were young, we asked a couple we knew and loved if they would take responsibility for our children should something happen to us. I'm thankful that they were willing. They were not relatives, but we didn't believe our relatives would raise them the way we wanted them raised. As it turned out, nothing untoward happened, but it was still good to make our desires official.

With a will, YOU stay in charge of what will happen in case of a tragedy. Review your choice periodically, and change it if you must (but after due deliberation, not on a whim).

It sounds ugly to write or read, but it's true: death is not required to give you advance notice. If you don't state your desires for your boys in a legal way, some government official will decide their fate - and it may be a person whose values and thinking are quite different from yours. So please don't put this off. Making a will is just another way of telling your children, "I love you."

P.S. The first writer has a good point. Talk to your attorney about the laws of your state! There's always a way to do this but it may not be the same everywhere.

S.,
My husband and I have been in the process of naming a guardian for our son in the event of our death for three years. Every time we come to a concensus something happens (i.e. we ask his brother but turns out he is getting a divorce, we ask my sister and she becomes ill, etc.). I can totally relate to your predicament - it is stressful. Ironically, in reading your posts and the other mom's repsonses, I have realized that I am not locked into my decision. I can change the named guardians at any point. I now realize that I just need to get it done. Thanks for the post.
C.

Our parents are NOT acceptable. Besides being too old, they would not raise our daughter with the same love we would and they knowingly associate with abusive people, including a pedophile.

We became best friends with a couple who would raise her as well as we would, in some ways maybe better. They accepted our idea to be godparents and to fight for our daughter should we pass away. Our will and power-of-attorneys cover everything they would need to get custody.
We also are preparing documents to explain WHY we chose them and why we refuse the blood relatives.

It cost maybe 275 for the first will and 600 for the more complex one and three hours of counseling on how to protect our child.

We had a similar problem with family, and we named dear friends as guardians. Religion, values, consistency, and love were all criteria for us. I'd get a lawyer who specializes in wills and estates if your situation is complicated. There are "templates" you can buy and use if your situation is simpler, and then you just have them notarized - but if there is a contentiousness in your family, it would be better to get a specialist to handle it so there's no way a family can come in and fight it. Put one copy of your will (the original) in your safety deposit box, and give a copy to the people you designate as guardians. Be sure to discuss it thoroughly with the proposed guardians and let them know the basics they will need (general financial info, amount of life insurance, general value of your house, etc. You don't have to tell them your exact salary or stuff like that, just let them know there will be money to support the kids). Our lawyer set it up that the bank trustee and our friends would be co-trustees. The friends would make the decisions and the bank would release all reasonable funds, but there would be some oversight.

Good luck.