Teenage Daughter

I'm going to call this normal teenage behavior. Puberty is hard on the body and mind. Most kids hit a time when they need to sleep more. Besides, what 13 yr old wants to hang out with family? I know I didn't.

Teens are tough, that's for sure. Certainly she's feeling the change in her personality as well. With you working, it's hard to supervise and be certain she does as she's told. I am a pediatric nurse, have 4 kids and work full time. My husband lives out of town, so I single parent. First, go to lunch or something and just tell her you are worried. Let her know you are there for her and you love her and you know adolescence is tough. Give her a book like "Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul". Make a contract with her that may include collecting the cell phone at 11p or midnight. Review her text messages at random--it's a great glimpse into her life. In the contract she does x and gets y. Maybe it's the dishes each night or 4 loads of laundry a week or something...and she gets the phone overnight or she gets some cash. Money talks!

While it is true that so much of this can be chalked up to normal behavior, it is important to be realistic about behavioral changes that might indicate depression, drug experimentation or other social issues.

Hi N., well speaking from lots of experience, I raised 3 girls, this is somewhat normal!! girls this age are more into themselves and BOYS and it will only get worse before it gets better but you can do something! 1st~ you need to make her a chore list and stick to it!! she does her chores then she gets to do her fun stuff with her friend. 2nd~ make her do things with y'all, I know she hates it but I bet once she gets to where y'all are and gets involved then maybe she will have fun (without the friend all the time). 3rd~ just sit down and talk to her! Explain that you understand that she is becoming a young woman and she probably has either a boyfriend or a guy she likes and he probably goes skating. that is where mine use to meet the guys they liked which was ok as long as that is the only place!
If I can ask you something?? How well do you know her friend and do you know the family?? My middle daughter had a friend that lived with us or her with them, the familys were good friends and they were always together but her friend always went on the family outings with us unless they were going on one with her family!! But my point is is that they had to do family things on a regular basis no matter what!! My girls eventually learned that if they all worked together then the chores were done faster and they could go skating or to the movies or to the others house!! I wish you alot of luck because it will be loads of fun with a teenage girl!! LOL.. but really the best thing you can do is to just sit down with her and get her to talk to you and tell you what is going on with her and her friend!! Explain to her that you love her and want her to be happy but that she has to do things that are not always fun or what she wants to do but as long as you two talk and keep talking then you will know what is up with her life! also set her a time to get up and tell her that she can stay up as late as she wants to as long is she is up at whatever time you set and she does her chores!! I would to talk to you if you want to, like I said I have been through it all with 3 grown daughters, 1 grown son, a 7 year old son and a 4 year old grandson (I'm raising him) so any help I can be then please feel free to write to me!! ............D.

Just something to keep in mind. I was a good kid, and at the same age your daughter is I was doing the same thing. Sleeping all day; however, I was sneaking out of the house and staying up with friends or talking on the phone at all hours of the night. Good Luck. Make her get up.

I think this is normal 13 year old behaviour, however I also think it is something that you might change now while she is still under your control. Imagine her doing the same things when she is old enough to drive and go out instead of just staying at home. You will NEVER see her. My sister has one the same age and tells her that she will go where the family goes with little exceptions. She has to get up when my mother wakes her up and if she stayed up late, too bad. The staying up late only happened one or two times and then she started going to sleep earlier. You might also consider telling her no cell phone after a certain hour or even taking it until the next morning. My sister actually did this too. See how that works. Your husband may be great but he may need to step up to the plate and help you! It may just be the thing your daughter needs and REALLY longs for. You will be surprised!

I agree with the others but on two levels. Yes, this is typical 13 year old behavior. But I also think that you might want to assign certain family outings that she is required to go on, without her friend. It is great for her to have a close friend like that..and perfectly normal and healthy. But, as she gets older, what she's going through will become more difficult, and if you don't want to lose her completely..you might want her to spend at least a little time with you guys. Maybe not even an outing..maybe just having dinner with only the family a couple nights a week, depending on what your schedules are like. You want her to know that you are always there for her..that she doesn't have to turn to her friends because she feels she can't come to her parents. I know from experience that this is not a good thing. I think if my parents had of made me spend more family time and less time with my friends some of the things that I went through as a teenager either wouldn't have happened, or I would have gotten better guidance. Anyway..if you make plans in advance for your family outings..maybe you could present what you have planned and tell her to pick the one that she wants to go on, but that she has to do something! Also, sleeping late is normal..but I do think you should make her do more around the house. I'm not saying 4 or 5 hours a day every day..she is still a kid..but every other night dishes, twice a week bathrooms, twice a week towels..once a week vaccum..that's not too much to ask since both you and your husband are out of the house at work all day, and she is out of school right now. I truely believe that one reason that we live in much a "lazy" world is because people don't enforce chores on their children. My son is four years old and he has chores that he has to do. Nothing major, he is still little, but he picks up his toys..he helps make his bed..he helps put his clothes up after I fold them, that kind of thing. This will give her what she needs to be a responsible mother and wife herself one day! Hope this helps:D

I have a 14 year old step-son, and yes this is normal behavior. However, keep in mind although it's "normal" behavior for a teenager, it's at the same time not "normal".

1) Teenagers do require more sleep than when they were younger.
2) Puberty is starting to hit and there are multitudes of hormones floating around in her body
3) This time in a child's life is CONFUSING as they attempt to acheive their "identity"
4) This time in a child's life can be difficult for many reasons: opposite sex, menustration, home work, peer pressure, etc. etc.

I would first have depression ruled out. Keep in mind that depression in children and adolescents do not appear the same as it does in adults, and the most common misdiagnosis among adolescents. Since you work for an MD he/she should be of some valuable help to you.

You mention nothing of her behavior, attitude, performance in school, etc. IN MY OPINION.... if all of these are good, then maybe she deserves a break. However if you have noticed a change in any of these I would be concerned.

I remember when I went through the Teenage years. I was confused and wanted to know about things that I had no one to talk to with about. I sincerely hope you have a relationship of trust with her where she will open up. You may have to initiate these conversations with her. As a nurse I assume you are not afraid to talk about the body, it's functions, etc.

Good luck

J.

I think some of this may be 'normal teenage behavior", HOWEVER no one should be allowed to sleep until 3 in the afternoon. At 13 I definitely had restrictions, and one of them was to go to bed at a descent hour and get up at a descent one. With it being summer, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask that she be up no later than 10 am. Look closely at who your daughter is hanging around with . I know you don't want to think of the possibility of drug use, but consider it. Family outings should not be that dreaded. I don't have any teenage kids but do remember that as a teenager right about the time I started using drugs was the time I no longer wanted much to do with my family. Not to put horror stories in your head. Kids grow up SO much faster than they used to.

Yes, this is normal. My daughter is only 1, but I remember those teenaged years all too clearly....My mom made me get up most of the time. I'd say let her have some leeway, but don't let her run the show. For instance, if you don't have a problem with this girl, then let her spend the time with her, but set boundaries, such as lights out at 11 and must be up by 10-whatever you feel is appropriate. As far as her not wanting to do things with the fam, the same thing goes-let her off the hook when appropriate, but make sure she knows that there are times when she will have to do what you want her to do and she can't have it her way all the time. If there is a problem with tv/computer, I'd say don't let her have it in her room, that way you can control how late she is up with it. Sounds like you are doing a great job. Hope this helps.
-K.

When I was her age, I had to get up at a decent hour every day because I had a list of chores that had to be done before my parents got home from work. Things like laundry, cleaning my room, vaccuuming the house, cleaning the kitchen, etc. I had a long list that would take me every bit of 4-5 hours to complete working steadily. If I slept until noon I wouldn't be able to get it done in time and I would get in trouble. But it does sound like normal 13 yr old behavior, you might designate certain things that are family things that she must attend.

i majored in child psychology at lsu my children are 9 and 7. What about when school starts. Im sure this will change things. Is she bored or does she have activities to keep her entertained and excited about her future? I do agree that teenagers do take their naps, jill

N.
Your co workers are right that is just a normal 13 year old girl. I know when i was 13 I did the same for well as a matter of fact i did it when i was 13,14, and 15. I would stay up on the phone or on the computer til 3 or 4 in the morning and sleep all day just like waht you are saying your daughter does. My younger brother did the same thing at that age so I really think its just normal.at 13 years old you dont think its cool to hang out with your parents so i'm sure thats why she wants to stay home when the family goes and does something perfectly normal. Just get ready beacuse right now she sleeps all day when she turns 16 and can drive she will never want to be home she will want to be riding around or hanging out with friends thats normal for a 16 year old. As far as not makin her do much around the house if i were you i would make her do more. I only say this because when i was her age and living at home i was not made to do anything either i might wash dishes or fold clothes like you are saying she does every now and then but i didnt clean or wash clothes or cook or anything like that. Which was great for me as a kid ya know. But once i moved out on my own which was about 2 years ago i has just turned 20 and i was pregnant with my daughter i had no clue how to cook,wash clothes,clean my house like it needed to be so in the long run my mom not makin me do anything was a down fall for me and i still have a hard time with cooking i dont know how to make much my boyfriend does most of the cooking. So i would say you should make her do more around the house it will help her in the long run. I wish now my mom would have made me do more. I hope this helps.

It's nice to give the kids a little freedom, but it sounds like to me, she has too much. My children have lots of freedom but we are also on a schedule and structured, not riggidly but enough with freetime for everyone, and family time, time with friends, but yet there are boundaries and chores. I believe your daughter needs some boundaries, guidelines and structure. Just like we are taught when they are little kids, they will push to see what the boundaries are, they need to know what they are and that they are LOVED because of those boundaries. This age is just as critical as any other and there's so much going on transitioning from a girl, to a teen to a woman and trying to find who you are and your place in the world.

My first question when I read your post was...WHY is she ALLOWED to stay up so late watching TV and talking on the phone? She should be going to bed at a decent hour, summer break or not. If she gets into this habit during the summer, it is going to be really hard to get her out of it when school starts back up.
Also, what is her diet like? That could be a contributing factor in her level of fatigue as well.
You might talk to her about how her eating and sleeping habits affect her mental state, alertness, stress levels, etc.

N.,

I wouldn't worry too much about it. It's normal teenage behavior. I remember being this way when I was that age. My little brother is 14 years old and we hardly ever see him anymore. He used to be over all of the time to see his niece & nephew, but now he'd just rather be with his friends. It's a phase that will eventually pass.