My beautiful 6 months old little girl was sick the past couple of days, so I didn't mind indulging in her 'Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum' calls when she was a bit upset that I had left the room. I also had to cuddle her to sleep for two nights (she had fevers etc), but that's another can of worms that I'm going to have to deal with tonight!)
This morning while I was making her half-sisters breakfast and had my back turned (she could see me from the lounge room) she just started getting cranky and then crying and then called 'Muuuummm'. As soon as I turned around, she would break out into this massive smile and bounce in her Jolly Jumper-thing. Eventually I just let her get cranky and upset and when I came back into the lounge room she calmed down.
I really don't want to encourage this kind of behaviour. I don't want her to be overly-attached to just one parent. I'm fine with her preferring to be with one over the other at different times (her Daddy and I are different and she gets different things from each of us, so that's perfectly understandable), but wailing because I've left the room - not something I want to keep happening.
How do I get her out of this new behaviour without being horrible? Is it just a phase? She's used to always having someone to talk to and someone to give her some attention, but sometimes she is very happy to just play without interacting with one of us.
Can I gently stop her from losing it when I leave the room? It's not a really bad situation yet as this has only really started in the past couple of days while she was sick.
Thank you for your advice in advance!!
Thank you everyone for confirming what I already thought. I'll admit that I'm a little paranoid about doing something wrong and then 'ruining' her as I see plenty of parents do.
I do have what to expect, but can't find it at the moment - I love that book!
In my defence, I'm 22, I don't have a mother but my Dad is moving to live near me tomorrow (yay), my MIL lives in Japan and I'm in Australia (but she is always there for me via email) and my Husband's daughter is now 5 and he sometimes doesn't remember what it was like with his daughter.
I am most definitely not control crying this young.
I just wanted your opinions on whether she was being normal or OTT - thank you for helping me! (and now I'm coverd in vomit lol)
It's a phase and as long as you don't buy into it (which is sounds like you aren't) then she'll realize it isn't going to get her anywhere and she'll stop. The LO I used to babysit did this to me and his mom. He cold be playing just fine and the second you left the room, he'd scream and cry. Walk back in and he would stop and be happy again. Almost all kids go through this.
S.
I had to check your post a couple times to make sure it wasn't an ongoing typo. At 6 YEARS old, crying when you leave the room is a problem. Not 6mo. And it will resurface (separation anxiety) in toddler years. But as toddlers they can understand to a degree.
:) You're doing great mum! Follow those instincts!
She's already learning trust and independence (as evidenced by NON traumatic separation). Babies don't have wants yet... they just have needs. The more your keep fulfilling those needs, you just keep building trust and independence. The tricky part is when they're 1yo + and they start getting wants AND needs and differentiating the two. Babies have needs, children have wants, adults have agendas. It only flows uphill, not down. Easiest rule of thumb I've ever come across: Hunger, Thirst, Heat/Cold, Illness, & Comfort are needs. Everything else is wants.
BTW... this is the PERFECT stage to start playing peekaboo. Just as you disappeared from the world when you walked out of the room... you "disappear" behind your hands. Part of why parents PLAY peekaboo... is that it helps to teach object permanence in a non-traumatic kind of way. Remember... the whole world is new to her. She doesn't know if she's in Wonderland where animals talk, or the Labyrinth where you can fall into oubliettes, or if the house is made of candy, or if things always fall down if you throw them (what about with my eyes shut? What about while stuffing noodles into my hair with one hand? What about when I look left? Will the thing I throw ALWAYS fall down???). Right now she can see far enough to see you disappear, and her mind is starting to try and figure out the rules of physics. BRAND new stuff. And she doesn't have the experience yet to know "how things work", or the memory to associate, or the ability to say "if it always happened before, it will happen again". She's LEARNING that when she needs you, you come. But it's not learned yet.
Let me say this as gently as I can. Your 6 month old baby, yes, baby, is adorable with this silliness. It might help you tremendously to do some reading on infant development. You have skipped from infant to terrible three's in your thinking here. And it's just going to make your life miserable if you don't figure that out and start enjoying her babyhood.
You don't have to hold her all the time. You don't have to look at her all the time. But you cannot stop her from crying when you leave the room. You SHOULD NOT even be thinking of stopping the Muuuummm either. You can move her from room to room with you while you work, taking breaks to have floor/tummy time with her to help build her muscles and bond with her. You can sing to her, talk to her while you do your work. That's what people do with little babies. A six month old does not yet even have the capacity to understand that when you leave the room, that you will come back. She is totally dependent on you and when you walk out, she thinks you disappeared for good. She has to develop into the understanding that you will come back. Your repeated overatures to her that you are still there for her, by talking sweetly, singing, holding her some, moving her around with you, meeting her physical needs in every way as well, will develop trust and security for her that will make the person that she will end up being.
You cannot control which person she would rather be with, you or Daddy. It's not your call. Some babies are totally attached to mom. Some treat mom like chopped liver when dad walks through the door at the end of the day and then will have nothing to do with her until he leaves for work the next day. You don't get to pick your child's personality, though you can help shape it. You and your husband continue to be good parents through it all, and understand that babies are just that way.
Your other child is the older one. Let the baby be a baby. She will change so fast from month to month that your head will spin. Enjoy this phase, accept this phase, and don't make her be old in your mind. You'll look back on this time and smile in your heart.
Dawn
She is only 6 months old, all she knows is that you walked through a door and she does not know where you went. She does not know your just stepping away in a other room. Its just a hole in the wall you disappeared into.You will not get her out of any behavior now she is to young. She likes the site of you in the same room. Please read up on the first years and what to expect from your little baby. Enjoy her at this age and she will enjoy bonding with you, its all natural. I love when babies are silly like that!
She is only 6 months old.
Developmentally, regardless of how you handle her.... a baby WILL have:
1) Separation Anxiety
2) dealing with and learning about 'Object Permanence."
3) needing to 'bond' with Mommy or Daddy. But for a baby, they primarily bond with Mommy first and primarily. It is instinct.
You cannot... take these developmental occurrences out of a baby.
It occurs, developmentally, AND at other ages and stages, MANY more phases will occur.
It is normal.
You need to keep 'expectations' upon her... age-appropriate... and in how to handle her.
Get the book 'What To Expect The First Year."
It is a phase. They all go through it. I would just let her see you so she
knows you are there. This will pass. Good luck.
She doesn't understand that you are in the other room, even if she has been in the other room, she doesn't know it's there when she isn't. She thinks you've disappeared. If she calls to you, speak to her! Let her know you are still there, even if she cannot see you. There's nothing wrong with that. Babies may have separation anxiety and cry if a parent leaves the room, this is developmentally normal. She's not being silly, she has become more aware of her surroundings and is in a panic to realize that you are not with her.
When they are sick they are needy, cut her a break for now. Plus she is only 6 months, she'll have a million phases by the time she hits 1(lol). Once she is 100% she probably will go back to her normal easy self. Impressive she can say Mummmmm at 6 months. Hope she feels better soon.
I haven't read the other comments, but at six months this shouldn't be a big problem. One thing that might help (if you're not already doing it) is to announce to your little girl what you are going to do and how long you'll be gone before you leave the room. Like "I have to use the bathroom, I'll be back in 2 minutes" and then make sure you are back before the 2 minutes are up ;) "It's time to make lunch, I will be in the kitchen for 15 minutes." Then after 3 or 4 minutes say something like "I'm warming up our soup now." and give little reminders to your daughter about where you are and what you are doing. Just hearing your voice and being reminded that you are thinking about her will reassure her that you are not leaving her behind.
Oh and just because her illness seems to be over doesn't mean she's back to 100%. Recovery takes time and babies & young children are always a bit clingy (especially for mommies) after a sickness. ;-)
