My Daughter - Bronx,NY

No, do not beat her... :-) Its already done.
I am in the camp of TALK to her... Does she want to keep the baby? Is adoption a choice?
As a mom it is natural to want to "manage" this for her... But since you already said that she is acting against you and hubby with her attitude, what ever YOU DEMAND she does, she will fight against it.
I would find out who the daddy is, have him over for dinner and sit them both down.Talk calmly and LISTEN... Ask questions like do YOU want the baby. How will you BOTH support the baby financially and physically?
I doubt that the school will suggest an abortion, that should be talked about with a doctor. And unless you have a court order I don't think that any doctor will perform one against the pregnant womans wishes...

I do not condone abortion... There are other options.
I would not close the door of supporting her. That will back fire and if she keeps the baby you may never see it... By kicking her out how can you know that she is taking care of herself and the baby?

As for the other girls following suit and having babys early... Doubtful. She is their example and seeing the negatives in her life is one really quick way to use her as an example.

Support her emotionally but if she's gonna be "grown up" then she should do things like pay rent, buy her own food, extra curricular stuff, phone bill etc... She's gonna want to go to school activities, but she has to pay for them... Medical stuff...

Go to the drs appts with her so you know whats happening for the health of the child...

ok you need to give her options. I would sit down with her and ask her what she wants to do but welcome her to REAL life. She can keep the baby but she needs to find somehow to take care of it herself. She needs to find daycare for it while she finishes school and she needs to understand that if she gets a GED her job opportunities are reduced greatly and that it will be hard for her and her baby to not live paycheck to paycheck if that she will probably need to go on welfare and get food stamps (not sure you can do that at 16) Or that she has to follow your rules, you will support her through the pregnancy and she can give it up for adoption but things need to change in the house but you will be there through this pregnancy. I would not abort it that teaches her that there is an easy out for what she has done and nothing will change except for probably a few more future abortions. I think this will show your other children that you will not just turn your back on them if they mess up but that they also need to accept responsibility for what they have done. If she does keep the baby you are to play the grandma role not the mother role.

I was 'active' at an early age. I can honestly say that I know I could've done it on my own, but I don't know your daughter... I know that I remember very vividly about what it's like being a teen and needing support from my family no matter what happened. Whether I got it or not was a totally different story. But when my mother told me that I should get an abortion (dispite me being an adult), it HURT. It cut me deep. We haven't had the same relationship since.

My suggestion... Sit her down and talk to her like YOU'D want to be spoken to. Ask her about how she feels and what she wants. Don't yell and scream and fight. That will just make it worse. TALK to her!

And just because ONE of your girls gets pregnant... Doesn't mean all will follow her lead. My one stepbro did lots of drugs and became an alcoholic. That KEPT me from wanting to do that.

I'm so sorry your family is going through this. This is a hard decision at any age let alone 16! I know that you are disappointed in her and very hurt, but she is young and going through alot right now. Have you at least held her and let her cry it out with you??

I don't think you should be expected to raise the baby, but at the same time I don't agree with abortion. I've had friends that have had abortions and I have had a miscarriage. I don't wish that feeling on anyone.

How does the boy's family feel? Before any major decisions are made everyone needs to have time to calm down. Then together, with the boy's family, a decision should be made. No yelling. No accusing. Just talking.

From my point of view there are three choices:
- Either she keeps the baby and moves in with the boy's family;
- She has the baby and the boy's family raises it;
- She has the baby and gives the baby up for either a closed/open adoption.

Hugs.
M.

She could greatly benefit from counseling.

https://www.itsaboutlove.org is a place where she can receive professional advice, adoption services and help to mediate between her and the parents.

She is obviously acting out and really needs some professional help. Please find a way to get her professional help. If it is something you cannot afford, then there are state services that can offer counseling services as well.

Abortion may be a quick fix, but there are also emotional risks she may not be ready to face with that. She really needs to be educated about her options and feel support and comfort in choosing an option that is right for her.

You also need to help her, at the very least she needs prenatal care. She has been a rough child, I get that, but now can be a healing time to turn things around. I don't mean to coddle and give into all her demands, but please do not be so quick to disown and throw her away.

Here is another counseling center:
http://www.mha-nyc.org/programs--services/parent--family-...

Here you can find services to help her get the prenatal care she needs:
http://www.health.ny.gov/community/pregnancy/health_care/...

and more family resource links:
http://www.nysegov.com/citGuide.cfm?superCat=82&cat=8...

So instead of killing the baby why don't you counsel her to give it up for adoption?

There are tons of couples with infertility that would LOVE to pay all her medical bills and adopt that baby. I agree if you already have your hands full and she is young, then encourage her to adopt. It is not the baby's fault the she in growing in a uterus. Why not give her to a desperate couple whose home, hearts, and hands are empty and just aching/yearning for a child.

I went through 8 years of infertility and I met so many other couples that were heartbroken to hear about abortions and teenage girls trying to raise a baby when they were still too young to do it properly. It is so hard to adopt. There are so many agencies with these long waiting lists and $20K + fees. That is why people go outside the US to adopt.