A Question for Mothers of TWINS...

Hi M. I have twin girls born March 08' and they are the same way with each other. They climb over one another every now and then but they are always taking toys from each other. One is crawling while the other is just scooting place to place. I dont even intervene unless they start crying. And usually I just have to say "Girls" in an authoritative voice and they stop. But I am looking forward to a day when they can share better. They also have a big brother who is 2.5 and he too needs to learn about sharing more! Good luck to you.

My boys are similar in their activities. They are constantly connected at the hip and the best of friends... with many sibling fights. It's like they have their own language and rules, and no one else really gets it.

I had to teach them and repeatedly tell them about soft touches, being gentle, sharing, not taking things out of the hands of the other. I still keep encouraging them to use their words, gestures and come get an adult if they need help... instead of fighting or asserting their power. I don't let them scream. I tell them to use indoor voices, to whisper, or to be quiet. I talk quiet when I say whisper and quiet, so they understand what I'm saying. I teach them short phrases, words and gestures they can use to get their point across.

When they couldn't really say much, I showed them a few sign language gestures such as please, thank you, more, etc. There are children't sign language books you can get for infants. I encourage them to communicate by using the sign and speaking the word at the same time. Then I show them what it means.

They need to learn to respect each other's space and boundaries. These habits may begin to be practiced with other children as they grow older, so it's important to address them now with communication, encouraging sharing and learning boundaries.

Ohhhh how you've brought back memories. :) My twin boys are now almost 10, but man it seems like just yesterday!! I couldn't put them in the same playpen together, because Jordan was always a little more advanced and mobile than Jeremy. I found that putting up baby gates and giving them the living room was the best solution for me. My oldest son is almost exactly 2 yrs older than the twins, so I did have a little bit of "help" to alert me if something was happening when I'd make a quick bathroom trip.

Just to let you know... it DOES get better! :) Mine still fight, like brothers do... but in the same respect they are lost if they are without the other for long. (((hugs))) It takes a special person to be a mom of multiples, and God chose you! Congrats!!!

sounds similar to my kids... like so many have said they really have to figure it out. i was always running to rescue my daughter from her brother, until i realized that this was not teaching them how to resolve conflict with each other. i wanted them to learn how to get along without a third person, so i just let them go (unless some one was really getting hurt-- notice i didn't say someone was whining, i said getting hurt) and they figured it out. they are much better buddies because of it, i think. and my daughter can stand up for herself and say 'no' to him instead of 'MOMMY!'

I have boy/girl twins and they are still on top of each other...my girl is the dominate one she was always on top/stealing things/pushing her brother out of the way. I found that you can stop it when it happens but really it didn't get better until my son started to fight back. So my advise is to let your daughter know it isn't OK but the other girl really has to be the one who will have to put a stop to it. Sorry I don't have better advice.

Hi M.,

I am the mother of twin boys born in November of 2006 and I can remember all to well the days I spent playing nothing but referee between the two of them.
I believe, I tried to let them work out thier own issues as long as there was no hair pulling or biting or anything along those lines. My dominant twin Aidan would bully his brother quite often. Finally, Nico just starting fighting back he wouldn't let Aidan take his toys away any more and we have reached a little balance in our lives.
Don't get me wrong there are still bad days, but now there are days when they play really nice with one another.

I don't have multiples but have cared for several sets of twins and one set of triplets.
have you considered getting another "cage" and putting them next to each other so each has their own private area but close enough to still be together?

My boys did the same thing. Casey was mobile a little earlier than Tyler, so he was crawling all over him all the time. We would only put them in for short times to try to prevent the problem. Once Tyler finally started crawling (about 3 weeks later) he was able to start "out-crawling" him. We finally just opened the play yard as a giant baby gate and gave tehm the whole room. It seemed like the larger area helped. Now that they are running around and climbing on everything, they love to run back and forth in opposite directions across the rooms, passing each other and giggling. If one crawls on the couch, the other plays peek-a-boo over the arm of the couch. They still fight over the same toys although we have two of nearly everything. Now instead of climbing on each other, I have one that will hit the other, and the other one bites. They will even pull the other off of someone's lap. We are working on these problems, but I am starting to think they will always "compete" with each other. It doesn't seem anything we have tried has worked. I asked this site a few weeks ago what to do about the hitting and biting, and still have 0 responses. Good Luck.

Hello! Twins are soo fun! I am also blessed with twins, who are about 13 months old - boys, supposedly identical, but don't look like that.

Anways - one of my boys also wants to always be on the other one. Cole hates when Gage squeezes him, hugs him, lays on top of him, pulls him down, etc. I haven't yet been able to stop Gage from doing this, although we do attempt to stop him, pull him off and say no, Brother doesn't always like to be close, etc.... One thing that has worked and I believe is important for their own identity is to give them ALONE time. For example, we separate them. Right now, it's only into a pack n play for one and a jumper for the other, but in the future I want to literally separate them so tehy have separate alone time with Gma, Nana, Dad, Mom, etc.... Best of luck! If you also have a pack n play, turn it into a playpen, and put some toys in it and let one have time in there and one have time in the baby cage. Or, read to one while the other is 'confined.' At first they may not like it, increase time and put on other distractions at first (Baby Einstein videos work great). Now, we are up to 20-30 minutes of alone time which is good for all involved (Me and them). Expecially your daughter who hates being crawled on!

Congrats on your twin girlies. I have twin girls that were born February 2006, and I know exactly where you are coming from. I don't have a solution for you, except to keep doing what you are doing. Since my twin girls could play, they fought - even if we had four of the same toy, they still fought over one. When they were about 18 months to 2 years, the fighting turned into biting, and then a little over 2 the biting stopped (with the help of a squirt of lemon juice and time out every time they bit each other).... One of our girls still gets on top of the other one when they are playing, but I think its her way of loving her sister (and being a nusance to her sister at the same time).

We do have to intervene, but we figure that they will eventually work it out between themselves. At three years old, they understand when we seperate them and talk to them why they hurt each other and how they should resolve their problems.

Congrats on your miracles! I too have identical twin girls who will be 4 in March. I understand your situation, and like I have learned along the way, sometimes it's just a part of being a parent of multiples. I also have 2 older boys (soon to be 10 and 8), so the activity levels are high here, and trips to the bathroom can be a challenge to accomplish! While I don't have a specific suggestion to stop the problem, what I do offer is that they will work through it. While you need to make sure they are not hurting each other (accidentally or intentionally), they will figure out how to manage each other. I am still amazed at how well my girls have learned to share relative to their age. They were very good with that from very early on. It is very common for kids (multiples and singletons) to want the same toy - again something they will learn to deal with as you help them. If one takes a toy from the other, just say "We don't take things from people" and hand it back. I know this age is not able to reason with that yet, but you are giving them the example they need. If it becomes a big issue, remove the toy and distract them with something else for the moment.

In terms of the crawling on each other, as long as she isn't hurt, they can be pretty tolerable of each other. Remember, they shared a tight space in the womb for months! My girls will still occasionally bump into each other or knock heads because they occupy the same space and activity frequently, but they are used to that and being so close to one another that it doesn't really phase them - they don't become angry - they just keep going.

Just sit and watch them when you can - I used to (and still do) just observe them as the interact with each other. It is an amazing thing to see them as they continue to learn social skills and problem solve with each other. Since you haven't had singletons, you may not have a base to compare the twins to, but it is a very special relationship that they have, and to watch it unfold is a blessing not many others have the opportunity to witness. Hold them close - they grow quickly - seems like my elementary kiddos and preschoolers were babies just yesterday......

Good luck and enjoy the ride!!