Toddler Daughter Is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

What ever you do for dicipline, you need to do it every time consistently and with love, so that she knows that you dislike the behavior, and still love her. You may have to do this more than you would like to, but eventually, it will sink in and she will get it.

It is natural for her to feel this way. If your husband came home and said, "sweetheart, I love you so, so much that I am going to bring home another wife so that I can have more of what is so great about you..." you would hate that too! She can feel the ways he feels, but she can't strike out, and be grateful that you have the chance to teach her this lesson at home, where she is safe and sound and in a loving enviornment!

M.

HI R.,

Yes this is normal and no, you didn't lead her to this with spankings. Spankings are not to taunt or tease, they are a form of discipline. Her behavior is a smidge of jealousy that you don't know is coming until the little one is born. My oldest daughter did it (and I swear she was perfect until my second came along, lol) and my sister in law tells me horror stories of what she did to her little sister when mama wasn't around.

Making her apologize is always good but also try to make her understand that this is her baby as well as yours. The little one has not taken you away from her. Two year olds think concretely so you can't explain or reason with her. Tell her that the baby is yours AND hers to care for. Tell her Daddy expects you both to be good caretakers. Tell her one day she'll be able to be her best friend and playmate. And as you have been doing, discipline her for any inappropriate behavior.

M.

PS I always wondered if it would be better for them if I had more kids....God only blessed me with two so I'll never know :)

Hello, I am raising my 2 nieces for 6 years now; and when I got custody of them, one was 6 months old and the other was 3. I have punished, yelled, explained ect.. since then; and am still going through this jealousy stage with them and they are now 8 & 5, going on 9 and 6 this month and next! It has taken me a while to realize that is IS jealousy! I try very hard to equal everything out, but they are competing for attention, at home and in school. Just keep your patience and keep reminding them that you love them for the wonderful person that they are! Explain to your oldest that she is hurting the baby; and would Not like it if the baby hit her back. If you have to, try the time out but please keep encouraging her to be happy that she was blessed with a baby sister and that it makes her the Big Sister! Try to teach her how she can help You with the baby; and make things fun for her to learn about the baby! Our children grow up so fast! I am happy to say that my almost 9 yr. old has finally realized that she is the Big Sister and is taking her "job" seriously and trying to stop the jealousy and teach her sister right from wrong and is protecting her all the time now to the best of her abilities! Hang in there mom and try to remember that positive re-enforcement works best! I am sure that God will Bless and guide your family! Have a great day!!!
Truly & Sincerely,
Kathy N.

It sounds like she's jealous of the attention the baby is getting, which really is perfectly natural--although I understand your feelings totally. My oldest was three when the younger one came along. Every time I sat down to feed the baby, big brother would do something to divert my attention. I think big sis will eventually settle down but it is definitely important for you to let her know that her behavior won't be tolerated. You'll need to continue to be vigilant about that. You might also consider spending "Big Sister" time once in awhile with just her; take her to the park, ask someone else to keep baby and spend time playing with her, etc. I know it's hard to have two little ones at the same time but you'll make it! Best of luck!

Making her kiss the baby may backfire if she's jealous. If a child is made to deny real feelings and pretend feelings that don't exist, their own deep issues go unacknowledged and become even more troublesome.

I hope you'll read Siblings Without Rivalry, by Faber and Mazlish. I've heard that book highly praised by moms who have used it. I haven't read that one myself, but another book on children's communication by the same authors is fabulous, and I use their approach with my grandson with great results (How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk). These authors know what they are doing.

Don't worry, this will pass. My daughter was 2 when her baby brother was born. She acted just like that and it didn't stop until he was big enough to get around. Then she decided he was fun.I just made sure the baby wasn't left where she could get to him.