Neighbor Kids - Auburn,MI

You sound like a real nice person. I would just tell her its dinner time here so time to go home. We will see you tomorrow. Thats it.

Just tell her that it is time for her to go home. Be sweet. Smile at her. Let her know it is dinner time and that she needs to go home. Period. It is totally normal for a mother to tell another child to go home at an approriate time. This shouldn't give you a second more of hesitation. Just be kind and it will be okay.

Well, you just have to tell her that you are having dinner and that you will see her tomorrow. That is the only solution. Otherwise, she (and her mom) will continue to take advantage of you. I will add, though, that maybe her mom is having a hard time, too. Is she sending her kid over so that she doesn't have to feed her?

Ummm others may disagree with me on this.. but I too grew up in a poor household but despite that we always made enough to share with my friends who were also pretty bad off.. a pot of pasta goes a long way so doing many other dishes.. My mother was also on food stamps and believed that since someone was helping her out, in turn, we needed to return the favor. To this day, I am never hesitant to offer food... even a sack of potatoes goes far (which we often ate) again, others may not agree... but if someone is helping you pay the bills, I definitely think it should be paid forward.. especially if your kids are having fun with this girl..

Dinner time is family time, enough food and money or not no extras guests at dinner. This is how the conversation will go You say "We are having dinner, see you tomorrow?" she says "Can I stay?" you say "I sorry dinner is our family time." seems simple. How can her mom take offense to your having dinner together? Her problem if she does.

In our neighborhood the parents would just say "Time to go home! We're having supper now.". In the event someone is actually invited to dinner, the invited child has to call home to see if it's alright (sometimes it is, and sometimes it's not). You are never obligated to feed any kids but your own.

Just politely tell the lil' girl that it's time for her to go, that it's time for your family to have dinner and that you will send the girls outside when they are done...or that she can come back over in a hour or 2?

Don't feel guilty. They probably eat a lot later than you guys do, maybe that's why she is always over at that time?

No, you are not expected to feed the neighbor. Socioeconomically speaking, I've lived all over the place-some times, I've been sick of filet mignon, and other times, I've had a drum of quaker oats and a tray of ice to my name-it's not about giving back, or feeling obligated to, when there's no extras to give-there's no extras to give, end of story. Handle it tactfully as you would like, but I do have a suggestion. If you feel that the neighbors food situation is tight, have you ever considered shopping together? If the mom's not too off, we used to do this back in my hometown-get the discounts on family packs and bulk, break it down in Ziplocs and throw it in the freezer, and save money or stamps! But, I'm not too much for subtlety-I've told people "I'm broke as hell-you get food stamps too? wanna shop together?" Now, if she's out of her gourd insane-it may be easier to just tell your girls come in it's time for dinner, but back in the day, when people struggled together, it seemed to make stronger communities, so maybe's there's a silver lining to be had, maybe not, but don't feel bad about eating your own food!

I would just tell her that it's dinner time and your kids can play after... This girl's mother may not want her daughter eating at your place, and might not know what time dinner is for your family.

Just tell the girl, that when it is dinner time, she needs to go home. AND you all have personal family things you need to do.
ALSO tell her that coming over at 4:00 is NOT a good time... because that is too late. You and your family have other obligations.
Just send the girl home. Politely. No other excuse needed.

And if need be, talk to the Mom. Just say, you do not have the monetary means to feed an extra mouth.
With my friends, that is what I do sometimes, when I cannot provide food and meals if/when I have playdates. It just feed snacks. NOT our dinner... I explain nicely, I don't have enough to feed everyone.

good luck,
Susan

If you think that you can calmly talk to the other mom (meaning, the other kid's mom might actually listen and not get weird or take offensive), just let her know simply and plainly that you're on an extremely tight budget (you might mention WIC, food stamps so that she really gets it), and tell her that while you don't mind having her daughter over for dinner occasionally (specify whatever "occasionally" that means to you). Then tell her that you know she understands that that is why you'll be sending her daughter back to have dinner with her family most nights, and that you welcome the other girl to come by after dinner if she wants to play again.

Or, if you think that that wouldn't go over well with the other mom, just start sending the other girl home. And set a specific date to invite her over for dinner, and call the mom to ask if the girl is available for that date.

Good luck in this difficult situation.

I'd get her home, saying you're having a family dinner and it's time for her to go home now. I wouldn't make much of it. I'd never feed a neighbor child dinner unless it had been prearranged. You shouldn't ever do it on the spur of the moment anyway. You've kind of set a precedent but you can stop it, and the sooner the better. Some parents are glad to be rid of their kids or maybe she's just very busy. It's not your problem in any case and you can't afford to feed a preteen on a regular basis. No need to do that at all. Dinner should be a time for you and your children to talk about thiings, at least most of the time.

You can just tell her that it's time for her to go home since it's late and you need to get your kids fed.

...but.. I am guessing, that this mother wants you to feed her kid. that is why she is sending her over there for dinner time. perhaps that family is struggling financially as well. have you ever tried talking to her?

I think when she gets there say--oh they can only play for an hour before dinner. Then sound the "clean up time" bell and ten tell her it's time for dinner and baths and bed.
If you can, feed her when you have enough to share :-)

Even IF the other family is struggling finacially, the mom shouldn't just expect you to feed her child. And I assume she knows by now her daughter is eating with your family so many times and since she hasn't said anything to you about it,not even a thank you, then don't feel obligated to feed her child. You have a lot of good advice on how to handle the situation so I won't add anything else but I wanted you to know you owe no one anything just because you are receiving assistance, nor should you feel guilty if you can't dish up another plate for another child. It sounds as if the issue is not with feeding her once in a while but that it's becoming so regular and causing more financial problems for you which is not what you need. You don't sound like a harsh selfish person, it sounds as if you are doing your best to provide for your family for what little you have and the food stamps program barely gives you enough to get by for an entire month so keep doing your best and offering her a plate IF you have enough but don't ever feel guilty if you can not, you have your kids to provide for not others and if for some reason the other child is not being fed properly or at all, maybe it's an issue CPS needs to take a look at and make sure this child is gettng taken care of and fed. Good luck to you with everything!

Well, as a mother of an only child who LOVES to spend time with our neighbor's two younger boys AND we are on a later schedule, I find it fine for them to just send my son back home when they are getting ready for dinner....I would NEVER expect them to feed him. I have talked several times with my neighbor and expressed my concern that we are taking advantage of them with letting our son play almost exclusively over there, and want to reciprocate.....it's just their schedule is different.

It could be that the little girl is very lonely and is clinging to what friends she can find......it probably has nothing to do with food. If I were in your shoes and not the other mother's shoes, I would tell the child that it's time for us to eat so you need to go home now.

Don't be too hard on the mother.....sometimes it's hard to entertain one child exclusively.....when there are siblings they entertain each other. The mother's probably doing the best she can with the time and resources she's got....and if she's lacking in either of those, she's probably a bit sensitive about it. And don't think you are not "giving back" right now- you are giving a little girl a place to come enjoy herself. There are other, more meaningful ways to give that don't require money or food.

You don't have to worry about making enemies with your neighbor. You don't have to explain yourself. Just tell the kids about 15 minutes before dinner is ready that it's time to pick up toys, time for the little girl to go and it's time for your kids to get washed up.
Since school is starting, it's the perfect time to just get your kids back in the habit of the dinner and night time routine anyway.

I think it will be fine.

Best wishes.

Just send her home and don't think twice about it. You could, on occasion, as a special treat for all, invite her to stay. You could call and invite her back over after dinner if it is appropriate, but since school is starting next week, that's likely to happen less.

Right now, you have to worry most about getting you and your family on your feet. You'll be able to 'give back' and help others again in the future. Good luck, and again, don't worry about it. It just is the way it is. Be well, D.

Regardless if you are on assistance or not I think its rude for other people to let their kids stay over at people's houses at mealtimes unless invited. So when you are about to start fixing dinner I would tell the neighbor girl that it's dinner time for your family and that she can come back over afterwards if she wants (give her a time estimate) to play with your girls

maybe this other girl is starving for attention and likes being at your house because of the family time at the dinner table. maybe her mother doesn't feed her...maybe this girl is jsut plain hungry...and to the other responers -would be so hard to help a neighbor and make a little bit extra and giv ethe girl a chance to be part of a family....shame on you all for being so selfish. no wonder kids are on the streets and involved in crime...my family always welcomes anyone to our table at dinner time. i agree with A.L. a pot of pasta or a bowl of potatoes can go along way!!!!!

I never expected anyone to feed my child, and I would not let them go over to play, or even call, so close to dinner time, that is how I grew up too, you respect other peoples dinner time.

It could be that Mom is short on cash too, so she should understand when you send the child home at dinner time, I think I would even tell her that you would invite her to stay, but tonght you only have enough for the family. You can't control how people react, nobody is going to think anything about a complaint that you did not invite a child to dinner!

In the future, you could send them outside to play, that way, it is a little easier for the girl to go home. Might be less akward.

M.

Exactly what Daisey F said. Either "see you tomorrow" or "see you in/at ___ time after dinner" works. If it happens once in a blue moon, I have no problem, but if it happens multiple times a week, I would definitely tell her it's dinner time & time to go home. Set your boundaries. (and check in on their family... are they in more need, or are they not fixing dinner for the girl or ??)

Yes, tell the neighbor girl the kids have to eat and they can play after dinner.

I totally understand your position! You are in a tight spot financially and its hard to say no or set boundaries sometimes. But the next time she comes over say around 4, say at 5pm, I am going to have to send you home while we have our dinner. When we are done, and if the kids aren't too tired, I will call you to come over again. There is no reason you should be having to feed her and all that. Her parents need to care for her and cook her dinner. Once in a while as a treat is fine--but she shouldn't expect to eat with you. It is really irresponsible of her parent to just let her eat at your house! I would never let my kids do that~ But as I said, just set a time limit and if her mom doesn't like it, too bad~ Your house, your rules.

Good luck.

Molly

This happens all the time at our house. I just tell the other kid/kids that it's time for us to have dinner and so they need to go home now. We all cheerily say goodbye...It's fine. Don't worry about it!

I certainly would NOT feel obligated to feed her unless i specifically said, "Want to have dinner and spend the night?" An afternoon play session is just that, an afternoon of fun for the kids; no food obligations attached.

I haven't read all of the responses, but from the ones I did read, I think you got some good advice.

I just wanted to add something. I knew a lady that made a friend of her child's sit in her child's bedroom and wait while the family ate dinner together in the dining room. I was shocked when she told me how "put out" she was when the child showed up at their house to play shortly before dinner. I think she should've just told the child it wasn't a good time to play, but that they can play in about 45 minutes, or whatever. By the way, the child was invited to play at their house, they just didn't get the time worked out. And this family could afford to feed this child, and more.

I think you've been really gracious about feeding your neighbor. Being that money is tight, I understand not having enough to go around. Also, it could be a bit risky feeding someone's child that you don't know very well in case they have food sensitivities. I hope your neighbor understands that she'll need to wait until after dinner to play. I think most kids are okay with that; and their parents should be, too. Just don't lock the girl in your kid's bedroom by herself while you eat together as a family!

I have a hunch this girl doesn't get fed at home, and that they might be as fiancially strapped, or maybe worse than you.

Where we live, moms call ahead and make plans if a visit is going to involve dinner...otherwise, kids go home around dinner time...especially on school nights. I could be wrong, but I think most people are the same.

If my hunch is right, you're unfortunately in an awkward position. It's very presumptuous of the mom across the way, but I think it's not an accident...otherwise, she's just plain neglectful. Eitherway, the kid is looking for food, and you'll have to choose if you want to cut all ties, or start getting creative with stretching meals.

I don't think things will change once school starts.

I know that you already have a ton of answers, but when neighbor kids are at my house at dinner time I just say "Trey needs to eat dinner now. He'll have to play with you later (or tomorrow depending what is going on). It is never a problem.

i would tell her to leave at dinner time till after you guys it and explain to them dinner is for you and your kids and husband to have time together. so be it if she can'y handle it. If her mom says something tell her thats your house rules. Stick to your guns don't let people walk on you and your children

"Oh....hi, sweetie! How nice to see you here. Its okay to play for a little while but we're going to be having dinner soon. My girls are going to have to come in and finish their chores in a bit." Chores meaning set the table, clear the table, do the dishes, etc. She'll get the drift.

At our house, dinner time is family time with the exception of the occasional pizza/friend over night. I prepare dinner and when it's done, I say 'Okay (friend), it's time to go home so we can eat. The boys will come (or not) get you when we're done, alright?'. Stay nice but firm.

Be sure your girls are not inviting her to stay without asking you first. I caught my son (6) asking his friend if he could stay for dinner without clearing it with me first. We had to nip that in the bud.

We have a neighbor child who comes to play often in the afternoons/early evening and I just send him home at our dinner time and say that they can play after they eat. I know that his family has a different schedule from us and they don't eat dinner till 7-8 pm (I see them grilling after my kids are in bed). I would politely tell the girl that it is time to go so you can eat and she is welcome back when dinner is done.

sorry that things are rough right now, I wish you the best. i dont see anything wrong w/ nicely telling her that it is time for family dinner and you would love it if she came back after.....or the next day. It should not be the start to a problem as if it were my kids I would not care, but I would not like that they were eating at your house all the time though.....

I think your answer to tell the girl to come over after your kids eat is fine, especially if you don't want to have a conversation with the parent.

Well, if you like to have dinner at a certain time tell her that you eat dinner at X o'clock and she is more than welcome to come over at x o'clock. Or like in my case (I have triplets and really cannot afford to be feeding other kids as well) I tell the child that is over that we will be eating dinner in 5 minutes and it is time for him to go home. If he wants to come back over in 30 minutes that would be fine. Good luck.

just a simple "okay hon it's time for us to have dinner now, run on home and the girls can come out after they're done."

i don't think this is rude, it would bother me too! hope that helps. good luck.

so i go throught something similar i have two boys they are 1 and 2 years old their is a boy across the street and he comes very often like 3to4 times a week and he would come around nine in the morning and leave around 4 in the afternoon i and he would actualy ask me for food we also have it tight on money but i would give it to him i could not say no, my kids always got wild when he was here and they would not listen to me and i could not get my things done around the house because my kids did not whant to take their naps. so i finaly would tell him to come later because i had alot to do and my kids needed their naps and now he comes like every other day and stay for about two hours.

You are not out of line. Say in a friendly way, "Sally, I need to send you home now so we can have our family dinner. My kids will knock on your door when we're done with dinner. Bye-bye, nice to see you!" And walk her to the door.

I was the kid who would have stayed every day. My M. was at work and my family was abusive. I was occasionally embarrassed when dads would send me home, but I accepted it without being hurt when a nice M. would explain it was time for me to go home as they had to eat, spend time as a family, and so forth. As for giving back, you will later. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty. You have your hands full. It is ok and good for the gilr to learn normal limits. I am grateful one M. sat me down and taught me manners as I find rude children less likable.

NO. You do not need to provide dinner for this girl. Just tell her that "It's time for dinner now, so if you want to play more, you'll have to come back afterwards." Most kids her age will take the hint. I always tell my kids, when they head over to a neighbor's to play, that when so & so gets ready to eat, that they have to come home. That it is rude to hang around when it is the other kids' dinner time/lunch time.

Yep, just announce that its time for your kids to eat their dinner and they'll be happy to play when they're done. Then send her home if she doesn't get the hint. Its possible that her mom isn't feeding her regularly, and you might want to investigate that a bit. If mom really isn't taking care of her, you should report it. Its abnormal to not have your child return for dinner.

I grew up with 3 brothers and they ate alot!! We didnt have alot of money. All of us had our own group of friends that came over and called my mom, "mom" and my dad, "dad". We didnt have alot to share at all, but somehow we all got by. We did have one girl that ate just about every meal at our house. I finally had to tell her myself it was time for her to go home. :(

I would definitely just tell her it's time for her to go home and that maybe the girls can play again later. No, it's not up to you to feed her and it sounds like her mom might just be a little clueless. It shouldn't offend anyone if you just tell her that it's time for your "family time" now and that they would be happy to play again another time. Good luck!

My neighbors and I both just send each others children home. They will tell my kid "It's time for us to eat now so you need to go home." And I do the same with their son. Their kid is 9 and mine is 12.

When it is time for dinner my kids come in and the other kids go home. Just tell her that it is dinner time and your kids can no longer play and she will need to go home.