Sleeping in Her Own Bed

i did the same thing with my last child I rewarded him if he stayed in his bed for a week kind of made it into a growing up game like a fishing pool was first but its a hard habit to break. good luck

I just read in a newsletter from www.askdrsears.com that a reward system at this age is helpful. Let her choose the prize and give her stars everytime she sleeps in her bed all night to work up to that prize.

It's a reward both ways for her, she gets the prize & a star when she stays in her bed OR she gets to cuddle up in a warm bed with you at night.

A.
www.mygreenhealth.com

My mom & her siblings all HAD to sleep together, because there wasn't enough beds for everyone to have their own. It was the same with me & my siblings. I remember how scared I was when enough kids had left home that I actually had my own bed! While sleeping together had caused quite a few fights, it had also provided a lot of security. Even though I was old enough to know better, when I got my own bed/room, I was convinced that the boogey man could see me even under my covers, so lay there scared until I finally fell asleep or snuck to my parent's room & slept under their bed (because they wouldn't let me sleep in it). So, can you explain to the older sisters how their little sister might be feeling & ask them to sacrifice by letting her sleep with them until she outgrows this stage? I think that might be healthier than her continuing to sleep with you/in your room as you & your husband need your private time & your children should respect that.

The Family Bed is such a great way to raise happy children. Why not have the responsibility of weaning her from it shared by the whole family? Everyone gets a night with the 8 year old (including big brother) so that she feels safe and happy. You can add one night each week in her own bed. Eventually she will start to get a little tired of moving around - this will mostly be unconscious. Eventually, she will gravitate to her own bed as her own safe haven alone.

I slept with both of my kids until they reached 7 or so. The weaning time can be challenging. If you don't like this idea, bring a mattress into your room and let her sleep next to your bed on the floor.

This is a weaning process like any other. Gentle weaning is always best.

Hi, My daughter is 6 and does the same thing. She slept with us when she was little. It wasn't until her and her brother got a bunk beds that she finally fell asleep on her own in her own bed. That was progress.
Our rule is that she falls asleep in her own bed. At times during the night she comes into our bed other nights she doesn't. I constantly make a big deal if she spends the entire night in her bed... other than that I go with the flow. You mentioned your older sibblings don't want her to sleep with them? I was thinking combining them night work.
My daughter said the other day she knows why she likes our bed... because she used to sleep with us when she was younger and it gives her comfort. I thought that was pretty insightful. It is true. She has been used to that comfort. I sleep with someone and I am an adult... most children need that too. Many people like to tell me how wrong it is to have your children sleep with you. I know at times it can be inconvenient, however it has been worth it to me to snuggle with them throughout the years. They won't be small forever. Good luck.

Hmm? Get her an adult body pillow?

Hello! I feel for you! There is no easy answers to this one but I can tell you what I did. I have three children a 22 year old daughter, and two sons ,20 and 11 years old. My daughter and my 11 year old were like this.

We had to do two different approaches with them. with my daughter, we made a bed on the floor next to our bed so she would get used to sleeping alone. Little by little we moved the bed closer to the door and she didnt even realize it. Eventually- when she was almost out the door we showed her and told her how proud we were of her and if she can do that as a "big" girl she could sleep in her room. And when she does, tell her how proud of her she is and how much like her sisters she is.

Also, a reward chart works wonders. Have her pick out what reward she wants and start with her sleeping in her bed 2 nights in a row and in the morning have her put a star or sicker on the chart, (make the chart fun, like draw a bed and have sheep above it=- or balloons or whatever) then give her the reward (which can be very simple). Every few days add more days to it 3, then 4, then 5 etc and eventually you can stop.

It maybe it is too bright in there. One light maybe better as it may be that when she wakes in the middle of the night, the light prevents her from getting back to sleep. I also found a clock radio with music playing does wonders as then it isnt so quiet and lonely in her room.

One other thing-- she knows she will wear you out and as hard as it is now for you, every time she comes in your room, take her back into hers. DO NOT let her stay there as like I said, she knows this. It will be touch a couple of days, but after she realizes that she will not get her way, and you will not give up, she will give up.

My son, well, we just made it very uncomfortable for him. He is always hot, especially when he sleeps, so we made sure he was in the middle with LOTS of covers on the bed, and gave him very little room. He would toss and turn and complain and we consistantly told him if he didnt like it he had his own bed to go to, and after a bit he knew where he could go if he was too hot, too uncomfortable etc. So, he would get up and go in his room! Alot of times he would start out with us, for about 5 minutes as he liked to chat - but then he would get up and go in his bed.

Hope this helps. Again, it is persistance and consistancy! Awful hard for parents to do sometimes when they are tired and busy themselves, but it will pay off! And while doing these things, you can comfort yourselves by knowing that at 16 she wont want to be in the same bed :)

Good Luck
V.

Have you tried talking (very calmly) with your daughter about this? Has she been able to tell you clearly WHY she doesn't want to sleep in her own bed/ why she wants to sleep in your bed?

As a child I had fairly frequent very vivid nightmares and I was terrified when I woke up from one. My mom let me snuggle in her bed with her for 5 minutes after a nightmare and then I could sleep on the floor next to her bed as long as I was quiet until I fell asleep. That was VERY comforting to me (and I'm sure less annoying to my mom then me spending the whole night in her bed.)

find out why your daughter is resiting her own bed, and then develop a plan (with her input!) to help her overcome whatever she is resisting.

She might say that she misses you or doesn't want to sleep alone, ask her for suggestions as to what would help her stay in her own bed. Kids who can take ownership over their own problems have a better chance at solving them.

Let me add this too: sleeping in the same bed maintains a sense of closeness that you don't otherwise get with another person. People in good relationships feel close emotionally to their partners partly because of those 8 hours physically spent next to them in bed every night. (Trust me, my husband works nights and we were closer when he worked days and could sleep the same shift as me). So translating that to your daughter, especially if she has ALWAYS slept in your bed from babyhood, she will probably be feeling a tremendous emotional loss when she isn't in your bed. You could try to compensate by spending 15 minutes at bedtime and 15 minutes in the morning cuddling with her if this is something she would like.

I really hope you get this resolved quickly. My son is just starting to sleep in his own bed, so I know what it feels like to be sleep-deprived. Hang in there- {{HUGS}}.

Try putting a sleeping bag or blankets next to your bed on the floor and tell if she wants to be in your room she has to sleep there. Then you can gradually move it closer to your door, then eventually into her room. That really worked for a friend of mine!

Hi
Has something changed in your schedule? maybe she feels like she is not getting enough attention so sleeping with you makes her feel connected. My daughter will crawl into bed on her dads side when he has been working alot of hours. If you don't mind her sleeping in your room just not in your bed make a bed on the floor for her that she can use when she needs to. You can also try to reward her if she stays in her own bed for so many nights. Good Luck :) T.

You've allowed her to think it is okay to sleep in your bed so now it is what she expects to be allowed to do. It will be really hard, but you are going to have to be firm and keep putting her back into her own bed. It will probably take awhile and you will be losing some sleep, but in the long run it will be the best for you and your husband and for your little girl. I know it will be hard because I've been there! Our first son was allowed by "Daddy" to sleep with us! It took a few nights of consistently putting him back to his own bed many times each night before he learned he needed to sleep in his own bed. Keep at it and you'll soon have your bed to yourselves! :-)

Get the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child."
It covers all ages and it is a lifesaver.

I have 5 children. The first 4 are boys, now 23, 20 and 18 year old twins. WE had a family bed when the boys were young. I wouldn't have gotten any sleep with nursing twins, if they weren't in bed with me. They had each other to sleep with when they were older, so it was no problem. My youngest is a girl age 10. She does not want to sleep in her own room. I tried going to sleep with her in her own room and other things, but she would still come into bed with us sometime during the night and the bed was too crowded. I finally gave up and my husband built a bed for her next to our bed, between the bed and wall(the room isn't very big.) Now we are all sleeping comfortably. she is near us, but in her own bed. I know she will get to a point where she doesn't want to be with me, but I enjoy it know and she can move when she is ready.

Hi Shannon,
I have twins (boy&girl) and we lived in our camper one summer while building our house. So we were all sleeping in a small area. Our house has all the kids' bedrooms upstairs and mine and my partners downstairs. My partner has two kids who are with us part time (11,13) and my kids are both 7. When we moved into the big house 2 years ago my children had a hard time sleeping in their rooms when the bigger kids were not with us. So, they at least one a night would come down into our bed. I went through the same thing you did. Bring them upstairs and put them back to bed or if I was too tired I would let them sleep with us just to get some sleep. Well as you know this gets old fast. What I did to break them of this is I made a calendar for each of them. I told them how important it was for them to learn to be comfortable sleeping through the night in their own bed. Each night they slept throught the night without coming to our room they could put a sticker on their calendar for that day. When they made it through one week we would go to Target and get a small gift and if they made it through two weeks we would go get a larger gift. I was sure to let them know that after that there would be no more gifts but they would be expected to continue to stay in their own beds. I was amazed how well this worked! They did it no problem and now they come to our room maybe once or twice a month! All the kids have their own rooms but only the oldest sleeps alone in his room. We allow them all to sleep in the same room and it works for them. Could the next closest daughter help her when she gets scared? Hope this helps! Good Luck!

T., i was that child once, i had horrible dreams, it was not about darkness but it was about the realistic dreams i used to have, had my parents been more abliging i think it would of helped, since i knew how it felt to be older and wanted to sleep in a room for protection i allowed my kids to also come into our room anytime, even now if they need us we are there for them, however, i used to keep a crib mattress under my bed made with sheets and blankets, when they needed me i would pull it out and lay them on floor next to me on floor, i was in my bed , they were in their space, and we all slept good, however you might need to do a little talking or hand holding to get through, its ok, let her know she has support and now a days you dont know what may scare the child or what may give them the need for security, so it is a half way solution, dont know if it solves the issue, and if you and your partner need some alone time, ahem, if you know what i mean, and she is laying there on floor, i guess you have to try being quiet, hahahaha which makes it fun too, have a good day hope it helps, D. s

My friend has the same problem with her little girl. She lets her sleep in a 'little nest' next to their bed or in bed with them. The little nest seems to help. Another friend slept with her child in her child's bed until she fell asleep and every night after that slowly slept farther and farther away until she was out of the room. It seemed to help, but it did take a long time to do. I hope this helps!

This is why I never had my kids sleep with me, even when they were little. When my kids woke up during the night I would lay with them in their bed, not them with me. She might just be lonely or cold. A puppy would solve that problem. Now if you don't want to get a puppy, a body pillow, something she can cuddle up with, might help. At 8 she should be able to reason with enough to explain it isn't going to keep happening.

In most countries, children sleep with their moms as long as they want to, in our country we don't allow so much closeness, our Puritan heritage. My co-worker is planning on letting her son sleep in the family bed until he's ten. Your daughter is the family baby and probably expects a little more love and closeness because babies of the family usually get more.

My 6.5 year old just weaned herself to her own room/bed finally. I never made a big deal about it although did start to make little comments to encourage her to try her room.

Maybe have a rule she has to use a sleeping bag on your floor and not your bed. Then after that's been happening awhile make the rule she lay in the doorway/hallway but not quite in your room. And just move her farther and farther away til she's in her own room again.

Does she share a room with siblings? Would that help if she did?

You're gonna just have to put your foot down. But be sure to address it during the day so it's not a battle in the middle of the night. Just tell her that from now on she needs to sleep in her own bed because you and her Dad need your sleep and she's waking you up all the time.
And if she comes to your bed you shouldn't be putting her back in her bed. She's 8 and should just be told to go back to bed. You shouldn't have to get up and tuck her in.
Tough love :o) It's hard, especially with your baby but you can do it.
J.
Mom to 4 and soon one more through another adoption.