Need Help/advice Dealing with a Terrible Mother-in-law

I have a sister that lives in another state. Her son and DIL live less than a mile away. Apparently, my sis and my nephew's wife do not see eye to eye. (This nephew's wife talks to me privately). Anyway - she hit a wall with my sister and now just doesn't go over there. She sends her hubby to his parents house with the grandkids, she doesn't go. She doesn't answer the phone when MIL calls. She just basically has no contact. It works for them, and it doesn't eat at the niece anymore. My sister gets what she wants, which is her son and grandkids, after all, she has her own daughter and another daughter in law that kiss her butt, she doesn't need this one. :-)

She took a swing at you when your husband had brain surgery? Wow.

I might cut her a teeny tiny bit of slack in that her son had brain surgery, but only a teeny tiny bit. You are right to ask her to not disrespect you or your sister.

When did your husband talk to her? While he was still in the hospital? Normally I'd say make sure he is the speaker for the two of you since he is her son, but if he's still recovering, I'd leave this between you and MIL. What did your FIL say? Is he the same way?

If you have to go to IN to see family, do you have to see HER? Can you avoid her at all?

How long ago was this? I think I'd have a hard time moving on from someone who took a swing at me too.

At least she lives in Indiana so you probably don't have to see her all the time? If I were you, I'd try to limit my contact with her as much as possible. Don't answer the phone when she calls. When you have to see her face to face, be civil but don't go out of your way to be friendly to her.

Well, I would have strongly considered called the police if an adult woman threatened me, and woudl have at least told the hospital she was not allowed to visit until your husband is up and about. That crosses a big line to me and is not normal sane behavior. However, I can understand not wanting to be that confrontational. However, I would refuse to spend time with them, and assuming they behave this way in front of your children, I would refuse to let them see them until they behave themselves. No one needs this. If they show up making a fuss on your lawn, call the cops. You don't need to live with verbal and physical assaults. And if your husband doesn't back you up, he can go stay with his Mommy. It isn't clear if he sdoes support you or not, but I suspect not if she is still doing this after years of marriage. He needs to put them in their place or cut them out.

Family isn't a right, it's a priviledge, in that no one deserves to have contact with a child or grandchild merely because there is a blood relationship. You earn that priviledge.

First of all you and your family were/are under a lot of stress. Apparently, your MIL is mentally unbalanced. Which there is nothing you can do about that. You can change how you react to her. Maybe, when you husband feels better he can talk to her husband about getting your MIL on medication.

Every time my friend visited her MIL who is mentally unbalanced and she was driving her crazy she would wash her MIL's dishes. It helped her.

Take care and continue praying. Rehashing how she acts will only make you crazy and put you on edge when you do see her.

Take care
J.

Can you move? I am not saying totally cut them off.
Can you change your cell and home number, allowing them only to call your husband's cell? This prevented my MIL from lying and saying she called me and told me something when she didn't or claiming I was rude and ignored her calls.
My inlaws made a scene as we were moving into our house. The neighbors were watching. I wanted to hide, but we played outside and became friends with everyone. I apologized and told them I had never seen them act that way and it ruined my moving in day. They understood.

Yikes. She took a swing at you? Granted it was a stressful situation, but that's going too far. I'm not really sure what you expected from your husband considering the circumstances of his surgery, but I would just minimize your contact with her. What does your FIL think of all of this? Has she apologized? I think I would approach your FIL and find out what is going on here. The woman obviously dislikes you which is one thing, but to take a swing at you (regardless of how you phrased your "request") is entirely another.

When you go to Indiana, don't stay at their house. Is there someone else you can stay with? If not, get a hotel room. If you are staying somewhere else, you have a place to retreat if it gets bad and a place to decompress at the end of the night- you are also not locked-in to 3 meals a day.

I would have a talk with her with both of your husbands present. Be candid, but respectful. Acknowledge the fact that the two of you do not get along, but that for the sake of your children (yours and theirs), no more "cheap shots" or the visits will stop. Your husband can visit his family solo. She doesn't have to be nice to you, but she can't be rude, mean or violent. Same goes for your behavior towards her- indifferent.

even when under such strong emotional stress, there is no justification for physical attacks....

While I'm not an advocate for "turning the other cheek" in cases such as this, you do need to consider your husband's feelings....& to some extent his continued recovery.

My recommendation would be to go & enjoy the other part of the family. Rejoice that your husband is mending. Rejoice in the good part of the family. & as for that evil MIL, zip your lip....put a smile on your face.....& never/ever leave your husband's side. Stick to him like glue & don't give her the opportunity to lash out! In fact, I would highly recommend saying to him, "you're stuck with me, like glue. Do not leave me unattended!"

She sounds very difficult to be civil to. I guess I would probably talk to my husband about it first. I would hope he would want his own mother to respect you? If not, I don't really have a solution for you.

If your husband is on board. He thinks the behavior of your MIL is out of control too, I would make a plan. Maybe have MIL over for dinner or just to talk. Have a written list of things you feel about her actions toward her and things that hurt you or your kids. Tell her that if she cannot start treating you and your family with respect, then you do not want her in your life anymore. Of course your husband would have to be on board with this.

If your husband is not on board, then I suggest talking to a family counselor/marriage conselor.