Hi al
Well yesterday we were at my nieces birthday party. We had a great time apart from one incident. Let me know what you think. A mutual family friend arrived with not just gifts for the birthday girl but a small gift for my dd and my nephew. (the family friends kids handed the gifts out) Well my daughter was delighted and so grateful and she asked me to put it somewhere for safe keeping. Well a while later she asked me if I could get it for her. Well it was not where I put it. My BIL then send my daughter had been given the wrong gift so HE had given it to my nephew!! My daughter was so upset and started crying. She is 7 and is old enough to understand what people are saying but she was really hurt. Well I was so taken aback and stood there staring at my BIl as I think he thought I would just accept his explanation, but I continued to stare at him to further explain to my daughter and he was embarrassed. What made it worse was the other gift was nowhere to be seen. My BIL is so soft with his kids always has been If the situation was reversed I would have explained to my dd and said "you know next time we are in town I will pick you one up" I would NEVER have taken a gift of a child. It kind of ruined my day. I think I should just forget about it. :-)
Sorry. :-) He walked away and next thing he and my Sis are talking quietly to each other and stop talking when I look over. He then leaves the room and comes back with the gift but it has been opened and half the stuff is missing and gives it to my daughter. (no apology) Obviously my sis had told him to do this. I felt like giving it back to him :-) My dd just looks at him says thanks and puts it on a table to be forgotten about. She doesn't want it anymore. As you can tell I am more upset than my dd. ha ha. x
The gifts were not girl/boy gifts.
It was my nieces b'day not nephews.
Totally agree with only bringing gifts for just the b'day child (one of my pet peeves is people who bring gifts to other kids on someone elses birthday. It is their birthday, their day to feel special!!)
Ok KmcdocM - So if you were at someones house and put something down on a counter top (purse, keys, phone, kids jacket, GIFT that belongs to someone else), that obviously means its a free for all for anyone to pick up and keep!!!! wow I hope people know this when they step into your home. :-)
i would've done the same thing, for starter's i've never agreed to openly give gifts to other children at a birthday party other than to the birthday kiddo. and if anyone "accidentally" gives the gift to the wrong kiddo, that's THEIR problem.
good for you daughter to put it down and forget about it...i don't blame her in the least
WOW, after reading this, I really have no words to say. I cannot believe this sort of thing happens! I hope you get some great advice. I'm truly at a loss for words. It sounds like they "stole" her gift for their kid.
Well your Nephew got 2 gifts then?
I would, explain to your Daughter, that her Uncle was not being fair.
It was simply NOT nice.
She knows that, no sense sugar coat it.
She is 7. She knows.
Just tell your BIL... it was crappy of him to do that.
The nerve.
He basically 'stole' the present. From your Daughter. Did not even tell you first, that he swiped it.
.
If the family friend gave your dd and your nephew a small gift and your dd got the wrong one, did he give your daughter the 'right' gift? Or did your nephew walk away with both? Who is your BIL to decide what gifts go to whom? At the very least, he should have asked YOU! Shame on him!!!!!!
I don't get it, if the gift was from a "family friend" not BIL why would the BIL feel the right to take the gift away and give it to someone else?
Your daughter has the right to feel hurt either way, but its a good time to teach her that disappointments happen and how to appropriately move on.
I guess you know now that your BIL can't be trusted to leave things that are not his alone. Next time there's a gift set aside till later - lock the thing up so he can't get at it. The gift was from a family friend. BIL had no business touching it.
I think you should have told your BIL to give the present back to your daughter. He doesn't have the right to take back and/or redistribute a gift that already has been given, especially from a child. It's very bad manners and extremely tacky.
Well, he did the right thing, even if the gift is now missing parts.
You need to model gracious behavior for your daughter. Why doesn't she want it any more, because parts of it are missing?
Tell her it was a mistake, and that it was nice of him to give it to her anyway. Tell her it's too bad that some of it is missing but it was still a nice thought.
The important thing in all this is that your daughter 1) learns how to be gracious, and 2) learns that gifts and "stuff" doesn't really matter. It's the thought that counts. And he did give it back to her.
Wow, I can't believe the balls on your BIL! Did he at least apologize? Did he offer to give back the gift or get a replacement gift for your daughter? I can't imagine taking a gift intended for another child and giving it to my child. That's stealing. Oh geesh, at least tell us that he was embarrassed or showed some kind of remorse. That just sucks.
ADDED: I didn't see your 2nd paragraph before typing my response above. If I had thought of it at the time, I would have given him the box back and told him that we would wait to get the gift back when all of the parts are in the back in the box. Now that it is over, hopefully your sister will step up and do the right thing on behalf of her husband (I would be so mad at him if I were her).
Otherwise, now that it is all said and done, I would just let it go but know that, in the future, if someone gives your children a gift and BIL happens to be around, make sure you immediately trunk it so that BIL can't get his hands on it and re-gift it without your permission.
Wow! Your BIL is really immature! I know it ruined your day and is probably really eating at you, but it is probably best to leave it alone. I'm sure he realizes what a jerk he was, and if not, hopefully your sister let him know.
I just want to make sure I understand. The nephew opened his gift and the BIL saw that it was the wrong one, so he went and gave the gift given to your dd to your nephew and did not ask you before deciding to do this?
If the toy that was given to his son was a "girl" present and the one given to your dd was a "boy" present, I can see why the BIL would have done this, especially if he wasn't watching when the present was opened. If the nephew was given the gift, opened it right away and played with it (losing some of the pieces) before BIL noticed it was a "girl" gift and then tried to correct the mistake by giving the gift given to your dd, he was just trying to correct the mistake. His error was not in letting you know right away and taking the "right" "girl" gift away from his son and giving it to your dd. Would your dd have been upset, having opened the "boy" present and seeing it wasn't intended for her because it was a "boy" toy? I don't think he intended to be a jerk - he was just insensitive to the situation, in my opinion - a typical man.
I would call your sister and tell her your daughter's feelings were hurt over the situation and you would have appreciated your BIL letting you know about the mistake right away. I'm sure she realizes what her husband did was kind of a stupid way to handle the situation. Hopefully, he learned his lesson.
Wow, that was kind of rude of your BIL. I would say not to stew over this for long. It is amazing how at times, kids seem more resilient than the adults.
I would ask my sister when you dd isn't listening call and say "what happened? Why did your husband take my daughters gift away from her?" Maybe there was a misunderstanding, I cant imagine what, if she says he gave her something else- "it had missing parts!" If she doesnt realize exactly what happened she needs to know so she'll understand that you might treat their house as unsafe place for your daughter's things, is he teaching his son to take what he wants?
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Your BIL clearly made a mistake (don't we all make mistakes?) but you can still show compassion, love and forgiveness. Be slow to correct those you love. Our enemies will be more than eager to correct whenever they see an opportunity. When your dd didn't want the gift back, it would have been a perfect opportunity for you to have talked with her and offered the present back to your nephew. You could have taught your dd that you can show compassion and generosity even when someone wrongs you. Forgiveness sets you free.
Maybe the friend should not have brought gifts for other than the birthday child.Well intentioned, none the less.
You should have put it somewhere safe. Since someone else found it, it was not safe. Well intentioned, but not safe.
Your brother in law certainly thought he was doing the correct thing at his child's birthday party. well intentioned.
Now everyone can be mad, and start a family feud. Or you can realize everyone good intentions.
Take responsibility for the fact that where you put it was not safe, you can take responsibility for that, I hope, and tell your daughter, and take her shopping for something that has not been opened.
And tell her everyone makes mistakes, and everyone was well intentioned, and you rise above and be responsible- and you can avoid a long bad feeling family problem.
Can you do that?
Best, k
