Puppy Faces

Hi, My name is Chris and I'm in a similar situation.
My boyfriend and I have a blended family also. His, mine and ours. He has two teenagers, I have a 4 years old and we have a 10 month old with another on the way. How old are you C.? I just turned 27 last month. I would really like to get to know you, we seem to have a lot in common. my email is
____@____.com and I'm hooked up to my space through that. I'm rather nervous because my boyfriend has been laid off for quite some time now and he's going to going back to work and I'm gonna be stuck at home with not one but two babies.. so I can see some what how are feeling, I think.
my advice to you is that I think your daughter knows about the new baby coming and might not know what to expect. She will need both of you to help her threw the birth of the new baby. When my youngest was born I was told to have the baby bring my 4 year old a gift. This helps so that the older child doesn't totally resent the baby. well I hope to hear from you, I'm a lonely mother also bye, chris

Have you tried talking to him about why he's not at home?? Is he working or you don't know where he is?? You need to communicate with him. Is he starting to be afraid of what another child will mean in your relationship?? When are you getting married?? Is he freaking out about that?? Is he staying away for any other reason?? These are things that I have been through in in past relationships and didn't see coming and would hate to see you not fix them while you have a chance. And please add me to your my space and ____@____.com is my email. You can always talk to me.

First, why is your boyfriend not ever home and if you are expecting another, why is he being so harsh?? or do u think he is getting the jitters?? i'm sure u get lonely especially since u moved here, maybe u could have him spend some evening time when he does get home with her, maybe have him bring some flowers home to her, or something little like that might make a world of difference. i get aggravated at my husband cause when he gets home he wants to relax and i want him to spend time with my five year old. i think men just don't realize. hope to hear from ya

I think that your boyfriend should have a date with your little girl. This would be very special for her...get her all dressed up and have him take her for dinner and a movie. The whole night with her and her dad will be just what she needs!!

C. where do you live? I am not sure what to tell you about your daughter except hang in there. My fiancee works alot and thinks he needs to relax by going out with his friends. If it keeps up I will be in your shoes someday. But for now my daughter is too young to talk. Hopefully when your fiancee is home he is spending quality time with the two of you.

I can sort of relate to your thing about your little girl missing her daddy. I have a 5 year old little girl and am not with her father. She sees him when ever it's convenient for him. So the situation is a little different. He might try talking to herand explaining that it's a work thing (if that's what it is) And when he is home and does have spare time maybe he should spend some special time with her. Is it a seperation anxiety thing? Does she need reassurance? Good luck :)

I can also relate to the living in a cave thing. I am safe in my little cave to. I never go anywhere. And don't really have many friends either. I work and take care of my kids. Girls ages 5,13 and 18. My oldest is rarely home.

Hopefully he is coming home late because he is working. Whatever you do, don't make him feel guilty for working late to support his family. I did that and my ex-husband quit his job, not good. So, I guess just make sure he has good quality time with her on the weekends or whenever he is available to spend time with her. I'll try to find you on myspace. If I cant find you try to look up B. Minger, thats my maiden name.

C.,
I need some more info, or maybe I am confused. Is he saying "I can't help that." because he is working or because she isn't his or what? I am trying to imagine this and men are certainly not articulate at times. Is he one of those guys that everything he says comes out wrong? How old are you? I am 32 and was divorced for 5 years with 3 kids before I remarried. I would be a little more cautious as to allowing her to call him Daddy. If it doesn't work out then she will be hurt along with you. I would have her call him by his name and if it bothers him then maybe he is worth keeping. Email me anytime. I have been here for 7 years, all my family lives in Southeast Georgia 640 miles away. I know how alone you must feel. Trust me. Good Luck.
Take care
D. (____@____.com)

You're welcome to email me anytime on myspace at www.myspace.com/kdrdavidson. I am from Waterloo.
As far as your situation. just keep reassuring everyone that it's a good thing she misses him. Try to find fun activities for the two of you to do for him. IE, making dinner togeher for him, or making a card or a picture. That will make both of them feel good.
Hope I helped some.
A.

Well let me start this way, I am A. and let's become friends. I too have almost the same circumstance. I moved to another state with my boyfriend (now he is my husband) and my daughter loves her daddy. My husband and I have no children together but I get the puppy faces too. My suggestion to this problem is that you should talk to him and figure out a time that works so that he can spend time with her. My husband works very hard so sometimes he misses bedtime and I get the "I miss daddy." too. I always just tell her that daddy loves her and he is sorry that he can't be there to tuck her in. My husband also makes time to spend with just her whenever he can. On to the other subject.....I only have one friend here and I have lost touch with the ones from where I came from. It is hard being in a new town and I totally understand that. I also only have a few people on my friends list in myspace so I say let's be friends. Kindred spirits of a sort. Here is my myspace addy so if you want to add me or just look at my profile you can. http://www.myspace.com/missangeladunn
I hope that we can help each other and that my advice will help.

I completely understand your situation. My now husband and I dated for several years before we got married and I had a young son. Is your daughter's biological father in the picture at all? If not, I think that is why she has formed this bond with your boyfriend. My son did the same thing. I know I heard the big "Gulp" at times when my son would call him "Chaddy" (his name is chad). But that goes with the territory. Children, I think, look for things to hold on to, to bond with and if he's the only male figure in her life it is only natural that she will attach herself to it. Honestly, I think he has to accept it for what it is. She sees him as her daddy and he should lover that. Anyone can be a father but not everyone can be a daddy. She needs that feeling of stability and love. Once your baby gets here, I hope, and believe that he will see this as totally okay. He might feel like a real daddy when you give birth. It would be unfair to your daughter to correct her when she calls him daddy, because she wouldn't understand and it would probably really hurt her, especially when the baby gets here and you refer to him as daddy. I think your boyfriend needs to think of that because that is certainly a reality. My son does now call my husband daddy and he wouldn't have it any other way, especially since we've had two additional children.
Please feel free to e-mail me at ____@____.com if you need to talk - anytime.

I don't know how old you are but you seem young and I'm concerned that your boyfriend and father to your children is not the least bit concerned about your daughter missing him.
More so on the flip side sweety it should send red flag's up for you that he's not missing her as well . If you both can't come together as a couple and talk other than "i can't help it" where a child is involved and make it your number one priority than what is that to say about how it will be for the next little one .
All that aside my dear you yourself are alone and hurting and reaching out to him feeling lost and displaced you really do need to find and make the time for a serious heart to heart and get to the core of what you both may be avoiding who know's it may not be as bad as you both think.
all the best
alway's here ____@____.com and on my space add me girl
Serenity

Hey C.. I am in about the same situation as far as being with someone & having a son from a previous. My oldest son has is 3 years old & has never met his biological dad. My boyfriend/fiance is all he knows as a daddy. He & I had another son in May, so after we had him, my oldest really starting getting attached to my fiance. Sometimes he got a lil jealous. Anyway, it sounds like the problem is he works a lot & she doesnt get to see him often. Is he coming in rom work? Does he have some days off to where they could spend some quality time together then that way she wouldnt miss him so much.

By the way, I think I am about 30 to 40 minutes from you in Elkview, W.V. You can add me on MySpace if u would like

http://www.myspace.com/jaydens_mommy26

Hey C.!
It sounds like you just need to talk. Is everything okay in your relationship? Is he gone because of work? If its work that has taken him away just tell her that he has to go make "candy money"! I always found that to be a good thing to say to make my son realize that I was working for him. I'm sorry to ask but who had a heartattack? I hope all is better now. Tell me a little about yourself. How old are you? I am 26 and married with two boys(6 and 23 months.

Hope to hear from you soon!
C.

I guess it depends on why he is absent as to what you can do. If it is out of his hands as I suspect. Make sure he makes the most of his time with her when he isn't occupied. Take her and only her with him to a special place for her. Like a playground or toy store. That means the world to them. Just so she knows how he cares. Also if it wouldn't have a negative effect let her stay up an extra half hour with him. Every child needs their father and that is clearly what he is!

Dear C.,
What you describe as your life must be pretty lonely. I sort of identify with what you are saying a bit in that all I ever really wanted to be was a mom; and the fact that we moved here from Kentucky leaving all of our family behind. Two things made the biggest difference for me. Knowing Jesus in a personal relationship gave me the security and friends that no one else could. God loves you and does not want you to be lonely, insecure, afraid or friendless. A church where the Bible is taught and Jesus is proclaimed as Savior and Lord of all who will come to Him, is a very safe place to visit, attend and call your "home" away from home. It's a great place to join a Bible study, meeting other moms, just like yourself. I have also made wonderful life long friends through Bible Study Fellowship, this is a non-denominational study of the Bible, classes meet in all areas of the city; Chapel Rock Christian Church on Tuesday morning, Church at the Crossing on Wednesday morning and some evening groups for women meet on Monday nights at East 91st STreet Christian Church and I believe there is one in Greenwood (either Greenwood Community or Greenwood Christian Church) not sure which one.
See, we are all created in the very image of God. We are all broken people, lonely, scared, trying to find our way in a very crazy society that looks to Hollywood for direction. The TV seems to be our god and friend these days. We get caught up in TV drama and soap opera mindset, but that's not the way God intended our lives to be.
Well, I don't mean to preach to you or tell you about things perhaps you don't even want to hear, but this is what has worked for me and I would encourage you to visit a good Christian church this Sunday and talk to a minister there about some of the issues you are dealing with.
I'd be glad to "talk" more with you, just email me at: ____@____.com
May God bless you as you seek Him,
M.

I know it is hard when you live away from your family and don't know anyone here. All my family and friends live almost 2 hrs away. If you would like to get together and get acquianted please email me at ____@____.com