Sleeping W/ Mommy & Daddy

My 3yr old almost 4yr old son does this now, and I let him stay there until he falls asleep and then pick him up and put him back in his own bed. If he didn't want to sleep at all in his own bed, I would be worried, but if he just comes at a certain time, I don't see a problem. I did that as a child and remember just wanting to be close to my parents. He must be the warm lovey type child. Just guessing! I believe they will grow out of it.

Maybe you can borrow a baby gate from someone? He may be able to climb over it, but it would take extra effort so it will wake him enough to realize what he's doing-- then use a reward system to encourage him to stop. Maybe 5 nights in a row in his bed is a trip to the dollar store to pick anything he wants, or a Slurpee from 7-11 or whatever will motivate him.

You can try talking to him (the next day) about how you didn't get a good night's sleep and how that makes you grumpy and no fun the next day.. and maybe he'll catch on...but probably not. lol You most likely will just have to keep at it... have HIM walk back to his own bed each and every time it happens... right away... do not let him get in your bed at ALL. Stay consistent and he should stop in a week or so. How long has he been doing this already? 3 or 4 days? or a month or more?

You can also try a reward system like Tammi mentioned... he is old enough to make a conscious decision to stay in his bed.

We had the same problem with our 3-year-old (will be 4 in December) until very recently. She was getting up every night and waking us, so we decided to put a small bed for her in our room. That worked for a while; she'd come in, get into her little bed, and go back to sleep. But then she started waking us up again to ask if she could sleep in her "princess bed" or if we could put her covers on... and then that progressed to her climbing into OUR bed so we had to put a stop to it!! What finally worked was when she came in, we just said, "Go back to your room." We did not get up, we did not walk her back to bed, we did not say anything else. The first night she cried, the next couple nights she went back without complaint, and now she stays in her bed all night 90% of the time. (FINALLY!! This kid has NEVER slept through the night! LOL) SO I think that we were rewarding her with the attention of letting her have a special bed in our room and then later by escorting her back to her bed. Once we took the reward away, she stopped coming in. Good luck--I know how hard it is to never get a good night's sleep!!

My oldest daughter started with the monsters and bad dreams around the same age and came to my bed just like you are going through now. First I had her to draw a "monster" picture and told her that as long as this was on her door, monsters were not allowed in her room and they could not come in. This worked for a little while. Then I told her that she was not allowed to sleep in mommy and daddy's bed since she had her own bed. I told her that I would help her get back to sleep if she woke up during the night or she could call me and I would come to her but, she had to sleep in her own bed. This is what finally worked. I had to be consistent with putting her back in her own bed. I guess when she saw that I was not going to give in and let her sleep with us anymore she started staying in bed. Now that she's in kindergarted she falls to sleep faster and sleeps through the night in her own bed.
Don't give up!! You have to stick with it and be consistent if you want something to work...no matter how hard it is for you. I hope this helpes you!

T. B

Why not keep an open door policy fir your room but set up a sleeping bag or something like that. He would be allowed to come into your room but isn't to wxke you up and he sleeps in his area... assuming you are totally opposed to letting him get into bed with you (?).

This provides the comfort and companionship he is desperately seeking while still giving you your rest. Each child is different and each has different emotional, developmental and comfort needs in order to feel safe and secure. I would gice him what he needs and before long this phase will pass. Sure, you can fight and battle with him and force him to stay alone - and you will win- but at the cost of choosing not to provide got the need he is showing and teaching him that he can't turn to mom and sad when needing comfort, love and security.... Unless it's in the convenience of daytime ( which is not when he's alone anyway!)....

Kids are little for such a short period of time and only make our days/nights inconvenient for that time before they are grown and not asking for comfort....at least not from parents. Enjoy this time now, before long he will be big and you will miss it..

We went through a very similar situation with our daughter around 21/2. At five, she still tries to sneak in on occasion, but we finally set a rule that she could come in and snuggle if the sun was up. For the most part, she is OK with this and sticks to the rules. It has helped. My husband, unfortunately, got her back in the habit of snuggling at bed time, so I must admit we still do, but she almost always stays in bed and comes to join us each morning between 6:30 and 7:30. Don't know if it will work for you, but it works really well for us. We decided not to fight the bedtime snuggle because we figure it won't last for long and I really enjoy it too. Good luck.
J. T

HI J. -we had a similar problem with our son a long time ago -he did't ever make it into our bed but he would come bolting into our room, usually screaming/crying, would scare the heck out of us and say he wanted to sleep with us-which we never let him...around this time we invented the penny cup. He has this tiny tupperware cup and for every night he stays in bed all night (that means until it's light out! or at least until close to 7), he gets a penny in his cup -kicker is if he doesn't stay, he owes us one, and if he woke me up in a scary way (loudly flinging door open giving me a small heart attack, etc.), he owed us TWO!
If he needed something -bathrom, etc. and did it and went right back to bed, no penny owed :)
Cup takes about a month to fill up and when it is filled he gets a toy/prize -when he was especially troublesome, he got to pick toy for full poenny cup and we would keep it n top of fridge for motivation. You may want to start smaller if you use this method-after he gets 5 pennies, etc. he gets small prize/to choose a movie, etc.

Good luck -and BTW my son gave me every reason in the world, bad dreams, didn't like his bed, never did find out what was going on-my opinion is that he woke up then having to go peepee but didn't know that's what woke him up -unfortunately now at 4 1/2, he still needs goodnite pullups at night, because I didn't take that opportunity to really nighttime 'train' him but that's another story...

Hi J.,

What I have been doing with my 3 year ols son is making a bed on the floor for him. He seems to be ok sleeping there and I get my much needed sleep. Good Luck!

Maybe your putting him to bed to early. Also, do you watch the news, or adult shows when he is up? This alone can cause small children to have fears and run to their parents beds at night.

Hi J.! I had/ have the same situation with my daughter ( age 3). We went through a series of events, including travel, company in town, and her getting sick, that all ended up with her sleeping in bed with us. She REALLY liked it. Before that, I was adamant that she not co-sleep with us. After all of those situations, she really wanted to just move into our room. My husband and I spent a few months of struggling with her. She would get out of bed multiple times, trying to get into our bed. It was to the point that she didn't even want to fall asleep in her bed. She said she was lonely, and just wanted to be in our bed, even if we went there. The situation was really cutting into my husband and mines alone time at night...and after a while, we just kind of realized that maybe we were fighting something that really wasn't a big deal. If it meant getting her to sleep easily, and giving us more time together, then why not? You know what...it has become a wonderful thing for our family. My husband and I both really enjoy the extra snuggles with her...and it actually allows me a little more sleep time in the morning, as she is so content to be snuggled up with me. For a while, she was hardcore about sleeping in our bed ALL the time, but totally on her own, she has weaned herself from it. She still comes in every night/ morning..and sometimes it is 11pm, but sometimes it is 7 am. Often it is around 2 am..and she slips in so easily, that we really don't even wake up. So, I guess the point to my super long winded story, is maybe see if this is really a fight worth fighting. If your son feels safe with you, why not? He will be at an age, before you know it, that he will want you to drop him off down the street, so his friends don't see you dropping him off...so why not take this time to really enjoy this close bond??

I've been going through this with my 2 and 4 year olds. I made them a sleep chart. They get a sticker on their chart every time they stay in their beds all night. After 7 stickers, they get to pick out anything they want at the dollar store.

It's working okay. They don't stay in their beds every night, but it's gone from every night somebody climbing in my bed to just once in awhile.

If that doesn't work, maybe put a blow up mattress or sleeping bag on the floor in your room and tell him he can come lie there if he wakes up. It won't keep him in his bed, but at least it won't wake you up, which is the real issue. He'll eventually grow out of the phase, but I know what it's like to have your sleep broken like that. It's one thing with our babies, but when they are 3-4 years old, haven't we earned a decent night's sleep ;) ?

.....put a lock on the door?

getting up at that time usually is something missing in his diet- check out circadian chart for what different times mean- then you'll know what to handle- also check out Weston Price for what you can feed him that will help.
His body wakes him up because something isn't correct, fix it and you'll get a good nights sleep.k

My uncle had this problem with my cuz .... I know they got tired of it and if she wanted to go in there she would still not be allowed in the bed. They had one of those kid princess blow up beds with the covers on it and just kept it under the bed. If she wanted in she had to sleep on the floor on the princess bed. She eventually gave up and just stayed in her bed. At least you'll get sleep.