Wedding - How Common Is the "Money Dance"?

Not meant to offend anyone, but in my world, "Dollar Dances" are how you know you're going to a white trash wedding.

Everyone has different traditions, and the best you can do is not participate if it bothers you. They'll get their answer if they only have a few people dance with them.

Good Afternoon,
I am of hispanic descent and this dance is a tradition! its fun! she should go for it!

I've been to a wedding that did the dollar dance....Loosen up ladies!!

Maybe the DJ could share the fact that it is a Polish tradition and educate those that think it is a tasteless way to cash in :)

Totally common down here..The the Polish, some of the Germans and the Hispanics all do this at large Weddings.. It is just a fun Tradition. You pay a dollar to dance with the Bride for a moment and same with the Groom.. It is like saying wedding showers are tacky because it is just another way to get a gift..

Usually an ethnic polka is played.. You only get to dance for about 15 to 20 seconds and then the next person comes in.. You hope that every person gets a chance to actually speak with the wedding couple.. this is a way to do this.

I was not planning on doing it, but 2 old family friends got the band started and announced it.. People were so excited.. They did not pin it on my gown.. I actually have never actually seen money pinned on the gown down here..

I usually give $20. when I dance with a groom, but I was shocked that people gave me $100. bills.. It added up fast..

We received a lot of compliments about it.. People said they had always heard about it, but never seen it before.. It is quite joyous..

I love that people call it White Trash! Cracks me up at the ignorance of accepting other cultures..

It must be a Pennsylvania thing (where I am originally from) because I can count on my hand the number of weddings I have been to that DIDN'T have the money dance! Everyone does it, and it is SO much fun! You pay what you want to dance with the bride and groom, and the money is so helpful after the wedding. My hubby and I did it at ours (as did all of our friends/family at theirs), and we made over $500 from it. It became a competition who could collect more, me or my hubby. Some people only give $1, others give $20. It's not all about the money, but about the opportunity to dance with bride/groom. I loved being able to dance with the men that were invited to our wedding (some lady friends danced with me too!), and my hubby loved dancing with the ladies. We called it the Dollar Dance up there (so no one feels obligated to give more than a dollar). Again, it must be a PA thing (there are lots of Polish people there), because I have been to only a few weddings where it isn't done. Hope this helps!

P.S. To the woman who said it sounds like "White Trash", I have done this dance at weddings that cost almost $100,000. Nothing white trash about that...

It is common in Pennsylvania -- my aunt did it at her wedding back in 1988 (Philly area) and my sister did last summer (Harrisburg area) BUT it is VERY MUCH FROWNED UPON IN THE MIDWEST. I mentioned it early on because the weddings I had been to growing up, it was done and I was immediately told it was uncouth and NOT to do it. Tradition or not, unless half the guests are going to be from the Polish family, if it is frowned upon in the area, I would abstain. Of course the bride and groom are "for it" -- it is extra money for them :) ha!

I have been to quite a few wedding and never seen the money dance. But I have been to a lot where there are Mariachi's! I bet a lot of people haven't seen that at weddings. lol
I think it's a cultural thing. I don't think it's rude at all. But, if I went to a wedding and they were doing that dance all they would get from me is $1-$5.
I think it's sad that her friends are being so negative and saying it's selfish. I think it's great and is part of their traditions.
L.

I had a "dollar dance" at my wedding. My husband is hispanic and it is a tradition in their culture. Guests pay $1.00 or however much they choose to dance with the groom and bride. My wedding cost over $20,000.00 18 years ago. I would have hardly called it a "white trash" wedding. My family and friends had never heard or participated in a dollar dance but loved it. I don't know of anyone that didn't participate in it. I think if more people loosened up and thought of it as a way to help out a newly married couple in some small way, they might actually have a good time. If your that uptight and appalled at the thought, sit it out.

It is a Polish tradition and if there are Polish people present, they will welcome the "Money Dance". It's actually really cute if it's done well and many of my cousins have carried on the tradition. We didn't do it and caught flack from both of our families (lots of Polish on both sides) so my sister did it. If done correctly, it stems from the father-daughter dance. The men at the reception "cut in" and pin a dollar to the bride's dress for the "honor of dancing" with her and to wish her well in her marriage. The DJ at my sister's wedding played a polka immediately after her father-daughter dance and invited those who were of Polish descent to participate-ended up being most of the men at the reception.

We were greeted by my father and MIL with bread, salt and wine at our reception to acknowlege our common heritage. Bread so that you never go hungry, salt to work through hard times and wine to refresh.

If they want to acknowledge their heritage, then do it and have the DJ or singer explain what it is and invite those who share the heritage to share in the festivity. That way, those who don't understand it don't have to participate. They could also do the "bread, salt, wine" thing if it's about heritage.

Polish weddings are full of frivolity and lots of food, so hopefully they will keep the theme throughout and not just focus on the $$.

I'm feeling kinda weird here, because there has been a dollar dance at almost every wedding I have ever been to. Ever. We're not Polish either.
I was under the assumption that pretty much everybody did a dollar dance! I never thought it was tacky. It's fun! Everybody pays a dollar, gets a shot, and has a dance with the bride and/or groom. I have no problem with it. :)
...and I'm feeling like I just got called WT. haha.

I guess I don't see what all the fuss is about, we call it the dollar dance here and it's done all the time. People can choose whether they want to dance or not, it's not as though they are forced and it's only a dollar so what's the big deal is my thought. This is a chance for everyone at the wedding to get a minute to dance with the bride or groom. The bride and groom are busy running around all day, so you actually have a minute to talk. I'd say go for it, if ppl don't want to spend the dollar they don't have to get in line.

Its done all the time around here..but then we have a rich Slovak tradition here in Pittsburgh. My huband's family wanted us to do one and I refused-a decision that I now regret. I should have respected his family's tradition a little more and realized it was not all about me.

And taste is subjective people. I have heard of many midwestern and southern customs that in my mind were horribly tacky. But it is what is customary of that region and it is small minded to judge people because of this.

I think it's beyond tacky. It's one of those things that might have been acceptable in some cultures in the past but is just seen as tasteless now. I would advise her to not do it.

I have seen the "Dollar Dance" at almost every wedding I have been to in the last 25 years. They are very common here (altho I didn't do one, but I had an unusual reception at a common ballroom with the general public).

If you choose not to partake, sit it out (its a few songs long), grab a new drink, an extra piece of cake, a bit of fresh air, go talk with other guests (its a bit less crazy in there), etc. What I enjoy is seeing the fella's get in line to dance wiht the groom! Priceless pictures! They both want to lead and it can get pretty silly..and often a DJ will play a particularly crazy or silly song for that run of fellas! I enjoy getting good pictures if we are close to the wedding party.

I have never heard of the "get a shot" part....just dancing, offering your dollar (or more if you wish), and never pinning anything to a brides dress! The maid of honor collects for her bride, and the best man for his groom.

I think a wedding should be fun and a way to celebrate the joining of 2 people, however it is they decide to do that.

I have been to many weddings over the years and it has not been done that I know of within the last several years. I personally find it tasteless!

I chose not to do a money dance for my first wedding (just because I didn't want to dance), but about half of the other weddings I have been to did one. It's supposed to be for the honeymoon. Just a little extra cash. If you google it there are even suggested fun songs to play during the money dance.
I don't think its tacky at all, after all the bride and groom usually spend a ton on the wedding so everyone will have a good time and people can't slip a 5 to the bride and groom for gas money?
Eh, I guess it just doesn't bug me.

I got married in 1998 and I was one of the last of my friends (and hubby's friends) to get married. I saw it at every wedding I attended! We are from Iowa, and most of those weddings were in that state. The bride and groom were on the dance floor and their best man/maid of honor were there, taking the money as each person lined up to dance.

I see where it could be considered tacky, but at the time, it never occurred to me, since all the weddings I had been to, it was done. It was like having the chicken dance, bunny hop or cake cutting. I wouldn't have cared about the money so much, I just enjoyed being able to talk to the different relatives and/or friends that came through for a couple minutes. (They obviously don't get to dance the entire song - would take forever). I wanted to dance with my husband during the reception, so this was an opportunity to see more people, while keeping up with the "tradition" of the dollar dance. The night goes by so fast - you think you will have a chance to talk to all those people who have sacrificed an entire day to attend your wedding- but it just doesn't happen.

I would say that if it's a family tradition - do it. I maybe had an uncle slip a $20 in, but most just gave up $1. They could even forego the money and just say it's a free dance with the bride and groom if they are worried about offending people. My guess is that they'll be a lot of aunts and uncles/relatives that will want to partake. Anyone else who is offended by it, can sit at their table and choose to watch.

This wedding is for her son and his fiance...if they want to do it then they should do it. This falls into the category of who cares what others think. Besides, its not "required" for all the guests to participate and if it is tradition in her family, the family (who is most important anyway) will enjoy it.

Just my two cents...or my dollar if I were invited!!

Well I am sure the soon to be bride and groom to be are excited about it. Get Free money.... on top of everything else the guests have done for them. Selfish and beyond tacky in my book.

I have never heard or seen of something like this at any of ther weddings I've attended.

Typically, the weddings I've attended have been classy, in a church or nice setting, followed by country club reception where the bride and groom shared a wonderful dining experience with their guests as a thank you...

Weddings with class do not do this.. Might as well bring out the stripper pole to see how much money you can make.

If I knew that was going to happen at a wedding, I would decline the invitation.

No matter what culture it is... If someone has spent a small fortune on travel arrangements, gifts, showers, etc for the bride and groom..... the bride and groom should be thankful for what they received and not be down right greedy with something like this.

Tacky beyond tacky in my book.

I've been to a couple this year that have had it, but I thought it was tacky. Put another way, I went to 6 or 7 weddings this year - which is insane, we are really not that popular - and the classier weddings did not include it.

Every wedding I've been to has had it. (With the exception of my own. I didn't feel comfortable asking people to PAY to dance with me......)

I think it's very specific to regions of this country and ethnicity. It's not something you will see in the South -unless you're at an ethnic wedding of some sort. However, I've been to several weddings in the Northeast/New York and it was done at all of them. I've been to Jewish weddings here and elsewhere where it was done. The first time I attended a wedding where it was going to be done, the bride was a good friend, and she told me some people made a "large" monetary donation and that was their gift, and some bought gifts and only put a few bucks in for the dance. I can't see what the big deal is if it's a family tradition. As a guest, I could have never contributed any money to it, and I doubt anyone would have noticed. Plus, I don't understand what the big deal is about a $5 bill in an envelope, even if you did buy them a gift.

I think it's sort of trashy. You're basically begging for more money on top of a gift you have already been given.

It's been part of every wedding I've been to in the last decade (except for my own), and I think it's tacky, so I simply don't participate. (And none of the couples whose weddings I have been to were of Polish descent).

As for "They spent a lot on the wedding, so it's no big deal for the guests to provide gas money for the honeymoon," if you spent so much on the wedding that you have nothing left for gas to go on your honeymoon, you should have cut the wedding budget.

I don't think its tacky especially if it is a family tradition. Who am I to mess with someone else's family traditions. Those who want to participate will those who don't won't. I love Kate N.s suggestion of having the dj make an announcement about it. those who are family will know ahead of time. the cutest parts are when little kids come up with money to dance with you. I didn't have it at my wedding and then a lot of family asked me later why I didn't. If your family does it then go for it.

I grew up in Montana and all the weddings I went to included a "dollar dance." There is a strong ethnic community of Polish/Slavic/Irish there and many of these traditions have remained. Because it was part of the culture we all thought it was good fun (except the a few of the uppity aunts)!

I say "nay"! It's one thing if they explain the tradition behind it and are really doing it because its important to their Polish heritage, but it's quite another thing to pretty look for handouts at your wedding. Everyone has been nice enough to devote time, travel, and money in presents and attire--asking for more just seems tacky.

FYI, I'm a wedding planner if that gives my opinion some extra credibility :-)

I personally think they are tacky. I think the friends are right. They already spent money on a gift, and I always thought it was odd to invite people to a party and then ask for money. I feel the same way about cash bars and tip jars on the bars. I've been to two weddings where they had the money dance. Once was for two 19 year old kids that had a baby, and the other was for a well established couple in their mid-20s. Also, it takes away from the reception and the good time of the guests. At the one I went to for the older couple, it took over an hour, and while they danced with guests one at a time, all the other guests were sitting watching and not able to partake in the dancing and dinner was over so there was nothing to do but sit and watch.

I personally think it's extremely tacky, but know it's still done. It's their wedding so they can do it if they want, but they shouldn't expect to be flooded with cash.

The vast majority of weddings I have been to, mostly in the midwest, have included the "dollar dance." If it's something you're used to it just seems like a fun tradition and not tacky. I've never been to a wedding where the dollar bills were pinned to the bride's dress - they've always been collected by the maid of honor and best man. And like others have said because it's a "dollar" dance noone feels pressured to put in more than a dollar, but some people do like to give more.

A funny story - I wasn't actually planning to do the dollar dance at my own wedding (it wasn't a tradition my husband was very familiar with) but so many people kept asking for it that we did anyway. My friend who helped collect the money had never heard of a dollar dance and didn't realize that sometimes people want to give more than a dollar so she gave everyone change!

(btw, I certainly don't think my wedding was "white trash" just because we had a dollar dance!)

I've been to maybe two weddings in my lifetime where there was a money dance. I didn't think to do it at my own but, even if I had thought about it, I wouldn't anyway because it's just not my thing. What I did notice at those two weddings is that a lot of people were dancing with the bride and she appeared to be covered with money by the end of the dance so maybe it is not so distasteful to everyone after all.

To each, his own.

I have seen it a few times and in context of a few strong ethnic families with an older generation who expects it and thinks it is fun. It works in this scenario. It may very well be her family is expecting this, so It's up to her. Anyone thinking it's "tacky" (which I completely understand btw) doesn't need to join in and can just watch those who appreciate this tradition have fun. Unfortunately weddings are so commercialized as many things are in our society that it tends to take the fun out of things.

ADDED: Just thought of something.....To keep the tradtion but take away the Money Grab part of it..... Why not pass out chips or tokens to the guests at the reception to give to the Bride or Groom if they'd like to dance with them. As someone pointed out, this is a nice way to get to talk to a lot of people at the reception.

I 've seen it at one.. and they weren't Polish. I think it's a younger generation thing.. ok ok.. I could be wrong..
but I will tell you this.... while I like money....... I don't love it enough to have someone pin a money on my wedding dress << which for many brides cost a chunk of change.. I mean to me... it's kinda like begging your guests for money....I think some people forget, you aren't suppose to make your guests pay for the wedding.. that's your job.. they are there to help you celebrate... and if they bring you a nice gift, then ok so be it... but I know many couples who count on getting money to pay for the wedding... that really isn't a good way to start things off. either you can afford a wedding or not.. if not.. civil service ceremony will have to suffice... and then , down the road have a lavish ceremony if you can afford it..

We did a dollar dance! (But that was 15 years ago.) Also everyone I knew did one! (Middle class German descent). As someone mentionned below, in our circles people did give gifts not money. I don't think I received a single check. The norm was to get a piece of china or something off the registry, and then do the dollar dance. Also, yes the wedding was at a church and the reception was at a country club. But I can see why those who haven't seen this tradition would think it sounds strange and "lower" class. But it isn't in some circles.

I haven't seen it since 1992!! I think it is rather outdated and pretty tacky.

I think this kind of dollar dance thing is common in certain cultures - but probably when non-monetary gifts are given as wedding presents. So if the gifts are traditionally a mantel clock, or a crystal bowl then a money dance would be OK - although a little tacky for those who've never seen it before. However, if this is going to be a big wedding at a catering facility where the wedding gift is expected to be money, then the dollar dance would be looked upon very differently - and not positively...

Here in the NY metro area there are ethnic groups where the bride & groom go from table to table with a huge satin "bag" and that's when the guests are expected to "pony up" (as I see it) or give the lovely couple their gift - which is an envelope with a card and money. It's also expected that the monetary gift will at the very least cover the cost of the guests catering. I have come to the point where if the couple is not close to us, an the wedding is at an expensive catering place we decline the invite - it just gets too expensive to pay for the bride's choice of excess!

My experience in MN is that small town weddings (especially for young brides/grooms) have a dollar dance. I have never been to a wedding the the Twin Cities that included one, nor have any of my friends (married in their 30's) had one.

J.

I am getting married in july, and we are doing the dollar dance. Its a fun way to spend a little bit of time with each person that is at your wedding. If the bride and the groom want the dollar dance, the so be it. Dont let her friends be rude about it. its is THEIR wedding day.

Updated

I am getting married in july, and we are doing the dollar dance. Its a fun way to spend a little bit of time with each person that is at your wedding. If the bride and the groom want the dollar dance, the so be it. Dont let her friends be rude about it. its is THEIR wedding day.

Coming from a family with Polish roots, I only know of one small distant branch of the family way over in Scranton PA who ever did a money dance and none of the rest of my family does it.
Basically, once the dancing has begun and (groom and bride have danced together), women slip the groom money to dance with him and men slip the bride money to dance with her.
As a tradition, it's not one I would care to pass on - it seems so blatantly tacky to solicit funds like that.
When I was a child and my Godfather got married, he and his bride had a dance where they both wore hats with lot's of fruit on them.
It was a fertility thing and a wish for a 'fruitful' marriage.
That tradition I thought was very cute.

Every wedding I have ever been to has had a money dance, mine included. If someone does not like the idea its not required you dance with the bride or groom, we had several people who danced and several who did not. If the guest dont like it tell them to sit that dance out. People are so touchy I see no difference between this and a wedding registry (we did not have a registry). When it all comes down to it its what the bride and groom want and forget the rest ! I wish I had followed my own words of advice more when I got married !

This is the first I heard of this tradition. Not knowing it is actually a tradition I would have thought it was tacky if I was invited to a wedding and saw this and I certainly would not want anyone to pin money on me. To each his own though. It is their wedding and they should do what they want.

I've been to a lot of weddings and I've never heard of the money dance.. I think it's totally rude and you should try and stop her from doing that~

where I grew up - the midwest - this is so common. Everyone does a dollar daance and no one thinks a thing about it. It's for fun and a whole dollar! It surprises me how upset and offended people get by it.

It may be a tradition in her country, and it may be a tradition among 1st generation immigrants her, but in the general population, I think most people have never heard of it and would be turned off by it - unless it's a buck a dance, then it would be funny.

Found a link to it on wikipedia - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Money_dance

"Here in the NY metro area there are ethnic groups where the bride & groom go from table to table with a huge satin "bag" and that's when the guests are expected to "pony up" (as I see it) or give the lovely couple their gift - which is an envelope with a card and money. It's also expected that the monetary gift will at the very least cover the cost of the guests catering."

I think the dollar dance is essentially asking for cash, which is rude. I wouldn't necessarily label it trashy since I have been to one wedding where it was really cute, though the money exchanging hands still made me cringe. But this idea of carrying around a bag and having people drop in large amounts of cash is abhorrent and beyond tacky. Were these the weddings of "goodfellas" you were attending? Yikes!

I also find the comment about a $100,000 wedding being far from white trash to be very humorous. I think Paris Hilton and others like her are the perfect example that wealth and excessive spending do not exclude anyone from being trashy, white or otherwise.

Nonetheless, my opinion is not important. If the bride and groom want to do it because it is part of a family tradition, then they should do it. It is their wedding. If I were advising my child and the only interest was in the cash to be gained, I'd advise against it though.

I guess if it's a cultural thing, then ok. I've only seen this at 1 wedding and I thought it was a bit tacky and presumptuous! :)

Interesting discussion. Never heard of it but if most guests are familiar with it culturally, go for it. Otherwise, it does seem tacky.

For those who comment about how much a wedding costs and that guests should contribute, it's the bride who makes the decision how much her wedding will cost, not the guests. Guests should give a gift according to what they can afford; not what the wedding cost, IMHO! Some girls go over the top for their big day -- that's fine, but it's not right to expect guests to defray the costs.

I heard that in parts of Eastern Europe they do this. I am Hungarian and I have never seen anyone do this at a wedding. I asked my mom about it and she said it was a thing they did in the countryside, like an old-fashioned thing. I really don't get the idea though...where do you put the money? You pin it on your dress? Why would you put pins in your expensive dress? Then you are covered in dirty dollar bills? Its her wedding and if its part of her culture then she should do it as long as its understood that the non-Polish guests will be confused. Around the NY metro area you give money as a wedding gift and you give the bride and groom their envelope in either a designated location or when they come around to greet you and thank you for coming. How is that like Goodfellas? Where are you supposed to put the envelopes if you don't have a bag?

The only wedding I have been to without doing the money dance (my family calls it the dollar dance) was my own. It has always been a tradition in my family to do the dollar dance and use the money for the Honeymoon. ie. my cousin and her now husband live in Ill but are huge St. Louis Cardinals fans, for their honeymoon they were going to FL for spring training. The maid of honor and best man held St. Louis Cardinals cups to collect the dollars in during the dance.
My MIL did not want us to do the dollar dance because she had never heard of it. We were also not going on a honeymoon right away so we decided not to do one.

50/50 in my experience. Second weddings = Almost never. I think the younger the bride-n-groom the more common the dollar dance is. Either way, I can hardly take offense at something I am not forced to participate in. What I would take offense at is Nosy Noserson being to rude to the mother of the bride. She is trashy -- Not the dollar dance..

I've been to many weddings over the last 20 years and many of my friends did do a money dance and it had nothing to do with one's Eastern European ancestry.

I agree with the friends. I'm against it. I find it tasteless and selfish. Would I say that to the bride and groom? Of course not, unless my opinion was specifically requested. I just wouldn't participate. My husband disagrees and always dances with the bride to give a few bucks. To his credit, my husband respected my wishes and we did not have a money dance at our wedding.

I think you should tell your friend honestly what you think but reiterate that it's really up to the son and his bride. If they're ok with it, then they should do it. Those who disagree will simply sit out that dance.

Good luck.