No Libido - Stafford,VA

I had the same problem, but mine was because I was on depo prevera. You might want to look into whether it could be a side effect of a medicine you are on.

What I do to keep the 'spark' going is to do what I can to step out of the craziness of life for even a moment. What I mean is a lot like the first poster - make eye contact, wink at him, grab his butt (!), and all of those little things add up. I try to live by the principle that if I am desiring something in our marriage (better communication, more intimacy, quality time, etc.) then I try to be the one to initiate things. It generally works and he ends up reciprocating...eventually ;) Basically, if I want something I make it happen.

Love is something that grows and changes with time, as I am sure you know. Those butterfly feelings in the early days are great and needed, but it's the CHOICE to love that lasts. Sometimes I don't *like* my husband but I always choose to love - I define love as the willingness to give even if there's no return. Hang in there and don't be afraid to talk about how you feel with your husband - the chances are he feels the same way. Take care of your kids' parents! :)

First off S. if you can go to Oprah.com the had the perfect episode on yesterday.It was mainly about sex but it included how to reconnect w/ your spouse. It was also proven that when you try to take on so much as a mom & a woman it takes it toll on you social & sexual-life.So maybe if you watch that you'll learn something, how to regain that connection,wich I believe you will. GOOD LUCK Go to Oprah.com

S. E:
I like what S. T said. And I want to ad that I don't wait for my husband to approach because he is exhausted working his job and taking care of the details while I am exhausted taking care of our 3yr old and home. If we let those circumstances win out - we'd never get together. We MIGHT get a date out alone once every several months. SO - I just get myself going - nope - not that way - but if you need too - go for it. I mean -mentally. I'll think of myself and my husband before we had our son. I fantasize while doing laundry or washing dishes or any of the many mundane tasks in the day. I just think how much I love him and how handsome I think he is and remember back to our early days. Then when he calls from work or hits the door at night - I pull him aside for a minute to greet him. We have a little giggle as I whisper what I've been thinking all day and we make arrangements for after the baby goes to bed that we'll end our day early and retire to our room. Man it makes the day go by fast. Keeps my frustrations with an active Toddler to a minimum and my husband is thrilled with how he gets greeted after work!! Sometimes it works out for that night - sometimes not for days. But with this level of passion always simmering under the surface - one day when we do get to be on our own overnight - it'll be fireworks again!!! Don't put off this passionate connection until you have an empty house or a vacation or you'll never get back to the most important relationship of your life. This connection we have with our spouses - is the guide to our children's future relationships. Our son is secure in knowing that Mommy and Daddy really adore one another. And that's what we want for our son some day!!! Blessings, S.

Sometimes it's not about what we 'feel' like doing, it's about submission and our willingness to love our husbands. When I read your post, I thought of the mental picture that I'm sure you had about how that anniversary weekend would be with just the two of you. And I believe that's were we sabotage ourselves many times. We get a preconceived idea (the picture in our heads) of how we think things should be/feel and when they are anything else in reality, we can be disappointed. Even when the time together is still okay, if it wasn't our 'picture' it was less than ideal. Hope this makes some sense. As a SAHM homeschooling with 3 boys, there are a lot of times that I just don't feel appreciated. When I am reading my Bible and spending time with the Lord, I find that my focus is on HIM and that's where true happiness comes from. You know, God's word says for us not to depend on man for our happiness because he will disappoint us but that God will never leave us nor forsake us. And as we age, our bodies begin to change the way we produce hormones. Vitamin D, from the sun is always best, plays a BIG role in this process. Your tag at the end tells me you could be tired and a little stressed/concerned financially. All of life's ups and downs play a role.
Let's talk more about all of this. Email me directly at ____@____.com

Take Care,
N. :) SAHM homeschooling 3 boys 12, 8 & 2 yrs old and married to my Mr. Wonderful for almost 15yrs. I love to help other moms,who want to become SAHMs, reach that goal.

Hi,
It sounds as though you need to take some "down time" for yourself during the week. Pick something you like to do just for You.

Also, are the kids helping around the house, or does mom do it all? Fatigue and stress are real downers for the romance department.

Spending some time with hubby for coffee, lunch, dinner each week or two could give them of you a breather and some time together.

Finally, you may want to make an appointment with your Gyn and have your hormone levels checked. If some of them are low, this effects arousal and interest in sex. Using Testosterone cream can help.

Good luck.
A.

First, look at the physical causes....medication side effects(google all meds you are taking), hormones, stress...and make plans to work those out. You can buy otc supplements that are designed to rev you up...I had to try them after my third child. Just went through a hormone imbalance and being tired. The supplements helped and so did some good massages( either hubby or go to a massage therapist).
Next, DATE your husband! My mom takes the kids once a month for us to go out on a date...flirt....feel young again! If you don't have family, hire a babysitter. Make time to connect romantically and the physical part will naturally fall into place.
My husband and I make a point to call each other at least once a day and we try not to hang up the phone w/o saying something romantic or flirtateous. If your husband isn't that way...you can try it! You initiate it and find out how well he'll respond...your spark can come back in a flash!
Also..dont' forget that sex itself is a destresser. If you put it off because of stress you are denying yourself a cure for stress.
Hope this helps....and don't forget a bubble bath does wonders..after you are feeling relaxed, invite your husband to join you and see what happens;)
Blessings,
L.

hi S., it can come back, but not in the same knee-weakening fashion it was like pre-kids. you might want to try some homeopathic stuff to help balance out the hormones, but you probably need more too. spontaneity works less well over time, but there's a deliciousness about pre-planned romance that should not be undervalued. you can read naughty books or watch a movie that makes you go 'ooo!' (i highly recommend johnny depp's 'don juan demarco'), fantasize a bit before your date. do romantic-y things, like have candlelight going on, a fire, massage oils, barry white in the background, that sort of thing. lastly, don't have such high expectations that you doom yourself to disappointment. even if it's not superhot monkeysex, it will still probably be lovely. and by allowing yourself a broad spectrum of responses, you're going to get a delightful surprise when the occasional volcano session does occur.
no offense to other posters, but looking at the whole situation as submission to my husband's desires and my dutiful acceptance of my role would be a major buzzkill.
khairete
yet another S.

I experienced the same thing for years and had tried many different things. I have a great marriage and we do get away a lot together but that didn't change the fact that I didn't have any sexual desire. My Doctor started giving me B12 shots weekly and it worked like a champ! Not only do I have my pre-marriage libido back but I have more energy, not depressed or tired anymore! Ask your doc about it.

I too have experienced the "no libido" syndrome. I think it is more common than most women would admit. When I've mentioned this to my gyn, she prescribes an estrogen cream. (I also have had a hysterectomy over 10 years ago, which complicates the matter b/c I have vaginal dryness too). Unfortunately, my husband sees this as "rejection" and it is affecting our marriage big time. If you wouldn't mind, I'd appreciate your sending me your responses. Thanks.
D.

Just look at your husband, I mean really LOOK at him, not just glance. Study his face, gaze into his eyes and think of all of the reasons you love him. Snuggle into his arms and stay there for at least 10 minutes. I think it just requires that you take a few steps back from your ordinary, hectic life and that you and your hubby put some effort into talking about and remembering why you fell in love in the first place.

Good Luck!

There was a Christian movie called "Fireproof" that was very popular. It really was a good movie to help couples strengthen their marriages. They now have a book out called the Love Dare. It's a 40 day journal with an action everyday to do in love for your spouse. this may revive your spirit. Also if you can get to a Vitamin Shoppe or other health store, perhaps you could find a bottle of Sarsaparilla. I hit menopause and lost all my libido. Now I take the sarsaparilla tincture. It enables me to have orgasms again. It really works in a fantastic way. My husband is gald I take it. AF