Teaching 3 Year Old New Skills

I actually have two very similar ideas to help. One is to impliment these routines at home for "practice". Then use a form of discipline I learned through two parenting programs. 1. Tell the child the he needs to obey the first time you tell him to do something. Then explain the consequences for not obeying. The consequence can be anything from a natural consequence, (you have to stand there in the doorway until you change shoes) or a punishment like a time out. 2. Give the command and then start counting down from 3 to 1. Make sure that you count evenly and consistantly. The total count should take no more than 3-4 seconds. 3. The child will begin to move to obediance or refuse. When the child begins to obey before reaching one, stop counting and reward him with praise. When the child refuses to obey and you have reached one, immediately impliment the consequence. 4. After the consequence, repeat the command until obediance is acheived.
I will tell you that my family thought I was the meanest mom in the world and you may feel that way too. But both my boys obey on the first command and are constanted complimented on thier behavior. Plus I have not had to count down for 2 or 3 years now. (They are 10 and 8.)
The second idea is to use a picture schedule, something I used with the above discipline routine for my 8 year old who is on the autism spectrum. All you need is to take a picture of the activities your son needs to complete. I used velcro and construction paper strips to put the pictures in order. Then walk your son through what he needs to do using the pictures as visual reminders. Many children on and off the autism spectrum like routines and have not generalized simple tasks. Your son may know how to open his lunch container at home but gets nervous at school and forgets. The pictures help with the anxiety.
L.

As a counselor working with families, I'd suggest you look into a program called Love and Logic. If you are sure that your son is capable of doing these tasks, then rely on natural consequences if he is refusing. If he won't open his own containers, then he will get very hungry and eventually will. Try to keep from being punitive and/or giving too much attention or rewarding with extras for behaviors that he is capable of and just refusing to do. Any attention is good attention for some children and they will then learn to act out or be oppositional for attention or to get rewarded.

You're doing great! Good luck!

He's trying to control the situation he is in. Try to give him options so that he gets to choose what he is doing. Maybe, let him help make his lunch and say while your making it, "When you open up your lunchbox at school today, you are going to get to eat all the great things you picked out for yourself". As for the shoes, make it fun and buy him a pair of "special" shoes that he picks out and make up a fun story about how they must never touch the outdoors or else! Name his indoor shoes and tell him they're his 2 buddies that he wears on his feet that go with him where ever he goes, because he is in charge of them.

Hi R., the hardest part is letting it go. If he is hungry enough, he will open that box. I worked in a preschool for a very long time. Kudos to you for not being impatient, but, just let him be. He will do it on his own time. I used to tell my very stubborn 3 year old daughter, "It's o.k., you don't have to do it, I know that you can, it would be nice if you would, so when you are ready to eat (or what ever task we were working on)..." I learned to ask for the exact opposite of what I needed, Or, telling her to keep her eyes wide open at night, and don't go to sleep, just stay awake. Once I gave her permission to do what she wanted, it wasn't so fun to be contrary. Let him discover what is expected. You cannot do it for him, he will get it, I promise, he is just 3!

Make sure you show him how, so you know for certain he can do it. I like the idea of a special treat. and say if he TRYS to open it he can have it. We've done the "you tried? show me how you tried..." and then when he says "mommy. you do it" i say "i will help you, i won't do it FOR you" good luck : )

I don't have suggestions for you as to getting your son to open his lunch containers on his own other than to maybe stick in a special dessert he can have if he opens his containers. BUT, I do think that's putting a lot of pressure on a 3 year-old. It's great that he's able to do it but not right to expect it of all preschoolers. The preschool I teach at encourages the children to open their own containers and we demonstrate how, but we certainly wouldn't make them go hungry if they can't do it themselves (not to mention some of those things make a mess if a kid isn't good at opening). We've had 5 year-olds be unable to open some containers; some just seem to have a stronger glue on them.

Sorry, I know that's not real helpful. I just think that's asking a bit much, and I think helping a child shows him that he's cared for.

Try asking him to be your "helper" at home. And a school the teacher is very busy so he needs to be her helper too! Being a helper at that age and getting praise for it is really motivating. If it is his choice and he feels he is accomplishing something, it is different than feeling he is being made to do something (regardless of his ability to do it). Part of it could be reverting back to wanting to be cared for since this is a new situation and a this age changes can be difficult. He is very blessed to have you as a mom and being careful with his sensitivity. Our children are only this age once and being careful with their feelings now, helps them maintain their emphathy for others later.