Twin 2 Year Olds Fighting and Nver Sharing

words they need to learn to use words

both behaviors bad.

how old is the baby sitter? do they still sleep in cribs? have her do the same thing you do and if that doesn't work , put one in a crib for timeout so she can deal with the other.

Hard with 2 i had 2 less then a year, he was a biter but didn't last that long only about a month or so thankfully as he was bigger then his older sis even at the age of 9months and she at 21 months.

I have fisxed this in my house for the most part. I have 3 two year olds here. If they fight over the toy then that toy is lost and put up for a week. If they are not good at sharing then we could lose all of our toys. They know that is what will happen. Of course that is the last resort. 1st is a warning and the child who has the toy first gets to keep it and I ask the other child(ren) to find a different toy. 2nd time is a warning that they will lose the toy and asking the child with the toy if they can share. 3rd is tghe toy is taken from everyone and no one gets to play with it.

This teaches several things. 1. You can't just take something from someone. 2. You have to share. 3. If you can't do either of these things than you can't play with it at all.

It works for me, hopefully it will help you. As for the biting and hitting and the rough housing that would be an automatic time out and loss of playing privledges. It may not seem fair but an instigator should have time out too to help break that cycle.

Good Luck

My boy twins are now 5.5yo and I think most parents of twins have been there - done that. Kids that age want attention, solo, individual attention from their parent or caregiver. They do not care or think about what another may want or feel, I don't think they have the ability. They also have communication issues - we taught them some basic signs which helped soooo much. It's important to praise the positive behaviors when you see them behaving well, even if it is during solo play. If a toy is fought over, the toy goes away (it goes on top of the refrigerator in our house), we also did timeouts for the offender, but after the time out is over we sit and snuggle together and talk about why it was wrong and why they were punished, gave lots of love and moved on. Today, they are the best of friends, it's really amazing. They do have their moments, but for the most part play together almost all the time and are happy to do so. Good luck - this phase shall pass.

I don't have twins but my kids are 3.5 and 4.5 (14 months apart) so they are interested in many of the same toys/ activities. We run into a lot of sharing issues. You might want to give the timer a try. I often use it and it works well with them. When they were younger I did a lot of redirecting - either getting one chid interested in another toy or changing the activity altogether. I also would put each child at opposite ends of the room from the start. When my kids bit each other I would hold their chins in my hand and tap their lips while saying "no biting". I did this because I wasn't sure they were making the connection between my words and their actions. I would also use feeling words to help them build their vocabularies and learn to communicate their frustrations without biting/hiting (they only started talking just after their second birthdays). At their current ages we remove the item being fought over if the kids can't come up with a workable solution or don't comply with an adult's solution. If warranted, we issue timeouts for aggressive behavior, tantrums, etc. Whatever you decide to do, make sure your babysitter knows how to implement it so there is consistency. Good luck to you.

T.,

I have two girls, 6 months apart! (My youngest was adopted)

I solved this problem in my house!!!!! It started out by buying two coats, obviously I buy two of everything! The tags were in the pockets and they are one size apart. So I got tired of searching the pockets to see who's coat was who's...so I took a permanent marker and wrote a "G" and a "M" on the back inside of each coat. They loved identifying who's coat belonged to whom.

ANYWAY... I then did it on their tricycles, their cameras, their dolls, EVERYTHING! So when they fight over something, whoever's name is on it, thats who it belongs to and we all go searching for the one that belongs to the other! IT really works well here and now they can spell their names at 2 and 3 years old!!!

GOOD LUCK!

Hi T.,

Here are some web sites:

http://www.good-child-guide.com

http://www.claremontpublishing.com/disciplinesecrets/

http://life.familyeducation.com/toddler/behavioral-proble...

Check the web mom's support group for twins in your area.

Hope this helps. Good luck. D.

T., I used a timer with my boys (now ages 5 and 7) - I still do some times - to make them take turns they fought over. It worked well. The timer on the oven worked well because it gave a count down and beeped loudly when it was time to switch toys. Good luck!

Been there!!! My twins are 3 1/2 now. They went through that stage where they drew blood from biting/pinching, stealing toys (even two of the same toy doesn't work!) etc. Everything you are talking about happened in our household with my boy/girl twins. What I did was show them the bruise etc and tell them it was wrong and asked them if they would like it done to them. I don't think they completely understood at first but they knew it was wrong after a while. Mind you, my daughter will still bite from time to time if she is really sleepy etc. I also would tap their mouth, not leave a mark just let them know it was wrong. I tried the time out but it never seemed to work in our house. I still stick them on the chair or steps for a couple minutes. I do have to tell you it does get easier. I may only be a year ahead of you but just recently they have started playing games with each other and it is nice that they have a playmate. I am sorry if my answer is all over the place but you know how interuptions are. Good luck! Need any other help with twins feel free to ask me, not that I am an expert!

I like the timer on the oven -- five minutes for each child. Also -- try putting the toy in time out. I'll say, if you can't figure out how to share, the toy goes into time out. That one works fairly well.

I'm looking forward to hearing the advice b/c I have two year old boy/girl twins, too & going through the SAME THING!!! They are WONDERFUL apart - but together is another story!!!!!!!! Good Luck!!!!

I've read the other posts & think you've gotten some good advice. (My kids aren't that old yet, so I'm sure I'll be dealing with this soon). Anyway one of the posters suggested that part of the problem may be a communication issue. You may want to teach them some sign language & train them to ask an adult for help getting the toy instead of biting/hitting. My son is only 16 months old & he knows a lot of signs, please, thank you, help, etc. There is a great website: www.mybabycantalk.com
Maybe if they have an understandable way of asking for things, the problem will become reduced.

I know it isn't always possible, but couldn't the baby sitter Do more activities with the kids??? Playdough, waterplay, reading stories, peek-a-boo with a blanket, stringing fruit loops or cheerios on a peice of dry spagetti stuck in a small marshmallow. Getting them outside or doing little fun exercises. It sounds like they only have trouble when they are on their own. She wouldn't have to play with both at once either if they weren't interested. Just be more involved. The kids could help her prepare lunch, or even help clean up a bit if you had 2 small little brooms,etc. I know they are only two, so their "helping" is less about actually getting something accomplished than just keeping them occupied and happy.

I would also ask her to chart when during the day the problem is the worst, before nap, before lunch?? are they getting enough to drink during the day, are they tired, that sort of thing. The beauty of an inhome babysitter is that she can change the schedule to meet the needs of the kids on a given day.
Good luck and just keep showing them the right way to behave, they'll get it, sooner or later.