My nephew is getting married in a few months. He has been engaged for about 2 years. The other day, his mother called me & said that my nephew wanted her to call all his aunts & uncles & tell them that he would like them each to give him & his fiance $200 to go towards his honeymoon. He said that this would our wedding present to him. Needless to say, I was speechless & told his mother that I would have to talk to my husband about it. My husband & I did discuss it & decided not to give him the money in place of a present. We are on a budget & if we have an extra $200, there are other things we can certainly use it for. I feel this request was in very bad taste especially since my nephew & his fiance just recently bought a house in a very well-to-do area of town, he bought his fiance a Lexus SUV for an engagement/wedding present & they have gone on several trips throughout the past year. Their wedding is also going to be a very large formal affair. My question is, what do I tell him or his mother when they ask about it again. I really want to tell him that I think it was very tacky for him to ask but I know this will not go over well. As my daughter put it, her cousin has always been very self-centered & a "me me me" person.
Thanks everyone for all your advice. My husband & I decided that we are not going to contribute towards the honeymoon fund & will buy a present that is more within the budget that we are trying to keep. So far we have not been asked about it again but if we are, we will just say that we have decided to go a different route for the gift. By the way, I spoke to another sister-in-law & she told me that she did tell the groom's mother that she felt this request was in bad taste. That may be why I have not been asked about it again. Once again thanks for all your great advice. You guys are awesome!!
OK I haven't been on in a bit...YIKES!!! how tacky indeed. I being a smart aleck, would call and ask his mother for $200.00 for home repairs!
Dont "say" anything. Go ahead with your original plan of simply buying a gift of "your" choice. After all, isnt that what a gift is?
Margaret :)
Go online and buy them a gift from their registry where ever they are registered. It will be delivered and he will get the hint that he is only getting that.
WOW WOW WOW! I am not sure if i should laugh, cry or pick my jaw up off the floor!!!! I have never heard of this....a gift is exactly that...a gift, not an obligation. Give what you feel you would like for them to have.....do not feel any obligation to give the money. I wouldnt say anything unless it is brought up to you again. while i'm sure you probably have plenty to say about it, it wouldnt solve anything. If other family members ask you about it I would just say "we decided to go a different route" or something along those lines. wow! i'm in shock!
IF you are approached about "are you giving the $200" again, tell them it is not in your budget and leave it at that. IF not approached again, simply purchase whatever gift you were going to give anyway and let it be. Saying something would change nothing and just make for hard feelings. Better to be the bigger person and let it go. kwim.........
WOW!!! I am a bit speechless! This is extreamly tacky and selfish!Have you talked with the other aunts and uncles about this? How do they feel?
I would just get them something that is within budget for you. If the subject comes up, just tell them that you prefer not to give money as gifts for people. My mother NEVER gives money or giftcards, they seem impersonal to her. If she won't accept that you can just tell her like it is.
Good luck! Miss Manners would have a field day with this one!!!
You are in no way obligated to give the $200 gift. Simply tell the mother that you have decided to get him a different gift but that you appreciate that she called to let you know their wishes. Then leave it at that. You do not need to explain yourself, just be polite. The bride and groom will get plenty of monetary gifts, so do not feel guilty about not contributing to their honeymoon. Just get them a nice gift and card and go and have fun! It is acceptable to pass by word of mouth that the bride and groom would prefer monetary gift, but it is in poor taste and really bad etiquette to request a specific dollar amount from certain people. I don't blame you for being aggravated, that would rub me the wrong way too, but just smile and let it go. It's not worth getting upset about!
Good luck!
Honestly I would have to agree with you that's very selfish of your nephew to ask for such a expensive gift. I feel if a person wants to give you a gift then you should be happy you are getting something better than getting nothing at all. He should remember there are people who have weddings and only have guest no presents at all!
Wow, that is pretty tacky. And I'm betting you aren't the only one that is feeling this way. Besides, when I got married, I can tell you that my aunts and uncles didn't give me a gift worth $200 each. You don't tell someone how much to spend on you. I would tell his mother that she should have taught him a little bit better in the manners department. If they ask about it again, just tell them that you already had their gift taken care of. I wouldn't worry about being a little tacky in return. I'm thinking somehow they can scrounge up the money for their honeymoon. Doesn't sound like they are hurtin' any. :)
Wow, Dear Abby would be in convulsions if she read this! How tacky!
It would have been in better taste if they had included in the invitation a card along the lines of a registry card that the couple was saving for the honeymoon, but this is WAY over the line!
You are in no way obligated to do this. It's a lot of money to ask for. Give what you wish, whether it be an actual gift or a cash gift.
As far as the next time it comes up... I hope it won't. To mention it in the first place was tacky, to call and remind people about it is just plain rude! If it does, however, keep your cool and thank whoever it is for the reminder of the bride & groom's wishes, but state clearly that you have already bought them a gift.
Good luck!
It's comical to me that someone would make such a request. It's one thing to ask that whatever monies be sent to one fund, but it's another animal to put a figure together and basically demand it.
That said, it would be perfectly appropriate for you to go ahead and gift them within your budget and ignore the initial "request". Gifting is not about the response. If they are tacky enough to follow up with an additional request, just tell them that you will not be contributing to that fund. Leave it at that, with a smile on your face, unless they insist on further explanation. At that point, it would be appropriate for you to express your thoughts of the request.
I feel for you in this family situation.
If I were in your situation I would go find something about Wedding Etiquette- Here's one: http://www.ourmarriage.com/html/asking_for_money.html
And send it to her in an e-mail or letter. And state you well not be giving this b/c it's not your wish to give them Cash. Yes I would have to agree with your DD Your nephew is a ME Me person. How sad for him and his future wife and children. Good Luck
Do what you want and don't feel pressure to give them money for a honeymoon - after all, don't we ALL need a honeymoon????? Do not feel pressure but simply say that we have already decided on a gift...or you can get them gas cards for their new Lexus SUV...ha!
