Should I Tell His Parents the Real Reason We're No Longer Together?

I don't really think they'd believe you anyway. I understand where you are coming from and why you want to tell them. Whatever you say, I think he'd probably twist and you will be ever worse the villain.

Said as a woman who divorced... no, I wouldn't mention it. People generally tend to see the forest for the trees on their own, in their own good time. Yet, they don't usually like those things pointed out for them until they are *ready* to accept that information. And then, from my experience, they WILL ask.

Let me ask you, what *real* good will come of this?

I was in a similar position when I left my ex-husband. I could have reached out to his family to explain why I left, why I felt I had tried the best I could and how I felt he had just given up on making an effort to please anyone but himself. I didn't want them to think that I was being the bad guy, but I realized that by explaining all of the issues to them (his drug addiction, his continually being fired, his refusal to help around the house), it was only going to make me look mean and petty.

Sometimes, letting go means accepting that you made a really shitty choice and that now you have to correct it in the best ways possible.

And, if it were me, I would actually reach out and let your child's paternal grandparents know where you are, how to contact you, and that you welcome them to come visit their grandchild at your mom's place.... or would be happy to meet up with them at the park. It takes a lot of maturity to realize our own responsibility for how we got into the hard situation, and maturity to not blame everything completely on someone else. Doing that only increases our chances of making that mistake again, because we didn't learn OUR part of it. This is why it is often advised for people who divorce to go and get a bit of counseling before moving forward into another relationship. You want to examine your baggage and realize where you made your mistakes or assumptions and then have the knowledge not to make those same errors in judgment/action again.

Let your ex say what he will. His parents will eventually figure things out-- or not. Just do your part by ensuring they still do have a healthy relationship with their grandchild. If you can be gracious in that, it will be a blessing to them.

Take the high road here or you will come across as immature and vindictive. Of course he'll deny what you're saying and as his parents, they'll believe him. This dirty laundry is between you and him and the fact that you have no money or car...also between you and him. He didn't leave you with nothing, you left him. You'll need to file for child support.

I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you, but you'll be fine, really. Just move forward one day at a time with figuring out work, childcare, a place to live, etc. If family support won't float you long enough, you can apply for state assistance for help with housing and childcare expenses until you can stand on your own two feet again. You'll get there.

No..do not tell his parents. Do not bad mouth him to his parents...or to your son as he is growing up.

Put your anger,sadness,fears and time into changing YOURSELF.

Your hearts were in the right place to want to give your son a home and family. You both went about it very backwards and this is usually how things end up. There are sooo many reasons that intimacy should be reserved for the person you are legally bound to.

Your post is one of these reasons. You are going to have one heck of a time now that you have no legal claim on this man except for fighting for child support and custody.

Put your energy into becoming the example your son needs. Be strong and do not go looking for another man to take care of you because you are scared and penniless.

I am sure your ex-boyfriend's parents already know their son is not very stellar in his behaviors. I am sure nothing you say will surprise them. They are adults and have children of their own.

Does it make sense for a young woman who got pregnant during a one night stand, didn't quickly marry their son, then became soley responsible for her and her son's welfare at the mercy of another man...would just up and leave penniless and homeless for anything other than desperate reasons?? They know their son had to have done something to cause you to be so desperate to leave.

If they ask...take the high road and keep very calm. Tell them if they want to know the truth behind why you left then they need to ask their own son.

You are tied to this man and his family forever now. Please, for the sake of your little Ry....keep things amicable. Please don't return to your past behaviors. Strive to become the example your little one needs.

I wish you the best. Stay with your mom. Let your ex boyfriend's parents see their grandson. Don't turn them against you. You need as many people in your son's life as possible.

Honestly, the only person that would feel better would be you. The only reason I would ever say anything to them is if they start badmouthing you to your son. If everyone remains civil, you and ex, your family and ex's family, it will be much better for your son in the long run. You may be done with him, but your son will still be his son for the rest of his life.

Sure tell his parents and give them one more reason to agree with him. You have to realize that would be what you are doing especially considering that he probably already told them he met someone else and they are just being polite not mentioning it to you.

They know you have nothing, you really don't think you deserve anything do you? Your child deserves support but not you, work on getting that through court, not his parents.

Be polite, don't be vindictive, you may need their help as well.

I am just saying this a parent of adult children. If my son did have a child in your situation and you emailed me this you would not like the response. Grandparents are all about their grand kids, getting a email as you describe shows you are all about you, grandparents don't react well to that. Outside my direct email reply would be a call to my son saying how much money do you need to get full custody.

This may not be what you want to hear but I am trying to be helpful.
__________________
After reading your edit, how do you know that is what he told them? Were you in the room? Did you bug his parents house? Nope, you either heard from him or them. Would you rather they/he had said he told them all your fault, how you wouldn't change, how you put it all on him, how he just needed someone to respond to his needs and you were all about your need, how you were so insecure you spied on him, how you never trusted him, how he was never in love with you but tried to make it work for the child....and I found someone else. Then you come with an email blaming him for the relationship not working out and prove his point.

What ever the reasons he gave his parents they were NOT we agreed to break up, that was just the polite, non dramatic, response.

Stop blaming him for the breakup, his cheating was the result of a bad relationship that couldn't be made to work, it was not the cause. You two got together for the wrong reasons and it didn't work. Stop finding blame to make yourself feel better and figure out how you are going to support yourself. Just because one wants the relationship to continue and the other doesn't does not put all blame on the one who is done. It was the relationship that failed, not you, not him.

What is to gain by telling his family? Will it help your situation at all? I have a feeling you want to tell them to hurt your ex. I think telling them will only make the situation worse and cause more conflict between you and his family. They think that the split was amicable and I think you should keep things amicable, at least with his family.

I also don't understand why he and his family can't see his son. He hurt you and what he did was wrong, but you shouldn't keep his son away from him.

You can explain to his family that the reason their grandson is so far away is that this is where you found a place to stay with your mom. It seems reasonable to me that they would understand that you went back to your moms. I would open an invitation for them to come see your son, but until you are back on your feet and have a means of transportation, visiting them will be difficult.

Your child is their grandchild. As such, you will need to have a continuing relationship with them. I understand the desire to have the truth be known, but what will it gain? And what will it cost? He is their son, and yes, you will have a sense of vindication for them to hear the truth, but at the same time, it puts them in an awkward situation - to support their son or to support you. It's a rare situation in which parents/in-laws are able to stay neutral. I think Mommy of 1 has a good approach - there's more to it than there appears on the surface, but you'll have to ask your son about it.

ETA: Nervy Girl mentioned something I agree with - "sometimes, letting go means accepting that you made a really shitty choice..." You started this relationship in the worst way possible -- a one night stand suggests a willingness to take risks and adventures, and there's no reason to think he has the moral character to change those spots. If he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you. There is a bit of accountability on your part here, too.

Mama:

I'm sorry. I hope you have learned something very vital here....hopefully no more one night stands.

Why did you not go to school and get an education?
Why did you not do something to protect you and your child?

You should get child support for your son. So you will have some income.

now to answer your question of should you tell his parents? No. Why? To make you look like a whiner or a jilted lover? Why make yourself look bad? Why try to tarnish their son? Really? Do YOU HONESTLY believe that he hasn't told them the truth? Maybe they have some decorum as to NOT to tell you he told them so they don't open the wound all over again.

As to keeping your son away from his grandparents? Sorry. Why are you punishing the grandparents AND your son? They didn't do it. Your boyfriend did. So I would NOT keep him away from his grandparents.

In regards to his "cheating" - did you print the e-mails and pictures out? If so - you MIGHT be able to use them - however - really - you aren't married. he got his cake and ate it too...why did he need to marry you?
* You already slept with him on the first date
* You had a baby with him
* You gave up a chance for an education
* You put yourself in a spot to make yourself dependent upon another person for your livelihood.

What do you need to do now?
1. Get a lawyer for custody and child support
2. Get an education.
3. Get a job.
4. Find a place to live. As of right now - your mom is allowing you to live with her. So if you can take advantage of it - do - get an education so you will NEVER be put in the situation to be reliant on another person to take care of you. Personally? This whole time you should have had credit in your own name, access to money and putting money in a savings account, etc.

You need to get your act together. Get a plan in pace, set goals and achieve them. Hopefully this is a lesson learned to you that won't get repeated and you won't ever find yourself in this situation again.

Good luck!

No, they won't think any less of him, and it will only make things harder for you. Trust me on this.

When my husband was not so good to me in the start or our relationship and I didn't find out until after we were married, I was livid. (This was 9-11 years ago.) We were arguing when his mom was in town and I mentioned something about him cheating on me, the woman had the gaul to tell me it was my fault...we have never been 100% good and I don't think we ever will be. We know our roles now, but yea, it won't work in your favor.

Added: Just because he told them a lie doesn't mean you need to say anything else. YOU know why you guys split up, and it is what it is. PLEASE take the advice of the women on here, and do not tell his family. It will only hurt you, not him. It will also hurt your ability to co-parent with him.

Feel free to PM me if you'd like more of my story and why I can assure you it is a bad idea to involve his family.

I think it is time to get yourself together and move on.

Your situation sounds a lot like my son's. He met a person and they had a short fling and she wound up pregnant. I did not find out the baby until 2/3 way through the pregnancy. A shock. I made him tell his dad about the grandbaby when he called me on the phone. He got out of the Army to provide for his son. He tried to live with the mom but the relationship did not work out. Her words were something about splitting up to make it work. Well, when you split up it is over. Whatever she thought was going to happen on her behalf failed. He moved on. Fast forward some 15 years, my son has been co-parenting with mom and married another woman instead who is a wonderful step-mom. I tried to be nice to the mother when I see her a parties and public outings but I have very little to do with her or her family.

So yes there is pain on both sides. The grandson feels like he was an "accident" and is dealing with that. My husband has talked with the grandson and explained a few things about how people handle relationships and feelings and sometimes their actions are not thought through very well.

For now put the hurt away and work on yourself to get it together for you and your child. Learn your lessons early and be the adult Nothing good comes from badmouthing someone. Get some counseling if need be but work on you for future relationship.

the other S.

PS I love my grandson and I wish his birth had been later than earlier in his father's life as to the type of father my son could/would be when he was ready for children.

This issue is between you and he, and honestly, the personal life of you two is really none of their business.
I realize you are upset and angry, but tattling on your ex is really not the way to go. You have to realize that you will be tied to these people forever now. You want to keep things on an even keel for the sake of your son. Be the bigger person here and they will think better of you in the long run. Eventually the truth will come out on way or another.

I'm sorry you are in this position. You put you and your son in this position by playing house. Your boyfriend's only responsibility is to his son. You aren't married and you have been together less than 2 years. When people decide to play house without the benefits of marriage, or even more so in this situation, not knowing each other, there will be collateral damage when it doesn't work out.

No, telling his parents the reason isn't going to get you anywhere. What is it you think will happen? What do you hope to accomplish?

As the mother of an adult son, if I were his mother and this was his situation and I received your e-mail, you would not like the response you received from me. I am HIS MOTHER.

Don't hold your son hostage from his grandparents because your upset with his father. That isn't right. I know you are hurt and angry and you have every right to be but don't compound it by punishing your son. It makes you look immature and vindictive.

You need to get your life in order. You need to get a job, any job ASAP. You need to show that when you go for custody. This might not be the life you planned but its the one you have. This is your reality. You need to adjust and move from here.

I think there are ways to communicate your innocence in the matter, without being too specific about his shenanigans. I'd phrase it in a way that makes them know that there was a huge violation of your trust, and that he has shown he has little respect for women and that you cannot allow your son to be raised in an environment where the husband isn't fully committed to his wife, even though it is difficult for you to start over with nothing.

You have no right to keep your son from his grandparents, and vice versa. They are all innocent parties in this mess. Don't punish them for your ex's sins. You don't even have the right to keep your ex from his son. If he doesn't have a drug problem and isn't abusive, he has the right to see his son.

its really none of their business why you two broke up. leave it at that.

What happens between you two is between you two. What his family knows is his choice to share. Should they come to you with questions tell them to talk to their son. If you were to go on an information "sharing spree" and air out all of your couple dirty laundry to his family you will be seen as immature. If his parents are truly effected by your/grandson's absence they will push for information.

I also would not exactly withhold visitation, unless a lawyer suggests it. If you have not yet you need to set into motion a legal custody agreement along with child support. Something that I share with others is that you CAN have it written in your agreement that should you go to court for any reason he causes (does not follow current agreement) that HE has to pay ALL court and legal fees for you. That's a good one to have in there.

I know you are hurt, but do not make rash choices for your son based on your hurt feelings. He does not know why, nor should he know why you guys do not live with daddy any longer. 14months or not do not speak ill of his father in front of him.

i TOTALLY get why you want to. you know these folks, they were going to be your family, and they've been lied to. and about you! i too would want to set the record straight.
and you know what? you'll probably have the opportunity to do so. but it might come later on, when you're not in the throes of anger and hurt. and so you'll deliver the truth in a much calmer, detached fashion than you would if you did so now.
and that's a good thing.
setting the record straight with them now will almost certainly come off as vindictive, and as an attack on a young man whom they love, for all his faults. even if they're sympathetic toward you, they're not going to rally around you and kick him to the curb. all you'll do is set up an 'us and them' camp.
i can also understand how this issue is a great opportunity for you to seize and direct your hurt and anger toward this peripheral issue, his dishonesty with his family, because putting it where it squarely belongs, his betrayal of you, is still way too raw.
but i think you should let it go. for now. at some point the truth will out, maybe from you. but right now they and their perceptions are not your priority. you are, and your son. put that energy into finding solutions for your current dilemma.
good luck, mama.
khairete
S.

I'm guessing you're not very old. It is no one's business why you broke up. It would be very immature to involve his parents in your break up drama.

This is not meant to be harsh, but I would like for you to take some responsibility for how this has turned out. You had a one night stand and got pregnant and decided to have a baby. You compounded the issue of pregnancy with a stranger by living together. You have no money because you opted to stay at home without the benefit of any legal obligation to take care of you (marriage, which wouldn't have been a good idea in your case, anyway). What about this situation made you think that this couldn't or wouldn't happen? He played a part, but you are in this position because you did not handle your business as you should have, and now you are hurt and bitter. You are not a victim here.

That said, you can tell his family whatever you want to tell them, if they ask you. Otherwise, it's none of your business what he tells them. They'll get to see who you are by how you behave going forward in regard to visitation with your child.

And then there's what KellyBundysEvilTwin said. This is what some men do when they feel unwanted. All you know is your perspective and that this bothers YOU. Have you thought about or even discussed with him the life-changing impact that this has also had on him? Men and women tend to process differently. He went from whatever he was doing before you to being father, head of household, sole breadwinner. That's a big role to just stumble into, especially at 24. Not to minimmize how your life changed, but you seem to be focusing only on why this doesn't work for you. You're complaining about not having resources for your child and blaming him for this turnout, but you are the one who decided that his behavior was a deal-breaker. When you have a child between you, you don't have the luxury of this type of deal-breaker.

You have proof that he asked about getting sex from a different source. I know that you are hurt and likely feeling insecure, but the grown-up parent thing to do is discuss why your relationship is in the state that it is in. Go into this discussion assuming that you are partly (HALF) responsible for what's going on. Try to gain some understanding. Your current response seems very immature to me.

It could be true that you "agreed to break up" - you wanted to break up [because of his email stuff, which you said was a deal-breaker], and he agreed. Unfortunately, he might be feeling like he wants someone new (maybe the girl he was emailing).

If you tell his parents, remember that you will need to tell them that you logged on to his email account. Be aware of how that "looks". I'd tell my son (or daughter) to steer clear of any relationship partner who did that!

I think your best "revenge" here is to fight for the rights of your son. Get child support payments and get your ex to take some custody responsibilities. (You should not have the burden of traveling around everywhere to bring your son to visit people - your ex should step up and help out with things like bringing the baby to visit your ex's parents. It's a shared responsibility.)

No, you don't tell his parents anything. It is none of their business. There is also no reason at all that you cannot have your son maintain a relationship with his grandparents.

Also - unless a court says differently, your ex has every right to see his son. How a relationship ends has zero to do with who gets custody. That is all about what is best for the child. And a court may decide that the parent with means of support/job is the best parent.

if it will make you feel better, then tell them. i personally wouldn't bother with it. i think the way you two got together should have been a major red flag for you and him. you both had a one night stand. so you're not held up high on a pedestal either.
best revenge is to get your life together and move on.

ETA: I can't believe you've got somebody asking you how many times a week you had sex with your boyfriend of 2 years, and blames YOU for him doing this crappy stuff. Calling it completely normal behavior is absolutely NOT TRUE. Astonishing. Men are NOT animals. There are actually a lot of GOOD men out there who would not be doing this kind of stuff.

Ignore these comments and ignore the beating you've gotten for having gotten pregnant. I promise you that you are not the only person who has had sex before marriage. Often, it's the people who HAVE done this stuff who have the audacity to tell others not to. You tried to make it work with this man and that's saying something. Lots of people would just walk away.

Original:
Did you make copies of his stuff? I hope you did.

You need to go to a lawyer and have help filing for child support. That's first and foremost.

I guess I would consider what kind of folks they are, mom. Do they badmouth you? Are they holier-than-thou and think their son can do no wrong? How they treat you here is pretty important. I won't tell you not to tell them. The idea that the reason you wouldn't tell them being something along the lines of what would it gain you just doesn't compute with me. He is doing wrong against you and this child. He shouldn't get a pass here. Yes, it will hurt his family, but HE is the one doing the hurting. Not you. It isn't about hurting them. It's about not enabling his bad behavior by allowing him to lie about you here.

I would not write them. I would just tell them that what he is saying isn't the truth and you are sorry to have to let them see this side of him, but here is what he has been doing and you cannot live with this.

I think that if you allow the lie to go on, it will cost you in the longrun.

There is no reason for them to know. Think about it... what purpose does it really serve? It's none of their business. Why would you want them involved in your personal lives like that? It opens the door for their criticism and feedback. The adult, mature thing to do is to handle this just the two of you. He will always be the father of your child. They will always be the grandparents. It's better to be the bigger person.

And so sorry you are going through this! Hang in there. It will get better.

This is completely normal behavior for a male who feels unwanted. Men associate sex with love. So if you truly love this man, the father of your child maybe you should revisit the relationship the two of you have. Did you have sex 2-3 times a week during the last 6 months? It only takes a month or two of what the male feels like "total neglect" to feel unwanted and taken advantage of monetarily. In his defense, he was looking to get "satisfied" as a business deal, not courting a co-worker with lunch and roses. Not that I condone that behavior either way, but he was not going to fall in love with a prostitute. Try reading "The 5 Love Languages". If not for this relationship, but for your next. But keep in mind, you two met because of his carnal desires...........

Keep it to yourself. I know you want to shout it from the rooftops, but you have to just sit on your hands and take the high road. I think you are assuming that they will be "on your side." That is a huge assumption.

Sounds like you just want to look like the "good guy."
He's their son. Don't bad mouth him.
He's also your sons father. That's not going to change.
Your relationship with your fiancé and his parents is nowhere near over.
You will have all 3 in your life for a LONG time.
Bashing him won't help anything.
The wonderful thing about the truth is that it always comes out. Eventually.
The wonderful thing about taking the high road is the reflection on you for taking it. Eventually.

You sound very young.
Have you & he ever tried professional counseling?

I would burn his hiney. He is up there telling them God knows what!

Send them a copy of the email picture and make it an attachment. That way if they don't want to open it they don't have to.

Tell them you want your son to have a relationship with them and that you love them and miss them....blah blah blah.

BUT their son really messed up and you can't live with his cheating any more. That way they know he messed up and that you didn't just yank their grand child away from them for no good reason.

Tell them you have proof he cheated and was trying to get prostitutes lined up. If he tries to get custody of that little guy they need to know what really happened. Or they'll take his side blindly and will never trust anything you say.

If he has a sister or brother you could send the email to them and ask them how to let everyone know this was not your choice, you were happy, but he made choices that put your health at risk (STD's or worse) and you had to end the relationship.

Also ask them if they know how you can get some of your stuff since he won't let you have it. Since you're not married he's not legally obligated to give you any money at all. Sorry, that stinks.

Do go file for child support today. If you ask for services of any kind, like food stamps or a medical card for the little one they should go after him for child support at no charge. He should have to also pay back child support from the time the baby was born too. If he did not officially pay you any child support then he'll owe you for that, regardless of you living with him or not.

Never forget that blood is thicker than water. Where I undersatnd the urge to "let the truth be known", it's really not the right thing to do. You think you and your ex are fighitng now? Lol...I'm betting if you do that it will only get worse! Sometimes it is a struggle to do the riht thing in these situations. Ask yourself this, "How will this actually serve me, my son?" "Is this action really in the longterm best interest of my son?" I say, Hold your head high and be the bigger person!
Good luck

You tried and did the best you could. Unless his parents out and out are blaming themselves and feel there is a need to know exactly why you parted ways, I think you need not be specific. What you need to do is accept the challenge life is offering you. Your child is almost ready for a pre school. You yourself can get back to school and find a form of support other than his child support and move on.No matter what happens in life we always have to be prepared to take care of ourselves some how. I agree with the poster who said communicate in email only and document any other problems. You are on a rough road right now but it will get better REALLY!!

Was he attempting to purge a bunch of stuff from his computer as a way of trying to move forward with you-putting the sordid garbage and previous lifestyle behind him? He is clearly embarrassed and ashamed, based on what he told his parents- yet it seems, he is more concerned about their feelings and opinion of him than yours and that of his son. Is your motivation for telling them that the separation was not mutually agreed upon to extort money or to gain sympathy-they will side with their son on this. Your focus has to be your son. He has to be loved, and protected and cared for and educated-above all else-only he matters. It is up to you and the father to come up with the best possible way to do this. Your son's future will depend on how carefully you go about this now-and including your son's grandparents and extended family is imperative-if they are good people and love him. You're going to need help-but be wary-that doesn't mean that the other side offers to take the baby for overnights and starts "keeping score" in order to gain full custody. You will need to spend every possible night with your son-for years, with no dates and nights out in order to demonstrate to him and others, that you are, in every way, the best mother you can be. Being a good mother often takes devotion and creativity-making a good meal out of the pittance the court throws your way and augmenting your child's education because you can't live in the best school district. Pointing your son's father out to be the bad guy will just start sowing the seeds of anger and revenge and hatred. "Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." (Buddha) Not worth the effort. You would be best served, if you can be in a place with the ex and try to talk to him and figure out how to move forward. I wish you all the best and I hope you will be able to make a nice home with your son and give him the love and care that he needs. Every hour you sacrifice for your child will come back to you ten fold. God bless you.

I understand this makes you so mad and you want them to know you had nothing to do with this, He has disrespected you and insulted you by his actions. He has now lost your trust.. So in reality , you did decide that you will not accept him and I guess he did not try to change your mind? Would you consider going to counseling with this guy? He is young, sounds incredibly immature.. Is it worth a try or not?

This relationship did not start in a great way, but you tried to make a relationship, but it is not over until you are sure you have tried everything.

In a way it may be a blessing to have found this out before marriage, but it may be an opportunity to get to really know each others feeling, beliefs and standards and to communicate. He obviously had some needs and you have expectations.. These things should be shared with each other.

He will always be your sons father AND they will always be your sons Grandparents. They will forever be as important a part as you and your family are to your son.

At this point, your energy needs to be finding financial support for your son.

Child support from him is vital.. And you figuring out what you can do to earn a living or qualify for services and help until you can work this out.

Part of maturity is to learn leave things alone. Not to care so much about what others think..to focus on your truth.. To not waste your energy having to prove yourself, because if you live a good life, people will realize, who really has the problem and who has her act together..

Maturity is to handle these things and not care what others think.. To use your communication skills. Instead you could tell him, you are tired of his parents saying you both decided on this break up, instead you think HE needs to fess up to his parents and start taking responsibilities for ALL of his actions. That he is showing you how immature he is not to at least tell his parents the truth about this situation..

Hang in there. Being engaged is a time to learn what the other person is all about. To step back and make sure this is the right person.. But it is also an opportunity to work through some major situations. I guess the real question is. Do you love him?

No, don't talk to his parents. It's not worth it. Focus your energy on getting some legal help so that you can get child support to help you and your child get back on your feet.

Personally, I think you should refrain from saying anything. You are feeling very hurt and are looking to lash out. There is nothing positive to be gained by telling them. While your ex was immature and stupid in his online choices, you clearly didn't have a trusting relationship to begin with. I would never dream of checking my husbands email on the sly. I think this a time to absorb the lessons to be learned from this relationship, then figure out how to get along well enough for your child to have a positive relationship with both his parents and his grandparents. With a child in the mix, you need to refrain from airing dirty laundry and refrain from the urge to lash out and hurt your ex. Hugs to you during this difficult time.

How about saying... "Tthere is a lot behind this break up. Many things have happened. But I don't think it's my place to tell you. If you want answers, you will have to ask your son."

I hope that you have given him a chance to tell his side. Guys do stupid things like ask escorts how much they charge without doing anything about it. And as for the other photos, maybe they were old?

Good luck.

so sorry you are feeling this way and had to go through this. When i read that you got PG due to a one night stand and then later tried your hardest to make the relationship work i am assuming for this little cherub, it broke my heart. You had no time to really get to know this guy before the unthinkable happened. My advice to you (because i have been in a similar situation) is to please dont punish your baby by not letting him see his grandparents, especially if they are willing to be in your baby's life and if they are good grandparents because not everyone has that luxury. I would write them a letter explaining your side of the story because there are two sides, but please make sure not to bash your ex because this still is their son despite all the horrible things he did. What will end up happening is they will blame you and point the finger in your direction and you dont need that. Just take one step at a time and this will be a day to day healing process, especially if you truly loved him. Your anger and hurt will eventually go away but i can promise you it wont be overnight. As mad and hurt as you are please please dont punish your baby.... every baby needs their daddy. He might be a rotten horrible ex fiance and did horrible things, but he could be the best daddy in the world. We dont know the full story. And now it sounds like you need to do what you need to do to support your little one. Maybe going back to school and getting a degree is the path to take. If your mom is on board and willing to help you then that is what you need to do. good luck!

One thing to think about is that whatever you tell his parents now, they may tell your child a twisted version of the stories when he gets older. Maybe it would be better to not say anything now, because I'm thinking it would be better if your son hears why you and your ex broke up from you instead of his grandparent.

I'm not trying to offend you, but it's something to think about.

I can see why you want to tell his parents. I would too -- just because I would want them know that their son is the one who messed up, not me. Just keep in mind that if you decide to tell his parents the truth, they may go in denial and refuse to believe a word you say. Also, at least in California, you wouldn't need to pay a lawyer for child support. If custody is taken care of, you would be able to contact Dept. of Child Support Services and have those attorneys take care of it. I'm sure Florida has something similar. Also re your finances, go to a your state/county's social services department and see if you qualify for financial assistance until you can get back on your feet.

You will have a chance to let them know, at some point in time there will be that 'opening' that doesn't come off as bitter and negative (all normal feelings). Until then take all of that negative energy and focus on what you have to do to get you and your baby in a better place.

I would. When my brother had an affair my SIL told us. I still love my brother and SIL, and we were all there to support her and their children. She didn't deserve the treatment my brother her, and we all understood. It was not your choice that your fiancé did this stuff. He made the choice, now he must live with the consequences.

Information such as this, should only be done in person. You should write things out for sure and read it over. You may decide not to do it all but if it ever comes up, you will know what to say.

I would send them an email, and explain to them that you did not agree to anything. And I'd send them a copy of the picture that you found and a copy of the email to the other woman. And I'd tell them that you are sorry that you might be hurting them for sending them the email, but that this is not what you wanted, and he was the cause of everything. Then tell them that they can see their grandchild anytime. Just be up front to them and don't bash your ex, just give the facts. I can't believe that most of the advice you are getting is against talking to the parents. I guess I haven't been in a position to worry about it, but I'd surely not want the parents to think I was in any way at fault, especially since there is a child involved. Thankfully he is too little to know any of this. Good luck.

I think you have to put your child's relationship with his paternal grandparents as well as not hurting his parents, above your desire to not be seen as having any blame. I know you are hurting, and rightly so, but I would not go to his parents and fill in all details. Think of his parents. Are they good, loving people? Wouldn't your child benefit from keeping a close relationship with them? Reach out to them, and make it all about staying in contact, and continuing to bring their grandchild around to see them. Then they will see you for you really are, a nice, loving Mom and caring person.

Well, you DID both agree to break up, rather than staying with him and putting up with his affairs or turning a blind eye, which some women actually do (Huma Abedin IMMEDIATELY comes to mind, despite multiple sexting allegations). You didn't want to talk this out or try to work it out or ignore it because you're disgusted (and rightly so), and he was fine with that because he has either moved on or realized there's no moving on from this episode and that if you did get back together, life together would be hell since you'd be watching him constantly and questioning him about everything. There would never be trust between you and that's the most essential ingredient in a relationship. A relationship cannot survive without trust.

Plus, considering you two fought for a lot of the time, he realized that this wouldn't work out and do you want your son growing up around all this negativity and anger anyway? Honestly, it may not seem this way now, but this is for the best for you all. Your son won't grow up in a negative environment, you will grow into a more mature, responsible person who is independent and doesn't rely on anyone to make ends meet, and your immature boyfriend will be free to do his own thing without hurting your family anymore. Your son will grow up with a good example of a strong, hard-working mom that was able to support the family all on her own and focused on giving him love instead of spending her time with other men (like daddy).

By the way, at least he didn't put the blame all on you. My ex has put the whole blame on me and I don't care, the point is we're separated and whether it's my fault, his fault, I did this or he did that, the outcome is the same regardless (we are no longer together!) so I don't care what he has told his parents or how they feel about me, as long as they treat my child well, which they do, they have no responsibility to also love me.

Honestly, I don't understand why you care so much for them to know whose fault it was and air out your private sexual life, which is none of their business or anyone else's, for that matter. All they need to know is that you two are no longer together, and that is IT. Remember, there are two sides to every story, so his parents will either believe him 100% or would find you both at fault, but don't expect them to take your side, even if you DO tell them, because it takes two to tango so the responsibility of procreating during a one night stand is a shared responsibility.

Use this anger and drive towards hitting up some job recruiters and doing a job search. You are fortunate in having a mother who is willing to house you, because other women are not so lucky and have to cope with living in a shelter or in very poor living conditions. You have a roof over your head without having to worry about paying bills and resorting to illegal or dishonest means of making money... or having to turn to prostitution. As others have said, try to get your mom to provide child care so you don't have to pay for daycare, while you work and save up. Ideally, you'd take advantage of this assistance and take some college courses while working. You can even get a bartending license in 6 months by taking some classes and make good money while doing it. Obviously, a degree would be better but I don't know how long you can stay with your mom. Maybe a teaching degree or nursing degree would be more up your alley, and these don't take long. In the meantime, you can be a cashier and start saving up while taking a course or 2.

Do not keep your child from his father or grandparents. You don't have to talk to him, maybe you can have a neutral party meet him to give him the child (your mom, perhaps?), but unless he is a criminal or subjecting your child to drugs or other dangerous conditions, he has a right to see your son, and possibly share custody. Think about it, if you write a letter to upset his parents and then expect them to help you out with your son while you work, do you really think they'd be willing to assist? Take the high road and move on, forget him and do the best for you and your son, those are the priorities, not engaging in tattle-tale drama and bickering with his parents. Stop letting emotions get in the way of rational decisions and realize this letter would do nothing to improve your relationship and instead, may harm their image/feelings of you and could also cause your boyfriend to become hostile, which means more drama, stress, anger, and fighting.

It is up to whether or not you share the reason for your breakup with his parents. Know one thing: it will most likely not matter. I don't mean to come off as uncaring but in my own instance of telling my s/o's parents the true reason why things at the time ended they did not care. I was, still am, the bad guy for not just putting up with it. Oh, and no in my case it wasn't only online behavior similar to yours.

Good luck on this new journey.

M.- I am so sorry you & your baby are going through this. I just had my divorce mediation yesterday to finalize our agreement. I, too, are divorcing a cheater. So I understand where you are. It sucks, it hurts, & it isn't fair.
I completely understand you wanting to inform his family. And you have every right to do so. Just know that he is THEIR boy & they aren't going to "be on your side". My soon-to-be ex- husbands dad did the same thing to his mom, that he did to me. I thought for sure that his mom would be at minimum, sympathetic to me. That was far from the truth. She blamed me for everything, just like he did.
So, if you decide to write them a letter/email, be prepared for that kind of response. They will probably justify his actions, somehow.
Again, I'm really sorry you are going through this. I'm much further into this situation that you (he cheated the first time in 2009 & left me April 2012). Trust me, it gets better. You'll get to a point where you're happier w/o him. I promise!! Not to mention, you deserve more!!