Need Advice About My 13 Year Old Meanie and Moody......

AFTER READING MORE RESPONSES: If you don't bring her home early, at the very least shut the phone off and close her facebook DOWN. Tell your older daughter that her sister is NOT to let her sister use her phone or facebook and if she lets her...her phone and facebook are gone too. Your mother probably has a phone in case of emergency.

Dear Mom,

Bring the hammer down! I would have her little smart butt on a plane for home so fast it would make her head swim! (Even if you have to pay for the one way ticket)! This child would be so grounded she wouldn’t know what hit her. No cell phone, computer, outings, or landline (God forbid)! Better yet if your or her father could go pick her up and escort her back home.

How dare her tell you or her father what you can and can’t do and what she will and will not allow you to see. It isn’t going to get better until you wake her up. What a rude, arrogant, ungrateful little piece of work. Many teens would love having a mother like you…why does she think your home is the place they all want to be? I’m sure it’s not because they all can act the way she does…nor do you allow them to drink, smoke or go crazy….so there must be something pretty cool about you.

This child is getting perks she does not deserve. Better fix it now mom.

Blessings…..

She would have a major attitude adjustment. I would shut her phone off right now. You sound like the kind of mom all kids would love. If she does not respect or appreciate you I would turn her world upside down. Nip this while you can. I would shut down her FB, she would get it back when I though she was old enough to have it.
I would tell her if you are not to talk to her friends then they will not be able to enter this house. Her activities would change also. The more she is disrespectful the more chores that will be added. Crack down now.
I would post the pics your other daughter sent you. I would not let this little girl dictate one thing to me.
She would be lucky I let her eat supper with us.
Good luck Mom......she will need it.

Unfortunately, it's fairly normal. Just get photos and such from your 16 year old, and let your 13 year old have her vacation her way.

If your daughter's friends are YOUR Facebook friends, I would tell her you can do whatever you want on your own Facebook page and her friends' Facebook pages if they are your FB friends, and it's none of her business, so be quiet. I also have a lot of kid FB friends, however my own kids are not my FB friends.

Some kids need to "separate" from mom more than others, so just let her go through this, as long as she's not too rude to you. She will get over it, eventually.

Right now my 16 year old son and I don't talk too much, as this is his time to separate from mom. One day I walked in his room and started dancing to some music he had on, and he said, melodramatically, "You ruin EVERYTHING." Oy, it's such a fun stage. I know he'll grow out of it though, my other two did.

I have a 13 and 14 year old (both girls). I like to snap back with my own witty comments. To your daughter about the pictures.... i would have told her that i remodeled her room while she was gone. I cannot send pictures though, because it is MY house and MY business...lol! Sometimes scaring them for a second kind of jolts them back to reality...

Sorry i don't have better advice, just wanted to make you laugh. I am learning as i go with my daughters....

Punish her for her behavior... You should not have to put up with that kind of attitude from your own child. It will probably make her more and more irritated but will hopefully make her realize that you will not put up with it anymore. Once she has learned that... just try and talk to her about the things that bother her.. and compromise on facebook boundries and whatnot. Hope things turn around for you really soon! :) *hug! hang in there.

Block her on Facebook!

I see a lot of your point and having a 15 yr old, I've been through my share of the moods as well...........STILL go through them.

However, my daughter and I are not friends on FB. I would NEVER comment to her friends, etc. I have her access code and I check it routinely. I know there are a couple of moms who have friended their daughters and you can read all about the arguments because they do it online. Some of the moms (NOT SAYING YOU) are living through their daughters. One refers to her daughter as mini me.

Yes, you are the parent. Respect is also earned. This age range is not fun.

I too, have the hangout house and I'm well liked by parents and teens. Sometimes my daughter hates it when I am welcoming the kids in but it's the rule. I must know who's coming over. It does get better.

You know, we parents don't know anything about anything because these kids are so much smarter than us, LOL..........but, they will come around and you will become the smarter one before you know it...

hang in there.

Perfect time to have a serious talk with her about the upcoming years:

Sweetie, I know that it's your job for the next few years to push the boundaries and try to establish yourself as an adult. It's MY job to sometimes let you stretch the boundaries and, other times, to rein you in. I understand that you will try to break some of the rules and am fully prepared to deal with that. But I will not tolerate disrespect and bad attitude towards me or your father, or any other adult. I get that you want privacy so I will "unfriend" YOUR friends on FB and I will explain it to them and I will not make you look like an insecure spoilt brat when I do. But I will need to either be YOUR FB friend or have access to your account because I reserve the right to check up on you periodically. You may continue to bring your friends here. They're nice and respectful and I think you could learn something from them. And I will continue to greet them and talk to them because that's what adults do: they are polite to each other and have conversations. YOU will NOT roll your eyes or be catty or snotty to me. You have many privileges that a lot of people never get. If your dad and I start to feel like you're taking it all for granted, things will have to change and privileges will have to be taken away. I hope it doesn't come to that. I've seen how awesome you can be and, for the most part, usually are. You make me proud everyday and I give thanks everyday that you're my daughter. I can't wait to see the phenomenal adult you will be someday. It's my job to help you become her, so although the next few years will be rocky for both of us, please never forget how much I love you and believe in you.

Hopefully there is a logical person deep inside her angst-ridden teenage mind and she "gets it". If this doesn't work, that is, if treating her respectfully, like the "adult" she so desperately wants to be, doesn't work, then follow through and start handing out the consequences. No phone, grounded if she mouths off to you. Dance on Friday night? Don't think so. You get the idea. Just keep your cool when handing out the consequences, no yelling or screaming or drama. Good Luck!

This reminds me of myself at your daughters age. I HATED my mother from about 11 until I was 16 most of the time. I did however do my best to follow her rules. I can not say that I was polite about it. My father explained to me that because my mother was my parent I owed her respect even if I did not agree with her or like her as an individual and that would change when I left home and not before.

So that is where it stayed. Things got better when by her rules, I had earned my driver's license and the right to work for my own money at a formal job (not babysitting) because then I had time she could not structure and funds to go places on my own. And we fought tooth and nail the whole way. I constantly wanted more responsibility and privileges so I did my work, good grades, church, etc.to make my argument and she wanted to keep me little. Since I couldn't get anywhere with her on reasonable terms I did my best to shut her out. I never had my friends over to the house, did not do extracarriculars that didn't help college chances, etc. I even paid for my clothes, field trips, book list at school, phone bills, etc. to give her less buttons to push. I gave her no excuse to punish me other than 'she didn't like my attitude.'

Then I moved out. I was back once briefly after college and even though I owned my own car, paid my own bills, etc. as before she was back to making rules for me that I could not accept so I left and have not been back since. We talk on the phone but were she not my mother we would not be friends. I do not like or appreciate to this day the way she would not explain to me when I became old enough to understand why her rules were what they were or why she tried to keep me little when I didn't want to be and clearly no longer needed to be.

If your daughter isn't keeping up her grades, not doing her chores, by all means, punish her. But please, if all she is doing is giving you attitude; find out why and reason with her. 13 is plenty old enough to talk things out. It might take a few talks, with yelling, to find a new level of communication but maybe all she really wants is more privacy and respect from you to try a few things her way. Obviously, some things you can not budge on at this time but re-visit them as she gets older.

I kinda like Tracy M's witty "shrug." Though she may or may not relate to the humor of that response, there are ways to help your daughter see your side of this, too. Her need for privacy is pretty intense, and that's really within the range of normal for her age. That doesn't make it okay for her to brush you off as if your contributions to her life have no value, however.

Through the teen years, many kids become so focused on the intensity of their own lives, changes, feelings and needs that they forget that other people experience feelings and needs, too. There's a most excellent book on connecting with what's real and alive in our children called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. I can't recommend this approach highly enough. It will help your daughter see that you genuinely empathize with her, while keeping your own needs and expectations clearly in her view.

Your daughter needs come character training. I would recommend some intensive discipleship with your daughter and you and your husband. It would be my inclination to bring her home immediately. She is not demonstrating any sort of thankfulness for what you have done for her. She should have it removed from her. You did not owe this to her, but she is treating you like you did. I would remove her outside influences, her cell phone, her computer, everything. I would replace it with loads and loads of activities with family. Get rid of the tv. No movies. Play games, read together, go for walks, enjoy each other. Build your relationship. Get off the computer and spend copious amounts of time with her. Become her best friend. Cook together, teach her how to run a home. How to menu plan, how to shop for groceries, how to do laundry, how to garden, everything you can think of. Compliment her on a job well-done. Praise her. Build her up. Love on her. Teen aged rebellion should not be the norm. It is unnecessary. It is wrong. Instead, our young adults should be a blessed addition to our homes. We should be honored and overflowing with blessings by having them in our homes. This is not the norm, of course, in our society. But, it is the norm among my friends. We are striving, with God's help, to raise our sons and daughters differently from the culture. And we have been blessed greatly by it. But, it takes vision and an immense amount of our time to pull it off. But, by God's grace, we are seeing a difference. You sound like a wonderful mother. She should realize how blessed she is to have you!

It sounds to me like your daughter wants a little more space and independance from you mom. I think she is going about it all wrong and as many 13 year olds she is coming accross as just rude. Make sure she understands that it isn't ok to talk to you like that and as her mother you have a right and obligation to know where she is and what she is doing. If she is responsible it becomes a privilage to have you just look at pictures and talk about the trip, if she wants to act up she will be questioned and monitored like a prisoner... her choice. I think she isn't being appropriate and seems to forget as mom or just a person you have a right to talk to everyone in your house or any of her friends for whatever reason.

That being said!!!, she is begging for some more independance. She needs to learn her own identity, independant of you. You sound like that fun parent that all the kids like, but your daughter is left with strong feelings about this. She could be feeling smothered or left out by this process, and maybe try to get her to speak out about this. I would have died for a parent like you and I can only hope to be as involved with my daughters life. But unfortunately for this kid, your 13 year old, it is a source of contention. It isn't worth isolating your daughter and hurting your relationship so back off for a few months and she will probably start asking you to come hang out with her friends. I wouldn't be rude to her friends, but try and just say hi and then let the kids have their time at your house with you in the other room. And make your facebook about you, not your kids. Your daughter has her own page to post stuff about her own life, any aunt or uncles or friends of yours that want updates on your daughter can befriend her on her page. You should have access to her password and be able to check up on her posts, but let her have her space and identity and you have yours.