Need Advice on Going Back to Work.

I think your husband is being a butt... if mine told me I needed to work out have more sex with him and clean more I would tell him to jump on into a time machine and go marry a chic from the 50's era. If you really need a job and you want to be able to not leave your child with someone else... find a mommy who doesn't have a choice but to work and keep her baby. Or you could get a job at a fitness center like Spectum or Lifetime in their childcare place and bring your son with you. You would get a free membership, could work out when you wanted and get paid while playing with your son and other kids too!

First I am sending you a big hug! Second before I write this, a reminder that opinions are like armpits, everyone has at least two and they both stink..

"But my husband has threatend me that if I dont find a job, along with work out, more sex, clean more and so on hes leaving me."

!. He has obviously never been a mom to a 2 yr old!
2. Probably stressed about money as you are!
3. But a man who gives this ultimatum to his WIFE & SON needs to be as far away from you and that baby as possible! I would tell him not to let the door hit him in the backside and see his reaction. Love doesn't talk this way. Good husbands and fathers don't talk this way.
I realize this is scary, but you can apply for financial aid that will assist you being on your own. Talk to your parents and be honest about this. They would not want their daughter and grandson in this sort of pressure cooker either... But don't depend on child support of any kind from this man. It is pretty much a fairy tale anyway unless deducted from paycheck and sent direct thru Attorney General. And they can always leave the state and then forget it! I have personal experience with this!
Get your RN and raise your son to be a better man than his Dad.

Let him leave. He's an a**hole. You certainly don't want your son to grow up like him. Just because he works hard doesn't mean he gets to treat you that way. You're working hard, too. He is showing no respect for you whatsoever. I know it's not easy, but if you can't talk with him reasonably, you have to get out. Don't teach your son that this is acceptable.

Go to the library or find the paperback of "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." You will see what your husband needs and why. Once he sees that you cherish him and want to take care of him, getting a job will be less important.

You are probably not feeling comfortable about leaving your son in daycare because you know you are the best person to take care of him right now. Focus on really making life wonderful for your husband because you have more time and energy because you are not working. I know, taking care of your son 24/7 doesn't leave a lot of time and energy, but if you work on it, you will find a way to make your husband feel like he is more important than anything. (Sometimes we put our husbands "on hold" while we have little ones at home - huge mistake!) You can turn everything around.

Hi S.,
I am so sorry that you have all this extra stress that you are facing. I want you to know that you are not alone and that you will find the solution that is best for your family and to not give up on that. I see that many people have commented on your husband and his remarks so I am going to leave that side alone and offer a suggestion on the working side of the issue.

Have you ever considered working from home? I am a mom of two little girls (ages 5 & 3) and I have been blessed to work from home with them by my side for the past 4+ years. When my first daughter was born, I really wanted to be home with her but due to a large amount of debt that was not an option. I had to go back to work full time, then I ran across an incredible team called Work At Home United and they showed me how I could bring in an income to help with our bills but do it around my family and with NO selling, stocking, or deliveries like a lot of companies.

Our team is partnered with a 25yr old incredible wellness company and we help educate people about using safer items in their homes that are not filled with all the harsh chemicals found in so many store brands.

This team and company has benefitted my family in so many ways and I'm now very passionate about sharing it with other moms and finding out how we can help them most.

Please contact me if you would like to hear the full details and see if this could help part of your current situation. http://www.FollowingOurDreams.com

I truly wish you all the best!

M.

I guess my question is ( not withstanding you allowing your husband to make demands of you when it doesn't sound like he's doing anything to help) will it help for you to go back to work at this juncture? Do you have skills that will allow you to make enough money to pay for the extra food, gas and daycare money?
I would remind him that you are going to school to improve your home situation and that this is only temporary.
Now, speaking to the other stuff...if you are a sahm there should be some level of expectation for you to maintain the home. After many years working as a nurse, I came home to be with my kids during high school years. It was considered a trade off that I would pick up the household duties in order to do this. Also, my kids will tell you that they needed me at home more with them during these turbulent years and was grateful I had worked earlier.
As for babysitters etc. I found the best ones were the ones who came to my home. Maybe you can find a woman at church to babysit. It is difficult to leave our children but even sahm's need to give themselves a break and give their kids a break to with an opportunity to socialize at their level with other little ones. Please don't turn your son into a mama's boy! You have no idea the damage that this can cause in the adult years! Believe me when I say this...I'm living that nightmare, right now and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!!! We bring children into this world and if we do our job properly....we teach them and prepare them to leave us when the time comes.
As far as income, have you considered looking around the house for things to sell that you don't need anymore? What about working from home?
What other options have you considered?
Good luck!

OK -it's understandable that you may need to go back to work full time and make more money, but the whole thing about him threatening you if you don't do that PLUS, work out, keep everything clean, etc. -what exactly is he doing other than working full time? Put a broom in his hand and go work out when he gets home. Let him care for your child and clean a little while so you can see to the important duty of working out since he feels it's so imperative. Sorry, but that's nothing other than JERK behavior. He needs to straighten up! You're in school for your RN?!?! He should be greatly pleased with that -you'll be very employable and making decent money when you're done. If he doesn't come around very quickly and start pulling his share of the load and quit expecting you to do everything and be some kind of June Cleaver robot -seek counseling and leave if he continues to be a jerk.

I am so sorry you are going through all this stress. It sounds like yall have some money issues which is causing the stress for you and your husband. First, have yall sat down and gone over the expenses to see where yall could make some changes? How much longer before you get your degree? Could you and your husband talk to your pastor?

You shouldn't be living your life in fear. Both baby and you need a break from each other every now and then. If you decide not to work outside the home, try creating an inside the home work opportunity. Are you really great with children? Perhaps a daycare in the home, or before school care or after school care. What talents, skills and abilities do you possess? My grandmother was great at cleaning so she cleaned houses for a living and my grandmother in law washed and ironed shirts for extra money. I do flyers for events for people and my husband offers studio time to musical artists.

What things can you do with your own hands to bring in money? Try doing that.

I know many have crowned your husband a "a-hole, jerk, etc", however I'm not going to do that. I just figure he has a poor way of expressing himself. Keep things really simple by running in place or doing jumping jacks or jumping with a rope for 10-15 minutes to start. This will help get you jump started with a exercise program.

Think of some of the things around the house you really hate doing. Get him to do them, offering sex in exchange for the house work. If he is unsophisticated enough to threaten your marriage you should be savvy enough to get what you want out of the deal. As crazy as this may sound, men look at sex differently than we do and they really do need it more than we do. Many wise women in my circle have taught me about the importance of sex from the man's position. Many of these woman have been successfully married over 30 years. They tell me that as a wife you sometimes will just need to get yourself in the mood. Sex is also a good work out. So lay it on him real good. Make the time and create the mood.

Your son may seem like he was just born yesterday but he is already 2 and sooner than later he will be living his own life. You still have to develop and foster a loving relationship with your husband. Don't be afraid to speak you mind to your husband and let him know how you feel and what you think while holding him accountable and responsible for some things around the house too.

Firefighters aren't battling fires every day.

When my son was young I worked part time and he was in a home daycare environment. This worked out a lot better than me working full time. Have you looked into any home daycares in your area? Make sure they are licesnsed, and check the state daycare requirements for your area so when you visit the home daycares you are well informed on what should and should not be.

Another options, look for a job in a daycare. Many daycares allow you to pay half tuition if you work there, then you will be close by your son, but he will be in his own classroom, socializing and learning independence.

As far as the other demands your husband has put on you and the ultimatum that if you don't meet these he will leave you, I think that is ridiculous. Love is unconditional, that means you don't put conditions on your wife or husband and threaten to leave if they don't meet those requirements. The rebel in me would tell him where to go on those!

Marriage is an effort on both parts. Both people need to communicate there needs without threatening. If he is threatening to leave, then he is not invested in the marriage and it sounds like he is making excuses to get out. You can't build a healthy relationship on an ultimatum.

I would suggest to get counseling, sounds like you both need a little help with communication and the stresses going on in your lives.

i think it would have helped to hear your husbands side of this. from what he is requesting of you it sounds like your main goal of every day is all about your son and you have ened up neglecting other important things like working (assuming you worked before the child) exersize, sex, and the house being clean. from what you said it sounds like things are off balanced. i think it would be good for both of you (son and mom) if you did send him to a daycare, play date, mdo or other place with out you. its great you want to be there for you son and be a sham but it sounds like its not working out for your marriage. i know its really easy and sounds outstanding when people say i am doing everything to be there for my kids. your kids will be fine and they will grow up and move out of the house some day and all you will have left is a damaged marriage..if its still intact. its really important to slide the attention from your son to other responsibilities. its REALLY hard at first but its better for all of you to spend time appart from your son at this age.