To Date or Not to Date?

I was a single mom with a 6 yr old & 1 yr old when I started dating again. I started by just hanging out first with friends both male & female, until i found someone i really liked. we started dating and got married 5 years later. he has been the only father to my youngest as I left her dad right after conception, too.

I use to be in the same situation, a long time ago. After my son's father and I split I thought "Who is going to want to be with me now that I have a child." To my surprise when I started college I ended up dating some one I knew from my past. I had no intentions of ever dating again or even looking. I say just live your life and when the time is right it will happen. There will be some one out there willing to accept you and your son. Just don't rush into anything too soon. It is kinda funny looking back now it seems as though my son picked my husband for me. He didn't know the word dada or daddy or even dad for that matter. When I first introduced my son who was 6 mo at the time, the first thing out of his mouth was daddy. Currently we have been married will be 9 yrs on the 30th. Good luck.

First of all, let me tell you how great you are: being a single mom and working full time, providing everything for him...you have all my admiration. Now, for the dating part: absolutely ok to date, your son will work as a filter for the men that aren't "dating material" (if you say upfront that you have a son, the men that don't like/want kids will run for their life, leaving all the others for you to consider).
I don't have a real advice on where to find possible mates but I noticed that there are places where men definitely are more approachable: the grocery store (as weird as it may sound) is one of them. Wherever you are, if you see a man that you like, just go ahead and smile at him: it's a good signal for them, and, if interested, they'll probably approach you. Don't forget to take care of your appearance, you'll feel good about yourself and you will be more noticeable ;-)

Good luck!!!

S.

I went through the exact same thing. I have a 2 year old and his dad and I broke up when I was 4 months pregnant. 4 months ago I started dating again. As a mother your first priority is to protect your child (ofcourse) but you can't forget that you are still a woman with needs. If you have the opportunity to meet someone then go for it! Just remember, until you are 100% positive that he's the one, you should not let your son build a relationship. I HAD a best friend that dated several guys at once and she had a 3 year old little girl. The child was so confused! It changed her whole personality. Also, any decent man will respect your wishes to keep your son out of the picture for awhile. They'll respect you too if you let them know from the beginning that you put your child first.

My son was 1 when I met my now husband, same situation as you. Had my son and father was not in the picture, then I went out on a couple of dates, never letting them actually meet my son, but they knew I had one. I didn't want to introduce these men to my son if I didn't plan on them staying around!! But then I met my husband and we have been married for 10 yrs now and have added four more children to this wonderful family!! Someone out there will love you and your son, you come as a package, and a very good package you both make!! Good Luck!

I know it can eb hard to get back out there. My daughter was 18 months when I got divorced. I tried going to bars.....I don't recommend that! I never once met someone I would consider for a father. I am a Christian, so bars really left a bad feeling for me. I felt that church shouldn't be used as a pick up joint. It's great if you meet someone there while you happen to be going, but not for that sole purpose. The churches in my area were family churches, so there weren't too many options anyway. I ended up joining Match.com. It was the best thing I ever did! I dated several nice men, mostly just casually as friends, nothing serious. I, after just 1 year of trying it, met my husband. We will be married 5 years in January. I know the old stigmatism of online dating, but it has really become a place where good Christian people go who don't like the bar scene to find someone. There are those less desirables too, but you can screen them out, and block them from being able to contact you. You just have to be careful who and where you meet, etc. Email a while, talk on the phone, etc. I never gave out my number, always got theirs. I had a great experience. But, like the others said, be careful who you let into your home and meet your baby.
This is really the easiest way to meet other nice singles in your area.

If you feel comfortable I would check into some clubs, maybe a church club, or reading club, something that you are intersted in and see if you make some interractions there. Also e-harmony is suppose to be terrific in helping locate very good matches according to your interests and qualifications. I have heard the eharmony also has such a detailed test and is set up very well that it helps screen out bad eggs before you even meet them. I wish you the best. If nothing else ask your friends to hook you up with people they know and like. At least you would know that your friends like them and they are not a crazy person.

I am a single mother of a 11 year old daughter. I have never been married & her father has NEVER been in the picture. I have dated over the years but, I have always been very careful with who I have around my daughter. I have a few rules...1.I meet them where ever it is we will be going. 2. NO! over night guest. 3. No, you can not meet my daughter unless we are in a serious relationship for long awhile. And the rest I just play by ear. I have a little girl so I feel I have to be extra careful. But, I say yes you should date. Get a babysitter & go have some fun!!!

I am a single mother. Dating is hard. My daughter is 8 years old. I really don't bring people around her. One, I don't want men coming in and out of her life. Two, she is very mean to anyone who shows any interest in me. I am not looking for a "daddy" for her because she knows her father and he's in her life, but in no way in my personal life. I do date but I don't get too serious. I like dating and having fun. Serious relationships at times bring more stress and problems. It is hard work maintaining a serious relationship. At this time in my life, I have no patience. I work full time, operate a home-based business, raise my daughter and don't have time to deal with the stresses of a relationship. I would suggest that you do get out there, but don't bring anyone around your son unless you feel in your heart that the relationship has the makings of a relationship that is long term. I say keep your dates light for right now because you're just getting back out there. There be time to find a "daddy." Good Luck!

I agree, be careful not to bring the man you are dating into the picture until you are really ready to make a commitment, because that can be really hard on a child. Especially one who doesn't have his/her father around. My son's father was in and out of the picture, but more out than anything, so it was very hard for him meeting a new guy. I did have a friend encourage me not to even introduce guy friends, whether I was interested in them or not, because it can be too confusing.
Also, be aware that your child may not care much for the new man in your life when he does meet him. It may take him awhile to warm up to the idea of having to "share" you with someone else. Go slowly, be sure you are honest immedietly with any new guy that you have a son, so you can weed out the "bad" ones. Make sure any guy you start dating understands your son is your priority and that will not change.
Good luck with everything! I'm getting married in 2 weeks an no how hard it can be to start dating again!!

I feel that there are many things in life to give a child.
There the phocus on life and if you are happy with just the 2 of you that is great.
I was married to my kids father for 9 years and after we got divorsed I was scared to have another relationship.
That was until I met a wonderful man. I was online one day and met my now fiancee. I use to think that meeing someone online was silly but it worked for me. Try a ligiment sight though like E harmony or match.com.
Though there sights you still need to be careful as anything anyone can post online. i met danny 3 monthes after talking online and we met at my hometown and where i requested i also told friends where and what time and his email contact info just in case something went wrong. Well it didn't and we will be together 4 years by the time we are married. We dated 2 years before the kids ever met him. That too went well.
There is someone there for you so give it a try just know what you want in someone to add to your life and never settle.

Good luck
Val

Yes dating is very hard being a single mother! It gets really scary when you introduce your child to the man you are dating! Then when it doesn't work out your child gets confussed, wondering what happened to her new friend! And then you start seeing someone else, and there you are again facing the question of introducing your child once again to a strange man! Yes this has happened to me and I hate it, I never wanted this for my daughter! I dont want her to get the wrong impression of me! Anyways I do agree with the one lady that talked about setting up a profile on myspace, I have on there to but mainly to talk to old friends of mine, but I guess it could also work for dating! One site that I would recommend is a dating site and it is 100% free! It is www.plentyoffish.com, you should check it out! The guy that I'm dating now I met from this very site! We emailed each other for a couple of weeks and then we exchanged numbers and talked by phone for about a month before we set it up to finally meet! It went so well, it was so much fun! You become good friend before you even meet, and I think that is great! But try not to worry so much even though it is a big deal. And dating someone that has kids is a plus to, because then they know what to expect! Just take your time, I can't stress that enough, I wish I would have done that myself on several occassions! But I wish you the best of luck, it will happen when you are least expecting it, trust me!

Best wishes,

C. H

Hey There. I want you to know something..I am a 24 year old..single.. mother of twin 13 month old boys. Their father, my ex-fiancee, left after I told him I was pregnant. Am I over him? most definitely, I can't be with an idiot like that.. in my opinion he gave up the greatest gift in the world. Am I sometimes lonely even though I love all the time I spend with my boys? yes, but my advice to you is not to rush into anything. I have just now started to ocassionally date again and the first thing I always consider is if I get too involved will this man be a good daddy? My boys take president over all my descions. The right one will come and even though its hard and lonely sometimes.. it will be worth it in the end for you and your son..trust me..I know.

I was a single mother for a long time right from the start of the pregnancy (basically)...I am 25 years old. I didnt date at all and thought about just not dating and taking care of my son but it occurred to me that one day I would wake up with a teenager whom didnt want his mom to tag along all the time. So why not date. I mean be smart of course and date better guys but dont deprive yourself of love from a partner. I was 24 when I met my boyfriend (and me now have baby #2 on the way)...He loves my son and we are getting married in June 2007. Our relationship is awesome and we do things with my son..Like the zoo and the Chuckie Cheese...Get back out there and have the love you deserve!! Good luck

I became a single mom when my oldest was 2. My advice to you is to get out and make yourself "available". A lot of places have singles events (churches etc). Once you find someone you are interested in....get to know each other well before you bring any man into your son's life. That way your son (even though he is so little) won't get attatched to someone and vice versa in case it doesn't work.

Good luck!

HI, I am 24 years old also with a 10 month old son. My son's father is sorry but the checks make up for it (LOL.) Anyways, I was just wanting to let you know that since I have been single dating is hard but its possible. I actually had a boyfriend when I son was 3 months old. It didnt work out because of long term indiscrepancies between us. Most of the guys I have met have either been when I am out running errands like to the drug store or gas station. I would like to go out sometimes or just hang out but most of my friends are attached and/or married. I try also to always look good where ever I go- even if my son is with me. How ever for the most part- men are not going to try to talk to you when you have a baby in your arms!! Well, just go for it and make sure that the guy you do go out with is not a baby too!!

Dear F.,
I was 7 months pregnant with my oldest daughter (now almost 16) when her father walked out on me. I wasn't looking for anyone, but was introduced to a wonderful guy when she was about 8 months old. We have been married now for 15 years, and have 4 great kids! My only suggestion to you is STOP LOOKING! When the time is right, you'll meet someone and be completely swept away. God will make sure of that! I also agree with the other ladies...don't introduce your son to anyone until YOU feel the time is right. But be honest to the men you date and tell them you have a child. Gauge their response, both verbal and physical (you know, their body language) after you tell them. That way you can weed out all the undesirables, so to speak. Many churches in our area have a young single adults night. I don't know if you attend church, but that may provide a safer place for you to meet young people your age, and they often provide a nursery while you're there. If you're close to John's Island, I suggest Stono Baptist. It's a wonderful church and has a great pastor, Pastor Greg Butler, and the church family is close, warm, and loving. Good luck, and be blessed!!

I am a single mom and one thing I can say, is dont go into it looking for "daddy". You need to be in a relationship for yourself. It is very important that the person can interact with and treats your child well, though. You will also want to wait before bringing your child into the picture so that you can get to know each other without that interference or distraction. This will become more and more important as your child gets older and can get hurt by a relationship ending. My policy has always been to wait until I was sure the relationship had long-term potential. I dated someone for a year and a half and he never met my 2 youngest, only the oldest who is 16. Hang in there, its gets better.

My son is 2 and I've just started trying to date some again. My advice is to be very careful because when you start you can be emotionally very vulnerable because you have been on your own - at least that was the case with me. I was lonely and when someone started paying attention to me I got very happy and it became an emotional roller coaster. Needless to say my first time out didn't have a happy ending and I got my feelings very hurt. I am trying again, I am just being very guarded now, which probably isn't great for developing relationships either.. I think you need to find a balance. Be happy with yourself first, don't look for someone to be daddy or fix what's wrong in your life. Good luck to you. I know it's really hard getting back out there. I don't do the bar scene so where are you supposed to meet people?

well with that one it doesnt hurt to make friends with men and see what can happen from there.