How Do You Feel About a Baby Shower for 2Nd, 3Rd, 4Th, Pregnancy?

I think the arrival of every baby needs to be celebrated. And every time one of my friends is pregnant, I throw a shower for mom and baby b/c I love them (mom and baby) and b/c showers are fun. I understand that many people have issues w/showers for the 2nd (etc) baby so we just make them into celebrations. Gifts are unnecessary, diapers and wipies are welcome b/c every baby needs those. Here is a great idea though that I read about in the Parenting magazine: It's a "recycle shower". One person coordinates the shower and has a list of items mom will need, e.g. double stroller, second crib, etc. Presents have to be second hand from yard sales, thrift stores or hand-me-downs. It's cheaper, friends can still go in on them together and it blesses mom. The coordinator keeps track of everything since there is no baby registry. I say, celebrate the new arrival. The baby will love it later when it can see pics of all the people that came to celebrate while it was still in mommy's belly.

Is she having a child of the opposite sex? I can see having a baby shower if that's the case. I'm from the old school and I think only a shower for the 1st child is appropriate. That's just me though. I guess I think, what can she possibly need besides clothes? She should still have all the major baby necessities. I do know lots of people that have multiple showers though. What does the rest of your family think? Would your family buy gifts for the little one anyway? If so, then it may be ok to have a baby shower. If they wouldn't buy the little one lots of gifts, then I say forget it. You don't want to force people into giving gifts if they don't want to.

Why not still have a party to celebrate the baby but request no gifts or donation to a charity such as March of Dimes? Maybe change the normal format and invite the men and kids or something? I don't think a baby shower is just to get gifts, but also to celebrate the pregnancy and impending birth.

Just my opinion and I know other people will not agree with me and that's okay BUT...since she is asking for the shower, that seems to be greedy to me.

A friend of mine insisted on giving me a shower for my third but we told people not to bring anything and if they wanted to only diapers!!! I just wanted to get together with my frieds!! I agree with you there is no reason to have a shower for a second child especially if the first is only 3.

Hope this helps

I didn't have a shower for my 1st baby (my husband and I had just moved really far away from our friends and families and baby was unexpected) and when I was pregnant with my 2nd, a co-worker found out I'd never had a baby shower and insisted on throwing me one. Despite my concerns over it being inappropriate, especially since I still had all the baby gear, they made me sign up for a baby registry and went through with it. That was awfully nice of them but I still felt awkward about it, like I was trying to score some toys. I would definitely never ask someone to throw me a shower.

Normally it is appropriate to have a shower with just the 1st child. I think there are times when having one with the second should be o.k.. For instance if there are quite a few years between pregnancies and the expecting mom has sold or given away all her baby stuff.

One thing that they do where I am from is have a pounding for the children following the first one. It comes from the poineer tradition of going to the new bride or expectant mother's house and leaving a pound of this and a pound of that on her doorstep. The family, or church or people in her realm of friends would do this.

If you gave your sister a pounding (that just sounds so wrong) you could have her make a list of things she NEEDS like diapers, wipes, babywash, onesies, gowns and such. Then you could send out cute little letters with her list to the people within her personal community explaining that you are doing this in lieu of a shower as she has most of the big things she needs at that gifts are to be dropped off at the house.

It's what we would do.

If she is with the same person who fathered her 1st child then NO, that is being greedy. You just don't do that and it's not very nice to ask for another shower.

I don't see what the big deal is. Why does it bother women so much if someone wants to celebrate a second, third, etc. pregnancy with family and friends? It seems greedy to me that people let it affect them in a way that makes them question it. I think that women, still as grown adults, get just as jealous over other women getting more attention than them as they did back in junior high, and then they let that jealousy flow into different events in their lives. This is not about the second shower, this is about your REACTION to the second shower. You can choose to let it bother you and waste all this energy thinking she's being greedy and reading a lot of negative responses to feed this part of you, or you can choose to just let it be what it is, just another baby shower, where we have the opportunity to spend time with other women and have a good time catching up, while honoring a new baby being brought into the world. We've all been pregnant, and we all know how much we would've loved to have been honored towards the end of every pregnancy by people whom we love. Let's just all stop being so critical!

My understanding of a baby shower was to celebrate the arrival of a new baby, not indulge the mom with lots of gifts. Since she is asking for one, that's kind of rude, but you're celebrating the baby. I sort of wish that I had been given one for my daughter, but we knew the sex before & we already have a boy. But, we did get some girl stuff. I like the idea that someone had of forgoing gifts except for the diapers, etc. Maybe even someone putting together a savings account for the new baby.

Hi A.,
I have 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls. I was thrown a small shower for my first and that was awesome for most things and I was able to use those things through the first couple of pregnancies. I was thrown a surprise baby shower at work for my 4th child, and honestly, it was a Godsend because most of the things I had from before were already so worn out that I couldn't have used them again. I wouldn't have asked for a shower seeing how it was my 4th baby, but after a while, baby things get old or outdated. There were 9 years between my 1st and 4th, so I was very grateful to have been thrown a shower! Is it appropriate? I don't know, but sometimes it sure is appreciated. :) I think it depends on the circumstances too. Two yrs apart and same sex may be overkill. (for example)

Honestly, when I had my second I had asked about having a shower and was politely informed that it was not something that you normally do unless there are extenuating circumstances. Since no one else in my family had kids at the time it was all new to me and took a good friend of mine to point it out and that may be what your sister needs, especially since she is already aware of the faux pas. It might be a good idea to suggest to her that she send out a birth announcement once the baby is born and if she does have the opposite of what she gets the family might *on their own* send gifts of clothing or gift certificates. I would definately tell her that asking for presents is a bit presumptuous and greedy which is exactly what she complained about with her sisters-in-law. If she has a baby of the opposite sex it is not going to hurt them at all to wear the "wrong" color for a couple of weeks until she can get some appropriate clothes if she does not have enough neutral stuff from the first baby. On top of that since she has not necessarily seen it happen you can assure her that every mother I know who has had a second child did get showered with gifts and cards after the baby's birth was announced. If you are religeous you may also suggest that she save it for when the baby is christened/baptised and have a party then - present come naturally.

I have heard it is appropriate for a 2nd shower if the children are more than 5 years apart or the second pregnancy is multiples.

I agree with you that your sister will receive MANY gifts in the hospital and once she returns home, probably the same amount as she would have at a shower.

I agree with you. Asking for another shower for your 2nd, 3rd, etc babies can be pretty excessive. I have thrown one when the baby is the opposite sex from the first baby, or when I knew that the family was struggling and needed certain things.
When I had my 4th child 2 years ago, I had many wonderful friends that did throw me a shower but it was a freezer meal shower. My family ate those meals for almost the next two weeks, it was absolutely wonderful and was a complete surprise to me.
I have also heard of Diaper showers when everyone brings diapers for the new baby.
But it is unfair to expect your friends and family to buy you new baby things when you (and they) know that your have perfectly useable things for your baby. Even when the baby is of different gender, you don't need to buy all new things.
I have one boy and three girls and I used the same crib, carseat, some bedding, and even a lot of the same clothes. (onesies, jeans, socks, etc.)
If your sister really wants a shower, (maybe just to have a party, I don't know) maybe you could suggest a different kind of shower. We loved our freezer meal shower, it was the best thing that we could have recieved.
Hope that helps!

Well i think it kinda depends, with it being 3 years i would bet she still has most of the important things, crib, carseat,ect and yes the normal family gifts brought to the hospital will probally cover everything else, depending on if the children are the same sex or how unisex the clothing for her first was, i had a ton of white yellow and green that my boys and my daughter wore. but is this her first child with a different father perhaps, because then i can understand her wanting to have a shower with his family so they get to be a part of that, and ok the gifts don't hurt, but even if you have a shower a gift is not a MUST, make it a diaper party instead, every new parent needs diapers and they cost a lot less than your big ticket items, or you could include on the invite that gifts aren't necessary, i personally think that the most important part of a baby shower is getting everyone together to celebrate another new baby and it's much easier to do before baby arrives. lol.

I went to many baby showers for 2nd and 3rd pregnancies, and would be happy to attend for a 4th. Every baby is worthy of a celebration. For children other than firsts, the showers I attended were advertised as "diaper showers." Everyone brought the expectant mom a pack of diapers, usually with a small gift (pacifier, pair of socks...) attached. Often there was also a coloring book or toy for the big sib.

The selfish thing in this case is that the expectant mom has asked for a shower. A shower is given, not demanded.

S.

I think it is improper etiquette to have baby showers after your first pregnancy. I wouldn't make it a big deal though. Maybe someone else should throw her the shower if you don't feel comfortable with it and you could just show up with a small gift of some sort just for support.

My cousin had a shower with her second but had a 'diaper & wipe' shower. It was more of a get-together than a shower but we all brought diapers and wipes since everyone can use them! We played the games, ate and socailized. I personally never had a shower for my second.

First off I think it is rude that she wants another shower. Now if someone offered to have one for her without her asking that is fine. I had done that for a friend of mine. I meet my friend after she had her first child and I am the tyoe who like to entertain. I wanted to have one or her also because her little one was 4 and she did get rid of most of her stuff already. My husband feels that you should not have one at all. I only had showers for my first child. There were three because our family lives out of state so our family threw one together and than my job and friends threw seperarte ones as well. Anyway unless the child will be of the other sex I would not throw one because she wants one.

I am personally against multiple showers, but remember reading in a "Dear Abby" type letter that it is now socially acceptable. I think it's a bit on the selfish side unless it's a different sex, NOT REQUESTED, or that it's been a huge gap in time since their last child. A friend of ours had a baby after 10 years (same dad, etc.) and she didn't want a shower, but did need some newer things.

I think it depends on the circumstances. My sister had a daughter in her late teens out of wedlock. At the time a closse family friend and our mother got together and threw her a shower. Fast foward nine years. My sister is happily married and expecting her second child. Obviously at this point she no longer has her baby items and most of what she did have was for a baby girl. Myself and a friend of my sister's threw her a second shower. We did not invite all of the same people from the first shower, unless the requested to be invited.

I have two children, when I was pregnant with my little boy I was given a huge shower and got everything one would need for a little boy and then some. We purposely bought nuetral items including bedding because we hoped for a second child and hoped even more that we would be blessed with a little girl. So, after the birth of our little girl two years later, we did not need a shower. However, for her homecoming many close friends and family memembers showered her with gifts of pink and lavendar!

So again, I think the circumstances make all the difference.

The usual protocol is to only have a shower for the first baby ... unless a subsequent pregnancy is years later when the mom may have gotten rid of all her baby gear.

Why not just tell her that since you're not sure it's PC to have the shower that you'll coordinate friends and family to bring scheduled meals after the baby gets here? Most people will use it as their opportunity to bring a gift as well as food, and you'll get to help out in a way you feel good about. Good luck!

I just had my third baby and I did not have another shower. I, however, believe it is alright to have a second shower if your second child is a different sex, but a third shower is not needed. I had 2 showers because I had a girl first than a boy. There are always other parties you could have, like a diaper party, I plan on having a cookout/diaper party, that way I can stock up and everyone can meet our new baby. A huge friendly gathering is always fun.

I once read somewhere that a second baby shower is somewhat acceptable ONLY if there are more than 5 years between the childrens ages. Makes sense to me. Personally, my first and second are 4 1/2 yrs apart and my husband (stepdad to #1) thought I should have a baby shower when I was pregnant with #2, I disagreed saying that it was my own fault that I had gotten rid of a lot of baby things (because I was single with limited space when #1 outgrew them) my family should NOT be expected to furnish the new baby with nwe things.

However, when I was preg with #4, we had JUST relocated 1500 miles and not brought any baby accessories with us (#3 was only 3 when #4 was born), I would have really appreciated a shower. I didn't have one, and we bought the things we needed ourselves. Also I have a friend who has never had a shower and she has two kids already, if we lived close enough and she got pregnant again, I moght WANT to throw her a shower, just because I feel every mom should have ONE.

~I guess for me, it would depend on whether or not there were extenuating circumstances, but in this case it doesn't seem as if there are.

My wonderful friends had a baby celebration for us when pregnant with the 3rd. They made up cards and each had written in the card what giftof time or food they would be providing after the birth--one gave me a massage, one came over and took the older girls for a day, one cleaned my house, and several brought over meals. I think the fact that they had written down what they would commit to made it easier for me--instead of a vague, call me if you need me kind of statement. WE went on to do similiar showers for friends over the years. Moms with other children usually don't need things they need time and assistance!

when I was pregnant with my second son people at work threw my a shower. I didn't ask for it but it was offered. Some people didn't understand why I would need one since I was having a second boy. A very wise friend said - ALL babies should be celebrate. ALL babies are special. After hearing that I totally agree and if friends and/or family want to give a shower I don't see anything wrong with it:-) I don't know about asking for one but again "ALL babies should be celebrated and be treated as special!" Hope this helps!

J.
WM of 3 boys with a faboulous husband and partner

I think if there's a big gap between children, say 5 or 6 years or it's a child of a different sex, then it's ok to have a smallish get together with a theme, say, a clothing shower. Obviously, she doesn't need a billion and one baby washcloths and toys.

My first son and second son were 17 months apart. The people from our choir threw me a shower for the first baby. When the second son was born, someone hosted a 'meet the baby' party and the choir had all chipped in to purchase us a double stroller. I felt that was totally acceptable (since I would have felt inappropriate about a 'shower' for a second boy so close together) and it in no way was suggested by me, but it was something they wanted to do.

I feel that every woman that is happily pregnant, should be cellebrated in some way. It's hard work sustaining life, you know?

However, the fact that she's asking for a party in her honor does sound a bit indulgent.

I think you should offer to throw her a shower, but like the other posters said, perhaps ask your sister to forgo the gifts. Make this party more intimate; just a few close friends and relatives. Make it casual. More of a cellebration of birth than a gift bonanza.

If she doesn't go for it sans gifts, then I suggest you DO give her a 'pounding' ;)

Good luck,
J.

For my second baby we had a special dinner (it was a surprise though as I did not ask for it) basically to celebrate the baby. People brought gifts, but it was more in celebration of the baby instead of making sure I was equipped for the baby. In my opinion each baby is special and deserves to be acknowledged in some sort of special way.

Now, this is just my opinion. I do not like Baby Showers or any other kind. So, when my grandchildren were born I had open house for them. I sent out invations that said we were having open house for the child's name, bring the family. this way, the man can come along or stay home, bring the kids or leave them home. Open house, is you come in, grab something to eat visit a minute, drool over the baby and leave. You do not have to stay for any length of time,. that would be up to you.
Everyone loved this idea.
N./Ohio

Yes, a 2nd shower is completely unreasonable...in all honesty, I wouldn't go to the 2nd shower of a friend or family member...or if I did, I would give them secondhand things from my baby. I'd just tell her that if she can talk someone into throwing the shower, great, but it ain't gonna be me...good luck with that...

I don't know anyone who had a shower for subsequent pregnancies with the exception of a woman who miscarried after her first shower and so when she got pregnant 10 years later with a different guy she married, there was another shower.
I can't think of a nice way to tell her she's being selfish. Maybe just tell her that since most people don't do this, you can't imagine anyone would come and if they think it's a good idea, they should be the ones throwing it.
Good Luck!

Hey A.,
Rather than a Pre say Baby Shower what about a passion party shower, so mom can get stuff to pamper her and help bring romance back into their lives after having the baby.
I do passion parties and momma to be's love this ideal, after 9 months they love our spa products.
I would love to tell you more if you would love to call me.
thanks
M.
Passion Parties By M.
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www.funtoys2go.com

Personally, I don't think anyone should expect a shower for any pregnancies with the exception of the first one. My SIL is pregnant with her 2nd baby and is counting on a shower, which I don't agree with. I think it's tacky.

I think when the child is a different sex it's appropriate. Clothes are the main thing--most everything else can be reused. But no more than 2 showers, no matter how many children you have, things can certainly be reused. It doesn't seem to matter how many you have, people still buy things--shower or no shower. Perhaps if this child turns out to be a different sex than the 1st, you could throw a shower after the birth...

No to the second shower unless the children are very far apart in age. I agree - it's rude and greedy.

Sounds like a case of jealousy. She wants what they got! If they don't need anything and you're not sure what the sex of the new baby is going to be.....then I would simply explain to her that you want to wait until the baby is born and have a welcome baby party. OR throw a party for the mom-to-be to make her feel special.....no baby gifts.....just mommy gifts! OR you can do both. If money is generally tight in the family then just be honest with her and tell her the family can only do so much....you can always have a gathering/celebration without gifts too.....bring your favorite recipe to share (written on a card) or a favorite child picture with a childhood story attached. Or just give her a copy of Eckhart Tolle's book "A New Earth" and tell her to work on her EGO because it is her ego that WANTS another baby shower since she already has everything she needs. Hope this helps :-)

I say that there shouldn't be anymore showers. The way to do it is for the first baby and not subsequent children. I don't know of many people that do have showers after the first. I had 3 boys and I only had one shower. It is fine to buy a gift but if they aren't going to find out the sex of the baby buy neutral colors. I think having more than one shower is kind of greedy. I could understand if she was with a new person and they had a baby shower but not being with the same person. She will get gifts and stuff before and after the baby's arrival.
D.

I am 31 and have been married for almost 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7 and 4.

I think your sister is very selfish (sorry!)I have 4 children (with the same husband) and only had 1 shower. Like you, friends and family came over and gave gifts after the baby was born, or brought a meal, or gave gift cards or money. I still have my high chair and Pac-n-Play from my first and only shower (they are 16 yrs old and we have many neighbors/friends with young children who still use these items when they come to visit). I have a friend who actually has 10 kids and did not get a 2nd shower till after baby #7 because all of her original stuff wore out. Don't feel pressured by her to have a shower. Let her throw herself one or let her in-laws throw her one. I think we should start the tradition of throwing someone a shower when the child turns 13. Trust me, things get more expensive as the child get older.

I was involved with this same situation with my sister in law. She had a shower for her first child and then 11 months later demanded that she have another one thrown for her. You need to explain to your sister that having a shower for every child is selfish. It makes her look like she is demanding handouts from family and friends. On the average people usually give gifts after a new baby arrives. That should be their choice. If given the choice to attend a second shower I believe most won't show therefore hurting your sisters feelings. If family and friends are given the opportunity to give gifts on their own it will have more meaning instead of obligation.

DO a diaper party since you do not know what the baby will be and whoever wants to bring a gift as well WILL. That is what someone did for me for my 3rd. I did not request it but everyone will agree that diapers are things you NEED not just want. Good Luck!

I feel the same as you. Some people will still bring gifts & a shower isn't necessary.

We ran into this same problem in our family.

As a general rule, I figure that the shower is really for the 1st baby and after that if people want to give you things in the hospital then that is wonderful. Another shower makes people feel obligated when they wouldn't be otherwise.

The only exception to this (in my opinion) is in the case of the "surprise" baby or "adoption" later in life when all the items from the previous children have been dispensed with. We had a lovely couple in our neighborhood that decided to adopt 2 siblings (their biological kids were in high school) and we gave them a shower because they had nothing for the new baby and toddler.

You can rejoice with her over the new baby without having to throw another shower. Perhaps you could do a "diaper" shower, where there is no actual party you just have everyone drop off a pack of diapers to them after the baby is born.
Good Luck with this!

A shower isn't to celebrate the baby - a shower is to "shower" the mom with stuff she needs to set up the nursery for her children -- all her children. Since the kids will be just a few years apart she should still have her crib, rocker, bouncy seat, highchair, blankets, baby toys and all the other gear. With or without a shower, people will be giving clothes and other more personalized (ie, boy or girl) gifts once the baby is born.

We've had 3 children and of course we only had the one shower during my first pregnancy. First baby was a boy, other 2 were girls. It never even crossed my mind to have another shower! So what if the girls sat in a blue carseat and "boyish" swing? It's not like they care! As for gifts, we received a ton of gifts for every child -- after they were born. People brought them when visited at the hospital and at our home in the few weeks after birth. Out-of-town friends and relatives shipped them so a few arrived before the baby was born.

If she just wants a party to celebrate the birth of the baby, a shower is not the appropriate way to go about it. Many parents host a "meet the baby" party when the baby is a couple weeks old. It's usually just a very casual potluck bbq so there's little work for the new parents. Of course many people will bring gifts for the baby, but those people would give a gift anyways and just bring it after the baby is born.

well i feel that they should if they want to but she should throw they own shower or her husband should throw it for her who ever come come i know i plan to have a baby shower from my next xhild bout i will throuw it my self. I lived out of state and spent 12 hrs in the car at 8 month just so my mom can see my belly it was her first grand and i knew she wouldnt make it for the birth. I say she should host though not have some one do it only if they wanted to

I agree with you. I had a shower for my first child and then we had people come and bring gifts etc. for the christening for the second child. Family members brought gifts when they first came to see him after he got home from the hospital which was nice since first child was a girl and second was a boy.

My sister-in-law just found out she was pregnant in Dec. Their oldest (a girl) is 19 and in college and the only other child is a boy (now 12). We have thought about having a shower for her only because all the baby stuff is gone except for some of the clothes and the crib set I had from my 10 year old grandson. And the fact that none of us ever had a shower for her before because my brother was in the service and they lived in Virginia for the first one and in Kansas for the second one.

I can see maybe if the age differences were like these but otherwise, no.

P. R

Hi A.,
Personally for me, I think that one shower should be enough. Unless ofcourse there is maybe a 15yr difference between your children. Then most likely you don't have anything leftover. I feel that people who want mutiple showers are a bit greedy. There are alot of women I know who have a diaper party for there second and third child. It is similar to a baby shower, except for everyone brings you diapers. I hope this helps.
N.

I personally would not feel comfortable with a shower for my 2nd and so on. I received more gifts with my 2nd child, just from neighbors and friends, without a shower. I have heard many people say how rude they think it is.

Well we all know being pg is hard and some times we just need to know other people love us and understand us, especially our family. So right now I would say she need re-assurance that the family thinks enough of her to have a shower for her. Give the shower, the people who want to come will and the ones who don't won't. As far as I am concerned I see nothing wrong with it.

Greedy and unacceptable. Think of all the mothers out there who never even had baby showers thrown for them, and struggled to even get the bare necessities for their new baby. She should just be grateful she even had one.
Also, I know for my husband and I, we have a good home and provide for our daughters just fine. However, we do live pay check to pay check. I know when things like baby and wedding showers come up, it's sometimes a struggle to come up with that extra money for a gift.
I would feel wierd being ivited to a shower for someone who I had just bought a perfectly good gift for 3 years earlier. It would make me think this person thought their gifts the first time weren't good enough, or they think they're better than everyone else and deserve all new baby gear.

I think second & third showers are appropriate only in certain circumstances. But not with your sister. See, with us, our boys were 5½ years apart. We had been trying for 2½ years to get pregnant, and had given up hope and had gotten rid of our baby stuff. We honestly didn't think it was going to happen. So we had to start over from scratch. I held on to certain outfits of our older boy and bottles and a couple of rattles, but the big stuff, we just didn't have room to store it. So being that it took us so long to get pregnant AND that there was so many years in between the two, we really wanted a shower, but didn't ask for one. We would have been thrilled had someone thrown us one, but wasn't about to ask. I think that's not tactful. So we didn't end up getting one, and struggled to get everything. Then we ended up having baby 2 eight weeks early, so we were REALLY unprepared. We didn't even have the carseat or anything. Hubby had to get that while I was in the hospital with baby.
If several years have gone by since the last baby, I think a baby shower is okay. But it sounds like your sister just wants gifts from everyone, and that seems a bit greedy.

Great-G'ma of 4, 71 years old: I keep thinking about the 2nd, 3rd, 4th child - when looking at photo albums, aren't they going to wonder why there are no pictures of the 'shower' for THEM? They weren't 'important' enough to have a shower??? Naturally, the big items wouldn't be needed a second or third time - strollers, cribs, high chairs, play pens, etc., but what about a new diaper bag, depending on the condition of the 'first' bag? Packs of diapers would certainly be welcome, I would imagine. Maybe some new bedding/bathing items, depending on the condition of the 'first' set; some new 'onesies'? Mostly, a small 'party' just to honor the mother who still has had to go thru 'another' pregnancy, plus celebrating the arrival of 'another' child into the family!!! Maybe not very important to adult family members/friends, but what about the child - isn't he/she 'important' enough to be honored, too??? Everyone always seems to forget the feelings of the children - they need to know, somewhere down the line, that they 'counted,' too - they were just as important to the family as the 'first' child!!!!! I have just read some of the other responses - excellent ideas and suggestions for second, third or fourth showers - the 'all diapers' shower, the 'frozen dinners' shower, the 'come meet the new baby' shower - all of these are wonderful ideas. I definitely don't like the 'greedy mother' thing - no one should request that somebody gives her a shower - the idea should come from friends/family members. If the 'greedy mother' wants a shower that badly, let HER give it with a 'come meet the new baby' party - people can bring gifts or NOT - depending on the circumstances. I really loved reading the other responses - wonderful job, ladies!!!!!!!

tacky, tacky, tacky! I'm preggo with my second and would feel like an a-hole asking for another shower. Its a baby, not a cash machine!

I believe that a diaper and wipe party would be appropriate. I would feel better by doing something like that. That is something that will definately be used and can be very costly. Some people wait until after the baby is born and give a gift just because they want to.

No to this second shower.
It is greedy.

I think that people are crazy these days. What makes her think that other people should buy her new baby clothes each time one is born. She needs to get a job and stop having so many children.

I don't feel that is is right to ask for a shower. It is just rude. Expecially since she thought it was so wrong before she was pregnant with her 2nd child. Now I did have a small shower that was thrown for me by my bestest girl friends. They all took me out to eat at a nice resteraunt. But I was expecting TWINS. They all went together and got my husband and I our double stroller and car seats. I did not ask for this. They just did it and I was so very greatfull.

I totally agree with you on this. Maybe bring up the fact that she was against others having a shower for their 2nd child. There is nothing that she would need for her new baby because she already has everything. If it were me, I would just buy a bag of diapers and get her a card if she insists on having another shower. Then after the baby is born, bring something to the hospital. To me, that would be good enough.

Every baby is special and deserves a shower to recognize it. The baby shower doesn't have to be as extravagent as the first one. My first baby was a boy so I registered for baby gear and boy things for my first shower. When I found out my second baby was a girl I was so excited, but I didn't have the money to buy new baby clothes. My sister threw me a "clothes baby shower". It was so great! I got a new wardrobe for my new baby girl.

Hi A.,
i think it is up to the individual or people giving the
shower. I had one for my first and another one for my
second one. I also lived in another town. My first was
a girl and the second was a boy. Ladies from our church
gave a shower after he was born. It was nice to receive
all the nice boy outfits and more diapers and etc. If
someone wants to give her one, it is okay. Maybe they
should wait until after the baby is born. Will different
people be coming to this one??? Little things like socks,
gowns, diapers some outfits are needed for the second. I
did not have one for our third child which was okay. Diaper
bags wear out too. I feel it is up to the individual. I
also had 3 wedding showers. ??????????

It use to be considered tacky to have a second shower whether it was the same father or not. Now it's considered somewhat okay "IF" the family is needy or so far apart they have nothing left to use.

My 2 boys are 7.5 years apart. Needless to say we had nothing saved. We lived in apartments and had no extra storage area.

My husband had just been lost his job due to the company selling out and moving south. I was hospitalized that very day. Talk about a bummer. Talk about worry.

Well if anyone was needy we were. I had taken the last paycheck he got and bought things I knew I would need, not knowing my wonderful friends were planning a "huge" shower. I got so much. I got as many gifts after the baby was born as I got at the shower.

I felt really bad about it because I had always been told it was in bad taste. Well I was told to get over it. The people who love you will support you. The ones who don't you don't really want as friends.

I hope this helps.

Hi A.. I agree w/ the diaper shower. I didn't read through all of your responses, but wanted to mention that. People love to get together to celebrate babies and there's no reason not to. Just keep it simple and encourage her not to be greedy.

1. I do not think anyone should ever 'request' a shower!

2. I do not think it is wrong to have a second shower - the point is celebrating the new baby - and each and every baby is special. 4 of my 7 babies have had a shower throught for them - but some else was the one wanting to do it - I never requested a shower.

3. She would be doing a registy - so I am sure there are things she might need/want. Maybe new bedding, blankets, clothes for a different season/sex. I doubt she would be looking for high chairs and strollers.

4. There are lots of ways to celebrate with a 'shower'. Here are a few:

Meet the baby party - everyone comes after deliver

Diaper shower - everyone brings a bag of diapers. Great fun for a daddy shower too

Book shower - everyone brings books to build babies library. This can be done along with a traditional shower. Ask guests to attach a book instead of a card to babies gift.

If people have an issue with a second shower, then they will not attend. The only problem I see in this situation is the fact that she was asking someone to host a shower for her!

I think these days it's more common. I don't think everyone should go crazy buying baby stuff since she does already have most of what she needs. I had a second baby shower but it was very low-key. My family and close friends came and we had a lunch a Olive Garden. My second daughter was born at a different time of year than my first so I didn't really have the right sizes of clothing. I also know that alot of people have a "diaper shower" for second or third pregnancies and everyone just buys diapers. I think it's ok to have more than one baby shower. Every baby deserves to have their life celebrated.

I think it's very tacky, especially since her first is only three, has everything already that she needs and is with the same husband. I would be embarassed to throw one or request one for that matter.

Tell her "sorry" one per customer!

I think it depends on the situation. For instance, I didn't get the chance to have a baby shower with my first pregnancy because she was eleven weeks early. So with my second I want to have a baby shower. Is that being greedy? I still have some things that I can recycle, like infant car seat and pack 'n' play.
I think that if you have a girl the first time and then find out you're having a boy the second and you don't know anyone with little boys, then a second shower might be acceptable.
I can see how you think that it isn't appropriate for her to have another one though.
Hope this helps some!
-C.-

Hello, I really think it depends on the actual need of the expecting family. Like financially, how far apart are the kids, how close are the people that would be invited to the festivities to the new mom to be?

I am having my 2nd child in about 6 weeks and I am having another "shower" in two weeks. To me - I think every baby deserves something new and special. It isn't their fault that they weren't the first and got everything. My friends are throwing me a diaper shower but also put other little odds and ends items that I need with a new baby as ideas. We did not do the whole registry this time. I don't need the big stuff but my children are born in different seasons so there are some things that we do need. I know everyone has differnet ideas about this but this is my opinion. Hope it helps.

I don't think that it is right to have another shower. If she were expecting twins that might be different but if she has already had one shower that is all she should get.

If she was so against showers for second children, I'm surprised she wants one now.

I had three showers for my first baby (my family & friends are VERY scattered), but none for the other three. My best friend had at least one if not two showers for each of her three pregnancies...but she didn't ask for them (that makes all the difference I think). I've noticed in the South this seems to be a more common practice than in Northern States (she lives in Tennessee, I live in Illinois).

If her in-laws have no problem throwing second showers, I say let them do it.

Absolutely not, she can't expect others, especially those with families in this economy to supply her with all her baby needs. You are right she will get things, probably when she least expects it. Don't feel bad tell her it's not possible and move on, if she holds a grudge, that's her immaturity.

Oh, dear. I would not like to suggest that your sister has no class, so I'm sure it is just that she does not know the proper etiquette for baby showers. One per customer, please!

Yes, of course we all love to celebrate babies, and we should. However, one should be able to celebrate in whichever way one wants to celebrate - not being told how to do it (as in a shower). And that is exactly what happens to the guest....because once invited, they must purchase a gift whether they attend or not. (If they have any modicum of manners themselves!) And perhaps purchasing a gift is not the way they intended to celebrate this baby.

Anyone that thinks it is proper to have a shower for their second, third, or, (heaven help us!) their sixth or seventh, needs some instruction on what IS proper. If family and friends want to provide a gift for each child, they will do so on their own, once the baby arrives. If a mom is set on "celebrating" another baby, she should host a party, and be sure to write "no gifts, please" on the invitation. Otherwise, she is simply looking for gifts, and is, indeed, being greedy (and more than a little tacky).

And if anyone thinks that a shower should be held for subsequent babies because the parents cannot afford to buy things themselves, perhaps the parents should consider birth control, because, as we all know, the cost of raising a child does not get any cheaper!

As for someone offering to have a shower for her because they didn't know her when she had the first one, that someone should remember that it would probably still be the same guest list as the first time, and again, would be pressuring people into buying gifts. There, again, that someone should merely host a celebration party at her own expense, and let the guests know "no gifts, please".

So, please, do encourage your sister to abandon the idea of a shower, and if she is too disheartened, let her know that she will undoubtedly still get presents once the baby is born.

I teach in a small school system and we always throw a "shower" anytime someone on our staff is pregnant (this includes the males we teach with). The first child gets a full blown carry in dinner and gifts from everyone. 2nd, 3rd, and 4th get a gathering and we supply munchies or desserts to celebrate. As our gift we either take up a collection of money and get a gift certificate to a place where mom can get needed baby items or do something like diapers and wipes. We find that a collection allows people to give (or not give) what they feel is appropriate and mom and baby are still celebrated with no hard feelings because some people didn't bing a gift. HOWEVER, these are always a surprise event. Granted, it's a tradition that it's done, but mom never knows when it will happen and we've NEVER had a person come out and ask us to do it. I think that is very rude! I would definitely inform your sister of that point!

I agree with you... one baby shower for the first baby.

I agree with you, I think that she's being pretty selfish. It would be wonderful to get all new things for each child, but feel it's inappropriate to ask people to another shower after only 3 years difference in the kids. Good luck.

A.,
She's being greedy or needy!! I think if she has a baby of a different sex than the first it may be nice, but otherwise-NO! Maybe suggest to her that depending on what the baby is, she may have a "shower" but more than likely just family gifts to welcome the little one (diapers, wipes-stuff she needs).
Good Luck!
Stand Firm,:)
R.

Firstly, congrats on the pending new niece or nephew! I am a 35 year old mother of 5 children ages 16, 15, 11, 6, and 13 months. I am always given funny looks when people find out I had s shower for my first (given by my family...on their own) and when it came time for the second baby and the the third and the fourth, I still had most of my stuff. Mind you a lot had major wear and tear, but still. So I was given a shower for my youngest by my church *family*, and this is just their practice. Everyone gets ONE shower given by them, whether your first or your 15th, but you'll only get one. However, sadly enough, not one person came!!! It was disappointing, but I was met with a wonderful surprise when I arrived home to find my entire family gathered in my kitchen to surprise me with a shower! For the most part, it was little things, except the one big ticket item we needed was a crib mattress. And my sis got us one. It was really nice wince my 15 year old is a girl, and the other older ones are boys. I looked all over, but could not for the life of me find the things I boxed and saved for her. So the shower was really nice for the new baby, which is also a girl. I think there isn't necessarily anything wrong with having a shower after the first baby, but I do believe it is generally seen as rude (even with the first) to REQUEST someone throw you a shower. My own mother was really fuming about having second or third showers, but she came...and brought several gifts! I love my family dearly, and appreciated the effort they went to. It was very helpful, but I knew not one thing about it. Total surprise. THAT is how it should be. I think if someone offered to give your sister a shower, then it is something they wanted to do, so it's ok. I guess those who are opposed can skip it, right? Not to be nasty about things, but honestly, if you don't feel it's right, then send a gift or a card like you might had she not had a shower, and leave it at that. It doesn't make you or anyone else rude. Hopefully the pregnancy goes well and all this falls to the wayside as you all celebrate the birth of the new baby!!
L.

You could always have a shower where the guests bring no gifts. Just a celebration of the pregnancy with some games and fun! If someone wants to give a gift, they can do it another time.

A new baby is definitely a cause to celebrate, no matter how many you already have. Some people may look down on having another shower, but if you are positive about it, then other people will follow suit.

Skip it. Greedy is exactly what that's all about. NOT necessary. Have a "welcome party" or something after the birth, if you want, but she should NOT expect gifts and you might note that on any invitations you send ESPECIALLY if the baby is the same sex as the first!

I think it's just plain greedy... Especially since she has everything and it's not exactly old.

I dont think its wrong to have a baby shower for her 2nd child, he first child is 3 years old maybe she thaught she wasn't having a child so soon and she gave all her things away.

I think it is completely inappropriate and against proper etiquette for her to be requesting another shower!

I agree with them and say no way to the second baby shower unless they children are more than 5 years apart.

I hate to say it, but she is greedy. No reason for a shower and if there is a wish list of things she is wanting, she should ask you to communicate that to everyone when they are looking to buy her something when the baby comes. I did throw a 2nd shower for my sister-in-law, but her first two (all with the same husband) were 7 & 9. She had given everything away and so when she had a surprise, she had nothing! Good luck telling your sister!