SIL Invited Herself to My Birthday Event

Don't do anything until she calls for details. And when she does, you can (1) be strong and tell the truth: past experiences taught you that she would not be an appropriate guest for the kind of gathering you want )or however you wish to word it), or (2) be a whimp and tell a lie: that this is a small event and that you plan something bigger to which everyone will be invited --and then never get around to planning the bigger event. Have a good time without her! A :)

Do nothing unless she follows up. If she does, maybe you could let her down easy by telling a small white lie such as "no extra ticket" or "small event" as other ladies have suggested. I don't think you should be mean or rude- if it's not your style. This should be you very last recourse, if she should persist. Good luck and have a great birthday bash!

Honesty is the best policy. 1. Find one thing that is good about her. Begin with that. Something like, "I know that you are an outgoing and outspoken person."
2. Then, call attention to her mistakes indirectly. Say, "But, when people forget their manners and say insensitive and rude things, it upsets everyone."
3. Admit your own mistakes. Say, "I know that I must have said or done some things to upset you too. I know that I am not perfect."
4. Then, put your request into a question. Say, "But, Would you be willing to act politely and to think before you speak? " or "Would you be willing to not go to the birthday party?"
4. Then, let her save face. Say, "I believe that under the anger you are a good person."
5. Praise her if she has remained cool to this point. Say, "I know that you are reasonable and intelligent."
6. Make the mistake seem easy to correct and use encouragement. Say, "It is not very hard to get along with the family. The simple trick is to think before you speak. That way you will avoid hurting people's feelings. And, don't say anything at all if you feel like you will upset someone."
7. Then, make her feel happy about doing what you want. Say, "Let's help each other put an end to family fighting. If I begin to say something that will upset you then let me know, and I'll do the same for you, okay. I want to help you get along with everyone."

I would tell my husband not to talk about your personal business in this lady's presence, if you don't want her included. If she is making your BIL as miserable as it sounds, you and your husband should make an effort not to say things to your BIL while she is present. Ask your husband to correct the situation, since he created the problem. A good way to do it is for him to talk with the lady directly and let her know that she and your BIL are invited over for a drink or dinner on a day near your birthday, but that you are only planning to be with your mom on your birthday.

I agree with some others, don't do anything unless she follows up. Chances are, once she thinks it through she will realize she can't really invite herself. Perhaps it would help if you had your hubby put that bug in her hubbies ear. But if she does call on you, be kind, but honest.

I would definitely ask your husband to speak with his brother. His brother should step in and tell his wife that she is not invited. If you're not that close to her it shouldn't be much of a loss if she is upset with you over this.

M.- I totally feel for you. I say you have your BIL make a special date with his wife the same morning as your birthday brunch at LIPS. He kinda owes you for getting you in this mess. Then when she has to call and cancel with you it will be her doing and you'll be in the clear. Good luck!

Hi M.,

I would just tell her "I'm sorry, this is a small event...possibly you can join us next time". If she gets mad, so be it...she's a big girl and can deal with the dissappoinment.

Have a great time!

Good for you. And I would just be straight with her and tell her that you just didn't invite her and she can't come. It is your day and you deserve a break without dealing with her.