My husband is a very loving person and very huggable. That's one of the things that I have always loved about him. He recently told me that he doesn't think that our son, who has just turned one, loves him. I was shocked and horrified. I asked him why he could think that, of course he loves his daddy!! He gets so excited to see him every morning and when he gets home from work. My husband then said that it's because he feels left out of the "lovey's." Our son has recently started tottering over to me, throwing his arms around my neck and kissing my cheek. When my husband tries to get him to do it to him, our son pushes him away. If he wakes up really upset during the night, he takes no comfort in daddy, but instead cries Mama, at which point my husband turns him over to me very down-hearted. I don't know what to do. I told my husband that it's just because he sees mommy as the snuggly one and daddy is for rough and tumble. I don't know if I'm right or not. Has anyone else experienced this? What can we do to help our son realize that daddy likes "lovey's" too?
Well...I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one that has this problem. I have read all of the advice sent to me and most people said the same thng. "Leave him with daddy and let them bond more without me around." Also, "when he gives me lovey's, tell him that daddy likes lovey's too. Turn him to daddy and give him a hug." Well, the hugging daddy too seems to be working great. We do giant family hugs and he holds onto both of us in turn after. This has worked very quickly. I'm really surprised!! Thanks to everyone who replied. I hope that other people read this and take the advice.
Poor Daddy!
Help the child understand that Daddy feels left out.
Daddies have feelings too! Daddy needs sugglies too!
It may be something simple like a scratchy face or bad
breath. My boys didn't like anyone with 'coffee breath'-
come to think of it, niether do I!
Good luck !
Hello! My son is 19 months old. We are as well going throught he same situation. I have brought it up to my son's Dr and claims it is ok. I myself have concerns but the Dr tells me it is perfectly normal.
kids are very fickle.. one day they love you, then next they don't. Your husband needs to get a thicker skin because at one point, kids can be mean too.. My 3 yr old says " I like you mommy, I hate daddy".. it happens, trust me. Kids usually favor one parent for a while, then switch over, it's totally normal.. but your son is only one.. he doesn't know about hurting feelings and he's connected to you because you are his mommy and take care of him.. Have your husband spend some one on one time with your son, but he's so little still. he will come around, I promise!!!!
I know this may sound like harsh and impossible advice, but if you can bear to do it it may be worth while. Next time your son is fussing or wanting you over daddy, you could take a shower or go into another room and shut the door, or better yet go shopping. It is good for daddy and son to bond with each other and for dad to be confident that he can sooth his son when he's distressed. Feel free to toss this advise out the window. I would. My inclination is to run to my son when he is crying. But if Dad steps up to the plate, it's ok to fall back, especially if you can convince yourself it's in their best interest, and yours too. good luck xox
This is soooooo normal..... hes little they love the mommy. My daughter is three and does it to daddy frequently ... its all mommy. Well she said to my husband I dont love you anymore at the doctors in front of the pediatrician and my husband was soooo upset and the doctore said its normal all kids do it .. when they are little its all mommy but then she said a couple more years and it will be daddy and then mommy will feel hurt... she said her own kids did this .... its just cause they see mommy as the one to comfort them .... were home more.... daddy leaves and works.... (maybe mommy does too) ...but daddy will be the fun one as they get older ... tell your husband dont worry ... hes not alone ... my husband feels the same way ...but they love daddy they just know mommy is the comforter the caregiver etc .....
It's true- kids switch favor back and forth, and it's normal. My dd is 6 mo, and when she was just a couple of months old daddy would just look at her and she'd cry and need me to console her. Daddy was crushed. But he was great- he kept telling her that he loved her, and trying to hold her and hug her without forcing her, and now when he comes around she squeals in delight and kicks and smiles. She's been giving mom big wet kisses for a while now, and of course daddy wanted some, and just the other day she gave him a kiss! Tell your husband that he just needs to keep showing your son love, and although he's a mommy's boy now, he'll give daddy the lovies soon!
Hi M., I am A. a 28 year old mother of one and we are recently going threw the same thing I have just gone back to work I was a stay at home mom for 7 years and my son was with me day in and day out he was the same he would walk right by my husband and ask me to get him a drink or anything that his father was very capable of doing the only time he was loving with my husband was during bed time we have always had the tradition that my husband tucks him in at night and now that I am back to work the family is in shambles my son doesnt listen to dad and when I am home he is clung to me and wants nothing to do with his dad he even recently asked me to tuck him in ine night... so your not alone
my little girl is 5 mos one minute its all about mommy sometimes its all about daddy..my husband cannot even be in the same room as us when i am getting her to bed (she sleeps in our room) because as long as she knows he's there she wants to play...i think its normal for your son to want you in the night and its normal for your husband to feel disheartened, i think he will eventually do "lovey's" with your husband. Your son just associates certain things with you.
Hi M., my name is L. I'm 25 years old and I have two kids a 4 year old boy and a 2 moth old girl. I live in Norwalk, Ct and if you close by maybe we can get together one day :).
About your husband feeling left out is really sad, kids love their fathers same way that they love their mothers, but boys are always more attached to their mommies. Another thing is that if you are a SAHM that's why your baby is so close to you because you with him 24/7. Tell you husband not to feel left out, instead he should just try playing with your son and his favorite toy and like that he can get a hug or two from your little one :).
Good luck to you and your husband.
Hi - My son will be 3 in december. When he was a year all he wanted was me. Everyone was saying he was a mommys boy. Well at about 1 1/2 to 2 years, he started wantted daddy. He knows when daddy goes to work, he is fine. On weekends and at night all he wants is daddy. Tell your husband to wait it will change. My husband can't get anything done around the house, he as a shadow, or a little helpper. It will change, just give it time.
My son is 14 months and just started "giving kisses"...he gives them to me all the time, but never gives them to my husband and it was really hurting his feelings too. The thing is it has now become a joke to my son, he'll give kisses to everyone but daddy, it's like he's teasing him. Now my husband laughs at it and chases him around screeming give me kisses....it's become a game for them. Tell your husband that he's not alone...I agree with you, I think the boys see daddy's as the one they are tough with and the mommy's are for snuggles....
This is a totally normal developmental stage. Mommy is usually the primary care-giver, especially if you are nursing and/or a SAHM, which means he has a strong attachment to you as the center of his universe right now! He's not sophisticated enough in his thinking to know it might hurt someone else's feeling if he's not as loving with them. Plus, "loveys" are a fairly new concept for him. He's just learning the benefits of showing affection and trying out the snuggly, kissing thing with you first. Tell your husband not to stop his own snuggles and kisses, even if your son prefers them from you right now. He needs to know both of you love him, even if he can't show you both equally how much he loves and needs you. Believe me, it will change one day! My nephew just turned two and has suddenly made everything about Daddy! My sister-in-law spent almost two years being the only one her son called for when he needed comforting and out of the blue, it has completely reversed. All he wants in the middle of the night, or when he bumps his knee, is Daddy! When your son is ready to expand his horizons, he will probably attach himself to Daddy like a barnacle! And then it will be your turn to be a little sad, but you also shouldn't take it personally. These phases are just part of kid's normal development.
Tell your husband this will pass. My youngest child was fastened to my left hip for a long time. She wouldn't go to ANY male figures and wwhen she finally did, it was my brother-in-law, not daddy. She is 11 now and adores her father. If you are the primary care-giver, this is not unusual.
My son was the same way. He didn't even say daddy until lots of other words. His first word was "Mom" and he even said Zoe (our dogs name) before daddy. He didn't really start to want daddy until recently (he turned 2 in June). Now he follows daddy around the house like a shadow and every thing he sees is like daddy's (that's like daddy's car/truck/etc). Now he wants daddy more then mommy. I know it sounds weird but there will come a time in the not so far future that your dear husband will no longer be able to pee in peace. Or do anything else for that matter. Just tell him to be patient.
Hi M.. Ive been dealing with the same thing lately with my ten month old daughter. The one thing that I have tried that seems to be making a difference is givn them a bit more alone time. Even if you just go grocery shopping and to the mall. I think it gives my daughter a new "look" at Daddy. That he can be the one there too. I'm home alone with my daughter a lot so she's just so used to mommy time that I feel like sometimes you need to make extra sure Daddy time occurs. Good Luck!
Whenever your son comes and gives you hugs and kisses, you should tell him that daddy wants some too. Then, you can get up and give your hubby hugs and kisses and invite your son to join in. He'll come around!
