Pregnant with Second and Feeling So Overwhelmed - Am I Alone?

I know how you feel, mom. Mine were 27 months apart, and I hated being pregnant too. Little kids were so hard. But you get in a groove, put them on a schedule, keep things very consistent, and sleep train that baby once the pediatrician tells you that you can.

You feel miserable right now because you're so far along. It's okay. Just take it a week at a time. Get ready for the baby - be super organized. Get every as ready as you can. If you are planning to send out birth announcements, get the envelopes and address them now. Then it will be easier to send them. Put together food to freeze so that meals will be easier.

You'll be okay, I promise. I did it too, and we made it through!

Dawn

You sound like me 6 years ago. I was about 35, preg. with my 2nd, no family, sahm etc. I felt overwhelmed. I gave myself a lot of breaks. TV for the little one, layed on the couch a lot. Went to bed really early. etc.. You will get through it.

I now have 3 kids. I made it through. My youngest is almost 4 and I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Now there were times where I thought I was loosing it and I walked on the edge of crazy for awhile, but time really does fly.

Take it minute my minute if you have too. You will get through.

I think one of the best things you can do for yourself is not try to talk yourself out of feeling the way you feel. I mean focusing on the positive is of course a great idea, but I am a big believer in validating your own feelings and hopefully your husband is helping with this.

Having little kids is HARD. It is a blessing and something to be thankful for and it is wonderful, but it is also stressful and a burden and exhausting and can make you feel isolated and incompetent. This is all normal!

When I was pregnant with my second I had these thoughts too. I also worried about my older one (he was 3 when my second was born) and how it would affect him. I couldn't imagine how I'd handle two of them, how I'd be able to meet the older one's needs when dealing with sleep deprivation, on and on.

As much as I or anyone else can tell you that once your'e there you'll be fine, that is not very comforting right now probably. And that's ok. Give yourself permission to feel how you feel. Your body is doing so much right now, your hormones are all over the place, you have a right to experience all of this your own way. You are not overreacting or weird or abnormal. And you WILL be fine once you get there. There will be very hard moments, but there will also be moments where you'll feel like you can climb mount everest with the both of them!

As far as comparing yourself to others you see, that's a slippery slope. You have no idea how those moms feel inside, how much support they may have, etc.

Plus, I think our society sends moms the message that its not ok to express any of the less-than-rosy aspects of motherhood. We're all supposed to act like we're just blessed and in a state of bliss all the time. So we all kind of play that character out in the world, perpetuate those messages, and make it harder on ourselves to experience the whole normal range of emotions because we compare ourselves to others we see in public who are also "in character."

So, in a nutshell, you are totally normal, you are not a wimp, you will be great!!!!!!!!

You are so not alone!! I felt exhausted and terrified for most of my second pregnancy. Our situations are very similar. My girls are 18 months apart. We had planned to wait at least 2 years between babies, but mother nature had a different idea :-). My family lives in another state too, and my husband's small family are not able to help us out for various reasons. I also have a SS, who was 7 when my 2nd was born, and he is with us at least every other week. My husband works long hours (70-80 hours a week at least) with lots of 24 hour shifts and he couldn't take any time off for family leave. He was lucky to get the day off for the delivery!! And, in my 2nd month of pregnancy, I was diagnosed with something called behcets syndrome, a really weird autoimmune disorder. Holy cow, I was a wreck!! It was really hard not to feel sorry for myself all the time. The best thing for me was to focus on playing with my daughter. I wanted to give her all the attention I could and enjoy her babyhood, since she didn't have much time to enjoy being the baby of the family. I tried to make that time fun and special for her, so it ended up being special and fun for me too.

When my 2nd was born, my mom stayed with us for about 10 days. She saved up her vacation time and sorted it out with her employer in advance so they knew the approximate time she would need to take off. That was a lifesaver. After she left, I was still having trouble getting my SS to and from school (we have to drive him about 20 miles round trip) and doing grocery shopping and stuff like that (i had a c-section and took a while to recover). We ended up flying my grandmother here for 8 or 9 weeks to help me out. She's in her late 70s and couldn't do much with my wild toddler, but she helped a lot by driving my SS around and running errands. And those old granny's are great with fussy newborns :-). Do you have anyone like that who could help you out for a short time? A retired aunt or grandma or something? If not, don't be afraid to use your babysitters when you're home. Just having someone in the house to hold the new baby while you nap with your toddler (or vice versa) or catch up on laundry or something would take some of the pressure off you. Maybe you could find a teenager to help for a few hours a week, especially if you would be in the house in case of emergencies. That might be cheaper.

Also, there was a big plus that I didn't realize would happen with my 2nd baby. With my first, I was always worried and nervous. Was she eating enough, sleeping enough, wetting enough or too much, etc. I was always checking on her when she was sleeping, and I came running for every little squawk. With my 2nd, I had WAY less worry. All the small stuff I sweated the first time just didn't scare me the 2nd time around. So as scared as I was during my pregnancy, the reality was much easier than I had feared. Granted I had help from my mom and grandma, but hopefully your husband will be able to fill that role for you.

I completely understand how feel and dont think youre out of line in anynway. Please know that you're not a wimp at all for feeling overwhelmed or scared. I think that's just a part of the pregnancy package. And once you have your new baby, you'll wonder how you ever got along without him/her!

Oh my, pregnancy hormones and a 22-month-old! Yes, it is tough. You do not see those other moms behind closed doors. They are putting on a happy face just like you try to do when you go out.

You do need to take some breaks, though. Let your husband watch your daughter while you take a bath or go for a little walk. Fresh air does wonders! Getting the blood circulating gets the oxygen to your brain as well.

You can also swap baby-sitting with a friend. The kids entertain themselves most of the time.

My kids are 22 mos. apart and I thought it was the perfect age. As a suggestion when the baby comes - put your daughter in charge of the new baby. It is her baby. People have to ask her permission to hold the baby. She gets to decide whether to put on this sleeper or that one. Ask her if she thinks the baby is hungry or needs a clean diaper. When she has the control, there is no room for jealousy. Worked like a charm for my daughter (the oldest). Congrats!

You're probably just hormonal right now. I was in your shoes, exactly. I was 30 when I had my first. My second came along when my first child was 23 month old. My husband worked all the time. I worked part time. I was overwhelmed too. You just have to make sure, and put your priorities in check. Especially now that you are almost ready to deliver your baby. Just get anything ready that you absolutely have to have ready, and then get some rest. Nap with your daughter while you can. It's OK to put on a movie and lay down with her for the afternoon. Can you get some help from your husband with the housework? I'm sorry you are feeling this way. But just try to get some rest, that will help a lot.

I felt the same way, actually I was much worse, but you can do it. I had my 18 months and 2 days apart, and I threw up the whole time. I know what you mean when you say you just don't feel good and you're overwhelmed and its ok!! It will be ok and you will be fine. I can't tell you it will be easy because its not, but maybe look into getting a doula who does childcare for newborns for the 2nd week you are home. The first one isn't so bad for some reason, but the 2nd one was hard. I know there are people who specialize in night care so that you can get some rest.

I don't know how people with 3 or more kids do it either! I can't hardly handle the 2 I have. I think I would love another one, see, you do get there! but then I think of all the work and the being pregnant again, which totally sucks, and well, I have 2 kids and I'm good with that.

You are not alone! Being pregnant is not easy, being 8 months pregnant is hard, especially if you have big babies like mine: 8 lbs and 10.1 lbs. You can get through this and be ok and you are going to LOVE that little bundle of joy. Whatever it is that you are freaking out about and need to buy, please go do that so that you can calm down, mine was diapers, I had to have lots and lots of diapers for the new baby. Silly I know.

Anyway, keep letting us know when you need a pep talk because what you are doing is not a piece of cake!

It's not really about being tough enough. You know, it's really only been during the past century that families have trended toward smaller, single-family households. Used to be that multiple generations lived together or nearby, and elders often helped with babies and toddlers, as did older siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles in really large families.

So we've changed our social and family habits, but the needs of our babies haven't changed. You might look into forging strong friendships with other young moms to get some moral support and trade for an hour or two to yourself every week or so. Wishing you a happy solution.

I'm nine months now with my second and my first is 27 months old. I've been feeling overwhelmed from the day I found out I was pregnant, because my son is so much work! The way I look at it, I am getting the early years done faster. Toddlers and babies are labor intensive, but then they will be older and things will be so much easier! (At least, this is what I've been promised.)

I was in the same boat as you last yr. Now I have the 2 most perfect and beautiful daughters (3 1/4 and 13 months) I too am a SAHM and I was so petrified to be home alone all day with a toddler and a newborn but like Im sure you have heard already - you just make do, you will survive, all of you will. There are days that will test you but then there will be days that make you realize why you were put on this earth. It was definitely hard chasing around a toddler while being hippo big pregnant but you are almost there and then you will have a whole new world again once this new baby comes. When you are having a tough/trying day try to remind yourself that its a bad day not a bad life.

Good Luck and Congrats

too late now! just kidding my kids are 2 yrs appart. sometimes i just want to be a sham but they learn so much at preschool.

are you able to afford a moms day out program? its only a couple days but you need a break. after i had my kids it made much more since why grandparents use to live with there kids back in the day Waltons bunch. Ok now I want my fmaily living with me guiding me HELPING me. some days i go mad. Oh btw I hated being pregnant. It HURT. my babies were 9lbs and 8lbs12oz . When women say oh i loved being pregnant i would ask how much there babies weighed at birth they would say oh 5 lbs!!! or 6 lbs lol those are little babies....carry a big baby and you will cry yourself to seep. ...it gets easier mine are 5 and 3 its HEAVEN now fun fun funs

I think when the next little one comes along you will be OK.....If you were previously a professional, you might want to consider going back to work part time if being a "stay at home mother" is not your cup of tea.

Just remember that you will survive. I am 36 now and have 2 boys (3 and 4yrs old), they are 17 months apart. It was not planned that way, but it happened. I am a SAHM too. I have no family to babysit or any money to hire a sitter. My husband only watches my boys so I can go to the grocery store on occasion by myself. Otherwise I always have my boys with me. I get no breaks during the day and if I am lucky to get them to bed at night I have an 1-2 hours to myself. It is difficult, and I have days I think I cannot make it through, but I manage somehow. God only gives you what you can handle and I constantly remember that. Also, remember it could be worse, be thankful for what you do have, a healthy daughter and a new baby on the way!!

Congrats on your new baby. :) At eight months you're pretty uncomfortable, and not sleeping very well either. It's hard, hard, hard. Mine were 4 years apart, and it was not any easier. Please don't regret the timing - it was meant to be, and you're a good mom. Allow yourself rest, and don't feel like you have to be 100% all day. Let your daughter watch a little TV, or watch a cartoon with her. Nap with her. Embrace your down time, as difficult as it is. You'll make it, M.! We're here for you, vent whenever you need to. Hugs!
(On most days, I *still* don't know how moms of three or more manage. They're super heroes in my book.)

There is 21 months between my first two. It was hell. Honestly, I don't even remember how I did it. I was at a friends this weekend whose 4th, and youngest, was just turning 2. I have a month old. My friend said, "can you image having a baby and an almost 2 year old?" She did it too. it was hell. There is three years between my second and the baby. The second just took himself to the bathroom, without needing any of my help. When i had my second, I had to help his older sister go potty, so he would sit and scream and wait for me.

I wish I could paint a nicer picture, but a baby and a toddler is hard. I was 36 when i had my first, 38 when I had my second, and now almost 41 with my third. I'm very thankful for the gap between my second and third. My hubby works long hours, and he travels. In fact, he went to Italy and Korea when my second was a newborn. I hope your hubby is around to help more. That would have made a big difference to me.

I highly recommend putting lots of freezer meals in the freezer, and plotting out really simple dinners from your pantry.

First, have you felt this way the duration of your pregnancy? During my first pregnancy, I was extremely depressed. I thought it was because I wasn't really ready to be a mom, but I learned after giving birth that my depression was due to the pregnancy hormones. None of my doctors caught it during the pregnancy, and neither did I because it didn't feel like sadness, instead it was anxiety, exhaustion, and desperation. If you have felt this way since the beginning of your pregnancy, please bring it up with your OB right away. Not only can it make being pregnant particularly miserable (I don't enjoy it, even when not depressed), but women who suffer from depression caused by pregnancy are considerably more likely to suffer postpartum depression, and so your doctor will want to keep an eye on your after the birth. Here is some more information:
http://www.babycenter.com/0_depression-during-pregnancy_9...

My kids are 18 months apart. First, you should know that the pregnancy was actually harder than after the baby was born. Right now, in addition to the hormones, you are tired all the time, certain things may make you feel ill, etc., etc. But there are absolutely some advantages to having kids close together. Your oldest is probably still napping, which will help give you some downtime during the day after the baby is born. Your kids are also close enough in age that you can still keep them relatively corralled, and pick them up when they're getting into trouble. You're going to get through this. Right now, and for the next month or so is the hardest part. Best of luck.

Nah, you're just in a tough situation. Mine are two years apart...to the day...they have the same birthday. It WAS overwhelming at first. Just accept that you are going to have some hard months ahead of you. Frankly, it DOES get way easier when the kids both sleep through the night. Hopefully, you have a supportive husband that helps when he is home.

One of the best pieces of advice that I got was so obvious. I was talking to a Mom of three after my second was born. She told me that there were times that her three all wanted something at the same time. She just told me that you can only do so much and someone was just going to have to learn to wait.

That being said, my two are 5 and 7 and I love the age difference. They are close enough together that they play with a lot of the same toys and stuff. They are also pretty close to each other. My DH has a younger brother that is 4 years difference and he said that he and his brother weren't very close growing up. Think of a kindergartener with a 1 or 2 year old. I think you will be glad of the age span later.