Transition to Daycare

Hi! My son just started daycare on the 21st after being with me for a year. I took him there a couple times to visit before he started, we would just go and he would play with the other kids with me there, and have a chance to get comfortable. We were only there like 30-45 minutes, but it helped him to know that it is a safe place, and he has not cried once for drop off, the only time he cries is when I come to pick him up because he wants to stay and play. He has done great. He was in daycare as an infant too, and I did that then also. I wanted him to be able to spend time around the people who would be taking care of him, but with mommy there so it is not a traumatic experience for him, and it has always worked great. And every daycare he has been in (including the one I worked at) allowed parents to pop in at any time, so that the parents would feel more comfortable. Obviously, you don't want to come all the time and upset your child by leaving without them. But they should allow you the freedom to check in, even if it is just to look and hide from your child so they don't get upset about you being there (we had parents do that at new horizon). I would not leave my son in a daycare that would traumatize him like that. That is a very scary situation for a young child, and if not handled correctly, can cause separation anxiety problems. I was told when my son was born by a child development expert to always say bye to him every time i leave him, from birth on. she said that a lot of parents try to sneak out when children are not looking, so they don't cry, but then the child gets scared when they notice their mom is gone and don't know where she went, and that causes them to be afraid of being left. I have always done that, and my son never had a problem being left. For a year he was never away from me at all (maybe 3 hours a month with my mom), and has no problem with me leaving now. I usually sit on the floor and put down a toy and play with it with him on my lap, and when he gets interested, i put it on the floor a ways in front of me so he has to get off my lap to get it, and once he gets off by himself, he is fine. I ask for a kiss and hug and tell him mommy is going bye bye, and he says bye and is fine with it. He is 28 months now. I hope your son does well with the transition... if he is comfortable with you leaving, and excited enough by the other children and toys that he has to keep busy, he should be fine. Good luck!

Speaking as a mom of five who has used daycare and now a provider... You should be able to check in on your child anytime BUT (this is what I learned after a couple of kids) understand that if your child sees you, it reminds them that you are not there and it's really upsetting. I figured out that my dragging out drop offs at church childcare and daycare made it WORSE for them, not better. So, I started saying goodbye, a quick kiss, tell them when I'd be back, and split. A lot of the time, I would hide where they couldn't see me just to reassure ME and most of the time, when I was out of sight, they would stop their crying and go off to play. No audience, no mom to bribe into coming back. And other times, I would call and ask. As a provider, now, I had a family where dad would let it drag on forever and the boys milked it, total drama. Mom would give them kisses, they'd at times start to cry and fall down, she'd wave goodbye and leave, by the time she was in her car, they were fine.

To help them to start to adjust, would the provider allow a couple of hours, you stay for a short time and then leave for a short time? It can really mess up a providers day, though, to have a parent around for a period of time because the kids act differently whenever there is a new adult hanging around, I've seen it over and over again. They vie for attention, clown around, disobey rules. Just like when you get on the phone or someone stops at your door!! Other things you could do that may help are to start to follow the caregiver's schedule at your house. It's a lot easier on the kids if there's a continuation between care and home and it would be easier for you to make adjustments than a provider who has things set up for everyone else a certain way. Eat and nap at the same time they do, even on days off and weekends. Your son is pretty young so it won't do much good to drive by so they get to know the house. Does your son have a lovey or blanky? It helped my kids to have something from home like that, just be sure the daycare won't take it away, that could make it worse for him. My own daycare, lovies are okay, but not just any old toy from home, and I keep them put up until naps unless the kids are stressed, then I let them have it, I just try to keep it safe.

Bottom line, I've been more of a cold turkey mom, now I prefer to work for cold turkey moms, but I work with the ones who can't do it that way. But, I spoke to the caregivers a lot beforehand so I would know what to expect and what my kids were going to be doing. It helped me. And after all the worry, it was me who needed it more than the kids. This daycare appears to have a good policy as long as there's an open door policy further down the contract/handbook so you can drop in. From what I've gathered from my kids and other providers, it IS the best method to help most kids adjust and cut back on their tension.

Best of luck in whatever you choose!
M.

I hope this helps out.

J.,

It is state law for daycare providers to have an open door policy. They legally have to allow you to appear, observe, call, show up unannounced, as much and often as you like. Don't let their policy stop you from hanging out or dropping in at lunch.

That being said, it will be more disruptive and confusing for your son if you randomly come and go or stay for extended periods some mornings but not others.

When my daughter first started daycare it was right by my work and I stayed for about 15-30mins in the morning and stopped in during lunch or in the mid afternoon.

I try to get my daughter interested in an activity, a book, or a toy right away when we get to daycare. Once she is comfortable then I tell her Mommy has to go to work and I'll see her later. She might cry, but if I listen outside the door it always stops within a few minutes. Yup, I'm guilty of standing outside the daycare listening to how the teachers respond to her crying and how long she cries.

The first week might be rough, but it gets better!

I'm also surprised to know about their policies....I'm personally against it because I think it's important to have an open environment to both parents and children when it comes to a daycare. Sorry I have to be negative in the beginning...but I have seen a few kids who just don't adjust to new settings very well - so whether the "cold-turkey" approach or a gradual break-in is better will depend on each kid! My kids didn't have problems no matter which one, normally after a week or two the daycare became their home away from home. If your son is sociable, I think either way will work. If he's not, I think your presence in the daycare will help him get settled down a lot. Good luck!

You could "visit" the daycare everyday for a few minutes prior to starting. That helps or just do it. Some kids are perfectly fine and other's can take up to a week or two to adjust. There isn't alot you can do. If you get into habit of staying for long periods or time that will not help the situation. I would go into the classroom and hold your child for a few minutes and gradually get him/her interested in a toy or distraction and slip away.

He will probably get on better then you think. I was suprised how well my little guy adjusted when he went to daycare. He loved the interaction with the other kids and the providers loved having him. I was alittle put out that he didn't miss me more.

Do they mind if you call to make sure that he is doing okay? That might help to ease your mind if he is upset when you leave. Otherwise I'm sure that they will call you if he is not doing well.

I would hope they have an open door policy so you can drop in at any time unannounced. If they don't I personaly wouldn't go there no matter what their reputation is. How would they get a good reputation if parents can't observe or pop in? I know if they are bad they'll put on a front while you're there so you never really know.

My daycare lady said kids tend to cry a lot the first few days. I'm sure it wouldn't help the situation if you do drop in to check up the first week or two, but maybe you can call and check in. I think you should be able to leave when you want to. How can you leave your child sobbing because your 15 mintues is up. This is very cruel to you and your child in my opinion. Nobody can tell me when I need to leave my child.

If your child has been with you all this time without spending time away from you on a regular basis I would suggest a break in period for sure. I think it's cruel to just do it cold turkey but that's just my opinon. I did a two week break in period where my daughter spent 1/2 days at daycare before doing full-time. She was 3 months old. At 16 months they are more aware of what's going on and attachment issues may start at this time too. Whatever you decide just make sure you feel good about what you're doing. I'm sure you child will adjust well no matter how you decide. I understand if they recommend parents not to pop in during the first week or two but anything after that you should be able to. Best of luck to you and no matter what our opinions are if you are comfortable and okay with the place and their policies then it's the right place for you.

I agree with other responses you've already recieved.

My experience is that the daycare would have me and my son(s) visit - beginning 2 weeks prior to his start date and we'd stay for an hour or two the first couple of times together. Then the third time I'd leave him there for 10 mins - I'd tell him I'll be back I was just doing an errand next door (so he knew I wasn't far away). Fourth visit I'd stay for 1/2 hour then leave him there for 20 mins. And then when he started the class, kids, and teacher were not scary strangers but people he'd already observed.

The school did recommend not making my leaving a big deal or too lengthy - as it does just prolong that hard seperation moment - but they left it do me to decide and just made suggestions. One trick i found was when i left I gave my bottom-less-pit son a 1/2 a banana as I'd leave - he'd sit and eat it next to the teacher and allow himself to be drawn into whatever activity she was trying to get the kids engagement with.

That is really odd. When I was looking for daycare I was told (by the state) that you should always ask if you can drop in and check on your child. You should always be able to do that, he is your son, your child! As his mother you should be able to check on him whenever you want, and when we were at Kinder Care I spent lots of time with her in the room and met all her teachers, and we just switched to a home daycare and our provider invited us over to meet her husband and child and I watched her play with our daughter and everything. You should never have to rely on the provider to tell you everything. If you are concerned, then trust your instinct. I would keep searching.

As a mother and home daycare provider, I agree with what Melanie K wrote. I can understand your daycare wanting parents to leave their kids, so they can get on with their day. The kids need to learn that mom is leaving, but WILL come back. Kids are smart, they KNOW they are going to get dropped off. If the parent stays, that is harder on the child, as the child is anticipating the parent leaving. Typically, the longer a parent stays, the harder it is on the child. The shorter the goodbye is, the better the child adjusts. My suggestion would be, spend time with him at the daycare when you pick him up. Sit down and play for a few minutes, talk to the teachers then, ask your child to show you what he played with during the day. You will get a good feel as to how he does during the day, and you wont upset him with the anticipation of you leaving. Also, call the daycare during the day if you need to hear how he is doing. Do understand that his teacher may be in the middle of something and may not be able to talk to you at the moment you call and wont be able to talk long. But someone should be able to let you know how he is adjusting. I would not recommend dropping in during the day, unless you are going to take him home. That is too confusing on a child, they see you and they assume you are taking them home. If you leave with out him, he will very upset, and you dont want that. If it is possible with your schedule, have the first few days be short, but in the morning during most of the activities. The first day could be a few hours in the morning, pick him up before lunch. Second day have him stay through lunch. Third day have him stay for nap and pick him up right after nap. Fourth day have him stay a little while after nap. Fifth day have him stay your full hours. If that isnt possible, kids really do very well "cold turkey". The learn the schedule and routine quicker and know what to expect. Most kids start daycare that way and it works very well. Best of luck, I know it is hard.
S.