What Do I Do? - Brenham,TX

I agree with S.M. go through the clothes and put together whatever you have that you really don't want anymore or that you KNOW came from her. Tell her that's all there is and let it go. On the baby shower she has no right to tell you what to spend. Are you throwing her the shower? Then it's up to you as the host, not her as the guest of honor. If she doesn't like what you are planning to do for her shower tell her that you're sorry but you won't be able to throw her a shower like she wants and perhaps she has other friends who can throw it for her.

Good luck,
K.

A., you sound like a young woman who has had little opportunity to learn about boundaries. Here's your chance. Ideally, we'll all get chances like this to give us lots of practice.

I'd give a demanding family member a message that includes (1) I hear and sympathize with the need you are expressing, and (2) that I will gladly help out, and (3) here's what I am able to do. Period. You don't need to explain yourself, make any excuses (though it's reasonable to remind her she didn't care what you did with the stuff she gave you, and you threw it/gave it away). If she continues to demand more from you, keep restating something like "I hear what you want, and here is what I can do for you."

If she doesn't like you, that's her business. It sounds like you don't like her either, so you're even, right? Just take care of YOUR business, which is deciding how much you can reasonably do, and just do it, with no drama. You have that in you, and you'll feel powerful and proud of yourself when you find it.

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Many years ago I decided I'd had enough drama for a lifetime, and now I opt out.

It's simple:

- You said I could give them to goodwill, so I did
- The other clothes that were given to me I'm still using. After being handed down twice, there aren't going to be many in great condition in 6 mo to a year when your baby would fit them, but you'll be welcome to go through them.

If at any point she yells, whines, or starts becoming abusive... give her warning "You need to stop yelling at me or I'm hanging up", and then follow through. People can only walk over you, or suck you into their drama if you let them.

New babies really do not need many clothes. a few sleepers, a few of those gowns with the elastic bottome for easy changing and a few onsies and you are set. If you want one or two going out outfits, that is a bonus.

Keep what clothes still fits your girls, and some items you bought yourself that still hold special meaning. Give the rest to your sister in law. You might even, out of sisterly love, get her a single new outfit (consignment store, good will, sales rack, new, whatever) for the new baby.

If she creates an issue after you give her that stuff, just reiterate what she told you at the beginning about good will and mention that some items were so loved that they fell apart. Also, reminder her that your girls are still wearing the other items and you will try to set them aside as they grow out of them.

On the crib front, my son never had a crib. He did just fine. They have those Graco Portable cribs; that might be a solution. They work well.

Do people really have showers for every baby? I thought it was just the first...or only after a very long period of time had passed, like a decade or more. Times change I guess :)

your SIL sounds like a pain in the butt! I say go to a yard sale, pick up some outfits for a few dollars and give them to her. You can always find baby clothes at yard sales and very cheap. If you have to make up a story about one or two of the outfits then do that to keep her quiet. When she asks where the "box full" went, remind her that this was all you were able to salvage. Pregnant or not don't let her get away with making your life stressful.

Just tell her no that you are saving them for your next child. You don't owe her more of an explanation than that.

I think you should go through and pick out the ones you know are hers. Then go through and pick out some from the other SILs and give those to her too. Explain that you got rid of some b/c that was your understanding when the box was given to you. Also tell her that the ones you did give away were damaged and she wouldn't want them anyway. I think it's completely ridiculous to have to do this, however, if the name of saving the family over some baby clothes, you should do it. Look, you got hers and the other sisters clothes for free so you may as well give them back, the money didn't come from your pocket. Yes, you may have to spend extra money getting additional clothes for your kiddos and it sucks, but isn't it better than causing a huge family drama over it? Sometimes you have to be the bigger person and it seems like this would be the thing to do.

Wait, she loaned you clothes and now wants them back. Is that right? If you have them, they are hers. They aren't yours to save in case you need them again, esp. since she DOES need them again and soon. If you got rid of them b/c they were in horrible condition, just tell her that. She certainly wouldn't want them anyway.

As for what your other SIL gave you, well, your first SIL was nice enough to loan clothes so it would be a lovely gesture to give her the ones you didn't buy anyway. Of course, don't give her the ones your girls are wearing yet; she won't need them for another year after, but then pass them on.

For the clothes that you bought and are yours, save what you want. It's your right. But it would be nice if you shared. After all, you are saving something for a possibility - maybe you'll get pregnant and then maybe it will be a girl. She is definitely having a girl in a month. And if you can't afford to buy new clothes or are worried that money and time overall are tight, baby #3 might be a while off anyway.

You just bought a house and you told her where you moved? Oh well, there's a missed opportunity! I like the giving her a few things from a yard sale idea. Hey, if she insists on picking a fight, just be too busy for her and hang up. You didn't get her pregnant. Why should you have to suffer with her attitude? Life's too short for nonsense like this.

I don't even know how you would remember exactly which clothes she gave you two years ago! And if she told you before that you could get rid of them, why is she asking for them back?? And no she's not entitled to the clothes your other SIL gave you, especially if that SIL told you they were yours, do whatever you want. I wouldn't stress too much about this, it sounds like some drama in the making...

I recently gave all my daughter's NB clothes to a friend who is having her third girl (she had given away her clothes because she thought she was done having kids). I gave all my little boy clothes to my sister who is due next month. I do plan on having a 3rd child someday and wonder if I'll get any clothes back, but I would never demand them. I wouldn't even care if I got the same ones back, just something to dress the child in. Tell her to go to a baby consignment shop or thrift store, there are plenty of used baby clothes out there in circulation (and cribs too...)

A., go thru the clothes, find the ones your child wore and give them back to her-obviously she doesn't have the funds to get new stuff. Use only the ones from the other SIL that doesn't mind you wearing them, and from this point forward, go to good will if you can't afford it and get your own for the upcoming child.

I would give her any/all of the clothes from either of your SILs that your girls have outgrown. You can also send others that you bought unless it is something special that you want to keep or that you think you may want for another child if that is a possibility for you. Let her know that you donated the unused clothes as she told you to but here are all that the girls have outgrown. You will send more as they outgrow the others (if you want to). This is what friends and family does when someone is expecting.

She is free to say anything she wants and if she wants to say she needs a new crib then so be it...it is not your responsibility to buy it. Gifts given and money spent on a shower should be from the heart. Maybe you could go in on a bigger gift with another family member. With her other child still being so you, the shower shouldn't be as big as the other one.