Not Again - Irving,TX

I have two children who are also really close in age. I have 2 girls who are 14 months apart (the older was 6 months when we found out about the younger), and I wouldn't trade them for anything. I did have to make a few adjustments because of the pregnancy (on doctor's recommendation I quit breastfeeding) but now I look at them and know that I couldn't have made a better decision. They are now 6 and 5 and other than normal sibling arguments are the best of friends. It is possible to get through this and it will be okay. I am not saying that it will be easy, but in the long run it will be worth it.
J.--SAHM of 6 (soon to be 7)
If you want more specific adivce please message me and I would be happy to give you some tips on how to make it through the first few months.

I had two unplanned pergnancies. I felt as though my whole world was crumbling at the time. With my first one, I went to planned parenthood and they did the same thing to me. I was young, alone and scared. They thought the obvious thing to do was to have an abortion. Even then, I didn't think I could go through with it. When I see my two sons now, I get choked up thinking about it. What if I had followed that advice? Two people who are the most precious to me in the world would not be here today and I really would have missed out. Allow yourself to not be thrilled with the circumstances. It is ok. When that child comes, it will all be forgotten and all you will feel is love and alot of fatigue!

I got pregnant with my 2nd too quickly thanks to planned parenthoods bad advice. I would not trade her for the world though :) I am pretty sure (never used iud) that there should have been a waiting period.

Don't worry, everything will be okay. Your first child will have a little buddy to play with :)

I haven't been in the same situation, so feel free to disregard my opinions, it won't hurt my feeling..

I would say if you have ANY doubts, then DON'T do it. I personally don't believe in abortion as birth control and think it's only acceptable if the mother's life is at serious risk from the pregnancy and even then I'm not sure about it since "risk" doesn't mean certain death. But that's my opinion and abortion is a hot button issue that every woman has to make her own choice about.

Abortion is a deeply personal choice that you and your husband will have to live with, so I would not begin to advise one way or the other on that subject. I would just like to say, from an outsiders perspective, while it's probably just coincidence, it seems like this baby was meant to be. Getting pregnant so quickly after giving birth, while using birth control, seems like pretty long odds.

I understand your concern about having 2 so close together, and I sympathize even more so with the financial aspect of it. I know personally, I would not have an abortion for either of those reasons, but I also would not fault anyone else for making that choice. In regards to having two so close together, while it will be difficult, I don't think it would be any more difficult than having twins, so if you had twins when you had your last baby, would you have terminated one of the fetuses if you had the choice, or would that have been a blessing for your family?

I also agree with one of the previous posters that your older children should be able to help around the house more to free up some of your obligations to care for the babies, so I personally would try not to let the difficulty in having another child from a time and effort perspective be the only deciding factor.

I'm always so sad to hear when someone is stressing about a pregnancy rather than celebrating it, but I know it happens. I will pray for you and your family and hope that whatever you decide, everything will work out for the best.

Blessings,
N.

I will speak from the point of someone who cannot have another. Maybe if we had tried closer to the time my daughter was born we might have had a chance. I waited too long...

Aborting a child can cause scar tissue... You may not be able to have another that you get to plan.

I know it sounds like a lot of work, but look at the one you have and think about how much you love that baby. It will be ok! :) God bless you and give you strength!

R.,
I wouldn't suggest an abortion. An abortion will hurt you more than you think. I see by your post that you have a 14 and 12 years old that maybe can help out more than you think they could. I would suggest you have your baby, if after having the baby you still feel overwhelmed then put the baby up for adoption. There are many couples out there that would love to adopt a baby. Right now, you are overwhelmed, your hormones are probably going crazy, you just had a baby, etc.; so all of that combined will make you feel the way you feel right now.
Give yourself some time, wait and see. Could it be possible that you did the IUD instead of getting your tubes clamped because you were not sure that you don't want any more children in a future? Maybe this one is coming in your life sooner than you expected, but he/she is just another blessing in your life.
Don't stress about it, just try to take things easier than usual. You will see how everything works out.
Blessings

My second pregnancy was a surprise, and I really couldn't wrap my mind around how we would handle two babies. It was the little and big things that freaked me out, like how do I load two in the car? How will I divide my time? I made myself a promise, that I would be excited for the baby during the second trimester. I gave myself time to feel scared, worried, and confused. Then I started to have problems with the pregnancy and felt enormous guilt, like it was happening because I didn't want my baby enough. I talked it out with my doctor, husband, parents, and friends. Talking and giving myself permission to feel other than overjoyed seemed to work for me. I was so sick and miserable at the beginning that trying to be happy seemed beyond my reach. So I just took that pressure off of myself. Now I am super excited to meet my baby. Try asking about whatever you are worried about in terms of having two if you decide to proceed with your pregnancy. Good luck, I hope you come to feel some peace!

Would you consider adoption? There are some of us out there that would love to have another baby (like me, but don't know if my body could handle it).

Hi R.. Our 8th was a surprise. In a few years you'll be delighted to have him or her around and when the grandkids come you'll be the envy of others. You'll find ways to afford your new baby. Look at all the posts here on mamapedia on how to save money. Your oldest three will be a great help with their new brother or sister as they should be already with the 4 month old. Our older ones always helped with the younger ones.

If you think about it, if you waited to have kids when you could afford it and had a nice enough car or a good enough home you'd still be waiting to have your first child. Then think about all you would have missed.

I have 16 grandkids with two more on the way and it has been the best blessing for me as I grow older. My wife and I love it. We are so glad we didn't stop at #5 or at #2 as some of my friends suggested. My oldest two live 1500+ miles away. We love the ones that come over every Sunday for dinner and family games. On Mothers Day we had 10 kids (5 + spouses)and 12 grandkids. It is wonderful. My wife and I loved it.

Good luck to you and your new family.

Abortion is not the answer. I've meet many women who live with the guilt and pain for years and years. I've been in your situation and I just prayed about it, asked God to provide and He has always come through. I even raised my 3 girls by myself as a single mom for many years. So be brave, accept what you can't change, all children are a blessing from God. Find joy in your situation even if that is difficult to do right now and think positive. Consider getting your tubes tied after this one. Good Luck.

Only you know what is right for you, but a few things to consider-
your older children can help you with the babies, and the babies will be close in age, which is always a good thing. You CAN get through this. Soon, you will wonder how you lived without your baby. Best of luck to you.

I don't recommend an abortion. You said that you weren't sure you could live with the decision for the rest of the life, but that's exactly what you'll have to do. If you aren't sure now, you won't get sure anytime soon.

There are programs to help you with the financial aspect of things, your older two can help you out around the house more often.

Yes, you will be tired. Yes, it will be hard. But, you can do it and it will be worth it! I promise.

Sometimes things happen. If you cannot afford this baby you can always put your baby up for adoption. So many wonder people who would love to be a mom and a dad. I do not believe in abortion for the reason your giving. You will regret doing that if you chose to abort. I understand that this is sooooo close to your 4 month old and you may not be able to handle much more. You have a husband, a 14, a 12 year that can help you. To tell you the truth I would never would have kids if I waited to when I could afford them. You say you only had sex twice.....it only ttakes one time. Please think about your decision. I am just hoping you pick adoption or keep your baby. I do wish you luck!