My 6 Year Old Has to Be Asked 100 Times Before He'll Actually Do What I Ask!

Good question, we go through this most every morning also. I do use consequences, but and it is getting a little better. Although he is an early riser and shows up in my room every morning at 6am fully dressed asking when breakfast is!!!!!

Ah i hear you. I have the same problem most mornings with my 7 yr old. Not looking foward to the summer break.
I haven't found an answer yet. I've told her i'll tell her 3 times and after that she's on her own. And i've let her be late to school, because she doesnt do what shes told. She doesnt care.

Could be just that he has a hard time concentrating.
Everyone just listens, acts, speaks differently.
So what I have learned to do is speak slowly, get down on his level and give your directions in approx 3 words or less. Ex. Get your backpack, Get your shoes, put on your shoes, bring books here etc.
He could have ADD, etc.
I say......
-speak slowly
-fewest amount of words (3 words or less if you can)
-give one directive at a time (for example don't say clean your room, put away your shoes and brush your teeth............they will most likely only remember and do the last item they heard.....too much info)
-don't compete w/noise (tv or radio on) get his attention first
-don't compete w/toys (if he's playing w/something, kindly get his attention first

I didn't see anything in your post about consequences for not paying attention or not listening. Why would he do what you say when he knows he can get away with being naughty? You need to set consequences for poor behavior & follow through, or else your kid(s) will run all over you.

For instance, we have been having issues with my 5 year old DD not listening, & talking back. She gets one warning to knock it off, and if she doesn't it's instant time out for 5 minutes. Any extra funny business, and another minute gets added to the time. If she doesn't clean her room when I ask, she gets asked once more, or else I will be taking the items & bagging them up for an indefinite amount of time. You need to find a consequence that they respond to - it could be taking away a favorite toy, taking away TV privileges, cancelling a fun outing, etc. The main thing is to follow through on the consequences & not repeat yourself 10 times.

He knows what is expected of him every morning. He knows he has to have his clothes on including shoes before school. He knows he has to eat breakfast and have his back pack ready before he leaves. He also KNOWS by the tone in your voice when he REALLY has to move to get it done. From now on all homework is done and his back pack is ready and by the door before bed. He is all dressed including shoes before he eats. NO MORE YELLING!!! Just set the kitchen timer. Explain to him that when the timer goes off he has to be ready. If the timer goes off and his back pack isn't ready or his shoes aren't on he goes as is. One or two times of him showing up at school without his books or his shoes on and he will get the message.
I am sure his teacher is not yelling or running around helping every kid, there aren't enough hours in the day for that. At school he has to be responsible for his stuff, make him responsible at home.

When my kids were going through this, I would say - "Andrew, go put your socks in the hamper. Now, repeat what I just told you." - Spoken calmly - and he would have to repeat it to me. He HATED it, but it kept me calm, and I knew he got it. When he would start complaining, I would say "I'm really sorry, but you weren't listening and doing what I asked before, so when you start doing it without repeating it, I'll quit". I would make him repeat every single thing for 3 or 4 days, and then gradually let up on it. It really and truly worked. I think it made him really register when I spoke to him, and it wasn't just "blah, blah, blah". 4 kids - worked great on all of them!

Educate yourself on discipline models. 1-2-3 Magic and Parent Effectiveness Training are really great resources. Take a parenting class. I know that most parents feel like they should just know how to parent, however, we don't. We need support. I know that it changed my life when I finally got some information about child development and discipline philosophies and tools.

One of the biggest tools I learned was to seperate my emotions from disciplining the kids. I also learned consistency and empathy. I learned how to speak to my children and when to keep my mouth shut. I also learned how to truly listen to them even when they weren't actually verbally saying anything. I learned to let go of the need to have my children happy all of the time. I started to allow them to feel all of their emotions including frustration and disappointment. I learned how to allow them to learn how to solve their problems and how to take responsibility for their consequences.

Parenting is a complex and overwhelming journey. Resource yourself. We can never have enough support; and yet, so often we feel that maybe there is something wrong with us because we don't automatically know what to do or just don't have permission to seek help. Find the time to go to the library/book store, seek out resources online (like you already are with this great resource), be open to new ideas and ways of doing things.

Woo hoo! Your son is in control of that situation big time. Doesn't it suck?
( I say this with understanding and love, because I too have days like this and have to take a big step back to reevaluate what's going on.)

Some corrections:
Do the 3 sentences after school, before he plays. If he takes 30 minutes to read them, then that's his playtime he's cutting into.

Let him be responsible for his dressing and backpack, books. Have them packed the night before and waiting by the door. This will become an evening ritual, and ultimately, if he doesn't pack up his books, he's responsible for showing up the next day without them. You are making these things your responsibility.

"The car is leaving in five minutes." I like the idea of having a checklist at the door. Use a timer. When the timer dings, take him outside, ready or not. YOU carry his shoes and coat to the car. Then, when he has to walk outside in his socks, that's not going to be fun for him. NO bringing dry socks, either. He needs to experience the shortcomings of not putting on his shoes. Don't give him the shoes to put them on until he gets out of the car at school and can do it on the sidewalk. Tough love there. Trust me, if he knows you mean it, it won't happen multiple times. When he doesn't pack his book or his lunch, too bad. He can have whatever the school is serving those who forget lunch, and if they charge you for it, he must pay you back. You might also give the teacher a call and let them know that this might happen (that your child might come to class unprepared) because you are teaching your son responsibility.

Here are a couple other pointers, from my perspective:

In the morning, no TV on. Period. It's distracting and maddening.

No toys until his coat is by the door and his shoes are on. If they only go on when you leave, then start that time early, and have him sit near the door for the five minutes before leaving-- he must get his shoes on before he does anything else.

A great book I love is "Taking Charge: Loving Discipline that Works at Home and School", by JoAnn Nordling. Now that our son is older (four), we've been making some overdue changes. This book works in providing us what we need in order to understand where the behavior is coming from -- which is really important, because this sounds a lot like attention-getting behavior and 'routine not minding', and she posits a variety of corrections for these, while balancing us with good advice for giving our children more meaningful attention at better times. What I suggested as corrections is pretty much from the book, but the point of all this is to make these situations his challenge to master. Stop making these things your problem. Only he can change these habits, and by your continually engaging with him during this daily transition, he's getting your attention (even if it's negative) and is not being helped to "grow up". Teachers often appreciate it when we let our children accept the responsibility-- and the consequence-- for the daily expectations. But I can guarantee, if you can put these tasks back on his shoulders, if you can stay unemotional (not upset) with him, and keep standing firm that you are going to do what you say your are going to do (Leave, at the appropriate time, with or without his shoes on, with or without his backpack and books-- that's all on him.) it WILL work.

And no repeated warnings, either. Just one "We need to...." and let him decide what he's going to do. You've already made it clear to him what he needs to do. Don't 'do' it for him.

This is all about the child experiencing real consequences for their actions, too. My son didn't want to come to breakfast at breakfast time, which was over a half-hour that his food was on the table. Then he complained when it was cleared, and I explained he could eat at snacktime at preschool, 'Because breakfast time is over." It only happened once. The next day when I told him "time to eat", he ate. My girlfriend took her 'couldn't get it together' daughter to school one morning in her pajamas, and she had to change into her day clothes *after* she got into the school. That correction didn't have to happen again -- her daughter is now in middle school and on time each morning to leave. When we guard our children from the consequences of their inaction/not-minding, we sabotage ourselves and keep them from learning life lessons in being timely. They come to believe that they can still misbehave and that mom or dad will bail them out. Please check out this book, because all the correction's I've just sited come from it. Good luck and please PM me if you need help finding it.

Most likely he has developed bad habits. you need to make some drastic changes in your routine to break these habits. Make a chart of things he needs to do (with pictures to help him with the words) You could have a chart for going to bed and a chart for getting ready to school. Only remind him to look at his chart. If he does something on his chart HE checks it off. When he checks off everything on that chart for that day he gets a sticker. Dont let having a chart be a punishment, make it an exciting milestone in growing up! Charts can be printed from DKLT or make on white board. When he doesn't do what's on the chart without you telling him he gets no sticker, you do it or make him do it. Count up his stickers at the end of the week and make a big deal! change where and when he does homework and eats lunch and use timers and teach him to tell time to the hour or half hour "look at the clock you go to school at 12:30 whether you ate lunch or not." You got some good tips for eating from Beth. Please dont send him to first grade next fall if he is still like this it will drive you nuts, give him another year to grow up!

I wouldn't yell. Don't mess up your voice!
Stay calm and handle it matter-of-factly. I find it works for me. If he won't eat lunch, don't force him. Take it away and tell him he has to wait for dinner if he gets hungry. Kids learn by understanding reactions and consequences you know? If he learns that when he doesn't eat he will get hungry, he will definitely eat tomorrow! My friend (she is hilarious) could not get her 3 year old dressed for creche. He would not do it, so she sent him in his pajamas! Remind him that big boys do what they need to do before leaving the house. Daddy puts on his shoes, etc. I wouldn't get mad at him. Just stay calm and let him figure out what happens when he doesn't do things. Getting mad just gives him attention, which could be the cause.

We're an ADHD household... repetition is part of life.

That said... when I'm "serious" I count. To 5. House rule: I don't get angry as long as he starts doing it by 5 (aka I start counting BEFORE I get angry), and if it's a task I want completed in a certain amount of time I'll give that time. Like "Shoes on in 27! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, yes I'll help with the knot, unstick the knot, 9, 10, 11, etc.

If he doesn't start before I get to 5, he's up in his room until *I* am not angry. Which has made us late. Low and behold, it's RARELY happened after the first time or two, because we're late to HIS stuff, and I grind that in. During the banishment while *I* take a timeout, or if we cancel the "activity" (be it school, a playdate, whatever) NOTHING fun happens. NOTHING. Kiddo gets to be bored and miserable, and I get to read a book. Nope, sorry kiddo, you didn't get ready... so you're missing out today. We had to do that twice in public K (he missed school entirely for 2 days because of his behavior in the morning). I was lucky we had a phenomenal teacher who viewed "parenting" as an "excused absence". Kiddo did NOT get to make morning hellish and then get rewarded with a fun day at school. Nope.

Also (kind of in reverse) on the advice of his preschool teacher (when the "I don't wanna get dressed" thing eventually happened... I snagged an outfit, put it in a bag, and strapped him in the car in his pajamas. Peer pressure can be a marvelous thing.

In our house one of our oldest rules is:

You throw a fit, you don't get what you want.

Be that attention, help, to stay, to go, food, REGARDLESS of "what" it is the fit is being thrown over, you get the opposite of what you want. Kiddo has definitely pushed some boundaries in that arena (a whole year at age 3, and then for 1-2 weeks every year since, and for a few months this year at age 8 ... major cognitive emotional integration was happening at age 3 & 8). It's kind of "fun" to watch as soon as I realize that's what is going on. Because his fits don't touch me. VERY few things in life do we actually HAVE to be at / go to. You wanna be rude & unhelpful... guess what? It's not gonna happen. Back up and try again. Because I'm serious. He will stay home and be bored.

Fortunately (except for age 3 & a few months ago), these boundary pushing excursions are SHORT. A few weeks and he figures out I'm serious and we go back to silly/ fun/ normal life.

As always, not saying what you should do, merely what I did.

My just turned 7 year old son does the exact same thing. It drive me nuts. I ask him once. Then I tell him I'm going to count to 3 and if I get to 3 he gets x for a consequence (something he hates!!! Like no video games or no tramopline time or whatever he's into at the moment). It works. He found out a few times I mean it and now he always does what he is supposed to by 3. He might be completely grouchy about it but at least he does it. I do this in a nice, calm voice too. And we have talks about it. I think in the moment he is so distracted thinking of something or playing legos or whatever that he chooses not to listen. But he hears me just fine when I start counting to 3. I hate it that I have to do this so much, but it really is a sanity saver for me.

Sounds like my 8 yo boy! It gets a little better each school year if that's any comfort!

I sympathize... my almost 6 y/o is very similar. I hear myself yelling at her a lot because after 3-4 times of asking, reminding or outright POINTING at what I want her to do... I'm just over it. She gets punished by loosing TV privileges and free time. Nothing has worked completely or long term.

Lol, just like my 6 year old boy. Mornings are very stressful! I've just been reading 'How to have a new kid by Friday'. Seems to have some pretty good ideas in it! I can certainly relate to your problem.

I know exactly how you feel. We were doing this about a year ago and my DH pointed it out to me and gave me some ideas (not all of which worked). Here IS what worked:
- Stop yelling unless he or someone else will be hurt by his actions.
- Tell him once or twice and expect him to hear you. (You need to make sure he is aware of this before you start doing it)
- When he doesn't listen then start counting down. We count down from 5. When I get to 0 then the logical consequence is followed (if there is one), or they have to go stand in the corner.
- Turn off the distractions during homework (TV, send siblings to play or sit down to do their homework too)
- Model correct behavior. If he is not supposed to play with his brother during breakfast and lunch, then sit at the table and eat your breakfast or lunch with him as a constant visual reminder of what he is supposed to be doing.
(and the logical consequence of not paying attention and eating when you are supposed to is that he goes to school hungry or when lunch time is over remove the food and don't give anything until a normal snack or meal time)

I have to say that when we started this my son spent A LOT of time in the corner, but after a few weeks I noticed that I don't have to yell at him. There will still be frustrating days, but that is because our kids will always be testing the bounds to find out how much they have grown. Good luck to you!

Start by telling him the night before now that your six you will be responsible for... (write it out and tape it to the back of his door so he an refer to it) if he does it everyday without you needing to yell then at the end of the week he gets a reward (could be money, or desert or a movie anything)

For homework, set a timer. Give him 15 mins when it goes off if he isn't done then no tv but take a break. Then later give him another 15 if still not done then it gets turned in not completed. If he is to wiggley them maybe before starting put some music and dance to get the wiggles out.

As far as getting ready to walk out the door. I tell mind your shoes and socks are on the stairs I will be out in the car. I usually do go ahead and carry the backpacks out to the car with me I am the last person to touch them since I make lunch so I have reverted to my sister's old rules....If your the last one to touch it then you have to carry it. lol

My son has ADHD/Aspergers and has trouble focusing on what I want him to do. He takes ADHD medication, but it doesn't start working until after breakfast.

My rule is that if my son does not get his shoes on when I ask him to, then he has to bring them outside with him. He can put them on in the car where there's less distractions, and he can't get out of the car until they're on. Or if the bus is waiting for him, he can sit on the sidewalk and put his shoes on.

I used to dress him while he was still half-asleep in bed and couldn't argue. Now that he's older, he's finally getting better at getting dressed on his own with fewer reminders. I still pack his backpack for him, since I need to go through it every day and sign things, but I show him exactly what I'm putting in it. I let him watch half an hour of TV during breakfast in order to sit still and focus. Otherwise, he will not eat and will wander around the house. When the show is over, he knows to get ready for school. At school, he has a picture schedule of his morning routine.

I have 3 kids, 2 of them boys. My older boy has ADHD, my younger doesn't. In my experience, at 6 this is actually still part of normal behavior.
The biggest thing is to make sure you really have his attention. Make sure he stops, looks at you, and understands what you want him to do. Give him 5 minute warnings when it's almost time to clean up or get ready. (I still give all of my kids the 5 minutes, although I don't think the 12 y.o. needs it anymore, but it just seems to make sense).
6 year olds still need plenty of guidance to stay on task. Listening, paying attention, and following through is not something that comes naturally to kids. We have to teach it. And it can take years! (Partly because of how their brain develops, partly because expectations go up along the way). Give him little step, like "go get your book right now," then, once he has it "put it in your backpack and bring it here." Plan for plenty of time so that you feel less rushed. It's less convenient for you, but will help you relax and feel happier about being a mom! I like the idea of counting, I do it too when I need something done right away. I start at 5 and count down, and if they start going I stop counting (but if they stop, I pick up where I left off). They know that if I get to 0 they are in big trouble (I've counted backwards since they were really little, they learn it really quickly. NIce thing is I can start at 3 or 2 if it's urgent, and they know they have to boogey.)

(And it's not going to change overnight. He's still learning and growing, and it's part of the lifelong process. But give him a year, and you'll be surprised at the difference).