Looking for Advice on Introducing New Baby to Toddler

my children are 3 years apart. When I was pregnant everyone told me that my son would be real jealous, I started asking what I could do to prevent that. The best advice I received was to make him feel like the baby was his. So when the baby would cry I would ask him what he thought was wrong with his sister. He would think about it and say mom maybe she needs you to change her or maybe she is hungry.
Making them feel part of instead of pushed aside is so great. By the way my kids are 19 and 16 now and are best friends.!!!

When we were expecting a second child, I got my son a baby doll. He was only allowed to "play" with it when we were watching. This way we could show him how to handle the baby. We treated it as though it were real.

It just takes time. My son was 23 months when his brother was born. It was really difficult for months. The first week he just ignored the baby, then it was game on. By 9 months they started to play together well and really enjoy each other. My baby is 11 months now and he'd rather be playing with his brother than with me! One thing that has been helpful is for me to have my husband take the baby so I can just spend time with my 2 year old. He misses my undivided attention.

My son was two and half when my daughter was born. I did several things to make the transition easier. They are in their thirties now and very close, so I guess I did it right. I encouraged him to talk to his baby (didn't know whether boy or girl) prior to her birth. He patted my stomach a lot and we refered to "his" baby. Prior to her birth I purchased several toys and he got a new toy every day for five days from his new baby sister. I encouraged him to touch her (gently) and kiss her. I also included him in her care as much as possible. Getting a diaper or shirt or a toy or whatever. They have always had a close bond. Hope this helps, have a happy baby!

Hi C.~ I have 2 year old twins and recently had a new baby. I was in the same situation and had the same concerns as you. I rented a video called Baby Bears New Sister and checked several books out from the library. I don't know how much any of this helped though. Somehow, everything turned out just fine. My twins love their baby sister and they all get along just great. In retrospect, all my worrying was for absolutely nothing. So my best advice is to give your son lots of TLC and continue to talk to him as you have been. I think you will be pleasantly surprised when the new baby comes. Best of luck!

I have three kids there about that same span of years apart. I have found that it helps to have the child feel ownership of the new baby. Say "YOUR baby will be coming soon" "Come feel YOUR baby kick" When the baby does come. Let your 3 year old help whenever possible. Have the 3 yr old help with the birth announcements, something like" "Mike" is please to announce the birth of his baby sister "Katie" " He is less likely to feel jealous of something he owns. Good luck!

i have a 2 yr old and a 5 month old and it is pretty tough. however, it is also a blast. i did alot of things before my second was born.
we bought my son a doll and encouraged play with it. we spent some time with other families with new babies.
we let dad do alot of special things with him before baby came, like bedtime routine.
we had a big brother party the day after she was born. very simple with a favorite treat and one present.
we talked about baby sister all the time and had special time with mommies belly.
we loved reading baby on the way by dr. sears
dad took time off to play with the 2 yr old the week that the new baby came and had grandma do the same.
the list is endless really when i think about it, the adjustment was pretty great early on. however, he had gotten a little jealous lately. i think they have to go through that and better that they act it out or talk it out instead of keeping it in. good luck. it will be tons of fun!!!

D.

That's how my two are spaced and my daughter did pretty well. One thing we did was to have her pick out a gift for the new baby and help her wrap it. We also got her a gift from the new baby and gave it to her at the hospital.
We took her with us to the ultrasound, so she could see that and we made sure she got to feel the baby move.
Another good tip is to not be holding the baby when the toddler comes to see you in the hospital. That way you can hold your toddler and let him meet the baby on his own terms.

Don't give up! Remember also that even a month or two makes a HUGE difference at this age! Maybe you should let it go for a month or two and then try again.

The next time you go over to see your friend with the baby have your son sit on your lap and then have your friend hand the baby to you and your son and you help him hold the baby when he is in your lap. May be that will help with him and let him know that you have a baby bother or sister in your belly and let him talk to the baby and let him tell the baby a story.

I completely agree with Jill L. (about 3 responses down). I have a 2 1/2 year old and just had our second in January. When Finnegan (the 2 1/2 year old) asks me to do something when I am feeding Maggie I say things like, "okay, I can't do it right now, but I can in a little bit". I know infants are often a lot of work, but they also sleep a lot, so more than likely you will still have a lot of time with your toddler. So far Finnegan has not shown any jealousy signs, but honestly who knows if it is because of that or because he is just an easy kid. Good luck!

My son was younger than yours will be. He was just over 2 when baby brother was born. We didn't really have any problems, but I was worried about it and bought him a doll. I also borrowed one of those doll car seats (from a mom with lots of girls). We took them both to the hospital, and Big Brother got to bring his own baby home when Mommy and Daddy did. The plan was to have him mimic me as I took care of the real baby, but he never really cared.
I would try to hold more babies, even for just a short amount of time. And talk to him about how "a baby like this is going to come live at our house." Tell him it will cry a lot, but it's okay because babies can't talk like he can, so they just cry. Have him help you set up the nursery and maybe even draw a few pictures just for the baby's room.
That's all I can think of. Good luck!

Something that I did with all my kids (I have 6) is when we found out the we were pregnant we wouldn't tell the kids until I started to show, because often times they were really young like your son. But when we did tell them, we said that we were going to have a new baby, meaning the whole family, not just mom or dad. I would always say we and not me. Then I would get them to try and feel the baby moving while I was pregnant, but that didn't always go so well. But when the baby does come, spend the time when the baby is sleeping with your son. Have a basket of goodies that he only gets to play with when you are feeding the baby close to where you are, so that he gets attention too while you are feeding. My son just turned 2 and our littlest one came home when he was 20 months. He was jealous of her, but he came around after a couple of days. Good luck and congrats.

I had the same concerns with my son who is now 8 and our first daughter who is now 5. We let him hold her as soon as he saw her and me at the hospital. He did go through about a day of hating her. But we just included him in EVERYTHING we did with her. If I was changing a diaper he holding the diaper and wipes so he could help. If I was feeding her I was reading him a story (I breastfed) so he wouldn't feel like I didn't want him. I also prayed alot from the time I found out I was pregnant and still going. They are best friends most of the time and he loves his sister like crazy and she adores her big brother.

We had the same situation. I talked with my son about being the "BIG BROTHER" and how he will be a big helper to me. Anytime the baby moved, I had him feel the baby moving. I then talked about how he will have a friend to play with. One problem I experienced with this is that he expected a playmate DIRECTLY after birth. I should have explained to him more about how it will take time for the baby to become his playmate. I also talked to him about how special he was to us.

I also talked to him about friends that had multiple children and how fun he had playing with all the kids. I explained that he will have a special sister or brother (we didn't find out the sex of our child) to spend time with and teach things to just like his friends.

I had my son help prepare things for the babies arrival. When the baby came, he came into the room right after she was born. He was so amazed! We included him as much as we could with anything to do with the baby. When I nursed my daughter, he would sit next to me and I would put my arm around him. We made a special "help" basket with baby items (diapers, wipes, clothes, etc.) so he could fetch the basket for me when I needed it. He also got to take care of putting dirty diapers and clothes in their places. I would then give him plenty of praise. I would tell him how wonderful he was and what an incredible helper he was to me.

This really helped with the adjustment period for us. I hope this helps. The kiddos are now 11 and 8. They are the best of friends!

Hello there I was in the same situation as you my boy turned 4 in September and I was due with our second in Oct this past year 2007 he was always really upset when I would hold my nephew or my friends babies as well but I told him I had a baby in my belly I also took him with me to have an ultrasound at the mall just me and him to find out it was a girl my husband was away on work and he was so excited to find out it was a girl we really thought we would have major issues cause he goes every where with me and is my whole life.. the first time he came to the hospital to see her he was so excited he and daddy stopped to buy a I'm the big brother shirt at the gift shop and bought one that said I'm the baby sister for her and we bought a hummer toy to take to the hospital and told him sister brought this with her to give to him and now she is 4 months we have had absolutly no problems at all the are best buds she will just light up and giggle every time he talks to her and he protects her like you would not believe they have this special little bond I used to lay on the couch and he would lay his head on my belly and she would kick and he thought it was the most amazing thing.. I think you will be amazed at how well he actually adapts to the new baby I was and still am every day at what an amazing big brother he has become.. good luck with your baby and your son..

My oldest son was 3 when his little brother was born. We did a lot of bonding with the baby before he was even born. My oldest got to hear the baby's heartbeat. He got to see the ultrasound. He felt the baby move. He talked to the baby inside my tummy. Pregnancy is so abstract for kids. Make it real to him. Play up the idea of him being a big brother. Talk about how he gets to be mommy's helper. Get him a doll so he can practice helping take care of the baby. Reading books about pregnancy, babies, younger siblings, and big brothers is great. Take him on a tour of the hospital so it's not so scary when he comes to visit you for the real event. It's perfectly natural for him to be jealous of the baby. He will also be mad at you. He'll get over it eventually. We had grandma come stay with the oldest while we were in the hospital. The time they spent together was exciting for him. They made a birthday cake for the baby. When they came to the hospital we sang happy birthday to the baby and ate cake. The baby had a big brother present for his big brother. And when big brother holds the baby for the first time --- your heart will melt. Don't let it hurt your feelings when the oldest chooses to play over fussing over the baby. Babies are interesting for a very short period of time for a toddler and a nuisance the rest of the time. You and your husband will have to take turns. One parent per child. Giving lots of attention to each. And, honestly, I let my oldest watch a lot of tv for awhile so I could take care of the baby and myself. They say the first 6 months are the toughest. It gets better. Now my oldest is 4 (almost 5) and my youngest is 1. They're just now starting to play together (and fight, too). Your family will be fine.

I know he's a boy, but my sister gave her son a baby doll to play with and act like he was the daddy. Also, with mine I showed him pictures of babies, talked about how babies cry and get up and how much fun it would be to have a little brother or sister. It worked for the most part. My sister has had one more since then and with her two year old, she gave her a stroller and baby that had little diapers. She continues to have my older niece do things for the baby. She is a little jealous and with my BIL deployed right now, it can be hard. She just spends more alone time with her older two. Congratulations and good luck!!!!

C. - A book that really helped me was the "Girlfriends Guide to Toddlers" - by Vicki Iovine. There's a section on that with some great advice. It's a very informative book with a lot of humor. One thing that really helped us too was to make sure our oldest got to touch and hold the baby. We really tried to limit how much we said...don't touch the baby, be quiet the baby is asleep, etc. Best wishes!

The best advice I ever got on having a second child is never blame anything on the baby. What this means is that if you have to go home from the park to feed your baby, NEVER tell your toddler that is why you are going home. You never lie, just tell him that it is time to go home. If you are nursing and can't do what he wants, do not tell him that you can't help him because you are feeding the baby. This needs to start before you even have the baby (don't use pregnancy as an excuse for not doing something your child wants you to do). I heard this before I had my second child and it was a life saver. We had no jealousy problem until the baby was a bout 6 months old. At that point I realized I had started to "blame the baby". Once I stopped, the jealousy stopped.

Also, with my last baby I took my two daughters to the store to buy a small gift for their baby so that when they came to the hospital to meet him they would have something to give him. I also went to the store before he was born and bought two small gifts for the girls and wrapped them. I took them to the hospital with me when I had the baby and when they came to visit their new brother for the first time they were very surprised and pleased to find that he had gifts for them too. They spent the next month trying to figure out how their baby brother was able to get them presents so quickly after being born.

I have also tried having the older children/child participate in baby care, using a baby doll, and referring to the new baby as their baby. These all work very well. I also used nursing time as toddler time. We read stories, drew pictures, and talked about all kinds of things. I don't think the older child even realized I was occupied with the baby a lot of times.

My daughter was 3.5 when we finally had our second. What helped was talking to her about HER and the new baby. What she could do and how it was our baby, her baby etc. When the older sibling feels ownership and responsibility it helps them not be so jealous. Also as you get on in your pregnancy any pains or discomfort or inability to lift your child: don't blame it on the baby, blame it all on yourself. Mommy isn't strong enough to pick you up today... Mommy's feeling sick today can you be a big boy and help me? We talked a lot about all the things that our daughter could do but that her baby wouldn't be able to do and all the things she would need to teach it. She got really excited about that. You are right, the older sibling needs to be prepared for a new sibling. I worked with a large group of kids who were getting a new sibling sometime soon and those whose parents helped prepared them did better than those who didn't talk about it and start weening them from some of the dependence. Best of luck.

I was in your exact situation last year. My son was almost 3 when our new baby was born. You are doing the right thing by being open about the new baby. I tried to make it clear that the new baby was "our" baby. As in the family is having a new baby not just me. The baby was just as much my son's as mine. I included him in every aspect of getting ready for the baby. By the end of the pregancy, he was just as exctited as me. He talked to the baby and sang to the baby while I was pregnant. I also made sure to set up the baby gear well before the new baby got here. That way, my son was able to get used to the swing, crib, etc being around beforehand. Also the novelty of trying to play with these items wore off before the new baby needed them. When the baby got here, I let him help me take care of her as much as he was capable. After all, he is her "big brother and that's an important responsibility" as he says. Good luck! :)

When I went from one to two children I just really tried to include my daughter in everything that we did with the baby. He was her baby too, I never called him my baby. I let her sit with us while I nursed him so she didn't feel that the baby was getting all the attention. And I made sure to make time for just her and I still. My husband would keep the baby while I ran to the store or something, and I'd make sure to take my oldest. Not a huge thing, but it gave us one on one time.

It will be rough. It is a hard adjustment for a person who has a hard time communicating feelings. My 3 year old really acted out a lot for about 2 months before and after my baby's birth. I enrolled us in a mommy and me class and had somebody (usually my husband) watch the baby. She got alone time with me and it got some exercise, too, which she wasn't getting as much when the baby was first born. I let her help me change diapers and hold bottles. She helped me rock the baby to sleep. It was not easy, and I suspect the next time around will be pretty hard, too. We did get through it, though. Just watch for opportunities to focus more on the older child(ren) whenever you can. My baby is now a year old and the girls are best of friends. They disappear into the playroom for 1-2 hours at at time and get mad if I come interrupt! Good luck!

Hi C.!

I have great advice for you as I had the same situation exactly! And actually twice! I have three little boys and my first son Jacob was exactly 2 yrs. and 10 days older than our middle son Sammy. We were given the greatest advice from friends about how to handle the jealousy and first introduction to a baby brother.

What you do is go to the store and buy a toy and package it as a gift from the baby to your oldest son. Also, you take your son to the baby store and have him pick out a plush little animal for his soon to come baby brother. And talk to him about it, "Do you think he'll like bears like you do? Or do you think he'll like dogs better..." stuff like that to get him thinking about his brother as a future friend and playmate! Never underestimate the intelligence of a 2 yr. old. They get it much quicker than we can imagine.

Then the day your new baby is born you make sure that when your son is brought in to see you and the baby... You are NOT holding it! You are in bed and ready to catch your little guy in a hug and give him lots of attention prior to the introduction. It's best if the new baby is in the crib or hospital roller bed. No one should be holding the baby. If you can wait until he directs his attention to the new baby it's best but you'll know when it's time to introduce him to the new baby and let him give his present to his new little brother then and give him his present from his baby brother.

Next, let him sit in your lap and hold him or if you can let him give a bottle to the new baby and already get to touch and help with him in some safe way!

It worked like a charm with both baby brothers in our family! They are all so close to this day and I never had one of them say they wish the other one wasn't here or show any jealousy. It works! Don't worry anymore! It will be totally okay and even wonderful for you and your husband to see the love grow right before your eyes! Good luck and best wishes!

Warmly,
K.

Hi C.,
We also have a 2 year old (girl) and we are expecting our second little girl in late May, about 3 weeks before her third birthday. She has always been very very attached to me and has even gone as far as telling her dad that she loves mommy only. We have always tried to speak with her, and not baby things down to her so she speaks and understands pretty well. When we first introduced the idea of another child, we phrased it as "you're going to have a baby brother/sister" and we have been trying to make sure we keep her involved in the pregnancy. We didn't take her to the ultrasound, but we did bring home pictures and showed her what "her new baby" looked like and she's been very receptive. Also, my husband has been spending extra time with her, play time and putting her to bed, etc., so that she can become a little more accustomed to less time with me. Hope that helps! - W.

The older child gets used to hearing, 'just a minute, I need to help the baby' so every once in awhile, if possible, I would say to the newborn when she was crying, 'just a minute, it is "Emma's" turn right now. It seemed the older child really liked that the baby has to wait her turn sometimes too and she was top priority.

I have 4 kids and with each new addition it has been an adjustment. My 2nd really struggled when the 3rd and even the 4th came along. Some kids just need more attention than the others. Of course, she is quite spirited and demands it. My first just let her do her thing, but over time I can tell he silently wants more attention. I think the best thing you can do it be aware of your 1st's needs and make time for him often, especially when the bhaby is asleep. Also, get him involved in helping out with getting diapers and helping with the baby. Let him hold the baby with you there and talk about him/her. Make sure he knows he is loved. I recently read a book about this very thing. The mother noticed her child getting jealous so she sat him down with some candles. She had one for her and she lit it and explained that she had all of her love. Then she met and married her husband and gave him love - lit the candle - and said she still had all of her love and gave all of her love to him as well. Then she had another candle for her son and did the same thing, saying that she still had all of her love but she gave love to his daddy and to him. Then the last candle was for the baby, doing the same thing. She is able to have love for them all and the candles were all lit. I thought that was a wonderful analogy to help him understand. I am also reading a great book about parenting you may want to read. It is called, "Positive Discipline". It is changing the way I view discipline and is really working well with my kids. They are happier and so am I. The best of luck to you!

I just spoke in a really excited and positive way about the new baby that was coming, portraying baby brother as a wonderful thing, and how she would be able to help. Then, really importantly, I made sure I was NOT holding the baby when my daughter came to the hospital to meet him. She came straight to me and I gave her a big hug, and then let her look at him in Dad's arms. Then, I gave her a 'big sister' present from the new baby. Doing a lot of 'big brother' talk, might be helpful, too; how he'll be able to help, all the things he'll be able to teach the new baby, the things he can do that the baby can't, etc. Good luck.

Luckily our DS (2-1/2) is quite fond of his new baby sister. Like you we started telling him that a new baby was coming to the house. We also brought him along when we would buy things at Target or BRU telling him "these are for the baby" while putting them away. He's always kinda liked babies (or any kid smaller than he) so when she did arrive he thought it was the coolest thing to be able to hold her. If your friends are okay with it, how about letting your son hold the baby while just sitting on the couch watching TV? I think if he feels he's involved in this whole process it'll go a long way.

Even though he's a boy you may want to think of getting him own baby doll. To practice being gentle and loving to. Also, when baby comes and you just don't want him to hold the little one right then he can still be like you and hold his own baby.

My girls are only 20 months apart. When I was pregnant w/my 2nd daughter I too read the age appropriate books, talked to her about the new baby, ect. I took her to some OBGYN appts w/me so she could hear the baby's heartbeat. I let her feel my stomach when the baby moved. She was so excited about it. I bought her two "special gifts" to give her the day the new baby was born. Then the big day came. I took these "special gifts" with me to the hospital. After the baby was born, my mother brought her to the hospital to see me and the new baby. I let her sit in bed w/me and gave her these "special gifts", one from mom and dad and one from her new baby sister. She has forgotten about the gift from mom and dad but she still sleeps with the gift from her new baby sister! I would let her sit in my lap or next to me while I was nursing, I let her help with bath time by holding the towel or letting her put lotion on the new baby. They are the best of friends! I would not change a thing! S.

Hi C. -

You are in the excact same position I was in last year. I was pregnant with my 2nd child and my son was 2 years old. He turned 3 in November just 3 days before I had his baby sister and the whole time I was pregnant I was very concerned about how he would handle a new sister since he is very attached to me and also got jealous whenever I held another baby. I asked my friends the same questions you had and they all told me that he will be different since it is his own baby. I started to tell him around my 6th month of pregnancy that I had a baby in my tummy and I would explain that he used to be in my tummy, I got out the pictures of when he was born and showed them to him to prepare him... I think the best thing to do is prepare them ahead of time. After the baby came, my son has been very loving towards his sister and he even wants to hold her at times and I think it is so cute when he refers to her as his baby - he will ask me where his baby is? He does still get jealous, but not often and I do try and make time for him and hold him and cuddle him too. But all in all they will adjust and realize your love can grow. Good luck .. oh and there are books out there you can buy - my aunt got a me a book called "I'm a big brother" and we read it all the time.

We have a 4 year old, a 3 year old, and a 1 year old. Jealously is a real issue (not so much with my oldest as my last two). We had "the baby" bring a gift for her older brothers the day she was born. We also have had the boys really active in helping take care of their baby sister. It's important that you find a way to spend one on one time with your oldest (difficult when you'll be so sleep deprived, but SO IMPORTANT). Tell and show him how much you love him even more than you do now. I've also been told that practicing for the newborn with your oldest using a doll for him to practice helping take care of the baby: feeding, diapering, comforting. GOOD LUCK! It will be fun and challenging, too. :-)

--C.

Include him in conversations about your baby. Tell him there is a baby in your belly and that he is getting another sibling. Reassure him that you won't love him less when the new baby is born.

Something I did with mine - my husband was okay with it - was I got him a baby doll...actually my mom got him a doll...that he could hold. I would tell him to be careful with the baby.....when my second boy was born, my first did very well.

Make sure to include your three year old in as much as he can when your little one is born. Ask him to get a blanket for the baby or a diaper....this will help him not feel like he is being left out.

My First little boy, alex, was 3 when we had our second. We talked to him every day about the new baby we were going to have and how he was going to be a big brother, which he got excited about. we talked about how he could help when the baby came and made it his baby too. Most of the time we refered to the baby as his little brother. Before i went to the hospital we purchased a few toys that the new baby gave to his big brother when alex came to visit at the hospital. We let alex hold the baby and help with what he could when we got home and tried to make him as apart of the experience that we could. Jealousy still happens though. we found that alex still needed time with us without the baby, so we have done stuff with just alex and not the baby. Our baby is 9 months now and alex loves him. he will still act up when he wants attention, but i think that is just children trying to express themselves. They need to know that you love them and they are still important even though a new baby has come. Try to make time still for you and your older son, one on one, so he has all your attention, even if it is just when the baby is napping. this was something that worked well after the baby came for me. I use to put both the kids down for naps at the same time so I could get something done or rest, but i found that it worked better to use that time to play with my older son. Now he doesn't nap at all, so when the baby goes down for a nap, i still use this time to be with alex. good luck with everything. i hope this could help.

2 to 3 years is a really good span, because they really are more accept. I had twins and I let them hear the baby's heart beat in the doctor's office. I also had them touch my belly and feel it when the baby kicked or moved. I included them in my conversations with the baby and I told them that the baby was their baby too. You can have your husband help in this by taking turns with him instead of you both spending all of the time and talk about taking turns. I played on the floor with the kids and taking my turn also so they learned to adjust to sharing. K

Hi C.. I have 3 kiddos myself; 9mo,3 yrs and 5 yrs. I remember a friend gave me advice to make my oldest to feel special because they would be a big sibbling, and to focus on what they will be able to teach their new little baby.
ie. " Now, your new brother won't be able to do this, this and this, like you can. So you'll have to help him out. Okay?" This may come more late summer for you. ie. (He won't be able to talk, or eat with a spoon,etc.)
Also a special "big brother" gift from baby when he comes home is good too! I think it takes away the bad feelings a bit.
Hope this helps!
J.

Bring a little treat home from the hospital and say it is from the new baby.

You will be surprised to how quickly he adjusts. I can say my kids were the same ages when I had my son. He came in July and my daughter turned three in Sept. First get him excited and take him to your visits at the OBGYN. My daughter loved seeing the baby on the monitor, hearing the heartbeat and hearing she was going to get to be a big sister.
Then make sure he knows that things will change, however not necessarily for the worse. Talking to him openly how to hold a baby, that babies cry when they are hungry, need diapers changed and tired so he isn't freaked with the crying. My daughter actually chewed me out several times when her brother cried and I didn't jump to his attention. The good news is that newborns sleep a lot during the day so it won't take away from time with your son really. He will demand you pay attention to him at the worst times, like when the baby needs fed and so forth, but include him in the process and that will help. Constantly tell him he gets to teach the baby all the big boy things he knows and how fun it will be when they can play together. My son couldn't grow up fast enough for my daughter, now they battle who is getting into who's stuff, hee hee, but as long as you include him in the process, talk to him constantly about what to expect and remind him why babies need so much attention, he will adjust. Also get out his baby pictures so he knows too that you did the same for him when he was first born. Do not let him act out, he needs to just understand that he isn't less important but babies aren't big boys like he is. My daughter would kind of be jealous with other babies, however when it was her brother it became "her baby", I also got her a boy baby doll so she had to take care of her baby when I took care of her brother. Also remember to get him a surprise so when you bring the baby home it can be from the baby! :) Get him a shirt displaying "I am the big brother", that helped the pride factor with my daughter.

I have not had to deal with this yet. But I heard some great advice from a friend. If you are reading or doing something with your older child and the baby starts to cry, it's ok to let the baby cry while you finish with your first child. The baby will not remember, and the older child will know you care enough about them to be with them. You don't have to drop everything for the baby, just as long as you are not neglecting it. Maybe this was ok for me to hear because my daughter was colicky. Therefore, I am used to hearing a baby cry.
Also, this same friend let her older childred go with daddy after the baby was born and pick out the outfit that the baby came home from the hospital in. I thought this was a neat idea.
Good luck, I have been reading some of the responses. I will tuck them away for when I have this problem.

I was once told that bringing a new baby into a family with a child already is like telling your husband you love him so much you are going to get another husband to love more.

When I was pregnant with my second child, I would tell my 2 year old that we were having the baby for her to have a sibling. I would let her touch my belly to feel the baby, show her pictures of a baby in uterine and involve her in all the purchases in getting ready for the baby. When Corie was born it required added attention once because I wanted to honor her helping with the care of the new baby.

Your son's personality will be the key for you to work from though. He is most likely differnt from my daughter and your focus should be on what works for him.

You may try having him spend special time with your husband, friends or grandparents now so you will have a routine that will give you one on one time with the new baby.

My daughters did go thru a period of mutual loathing when they were in middle and high school (sibling conflict is normal to a point) but their younger years and now in their adult years they are VERY tight.

Understanding each one's personality and requirments is BIG when coaching them to get along - they will never require the same kind of parenting - a big mistake of many parents.

The other thing I would tell them when they were older was that their sibling is the closest person (coming from the same parents) then anyone else on the planet to them -what a waste not to value that.

Good luck!
Nancy

You've gotten so many responses and I haven't read them all --hope my advice isn't redundant :0)

My daughter, Alex, was 2 1/2 when our son was born. From the time we learned we were pregnant, I was very careful to talk about "OUR" new baby -- never that Mommy is having a new baby. It was "WE" as a family are having a new baby.

Also, because we had our son at a birthing center we knew all along we wanted her to be involved at the birth, too. That gave her an even bigger sense of connectedness to the new baby instead of competition. Alex had her special job during the birth -- to tell Mommy to relax and to breathe.

We would practice it every day and watch Baby Story on TLC. This program would be another great resource for you. It shows documentary style tapings of families having their babies -- mostly in hospitals, some at birthing centers. She was definitely not too young for this, and it helped her to really understand how our family would be changing. The show also is good about showing older siblings welcoming the new baby and even visits the family at home a few weeks later to show the new arrival integrated into the family -- big brother bringing Mommy a bottle or whatever...

A boy may respond to that type of preparation differently, I don't know, but it worked beautifully with our daughter. He is 7 months old now and she still begs to hold "our baby Bryce" every chance she gets and he is her biggest fan already. Not a trace of jealousy to be found.

Good luck and congratulations!

My husband totally hated it, but we also did the baby doll thing. It was great. I think he changed one diaper, fed the baby, and was done with it. However, it has made a comeback now that we're expecting again. GL and congratulations!

Keep talking about "his" baby. Keep it positive. I have 6 kids, and they didn't always like other people's babies, but they like their own. When the baby comes, let him help hold the new sibling. Tell people who come visit what a good big brother you have at your house. Praise work wonders! Especially side talking - telling someone else what you want the child to "overhear." Sometimes they believe it more when they think they have accidentally heard it!

I can only imagine how hard it is on a first born when another child comes into the family. But you're doing a great job already by reading stories and trying to explain that soon there will be another person in the house and that that person will require a lot of attention from Mommy and Daddy. Other than introducing him to other babies (friends, family) I don't know of much else you can do to really prepare them.

When my second child was born and my son came to visit us at the hospital, we had a gift for him from his baby sister. Once we got home, I tried to spend as much one-on-one time with him as I could and tried to involve him in as much taking care of the baby as possible. He helped bathe her, handed me wipes for diaper changes, brought me burp cloths, etc. He was really helpful. He also got to spend a lot of extra time with dad - a bond that is so strong now! Inevitably, he did go through some jealousy - telling me to send the baby home, refusing to acknowledge me (that was tough) for about 3 days. But he accepted his sister quickly and as she got older, he would keep her company, make her laugh, help feed her and now he helps her a lot (she's 3, he's almost 5). Just acknowledge his feelings and when things are getting ugly, do whatever you can to spend some extra time with just him.

Best wishes.

C.,

I just had my second baby in November and my son was just barely 2. We talked about the pregnancy and baby sister all the time, but he never really understood or even seemed interested in my ever expanding belly. We hadn't even really been around other babies. So, I was very nervous about bringing the baby home. However, I was pleasantly surprised! My son immediately started "helping" the baby with her pacifier and blankets and acted like she has always been here. We didn't do any special gifts for him, but he was also a little younger than yours will be. It might be nice to give him something from the baby. ALso, make sure you and your husband still spend one on one time with him once the baby comes. Even a little bit of one on one time with you while dad takes care of the baby will do wonders!

Good Luck.