2-Year-old Still Comes into Our Bed

Hi A.,

I have a 3 (almost 4 yr old) that has started doing that. We are trying a sticker chart that if he goes back in and lays down by himself he can earn a toy... We will see how it works.

I'd say the real concern here is what's happening between you and your hubby that he doesn't want your son to come to bed. If it's for practical reasons (ie. your son steals the covers, kicks hubby out of bed, hubby can't sleep and it's affecting him at work) that's one thing. If it's more because he feels neglected and resentful, that's a problem that needs to get worked out between you two and "blaming" it on your son sleeping with you is dangerous because kids are super sensitive to that. There's a lot of good that comes from co-sleeping and you're not necessarily fostering an overly dependent child just from this (that takes a lot of other things - like not allowing them any independence at other times). He's at the stage where he needs to be able to be independent when he wants, but he also needs to know that mommy and daddy are there when he comes back from "exploring".

I would suggest taking a really good look at what's happening in the dynamics between all 3 of you. You're also TTC too aren't you? That can put a lot of stress on a marriage. The primary relationship in a family needs to be a strong partnership between the two adults. This is so hard to maintain when you've got kids but it's also incredibly important. Kids need good examples of healthy loving relationships and they need to know they can't come between mommy and daddy. So - after looking at what's really going on for you guys, you might need to come up with some ways to keep your son out of your bed. Or you may decide that you can give it some more time and see if he grows out of it (and encourage that in different healthy ways, like emphasizing that he's a big boy, in his big boy bed or whatever you find that works).

I'm also a huge fan of getting help at times like these - a few sessions with a marriage counselor can really help clear the air and get you communicating before things turn into bigger problems.
Good luck with all of it.

dont think of this as a negetive experience, think of this as bonding time. My son does the same thing, we "corrected" this so called problem and moved his bed into our bedroom. We all go to bed at the same time and he immediately goes to his bed. Children love to spend time with their parents, forcing them out also allows them to go through the trust/mistrust stage and you dont want him to mistrust you. He depends on you both for support, encouragement, love, etc. When you start putting your foot down in regards to the bed issue, you are giving him a clear answer that you dont want him around. There is nothing wrong with children sleeping in their parents beds. The Asian culture has done it for years and they seem to be a tight knit family. Whereas, Americans are opposite, some are some arent close... Ask yourself this question, do you want your child to come to you when he is older with questions, concerns, and issues that he is dealing with or do you know what to know or help? The bed issue is the least of your worries and overtime, he will adjust to his own bed in his own room.....

I'm going to get the no cry sleep solution for toddlers. my son is one and still nurses to sleep and co sleeps. this isn't a problem for us, but at some point i know we'll probably want a change.

who knows though!?

good for you that you don't want to CIO - We're the same way. Maybe just try working on your husbandn to warm it up to the benefits of co sleeping. Sounds like you got some other good advice... good luck!

I think one of the things you can start is trying to get him to fall asleep without you in the bed with him. Maybe you can stay in the room at first, but don't get into bed with him. Eventually move it to putting him to bed and leaving his room. He should become comfortable enough to sleep in his own bed all together.

By the way, I still have my soon to be three year old coming into bed with my and my spouse at times, but mainly because of bad dreams and things. I hope this can help you a little and good luck in your quest.

Dear A.,

You are not going to like what I have to say, really it is none of my business, but I do not like to see you get into a bad situation with your husband. Night time is for husbands and wives, and your husband has been patient for long enough.

I suggest that you do let your two year old cry in his own bed and have to stay there. There are lots of ways to do this and I just read some great ideas on the same problem in the other mommies answers to , I think that it was Erin. So check that out and good luck to you.

Another thing, you are making the child too dependent upon your presence - he is two now and will be wanting to separate from you a bit. So no more sleeping beside him.

Sorry, but this is all true. C. N.

I would have to agree with Carolyn N. Your son will need to sleep in his own room all night at some point and the sooner the better. I still have my two year old in his crib due to the fact that he hasn't attempted climbing out of it yet. Do you think you perhaps moved him to the twin bed too soon. My son has been sleeping in his own room in his own bed since he was 3 weeks old. Sometimes he still cries when I put him in bed but I think that is because he feels he's not ready to go to sleep. How do you handle naps also?

I hear you . . . our 4 year old starts off in his bed and usually comes into our bed by the morning as well. There are several reasons (1) he has a 3 month old brother who IS in bed with us and I'm certain he feels jealous, (2) he moves around a lot when he sleeps and kicks off his covers so he gets cold at night and (3) he likes to be with mom and dad.

But, I have a question for you beyond why your son climbs into bed with you . . .
Why does your husband mind? Why is he getting tired of it?
If the answer is that your husband feels left out or unappreciated or not loved enough, then there are other things you can do to show him love and affection besides kicking your little huy out of bed.

To keep your son in bed though, you may want to try a night light, playing some music, using a stuffed bear for him to sleep with or simply putting him back to bed (which means you lose out on sleep).

Good luck,
F.
www.discoverytoyslink.com/fatimac
60% OFF SALE GOING ON NOW!!

First let me start by saying that this is an extremely debated issue. People go back and forth about having a "family bed". I on one hand think that it is a wonderful thing. At one point, we had all three of our children in our bed! I think it is a wonderful thing. I mean it is a very short time that we have our children small and wanting to spend as much time with us as they can. But my husband and i did recently talk about it and we wanted the two older children to sleep in their own room. We got them new bunk beds and for the first week or two we put a tv and a vcr in their room. We let them watch a movie at bed time and they fell asleep in the middle. They did come in the room at night but my husband took them back to the room. It still happens, but it does happen less often. I think that eventually they will just get comfortable in their own "big boy/girl bed" and sleep the whole night through every night. It is all about creating a routine and they say it takes two weeks of doing something before it becomes habit.
Take care and good luck,
S.

I shouldn't be responding, as my 2 ½ year old does the same exact thing! The one thing I have noticed is that he sleeps in his own bed longer if I feed him some baby cereal (which he still LOVES!) just before we start the bed time routine. If I feed him the cereal, he’ll usually sleep until about 6:00am. If not, it’s “Good?! Morning” at 2:00-3:00am. Our situation is a little different though, because we had to bring his bed into out room a few months ago. (Need to make room for my niece, as her then current lining situation had become dangerous. Psycho Ex’s SUCK!) He was coming to “greet” us anyway, so we figured it made more sense than putting my niece in the living room for a couple months. Now that he has his room back, we just haven’t put the bed where it belongs. When we do, we plan to put the gate at OUR bedroom door. This way he will wake us up so that I can take him back to bed. I don’t know if you feel better about that option. I have to admit though, I’m torn. I think there is a special trust and bond that comes form having a “Family Bed” sleep arrangement, but I also CAN’T imagine adding ANOTHER baby to the bed.

I also think I created this habit by nursing him in our bed at night from the time he was born. Plus, we don’t have central heat, and my son was born 12/29. His first night home it POURED all night. He came home on New Year’s Eve during one of the few So. Cal “Major” flood problems. He would be SO cold when he’d wake up that I hated putting him back in his bassinet.

Anyway, know you’re not alone! I love/hate waking up with him right there in-between us. I am dreadfully looking forward to owning our bed again! ~J.

Whoa! I thought Alana's response was too intense!
My 2 yr old does the same thing. I made a little make shift bed on the floor next to our bed so when he comes in I just get up and toss (not literally) him on his little comfortor on the floor. Then we all have our sleep and I dont have to get up all the way to put him back in his room. He'll eventually sleep in his room all night by himself, he's not gonna stay in our bed forever!

My son just started to stay in his bed all night. he is now 2 and we have struggled with him getting up and climbing into our bed for months before that. We figured out that if we could keep him asleap all night that he would stay in his bed, but if he woke up becasue of something bugging him, then he would want to be with us. For our son, he was waking itchy becuase of allergies. so we got that all fixed and he doesnt wake because of that anymore. maybe there is something going on with your little one that makes him wake in the night. you might want to check into that.

good luck