My friends became foster parents in Feb. 2010 to a one-week old baby who was born addicted to drugs. They got him through several weeks of heavy withdrawal symptoms and now he is thriving. In December DYFS (division of youth and family services) approached my friends again, saying that the mother was still addicted but expecting another baby in Feb. 2011 and asked if they would like to foster this one, also. They declined because they decided they couldn't provide enough for a second special-needs baby less than 12 months after bringing in the first one. So they do not know where the new baby is, but know that it was removed from the birth mother. Yesterday DYFS left them a message on their answering machine saying they are coming for the one-year old in one week to give him back to his birth mother (this weekend will be the first time that the birth mother has seen the baby since his birth). I understand (as do my friends) that with fostering comes this risk, but is it at all possible that a mother who was addicted in the winter could somehow be ready for a one year old in May? (she also has two older children but I don't know if they are with her or in other foster homes). Can this story have a happy ending? What can I do for my friends?
Well, that sucks. Good news is, (well bitter-sweet news anyway) statistically they will be getting the baby back in a few months.
:(
Please tell your friends to formally request that DYFS petition the court to appoint a guardian ad litem (GAL) for the child and inform them of the GAL's contact information. They should request this verbally when the social worker arrives and follow up IN WRITING with a letter to DYFS. Then your friends should contact the GAL, explain their concerns, and ask the GAL to contact them if the child needs to reenter the foster care system. If the DYFS social worker does not agree to petition the court, your friends should demand to speak with a DYFS manager and keep going up the chain (in addition to the written request). It is really important to create a record here, and a GAL is the best protection for that child. (A GAL is a court-appointed lawyer who represents the interests of the child - not the mother - in child welfare hearings.) I hope the story has a happy ending, but many times the child ends up back in the system, and he needs to be protected. Thank you for caring and helping. (P.S., I am not familiar with New Jersey law, so the terms might not be the same - but NJ will have something similar to a GAL.)
Edit: Here is some contact information for the Office of Advocacy at the NJ Department of Children and Families.
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Constituents with any department inquiries, concerns or questions can contact the DCF Office of Advocacy by calling the toll-free number at 1-877-543-7864, Monday through Friday between the hours of 8:30 a.m. - 4:30 p.m. or EMAIL US and the Office of Advocacy will respond.
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Here is contact information for the Director of the DYFS:
Division of Youth and Family Services
Jean Marimón, Director
###-###-####
____@____.com
Address:
50 East State Street
PO Box 717
Trenton, NJ 08625-0717
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Yes. It's entirely possible.
This country's laws about children & mothers are fairly strong.
After all, look at all the nut cases out there that have their OWN kids and probably shouldn't.
The state is always reluctant to terminate parental rights because that means they accept financial responsibility for that child for 18 years.
Not saying it's right or wrong, but it IS.
Sadly, this O. year old may have many more peaks and valleys in his life until the mother either: A. Gets her life back or B.) terminates her rights allowing for permanent adoption, which will be tough b/c at that point you may be talking about a 6, 7, 8, 9 yo child up for adoption.
Your friends, by fostering, were truly angels in the life of a child. I hope they know that.
How sad, I truly hope that mother got her head on straight for the sake of these kids. I would have your friends make sure they're first in line if the 1 year old is to be removed from the mother again. They already have a relationship with this child, and it will be easier on the baby is placement becoming necessary again (and the poor thing has already been through enough). Are you sure they're giving the baby back to the mom, and not to another foster parent who agreed to take them both? They usually try very hard to keep siblings together, no matter how young. I have my fingers crossed for a happy ending!!
Terrible, terrible, story.
Sadly.... the foster system seems to cater to everyone BUT the kids.. I mean, I can't imagine that that lady is ready for the kids to come home, let alone.. how will she support them (oh that's right welfare) and before people get all upset about my welfare comment..... I speak from someone who knows how the cycle works........ I was a foster kid and my mom was a welfare mom.... HER choice.. she drank.. etc etc.. and even when SHE put me in foster care, she never took the steps to get better or should I say barely.. Hence, do I think a mom who was on drugs and turns around asap and has another kid is going to be a good mom.. NO......
Umm can this story have a happy ending... yes/no... your friends could keep track of the one year old and when the mom screws up again (which I truly think she will do) in fact, I suspect she will have more kids (As did my mom) whom by the way, never raised any of them...... she had 7 in all !!!
anyway, your friends could keep track of the child and hopefully gain full custody of the kid.. sadly, that child and its siblings will probably end up bouncing around from foster home to foster home.... and all the while, mom can give them up whenever she sees fit.. I might sound jaded, but you have to be in the system to know how it goes... truth is.. most kids once in the system, bounce in and out and the parents aren't held truly responsible.. and nor are most foster parents...
Definitely ask the friends to stay in touch with that kid/family services...this way, they will know where the kid ends up.. and when the child returns to foster care again, which it will.. maybe your friends can petition to adopt the child. what bugs me.. is all these screwed up parents won't give up custody and their rights to the kids... and by doing that, it leaves no room for the kid to find an adoptive family.. in this case, the one year old has had a solid home and now.. just because mom wants the kid back, she gets her way. to me, you screw up...you don't get another chance..
Wow I thought I was reading the story of someone I know fostering a child right now who is fearing her foster child will be taken from her But its a little different.
Isn't our system just grand! I don't understand it sometimes. I have no experience in this, but when I hear these stories I feel for the people who are willing to go through all of this. Its so sad. Best wishes to your friend!
My goodness I feel for the foster parents & the child..Will there be a happy ending sadly time will tell the child/children will be involved in their mothers poor choice if the system lets mom have them back,that is where all the risks come in to play they were taken away & now given back after the way she treated them while she was pregnant just imagine what their lives will be like living with their mother.Prayers their way
If the foster mom has finished all the goals on her court ordered plan they cannot keep the kids from her. This does not mean she will succeed but that she gets to have the time to try.
If the foster parents had been attending the court proceedings and kept in touch with the workers they would have the knowledge of what is going on. My grandkids foster parents are in that court room every time my daughter or the kids dad had any type of hearing. It directly effects their household and they are allowed to be there. The mom should have had supervised visitation a lot by now if she is doing this well.
I would tell my friend to talk with the workers and find out how the mom is really doing and what the reunification plan is. Also to let them know the home will be open if the child needs it again.
Your friends should definitely talk to the GAL (also called the Law Guardian) and the DYFS worker as to what the child's permanent plan is. All children in foster care have a Law Guardian if they have a care in court. If they definitely want to have this child come back to them if he can they need to make that clear, verbally and in writing. The can also ask about a bonding evaluation since the child has been with them over a year. If the evaluation shows the child is bonded to them that helps (but is not enough for the parents not to have a chance to have the child come home). But the way the laws are written (search for the Adoption and Safe Families Act for details) the parents have 12 months to make significant progress and try to get the child out of foster care. If the parent went to rehab and is clean for a while the court will probably give them a chance to have the child come home with DYFS supervision (which may or may not work out). It usually is more like 2 years or more total time in foster care before a child may change to having adoption as a permanent plan rather than going back with the biological parent(s). Also most of the time the DYFS worker will arrange visits with the parents before allowing a child to go home. DYFS is legally obligated to provide visits to the parents and it's usually seen as a negative if the parents do not attend the visits. It is definitely something to ask the DFYS worker and Law Guardian about. If there are siblings in foster care in different homes then usually sibling visits are set up as well, though these babies are very young for it and never lived in the same household.
If things don't work out with this child your friends may want to ask about the FostAdopt program (usually the foster children are more likely to be adoptable). There is also a Foster Parents Association where your friends may be able to get advice and support from more experienced foster parents.
Anyway, it has been a few years since I worked for DYFS so some things may have changed but you can email me if you need clarification. Also I worked in a different county and some things vary a little by office.
This is horrible. I really don't know any legal way to fight this, but I would STRONGLY encourage your friend to fight to adopt this baby. Obviously, this mother is in NO WAY capable of caring for this child, foster or not, I would not be able to give this baby up.
As a foster parent, I can say that this doesn't make sense. Reunification is the goal, yes, but not at the expense of the child. It doesn't make sense to be giving the child back to the mother with no visitations first. Generally they work up supervised visits, then unsupervised, then overnight, then move the child back. Obviously, this is way different.
Keep in mind though, that DYFS does NOT have the final say in these cases, the courts do. It's all up to the judge. If he/she ordered the child back home, DYFS has no other choice.
Fostering can be the most rewarding, fulfilling experiences, but it can also rip your heart out and stomp on it.
So sorry to hear about your friend's loss.
