What a Strange Unruly Girl Is!!! Give Me a Hand

How, exactly, is that "strange" or "unruly"? Kids go through phases where they favor O. parent and it changes with the wind.

Hey Mama

I think you are putting adult ideas and feelings on a 3 year old. A 3 year old's motives are much less complex. She loves you because you're Mom, but she doesn't know how to interact with you, becase you haven't been around as much as Dad has.

It is up to you to establish a relationship with your daughter and show her how to interact with you . Start by doing fun things with with her. Read a book, play with play dough, go to the park.

It is also important you show her the boundaires of your relationship, but with love and gentle redirection. You don't want to be mean, or you'll scare her.

3 year olds are tough, because they want to be social and express their opinions, but often overstep boundaries doing that. Since you are, for the most part, starting a new relationship with your daughter, make sure you step lightly to ensure you strenghten your relationship with your daughter.

R. Magby

she doesn't sound unruly at all. she is only 3, not another adult from whom you can expect adult responses and courtesies. and right now she is more comfortable with her dad. she knows him better. he is part of her regular routine. 3 year olds don't have life experience, routines are all they have.
rather than expecting her to conform to your wishes, realize that she is very little and bend a little to accommodate her.
khairete
S.

Keep loving her, and acting loving toward her, and don't take it personally, and she will be fine. If you leave her with her father, she's naturally going to learn to bond with him more. I don't see how what you are describing is "unruly."

maybe you need to be more affectionate with her and more fun...don't go head to head with her..you need to make up for lost time..my son favors me b/c i'm not with his father anymore but they still have a good relationship...i am very sweet to him and we play and we joke..have fun..now that you're back in her life i would come in slowly and not start off being stern with her a lot..be her friend and mother..we always hug things out..my son and i...
so if he's upset or doesn't want to listen..i say.."hug" we hug and then we talk about what's going on..i always explain everything to him..and why..and i always tell him how much i love him..
if you are loving you will be loved back

xo

D.

And one day she will be a young girl and need M. to help her find a bra, get her nails done, and go dress shopping for prom.
She is supposed to love her daddy. It is actually very healthy for them to have this great relationship throughout her life.
I do hope your hubby is sticking up for you when she is "mean".
It is normal.

I have two Daddy's girls. He will do anything for them and they for him. And they have no interest in boys or hanging out with the wrong crowd. They would rather go fishing, or make things in the woodshop. I love that they are so close to him. They are 13 and 15.

I have a somewhat similar situation with my 3-year old daughter. My marriage ended when she was 10 months old and we moved out of state. She has had continuous contact with her dad, but I have been her primary parent. Her relationship with her data is good, but she does not want to sleep at his house. All is fine during the day, but she just wants the comfort of the most familiar at bedtime. We have decided that this is ok for now and have started allowing her to do what makes her feel most secure at bedtime so that she is happy and receptive during the day.
Anyway...I don't think your bedtime issue is unusual for the age of your daughter. And, I would suggest working on building your relationship with her when she is most receptive and try not to get your feelings hurt when she wants/needs her dad (all kids go through periods of having favorite parents).

You need to build a relationship with her. Ask daddy to let you do some of the things that need to be done with her. If she rebels tell her mommys AND daddys care for the children, and this is the way it needs to be.

I know it's tempting to get frustrated and upset, BUT...please be patient. You just need to "build" the relationship, it will absolutely happen in a short period of time. Love her no matter what, and if she hurts your feelings ...let he know and WHY, ie, "that wasn't nice to push mommy away...that made me sad". I agree with the other poster that said their thought process is not as complex as ours, so don't put too much weight in how much thought it takes for her to behave the way she is. Remember she's 3, it's up to you mom. It sounds like Dad has been doing a great job, maybe he deserves some kudo's :) Hang in there, she'll come around!

I think your daughter sounds normal and healthy that she prefers her dad over you right now.

He sounds like the primary care giver, and he must be doing a great job due to how much she loves him and his attention.

I am not close to my father at all, he was abusive. So when my daughter showed this similar preference for her dad, it was completely foreign to me. I did not know at any level that a girl can love her daddy so much. I had to get help to understand it.

Ditto Galiski below - you need to make time to build a relationship with her, even starting now. When she says she doesn't want to play with you, I would probably respond with I'm sorry you feel that way right now, but I would like to play with you...let's pick out a game, or paint nails, or color, etc.

Ask her what her favorite activity has been for the day, then start from there.

She might be 'mad' at you for being away too and this his her completely immature way of saying so and speaking her mind. So if you sense loneliness or missing her, tell her you understand, that you miss her tons too and it hard for both of you. Basically, just try to connect each time you come home or are with her.

I had a period of separation from my 3 year old daughter at one point for about 6 months and let me tell you she was pissed off at me. I was away on business and was even able to have some weekends with her. She was very hurt about my not being there for her. I can only imagine how difficult the reunionst must be for our deployed service members.

She sounds like a normal 3 year old to me. Our son would tell you "I don't want to play with you" or "I don't like you anymore" or the worst thing he could think of at that time when he did not get his way. We would just tell him well, we love you but you still have to do x. He's sometimes throw a huge temper tantrum. At 6 he never does this kind of thing anymore. He did it ALL the time then. It was hurtful to me at first...then I just got used to it and was tough/consistent with him. He was used to me putting him to bed and did not want his dad at that time. He would play sid by side with most children except for his "best buddy" he saw almost daily. They would make up pretend games together although half the time it ended in a fight about something! He got much better at that by age 4. He did not like listening to us - he wanted to do his own thing! You just have to be consistent and keep telling her what she is supposed to do...and follow through when she does not do it. They start slowly getting better at listening by 4 or 5.

I am wondering how much you interacted with her when she was tiny. Do you feel like the two of you really bonded? at three children are still able to bond, and learn to trust adults. However, it feels to me that she has some resentment to you for "intruding" into hers and HER daddy's life... she's gotten things a little skewed and he is hers... not yours. I would probably spend some time with her looking at pictures of you and daddy together before she was born, and then pregnancy pics, and then... progressing to now. Then, I would SHARE things like storytime with daddy. Make those times family time so that she doesnt feel like you are separating her from her daddy... if he has been her primary caregiver since she was an infant, then he is her foundation and security. You can rebond with her, but its going to be slow. Be patient and loving... but do set some boundaries... thats part of parenting, and makes a child feel more secure.

she sounds like a normal three yr old!
in our family we have the "terrible threes" in fact, age two is my favorite!!
people say its just a stage BUT it wont be just a stage if you let her think its okay to act like that! she is old enough to understand the words you tell her, so explain it to her in a kid friendly way,
"It hurts mommys feelings when you say that."
"Its not nice to be rude! What if I was rude to you?"
"I love you, and I want to play with you."
Etc.