3 Year Old Still Crying Every Time I Drop Her off Day Care

My son is almost 5 and STILL sometimes cries when I drop him off at school (1 or 2x's per week).. He's been going there since he was 2 and has all his friends there... The teacher said within 5 minutes of me leaving, he's fine.. I believe that, because when I go get him in the afternoon, he's playing happier than ever!
It's so hard to see him cry though :0(

That's a tough transition. New house, new daycare situation. Her whole world changed overnight. Give her some time to adjust. Does she cry for a while after you drop her off in the morning, or does she stop crying as soon as you're out the door? (If the latter, then I would worry a lot less! ;) What does her teacher have to say about how she's doing throughout the day? When you pick her up, is it just after she's waking up from nap, or maybe at the end of a long day? She might just be ready for some alone time at that point in the day. I would really work with her teacher to be sure that she's adjusting okay when you're not there to see what's going on.

My younger daughter had a very hard time adjusting to preschool. She cried for a good 2 months every morning when we dropped her off. In retrospect, the teacher was the wicked witch of the west and I SHOULD have figured out that my daughter was trying to tell me she didn't like it there. But even though her first year of preschool was less than ideal, my daughter still ended up doing well in subsequent years of school, so it wasn't like she was scarred for life. Still - if your daughter seems not to be enjoying preschool at all, and/or the teacher doesn't seem very engaged with her, it may be a sign that you should consider other preschools. Sometimes the way they teach at one preschool is great for some kids, and really not for others.

Anyhow, I'm sure that didn't help much ;), but hopefully you can investigate some more and see if your daughter is just having a hard time with the transition, or if it's really not the school for her. Best of luck to you!

My daughter was 3 when i was going to college and she went to the awesome daycare center there. I would hug her, kiss her and tell her I would see her in a few hours, and she screamed every single time, 4 days a week, the entire 4.5 month semester. It broke my heart and when I got to my first class I was usually in tears. But, her teacher, the aides and director told me she stopped as soon as I was out of sight and not to worry, they saw it all the time. As hard as it was I trusted them and was consistent in leaving her.

Second semester after a 5-week hiatus I took her in, kissed, hugged, promised to be back in a few hours, and she didn't cry, NEVER cried again.

Hang in there, it will get better!

I think since it's been a month and she's only 3, you should look for an in-home provider that has more than the last provider had and still a home like place. This is obviously too much for her. I am a firm believer in the fact that children learn and grow at their own pace. Some 3 year old's rule big centers, some don't. This is a huge change. 8 weeks to 3 years means the other lady was like another mamma. I know that no one wants to think of providers that way. But it is that way.

You also need to go with your gut. I started a little girl this week that's been with the same provider since 8 weeks. Shes only 11 months. She cried and cried the first day, less the second, and yesterday wasn't too bad at all. Her mother though says that she's a totally different baby already. She said before she would take her home and she was in a bad mood all night. She never slept at the other caregivers house. It was chaos all the time over there according to her mom. She barely slept the first day, took an hour the 2nd and yesterday she slept for 2.5 hours. We are going to be a good fit for this child. I'm not saying it should always go this fast. But 4 weeks is too long for everyone.

Hey -
This is an extremely hard situation. I would have thought that by 4 weeks, she might be adjusted. My recommendation is to take a hard look at the daycare and also to review other daycare options. She honestly just may not like THAT daycare. Not having a consistent person to receive the kids in the morning would be a problem for me. I understand the shift issue, but generally, I find that daycares try to provide consistency because they KNOW children like consistency.

Some other things to look for in a daycare:

1. Do they mix the age groups of the children in the morning (babies with toddlers with 3 year olds?). I went to a daycare for a little while that did this and I HATED it. I found that the toddlers were snotty and grubby and hit on the babies and stole their pacifiers and pushed them (which is just how toddlers are, but I didn't want them around my baby who was defenseless). Plus, toddlers are super germy. I know that your child is 3, but if she is mixed in with younger children first thing, she may hate that.

2. What is their schedule. They should be changing activities throughout the day fairly consistently. A good daycare should be able to provide you with a printed schedule for a 3 year old - which includes outside time, art time, story time, etc.

3. How is the facility? Clean? Restrooms clean? (I find that a clean daycare is a reflection of good management).

4. Generally, I find that most daycares have a 3 year old class/program. If your daycare does not have this, it could be contributing to your child being unhappy.

5. I definitely think a child can be unhappy at one daycare and happy at another.

6. One thing you can do (I know you work, but if you can get out at different times of the day, it will be worth it), is go and observe other daycares at different times of the day. What are THEY doing at 9AM, what are THEY doing at 10AM, what are THEY doing at 2PM? Are they consistent with nap times? All of these things play into a child's happiness.

Good luck!
L.

I am having the same problem with my 3 year old. He just started a Montessori pre school and his older brother is in the class with him. He was so excited to start school and the first day was great, but once he found out what it was all about, he is so unhappy going to school. The teachers say he calms down soon after we drop him off and while he does get upset at times during the day, he is able to focus on "work" and do many activities. Our teachers say some kids take 6 weeks or more to adjust. I would find out from the teachers whether she stops crying soon after you leave and how she is during the day. I also would listen to your gut feeling about whether you like the school. Go observe one day and see how you feel about it. It is very hard to see your child cry when dropping them off at school. It makes me feel better to know others have the same issue.

As a former preschool teacher, I can tell you that the kiddos that used that tactic usually settled down once the parent was out of sight. As an only child, she may be a little shy, but eventually she will make friends and adjust. I loved teaching 3 yr olds, but that's the age where they are learning they aren't babies anymore. For some it is tougher than for others

oh, my older daughter teared up just about every day until she turned 5!! The teachers said she was fine after 2 minutes and she loved school and her teachers and friends-- she is just not good at separation. We were lucky that she had the same teacher from 3-5 years old who never made a big deal about it, never told her to stop it because she was a big girl. She just gave her some extra cuddles for a minute or two and then all was right with the world :) Now, at 6 and in first grade, she practically runs to the classroom ahead of me without even a backwards glance (she's certainly over the separation problems!)

My younger daughter cried for a week or two at drop off and has been fine most days for the past year-- i read her a quick story at school, she waves bye and goes off to play :)

Kids are all different. She might be shy or just adjusting to all the changes. Find out how she does throughout the day (can you drop by in the daytime once or twice for a quick peek (w/o her seeing you? some schools have video monitors...) ask the teachers if she plays with the other children, eat lunch, naps well, etc. 4 weeks seems like a long time to us, but she may need more time to get used to it all. But, if you don;t like the answers you are getting from the teachers and you feel like they are minimizing your concerns, you may want to look at another school (when i told someone once that my oldest always cried at drop off, they immediately told me I was "blind" and the school must be the problem. but i knew it wasn't... so i think it can go either way)

good luck-- i certainly know the pain of sad drop offs!

Do you think you can find a better daycare? She needs some sort of consistency to feel safe. Is it possible for you to work a later shift, so you can avoid daycare altogether? I know this has to be heartbreaking for you, too! I wish you the best! Do what is best for her, whatever you decide!

It could be a huge new situation for her. Does she has seperation problems otherwise? I would be a little concerned that it has been 4 weeks. My son made the transition to a new school at that age and it was tough for about 2 weeks. I would certainly talk with the teacher and maybe the director of the school to see how she is doing after you leave. It could be just for a minute or 2 after you leave she is upset. They may have some good suggestions to help during this transition. Hang in there!

She cries when you drop her off, but how long after you leave does she stop? It is not unusual for young child to not be good a transitions. But the teachers are used to this and really the children do not cry very long once the parent has left their eyesight and the child has been distracted by an activity.

Also in the beginning of daycare, I used to find another child playing and escort our daughter over and say "Can, Mary play with you?" Or "will you please play with Mary?".. Sometimes this helped in getting her more comfortable.

Everything right now is different. New home, new schedule new school, new age. It will take her a little while to adjust, but she will be fine.

Hang in there mom, I know exactly how you feel. I hated seeing our daughter cry. But she loved day care. Soon your child is not going to want to leave in the afternoon.

I just changed my 2 year old sons Daycare, from A small daycare to A larger one after him being there A year in A half....I am having the same problem with him it has been 3 weeks and he still crying when I drop him off, but I have asked the teachers and helpers and he seems to be fine about 30 minutes after I drop him off, he will ask for me through out the day and cry a little when he wakes up from his nap, but it breaks my heart I cry all the way to work...I hope that your daughter and my son can get adjusted very soon

Keep just hugging her at the door and handing her off to the teacher. She will only keep ding this if you don't. She will eventually stop, I am surprised that she didn't stop already. Most of the time it's because the parents are hanging around and not making the drop off effective.

As a current preschool teacher, I see children cry and cry when their mamas leave and stop crying within minutes. Those that don't stop on their own get extra cuddles and loving until they feel better. If your gut is telling you that something is wrong, then maybe it is, but if you are just concerned that your child cries when you leave, that will eventually stop. One mama called today an hour into the school day, and I was able to tell her that her little one was all smiles and giggles after throwing a major, major clinging fit first thing in the morning.

I agree with several of the posters below. If you daughter is still having problems after this long, I would take a hard look at the daycare. There could be a reason she is not adjusting - Daycare is too big, too many kids, too many staff changes. This would be hard on any child, but especially a shy child or a child that is dealing with so many changes already. My son is pretty shy, which is why we've kept him in a home daycare so long. I don't think he'd do well in a larger environment right now. He loves his daycare, loves the couple that runs it. They give him so much individual attention, it is like being at home.

I would be concerned if I arrived at the daycare and found my daughter not having fun with the rest of the kids - like you found her. If your daughter is struggling, the daycare teacher should make extra efforts to make her feel comfortable. I don't know if it would help to talk to the teacher?

Since your daughter is dealing with so many changes right now, I'd try to find a small, licensed, in-home daycare for her. She might thrive in a smaller environment with more one-on-one than she can receive in a big daycare.

3 is a hard age . . . we made a similar move two weeks before my oldest turned three except I was fortunate enough to start staying home. Great, right?! But we still had some major adjustment problems b/c she had been in a structured (wonderful) daycare environment since she was a baby. I'd give it a little more time, but like another poster said, listen to your gut. If you are getting any bad feelings about the place, listen, but if you think it is just your daughter adjusting, give it a little time. This is a major change for her!! She's in a new house, new place, new environment with new friends and she is sharing with a lot more kiddos now. Good luck!