Signs That Toddler like Daycare

You are in a hard spot. Being a single mom to an only child makes it hard because you don't have anything to really gage against (and luckily no other parenting style to deal with *sigh*). Having my second child was what tipped me off that my oldest was autistic! I had no clue (and felt like a horrid mom).

You might be asking her too many questions. My DH's ex does this with their kid and gets him to say all sorts of confusing things. He likes school but doesn't like it. He loves her but doesn't love her. At this age they are just learning more abstract emotions such as love versus like. It is confusing to them because before it was simple concepts. Try sticking with really simple things like "How was your day?" "What things did you do?" With kids this age it is sooo easy to lead and you can ferret anything out of them - she wants to please you after all! It's totally natural.

You are the center of her universe. It's that way for kids this age. She doesn't understand the bigger concepts (like she wouldn't understand why her friends all disappeared if you moved her). I know it seems like she understands more, but that is her way of showing you she wants more control - even if she doesn't quite grasp it all the way.

Her friends are neutral - they are fun playmates. Her teacher is a figurehead - like you. If she's coping at school well her problem isn't the teacher herself, but the concept of the teacher. You go away and her teacher replaces you and she doesn't want you replaced. BUT this is something she has to learn. She has no reason to mistrust you - you have always returned! So changing to a new place wouldn't solve your problem. It might make more actually.

I wouldn't worry about the eating thing. Again DH's son (3) does this. Goes through bouts where he won't eat at his moms but comes over here and eats everything in site. Does it at school, his grandma's house....she probably is testing everything out. She wants to see the reaction. You are not doing anything wrong and neither is the daycare. She's just testing things out and the best news? She always will!

I know this is long, sorry about that, it's just we've had to deal with this ourselves. It would be one thing if she spent the entire time crying, but it's just a case of a attachment I think. Every kid has it to some degree - some more than others. Nothing wrong except it means a little more work and probably a few more tears for you! Best of luck in what you decide and remember you are doing awesome!

BAsed on your description I think your daughter is fine at this preschool. She is responding in ways that other children respond. I also think that you're asking too many questions and phrasing them in a way that may be confusing to her. As another mom suggested, ask her about what she did and who she played with, that sort of things. At three she doesn't have a concept of what happiness is or how it's attained. Did you have fun? is much more clear.

Then expect her to say yes, she had fun some of the time and no she didn't other times. None of us have fun all of the time. Also, when she says she didn't have fun this doesn't mean that her day was difficult. It more likely expresses her feeling at that specific moment. Remember that 3 year olds have limited memory capabilities and attention spans.

Children also have ups and downs in how much they eat. My grandchildren will pick at their food at home for several days or even a couple of weeks and then suddenly eat everything on their plate and ask for more. If we as parents could let our children eat when they're hungry perhaps we'd have less eating disorders. That's not to say we shouldn't have regular meal times. But let our children eat as much as their bodies tell them to eat.

My 8 yo granddaughter still says she had fun and then 15 minutes later will say she had a bad day and begin to cry. I sympathize with her and in a few minutes she's back to saying she had a good day and excitedly tells me what she did. Emotions are fluid and even more so for children.

I agree with you that adjusting to a new place will be difficult for her and you. Unless you have observed and/or felt that something is seriously wrong, such as inappropriate discipline, inadequate activities, a cold or indifferent attitude, etc. and have checked out your feeling then keep her there. Perhaps the lesson in this is for you to learn to relax and let go of being in total control 24/7.

I mention total control because that is the way that my daughter, a young mother, is living and I remember my being extra concerned that everything be just right for my daughter. Now that I've seen the result of my parenting I'm aware that I worried about many things that I needn't have worried about. I would have been happier if I'd been able to focus more on enjoying my daughter as she is and less on trying to make her world more perfect.

Keddy,

I don't know if you've posted this before or not, but is sounds very similar to another post that I've read recently (in the past few months).

If there is ***anything*** at all about the situation that makes you even slightly uncomfortable then it's not the right fit.

I used to work at a childcare facility. There are some kids that don't like the teachers, there are the bullies (even at two), there are all kinds of kids. One thing we always encouraged our parents to do was to use our observation rooms and drop in unannounced. We had rooms that had one-way mirrors onto the classrooms where the kids played. The parents were welcome to come in either before or after they dropped their kids off and watch for as long as they wanted. If your in-home has a place where you can show up unannounced and quietly observe the dynamics of the situation I'd make use of it.

If I had any questions or doubts at all I'd err on the side of protecting my daughter and find somewhere else for her to go.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

If it were me Id look for another daycare, or stay at home mom to watch your little girl.
My sons started daycare (first time being away from me for more than an hour they were 4 and 1)
It took about one month for them to really not midn being dropped off, they now just run in as soon as we get there and dont look back, when i pick them up they light up and smile but generally want to finish what there doing as its fun!
My son on occasion will say i dont like school, i ask why? and its usually a kid not sharing or bullying. which you will find everywhere.

Also another good thing that worked for us was to always have the same drop off routine. Same everyday.
Like ours is, we go hang up coats and then give hugs kisses and then we go to the big window (im outside hes inside classroom) and we blow kisses and make silly faces and i leave. No going back in and he runs to his friends. But its consistent. no going back in and letting him think that he gets to go with me or that ill stay longer.

Good luck to you and Hope the best for your situation!!