Pregnant and a Tough Decision

My husband and I have been trying to have kids for a long time...we have been thru miscarriage after miscarriage, and wish that someone would be brave enough to do adoption vs aborting their fetus to give people like us the dream of becoming parents.

This isn't just about this pregnancy, but is true about everything in life. Don't do anything that you know in advance that you will regret. I'm as pro-choice as they come, but it's very clear that it isn't the choice for you.

A good friend of mine had one. It's been 8 years and she still cries. And she says she still thinks about it at least once a day. It has been very hard. This was before having her own children. I think the pain might be worse after you have gone through a birth and experienced life firsthand. If you are crying about it now, I really don't think you should have one. The emotions get far worse.

Hi J.! You want my opinion? I think your boyfriend is manipulating you. If he didn't ever want to be a dad he should have gotten snipped.
I would keep the baby and ditch the boyfriend. You and your boys deserve better than to be a family with a man who never wanted kids to begin with.

Don't make your decision based on him.
HUGS!

Could you consider adoption?

My own biological mother was getting a divorce, had at least five other children, and became pregnant at 40 with me with the man she was 'seeing' while divorcing her husband.

It must have been a tough decision to let me go since she knew what being a mother was like. But I think she wanted to give me the best possible scenario: two loving parents who wanted a child very badly.

I have never met her but I would love to tell her thank you for being so brave and unselfish.

Ironically, at 40 I became pregnant. My husband is now 42. Is this what we thought we would be doing in our forties? No. Though I really wanted a third (specifically a girl) we thought that since our other two children were starting to get old enough to really travel with and we had purchased a second house, we were done having children.

There are moments of real exhaustion but not regret. When I look at her, there is joy in my heart and I feel I have been given the greatest gift.

No one can tell you what is 'right' for you. I think you are smart to try to find people in similiar situations so you can make an 'educated' decision. But, again what is right for them may not be right for you.

Good luck!

My personal thought (which you asked for) is that a baby is always a blessing.

I think you need to give lots of thought to the idea of making people. None of whom have asked for their particular circumstances. I'm not trying to seem harsh but, honestly, in 2010, on planet Earth, at least, this shouldn't be something so "hit-and-miss" and getting pregnant is not an accident. It's a choice, whether conscious or subconsciously. many, many options out there for you now (abortion, adoption, marriage, single parenthood) and later (tubal ligation, condoms, Mirena, Depo, etc.).

Here's some other good advice: "Follow your heart and you will make the right decision. " Recognize that? It's your advice to another mom.

The many "not wanted" comments... Just because the father does not want the baby does not mean the child is not wanted. My biological father did not want me, yet I am here because more importantly my MOTHER WANTED ME.

I personally think his 'reasons' are rather lame. The boys should not feel different unless he makes them feel that way. Trouble with his other child really has nothing to do with this one, unless he made her feel unwanted purposely. Why can he be a father to your children but not one that is biologically his own? It just does not make any sense to me.

Honey, it does not sound to me like you really want to abort your pregnancy. If that is the case then you should not do it. Do not do it just because HE does not want the child. I think it could possibly make you resent him in the long run. However if you don't abort he may resent you. It's a catch 22.

I really hate that you are going thru this. It must be heartbreaking.. I hope you find the answer that is right for you.

Oh my heart goes out to you.....I had an abortion when I was 15. It was really tough. I felt like that was my only option, it was what everyone wanted me to do. I got over it fairly fast - I was a self centered teen after all. I only thought about it once in awhile.
I got married when I was 21 to a great guy. We've been married just over 9 yrs now. We have an eight yr old boy and a six yr old girl who are my whole world. I would lay down my life for them. Now, as a mom, I am mortified at what I did. The child would be 14 now and I would be his/her mommy. My other children would have an older brother or sister. The only way I forgive myself is the fact that I didn't know. I was young and ignorant. I didn't know what that mommy love felt like. I didn't know that it wouldn've been okay. I just listened to everyone else and took the "easy" way out for my "future".
You do know. You know how much you love your boys. You remember when they were little helpless babies and all they had was you and you took care of them and love them so much. This is your baby. This is their brother or sister. Trust me, you would never forgive yourself. The "what ifs" would drive you crazy.
If your boyfriend didn't want to be a dad, he should've thought about that before. You can do it with or without him.
And then........get fixed or something so this doesn't happen again:)
Warm Hugs to you.....

I have not personally, but my sister has as well as a few very close friends. I can only tell you, she regretted about a week later and has ever since. It has now been over 10 years and she cries at what was her babies due date, and holidays. I am just being honest, in that I've never met anyone who didn't regret it...truthfully, I haven't.
If you can't imagine it now...imagine when there instantly isn't anything in your belly anymore. If it's hard now, it will only get harder. There are huge, complicated, deep psychological ramifications of this choice. Just like, with any other life and death choice. You have to think about how you feel now, versus how you will feel after. Right now, it's only a maybe and you are torn up. How will you feel when it's done and it's a definite. No more choice to make, no more baby?

I'm not telling you this, because of a personal opinion. Oh sure, I have opinions about this and lots of other things. I'm just telling you what I've seen, from close friends and family.

I agree, that your boyfriend, is manipulating your feelings to HIS wants. This is very unacceptable and I wonder, if he is someone worthy of a relationship with you. The way he is treating you is not right. This is YOUR body and you should NOT do anything that will effect you badly psychologically, just because of him. You had many close calls? If he was so worried about it, why in the world would he keep allowing you two to have close calls? Does he expect you to use abortion, as birth control? Sounds like he wants un-protected sex, without the results of it. How irresponsible of him. If he doesn't want a child, he should be taking precautions. You say you would like another and bummed when you weren't. Maybe, it's time to do this without him. It sounds like he's using you, ins some ways.

J., I also don't want a million responses. I had my daughter when I was very young. I almost had an abortion but didn't at the last minute. I am glad I did not. But it was hard and she would probably have been better off if i had given her up for adoption. I got pregnant again before she was 2. I let my boyfriend talk me into having an abortion with that one there is not a day that goes by even now 26 years later that I don't think about it. I know it was the wrong choice for me. I left the boyfriend. i met my husband when my daughter was almost 5. we had 2 babies right away and 5 years later another one But none of these babies will take the place of the one who was not born. I want to suggest to you that perhaps you should seek some counseling and perhaps find out about the possibility of adoption. So many wonderful people are trying to adopt a baby. You could make someone else s family complete. if your babies are young they will never know the difference. having a baby with a man who is clear that he doesn't want one will be the way to break you apart. he will not change his mind. god bless you. I hope your able to make the choice that works for you.

My opinion is that if you have doubts about getting one, then don't get it. I have a close friend who had one because her boyfriend didn't want the baby. She had a son already from a previous marriage, and even her ex encouraged her to have the abortion because of their son's feelings.
A year and a half later, she still regrets it. She's been through major depression, and obviously cannot change things now.
She knows her son would have loved the baby and being a big brother. She also knows she could have done it on her own if necessary. She regrets listening to the pressure from her boyfriend.
Oh, and he left her a few months after the abortion. Great support, huh?

My situation was not at all similar to yours. But yes I have and it was the best decision I have ever made...Or at least in the top 5 best decisions I have ever made in my whole entire life. I am a very kind, caring, thoughtful, ethical person -- I did not shed a tear over this choice not before during or after. God bless choices...We make them every day.

So make your decision whatever it is and then one (or both) of you get the birth control thing permanently taken care. of. Saying you "have had many "close calls" " just doesn't sit comfortably with me.

The choices aren't just abortion or keep the child.

There are thousands of parents eagerly awaiting adoption. You have a lot of choices with the adoption beyond choosing the family - you can set up visitation and communication from them. You and your boyfriend may not be in a place to provide care during childhood, but others are. Families come in all shapes sizes and forms.

If you know in your heart that you will not be able to accept your decision, then don't do it. I have not had an abortion, but a very close friend of mine did. She was in an abusive relationship that was only spiraling downward and her fear was that if she had the baby she would never be able to leave. I believe that she was right in her thinking. She had the abortion and while she has moments of sadness she knew that everything about the relationship, home and conception (not voluntary) of that child was wrong.

I could tell you that she never regretted it, but that would not be truthful. She regretted the loss of "what could have been under different circumstances", not the fact that she elected not to bring a child into a horribly violent life. She did leave her husband and is now married with two children. She's weepy around what would have been the child's birthday, but has accepted the decision and not punished herself, but she is open (with me and her husband) about the fact that it changed her as a person and that she has a constant "current" of sadness.

Having said that, this situation sounds very very different- like an "oops" & he wants a do-over. If you are not okay with this decision and you will be chronically devasted, don't do it. He's done this before? Abortion isn't birth control.

Just my observations...
- If he loved you, he wouldn't be pressuring you to do something you are not comfortable with
- He's not the father of your children
- "Feeling outside the family" is an excuse on his part- your children would accept the baby if it was presented to them as someone to be excited about
- He's tried this before and it didn't work then (probably for the same reasons)
- Sounds like he's selfish and will probably turn this around on you at some point, so consider whether or not you want to spend your life with this man.

Good luck and I hope that whatever decision you make you find peace and acceptance in your heart.

first of all, a NEW baby does not guarantee ANYTHING, yes theyre cute and beautiful but its sooo much work, if you feel like you cant handle another one, and you have a good idea since you already have 2, then dont. i also feel like dad should have a say, its unfair to raise i child in a world where he or she isn't wanted, life is hard enough. if you cant deal with the abortion aspect, adoption is kind, but still, i could never carry my baby then give baby away, i have however had an abortion, and it was hard and i shed tears, but i know now it was the right choice, lets look at this realistically, its a person that needs responsible love and commitment, not just a baby. ps im sorry your in this position, try to stay out of it in the future

I know many women who have had abortions at different times in their lives, and none of them regret it. However, they did NOT want to have that baby. I am extremely pro-choice, but if you don't want to have an abortion, then you shouldn't have an abortion! If you are bothered by it now, you will always be bothered by it. I question your boyfriend if he absolutely doesn't want kids or anymore kids and he hasn't had a vasectomy. That's quite irresponsible. I also wonder why, if you had one close call where there was a difference in opinion, that this pregnancy happened? If you stay with him, someone needs to be "fixed," or at least you need to get an IUD.

I agree, I think you are being manipulated. You said you've always thought about having another baby. You make this choice for YOU. If you want this baby, and he doesn't, you don't need to be with him. There are plenty of men out there who DO want families. If he never wanted children, I'm curious how he is with your 2 boys? My husband and I said before we were married that we would like 2 children. After #1 came along, he changed his mind. It is obvious to me that he did/does not want to be a Daddy. I was lucky to have a beautiful surprise 6 years later, because I wanted another. Really, this is about you and your baby. You were able to raise 2 boys without him. I don't see why you couldn't do it with 3 if he doesn't want to be a father. Good Luck. I'm sure this is a difficult decision, but you have to decide for yourself what is more important. Your baby, or this manipulative relationship.

I have not had an abortion, but I did have a miscarriage.

That pregnancy was not planned and when I found out that we were pregnant is rocked us to the core! Then when I was 8 weeks along I started having problems and lost the baby. THAT rocked us to the core!! I ended up pregnant again 4m later, but that pregnancy experience was different. The miscarriage pregnancy had helped us realize that we really did (at least I did) really want another child. Would my financial situation be different if I hadn't had my daughter. Yes. Would it have been for the better? I can't say, but when I look at my daughter and all of the craziness that comes with her I can't imagine life any different. Sure some days different would be nice, but then she makes me a picture or walks in and gives me a hug just because and I know that I wouldn't want it any other way.

I am pro-life. Abortion is an answer, but it is an unchangable answer. Going through my miscarriage gives you the same what ifs? The same feeling of loss. I don't understand why women choose that.

My advice to you is to consider an open adoption. I don't think that going through the pregnancy will help your boyfriend change his mind or feelings about parenthood, but it will help another family feel the wonders. Also, if you work with an agency, you can get the adoptive family to pay medical expenses, etc. You may still have the 'what if's, but then at least you'd be able to find some of the answers down the road.

Hugs
M.

Hi, I sent you a private message....I am glad to see the loving messages you got here. My own experiences are in the private message. But I did want to say, you said YOU were HAPPY to be pregnant, so there's your answer....

You'll understand why I say this when you read my message, but my feeling is that men tend to get what they want MOST of the time. And it's hard for them to accept that this is one thing in which YOUR vote over-rules his any day.

Good luck. Hugs

When I got pregnant with my son, my husband & I (he was just my boyfriend at the time) were not on good terms. We were back and forth in our relationship. When I found out I was pregnant, he was so happy. I cried all night long. I made an appointment to go to Planned Parenthood to have an abortion and when that morning came, I couldn't do it. I called and canceled the appointment. I was already a mother and couldn't imagine doing it. I am so happy I didn't follow through. When he was born I just cried looking at his beautiful face not believing I didn't want him at one point. You really have to listen to your heart. Having this baby will change your life but maybe it would be a good change. If it wasn't for getting pregnant with my son, I think my husband and I probably would have just broken up and not work through the issues we were having. We worked through them, totally fell in love and are so happy together. We're actually expecting baby #4 now. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I just wanted to share I have been there, I know how you are feeling.

A friend of mine had an abortion and she totally regretted it. It was over 10 years ago and she still regrets it. I know there are woman out there that never regret it but it doesn't sound like you would be one of them. ((HUGS))

I think that bringing a child into the world when it's not wanted (for whatever reason) is wrong. You have a tough choice ahead of you and a lifelong after effect - which ever you decide.

I think that you and your BF should sit down and be 100% honest with each other. It's a tough conversation to have but it has to be done and quickly. If you are in a stable relationship then you don't want this pulling you apart - it might.

Best of luck to you.

I feel for you, I am so sorry.
I just want you to go with you gut feeling. It sounds like you really want this baby.
I feel awful saying this but children are more important than boyfriends/ spouses. Children are for ever! you sound like a good mom. There are many people out there who could take amazing care of this baby if you decide that giving it up would be better for you. I am pro choice, and I don't think that it is an awful thing to have an abortion but my brother and his wife are unable to have a baby and are now waiting to adopt one.
This baby could be the best gift that you could give a couple, there is nothing better than being a parent.
All that said after going through a pregnancy I don't think that I could actually give my baby up.
Do what is right for you and your boys and no one else!

I just want to voice my opinion. I know people make mistakes, and half of pregnancies are not planned, but if he was dead set on not having a child then he should have been a little more careful during the baby making process.

My best advice to you would be: Choose the path that you will be able to live with down the road from now. A baby might mean strain on your relationship, but it's his fault just as much as yours that you got pregnant. It's easy for a man to say " get rid of it " , they don't have to deal with the emotions and the process of it. You do.

By the way, before I had my baby girl I never wanted to be a mother. Now I can't possibly imagine not being one and am planning my next in about 2 years. Babies have a funny way of changing our lives, often for the best.

If you are not prepared for the sacrifice that babies require, then you are making the best decision to not parent. I have known a few people that have had abortions and never were they really content or happy with their decision. So, in your shoes, i would choose adoption hands down. Now, I had 11 years of infertility and really struggled with coming to terms that I may never be a parent and just couldn't. It took so long for me to look into adoption because i had heard such horror stories about the birth mom getting the baby back etc. and knew I couldn't live with that, but i finally did look into it and became a mom for the first time at 33yrs of age and it has been the absolute best experience of my life. i have a beautiful daughter who i love with all my heart because a 22 yr old woman who was married knew she could not parent this child as it was her 5th and she had been on birth control for each one! So i owe her more than she will ever know for making such a selfless decision!!

I just got goosebumps reading your post. A baby is such a wonderful and beautiful gift that you are carrying. Giving this baby up for adoption would be such a gift to somebody else if you feel that your family cannot raise this little one. You know what blessings your children are, this one is no different.

Make sure the decision is yours and nobody elses because you are the mother who will be living with that choice for the remainder of your life...even if and when boyfriend is gone from your life! If you begin crying when you think about it, it might not be the choice you want to make. What boyfriend would want you to get rid of a child for convenience or because of his past experience. This is a new pregnancy experience with you and you obviously enjoy your two boys. You've been a single M. and handled them well before boyfriend came along. Boyfriend or baby - which brings more fulfillment to your life now?

I feel like you're going to get a lot of awful responses on this one, but just remember... it truly comes down to what YOU feel and what's in YOUR HEART... not what anyone else on here says.

I am pro-life for myself... other people and other circumstances, I can not judge. I DO know that one of my closest, most dearest friends had 3 children from her first marriage and once that ended, she became pregnant after only dating this new guy for about 9 months. She told him, he freaked, and she had an abortion.

J., not one day has gone by that she hasn't thought about that.

She still regrets it to this day; it has completely messed her up emotionally. She's gone to therapy and is on antidepressants. This is 5 years later. Since then, she's gotten remarried to a different guy and had another beautiful baby, but she says that the guilt of having that abortion is still with her. It's the 'what if's' that destroy her. Not having been through it myself but having seen someone so close to me go through it, I don't think I would ever support someone on this again.

Like Jane said, it honestly does not seem like this is in your best interest. If you can't even bear the thought of actually going through with an abortion, then that is probably not what you need to do. It's never a good time, financially or otherwise, for ANYONE to have a baby, but you make adjustments and you make it work. You had to make it work for your 2 boys... and you can't imagine life without them, regardless of what sacrifices you've had to make for them.

Choose what's in YOUR HEART, not your boyfriends, not anyone elses... follow your own gut, and you'll do the right thing, whatever it is you decide.

Good luck and best wishes! Let us all know what you decide to do, so you can have a little moral support, one way or the other. *hugs*

I didn't read all the other answers. But I'll share my story.
When my husband and I were engaged, we got pregnant with our first son. Some friends and family members asked us to consider abortion because I was just about to apply for medical school and "had my whole life ahead of me".
All other issues aside, I cannot imagine life without our wonderful 13 year old son. He is the sweetest, kindest, fun person, and everyone who meets him tells us how special he is. I don't say that to put myself on a pedestal. I say that because he really is just that special of a kid. I don't take credit for that, I know God made him that way, and I am blessed that God entrusted me to be his parent.
I know if we had had an abortion I would have suffered greatly mentally for the rest of my life. But the reality is that once you have your child, you could never imagine life without them! Don't cheat yourself out of this wonderful blessing. You and your boyfriend need to make this work, not only for the child, but because this is a blessing for both of you. And you child will be blessed to have you as a parent. When that baby comes into this world, you will not be able to imagine having chosen to end it's life with an abortion.

Gotta love the men second guessing things AFTER you're pregnant, AFTER many close calls.

Your life, your baby. My husband (also 42) didn't want any of our kids (5, 3 and 1). Each new one was going to be the "one" to put us out of our "comfort zone". Now of course he loves them all and brags to high heaven about his 3 kids, 3 kids, 3 kids. But even if he vanished off the face of the earth, or left us, I'd still have my kids, and that's all that matters. I made my choice based on how many loved ones I wanted in my life, not on his selfish male "I'm not ready, money this, freedom that" nonsense.

Don't make this decision for your boyfriend's convenience. You may break up one day anyway. Do you want your baby or not?
I think you'll be very sad if you abort. The regret can be devastating, and you'll be the sad one instead of him. Even people who have no moral issue before an abortion, and think they really want it, suffer a lot of regret after. If you think you'll have a hard time accepting yourself, you're right.
Blessings to you in your choice. Who do you want more? Him or the baby? And will you still want him if he guilts you into losing the baby?

My experience with abortion, and with friends I know who have had them? It's a simple outpatient medical procedure, and nothing more. A few women I know who decided to abort the fetus have had profound regret, but those pretty much stemmed from some heavy-duty moral baggage they were carrying. Everyone else has expressed gratitude for having the choice available to her - and several of those individuals (myself included) have even gone on to have babies from full-term pregnancies later.

Whether to terminate a pregnancy or carry the fetus to term is not an emotionally easy decision to make. Usually the relationship (if there is one) issues that arise or exist between the man and the woman make the situation all the more difficult. I wish you and your boyfriend much peace around whatever you decide to do.

PS: Sorry to be all Monday AM quarterback about it, but if your BF really does not want any more children? Go get a vasectomy, dude.

my mother had an abortion when i was a baby. my dad was hit by a train and couldnt do anything for himself. she had a 4 yr old a 5 month old and a husband who couldnt move himself at all on his own. she didnt tell me about this till a few yrs ago, and she started cryn. she said she still has nightmares about it, and that she has never forgiven herself. she told me every year on tthe day of the abortion she goes and plaants flowers in the pasture by the pond....it has really hurt her through out the years. i wish the best for you and ur family.

Would you consider adoption and the unimaginable gift you could give this child and it's new parents?

What a horribly tough situation to be in. I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. It sucks, plain and simple.
This decision should be yours. If you were confident in your decision, then you would have your answer. This is a decision that there is no going back and correcting. I know you are probably thinking of the future, and if you do decide to end the pregnancy, then you and your boyfriend and your sons can continue on as usual. But what if that doesn't happen? What if this happens again? Or what if you and your boyfriend don't make it? Will you still be OK with your decision? If you think you will be, then there is your answer. But if you are uncertain, as it seems you are, you need more time to think about it.
I will say that as a foster parents, there are many, many families out there (myself included) that would love to be able to care for a child whose mother was healthy and loved the baby enough to care for it before it was born. There are a lot of people willing to do open adoptions, where you will be able to choose the family that raises your child, you will get to see where the child will grow up and maybe attend birthday parties, graduations, baptisms, etc. There are many choices.
Good luck with your decision, and I hope you let us know what you decide!
Peace.

hello i PERSONALY would regret every ounce of an abortion. a new baby should bring u joy in ur life. please think hard about it...as long as you can provide a loving home and you are stable enjoy ur new miracle!!

I believe that the only one who can make this major decision is you. Nothing we say will affect the way YOU will feel if you do or do not abort.

I am so sorry you are in this difficult situation, but I'm wondering how this happened, as your post insinuates this isn't the first 'scare' you've had? Please, whatever you decide to do, get on some reliable form of BC yesterday!

I have not had an abortion. My cousin has had 4. The first three she recovered well, the fourth REALLY affected her negatively-mentally, physically and emotionally.

I will keep you in my thoughts, and I hope you make the choice that is best for you, whatever that is.

When I got prego with my first son I was in a completely different kind of relationship than you. It was very verbally, physically, and emotionally abusive. I can't tell you the number of knock down fights we were in and he continued to do even when I was prego! He cheated, he lied, he did drugs, he gave me an STD, he was a raging alcoholic....a real winner!! Yes, it was my fault that I got into a relationship with a loser like that, but that meant that I had a pretty tough decision to make.
Did I want to keep this baby? Did I want to do this all on my own? Could I live with myself if I decided to give this baby up for adoption? Could I even consider an abortion (nope, I couldn't. I thought about it for maybe 2 minutes)? What was I going to do?!
I moved into a halfway house for pregnant women. My parents kicked me out of their house, the boyfriend didn't want the baby, so where else was I gonna go? I worked my whole pregnancy, I was on state aid for healthcare, and I changed my life!
I am now the proud mother of a fabulous 8 year old boy, a 5 year old, and pregnant with my third child. My husband married both me and my son and has never treated my first son different from the other son and soon to be daughter. The bio dad signed over his rights years ago.
If you are crying about even thinking about abortion that I will say that that is probably not the decision for you. 42 is not old!!! The final decision is up to you. Then it's up to him to decide if he wants to take an active role in raising this child. If he doesn't want to be a dad then there are things that HE can do that will prevent him from having children, vasectomy anyone??
I am sure you are a great mom, so his stupid thought of you treating the baby different than the boys is a moot point.
I don't really have advice per say, just a personal story of a single stuggling mother who made the decision to have her baby and has never looked back.
Good Luck,
L.

I have never been in your situation, as we practice safe sex, since we are not looking to get pregnant. But I feel like your boyfriend needs to step up and be a dad to this baby, and whatever you do decide to, make sure you start using some sort of birth control....

Regardless whether I'm pro or anti-choice, just from your words, I can tell that you are not ready for an abortion. However, I can also tell that you will not be ready to give your baby up for adoption later. So, these are the initial scenarios I can imagine -- (1) if this is the first child together for your and your BF, you may find that he completely changes his tune once the baby is born and sees what a sweet family he has (with you and the new baby as part of it); (2) however, he could also resent you for getting pregnant and not be able to happily accept the new child. Thus, although this is a sad result, you might need to prepare to be a single mom (again).

Also, if your BF has repeatedly said that he doesn't want more kids, why doesn't he get a vasectomy (very simple in-office procedure)?

I have had an abortion and I've had a child. Having a child is much harder. Physically, the abortion is disturbingly easy. Obviously, the emotional side is much harder to deal with... But it sounds like with so many near-misses, that you want another child. I guess the question to ask is whether or not you could raise 3 children on your own, as there is no guarantee that your boyfriend is going to stick around for the next 18 years. But again, from your post, it seems like you really want a third child. If you're going to have him/her, then prepare a space with your whole heart.

Personally, I would go with the adoption route. If you are already in an emotional turmoil just THINKING about adoption, then imagine how you would feel if you went through with it! Stay pregnant, and you will have 9 months to decide if you want this baby or not. If you do, great. If not, then there are hundreds of parents who would love to take it.

Hello J.,
I have had 2 abortions, when I was younger in my teens. I think about it all the time, but I knew that it wasn't the time to have a baby. I thought the same thing, I dont have any money, and the dad didnt want to be a dad. I was young, and now since I am older I just had a baby 5 weeks ago. It seems to me that you had already made your choice on what you want to do. If it is meant to be then it is. Sorry for being blunt. Good Luck!

Hi,

I would go with your gut and your heart. What if you and your b/f breakup? Will you regret having this baby because he didn't want to?Abortion is a F. thing--if you are not sure you want to raise another child, consider adoption. Its a win-win. You get the same lifestyle you are accustomed to with your bf and children and the baby gets to live and is wanted by another couple.As far as the abortion goes, I have many friends who have had one and have actually witnessed an abortion myself. It was the worst experience ever! I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for taking the life of the child. But you have to ask yourself how you feel about it-- if you are 100% sure that you do not want this baby and you can not go through this pregnancy, then maybe abortion is right for you. But if there is even a .1% chance of doubt in your mind, don't do it. You will regret it. Good luck with your decision. I just would encourage you to look at all the options and consider adoption too----Take care, Molly

My heart is with you during this tough decision time. I made the tough choice to terminate a pregnancy once. I thought of the unborn child first and foremost, I knew I could take care of it but that it would a highly stressful situation and not an ideal environment to raise them in. I now have two children. I do not regret the choice I made. I now know how hard it is to take care of a child, not to mention two, or three, and that they deserve the very best of care. Every child does. I wish you luck. I wish there were an easy answer. My prayers are with you...

Drea

Hi there. I know that abortion can be difficult. You might consider how it will leave lasting resentment if you want the baby and your boyfriend doesn't, if you at some point split up and how you might feel later. (That could be relieved that you are not a single mom later in your life, or sad because you would like another child.) I don't think you have an easy decision. I know that adoption would be tough, too. But if you value your relationship primarily, maybe that would be an option you could feel OK about. I guess the problem there is, you might go through pregnancy and change you mind. It's not easy. I have to say that I'd love to adopt. My husband isn't so into it, but if someone said they had a child for me to adopt tomorrow, I'd do it. (I know it's not that simple.) But if you were my sister's best friend and I knew you and you knew me, and it was OK, I'd adopt the baby if you gave birth and wanted to do that. If you do consider adoption, know that there are lots of loving parents out there. If you consider abortion, get support for your decision and be OK with it, knowing you will have pain no matter what.

My heart goes out to you! Personally, I have not had an abortion. From your post, it sounds like you do not want an abortion(crying, not accepting yourself having the abortion, etc.). Yes, raising a 3rd baby would be hard and yes, it sounds like a decision to abort would be equally as hard. Look within your heart, you'll know the right path(even if it isn't the easy path) to take. And whatever path you decide to take, I would suggest some couples counseling to help you adjust to the decision.
Best of luck to you!!

p.s. Please consider adoption. I know so many people that are waiting for a baby because they cannot have their own.

I have not had an abortion, but my husband and I did have an unexpected 3rd child. He is a total joy. Having said that, being a good parent to 3 children is really difficult. I always joke that 3 kids are twice as hard as 2, but it's true.
Look in your heart & you will find the right answer.

Good luck and good thoughts to you!

It sounds to me you really don't have too many options and two wonderful reasons to go ahead with the abortion. Your boys need you, more and more as they get older, especially when they become teens. If you go ahead with the pregnancy you will be raising the baby by yourself plus the two boys.
The boys will give you the strength to do the right thing.

Hey J., sorry I'm late w/this. I have not had one, but I have 3 close friends who all had abortions and all 3 deeply regret the decision. One is still in counseling and it has pretty much permeated every aspect of her relationship w/her husband, especially now that they're trying to have children. All 3 had vastly different situations, but ultimately when they compare notes they claim the same thing, that the decision haunts them in a way they never thought it would. Anyway, I know you said you didn't want people getting on a soapbox, so I'm just telling you about experiences I've known through my friends.

I've never had an abortion, but with my first daughter I considered it for about two weeks. When I told her bio father I was pregnant he disappeared. After the shock of him disappearing, I decided I personally could not have an abortion. I had a miscarriage before, and I felt like an abortion would be causing myself to have a miscarriage. Well, considering I still think about baby I lost, I knew I would never forgive myself if I were to get an abortion. I look at my daughter and I thank God everyday that I did not get an abortion. You need to do what is right for you, and do not let your boyfriend talk you into something you do not want. If just the thought of an abortion makes you cry, DON"T do it! You will regret it because it is not what you want in your heart. If he has started to accept the pregnancy, he would not be trying to guilt you into having an abortion!