Seeking Advice on 15 Yr Old Cousin with 8 Week Old Baby.

Jenn,
You are right family is first but the toughest part for you is to figure out which family will be first? It is wonderful to want to help your 15yo cousin but unfortunately it sounds like she has been dealt an unfair hand in life; living place to place and feeling like she is unwanted and unloved. She has a lot of hard work ahead of her and it is good that she has someone by her side to help her out. The problem is how much can you actually do to help her. She has to want your help. It has been three days and all is good but underneath she may have some underlying issues (perhaps mental health) that may require much more time and emotions that you can handle. It is needless to say that your family will feel the effects of two new children in the family, not to mention the financial aspects it will produce. How will you draw the boundary line? Have you spoke to your husband about this and what is he saying about it? What are your goals-how long will she stay, who will have custody (which will last a life time), she is only 15 and will behave like a 15year old; trust me I am a mother of 3 (17, 19, 21). Who will raise her child? You? Her? She will need to learn how to be a parent which will be difficult due to child development stages. If you have a strong marraige you will need to become stronger and increase communication. You can help your cousin but dont forget to help yourself, family and marraige. There is so much more that want to say but it is relative to time. Do what will work for your family. Your cousin and her child will need a lot of care and attention from you and your family. There are so many dynamics to your journey. Write down some of the goals that you want to see your cousin achieve (realistic).
She will require counseling for a long time.
Take time and set goals and dont committ to too much at one time. Pay attention to what is working and what is not.
E. Greene, Licensed Social Worker, MSW

HI! I was sort of in this girls role as a teenager. I had a baby at 17, and my whole family hated me for it. I needed guidance and love at the time, but got the opposite. I adventually found my way by other loving people. I am now married, happy with another son who will be two. I work fulltime and I am going to college. I think it takes a special someone to show you the way, along with God. I pray for you and your family. It will not be easy, but showing her structure and love will help. She needs an education and help with the baby I am sure. Best wishes to you and your family.

I come from a family of 8 biological siblings and 2 step siblings. my mom used to nurse my step-brother because his mom was not around at the time, he was family and needed fed and clothed so she did it. she now lives in a huge 4 bdrm home with her sister and husband, my oldest brother, and adopted through friendship cousin. and on occasion the family members, including cousins, stepkids, and adopted family (people we have known for many years)and whoever else needs a place to stay. she never ever! said no or there was not enough to anyone. like the bread and fish story from the bible. love and shelter are what everyone needs! i too have had my family stay with me and yeah it was hard but i laid ground rules and left the rest up to God. i think you would be doing the right thing letting her stay, sure it won't be easy but it might be worth it for your family and hers!

J.,
This child NEEDS you or she wouldn't be there. I know it will be hard but if your family can take her on, emotionally & financially, then why not? Her & her baby need love. If you don't do it, who will? They are both minors. From what you've said, I think they just need a chance. I would get her back into school. Maybe charge her with chores for your babysitting. It will work out for your family. The best of luck to you & your family & Happy Holidays as well!

Hello J.. I just wanted to let you know that I think you can file to be foster parents and get some assistance for the whole family. It's a very hard decision to raise someone elses child. It's easy to say "yes", but hard for everyone to adjust. I raised my nephew for 7 years, so I know. If you decide to help, best advice I can give is be patient and try not to be too proud to ask for help if you, yourself needs it. I hope things work out for your whole family. Best of luck. My prayers are with you. (Just remember life is short, and everyone needs to feel loved.)

I have no experience with this, but I just wanted to send you lots of hugs and wish you luck with whatever you decide. What I do know is that if you decide to let her move in, you have to set some firm ground rules, and then make sure you stick to them. It sounds like she needs a LOT of structure, especially if she's 15 and already having sex and has a baby. Big hugs to you and your hubby!

......L