My Child Failed in a Competition for Compere in Kindergarten

I would seriously consider the way you are viewing this. If he tried out for something or expressed an interest in having a particular part in a class activity, but was not selected, he did not "fail". He simply wasn't selected. It could be that perhaps he was not the ideal candidate for the position, or it could be that there were a dozen children suited for the position and only one could be picked.

Failure will be when he's in middle school and has a part to contribute to a group project but slacks off and doesn't do his work, and causes the rest of his group to receive a failing grade because his part wasn't completed. At that point you can say "you failed - you failed yourself, and your friends too".

If your son sees you labeling a kindergarten audition as a "failure" because he wasn't chosen, you will set him up for a lifetime of self-esteem problems and disappointment and well, failure. There will always be a winner and a loser, someone chosen and dozens others not chosen, and if we have tried our best and approached the competition with dignity, honesty and good effort, it's not a failure. Competition is healthy when it's not vindictive or rigged or all in a good spirit. Teach your son that you're proud of him for trying something that must have involved practice and effort and courage on his part. Don't focus on the end result but the character and effort he showed in the process. Celebrate the boy that dared to try!

And please don't ask the teacher for an explanation. That would only be appropriate if she humiliated him in public or showed bigotry or did something really over-the-top and illegal or unprofessional. Don't rely on a teacher to instill good values in your child. It will be YOU who creates character and values in your child. Again, you will set yourself up for a lifetime of pain and frustration because you'll have to tell your son that you think he's a failure and you'll have to go to every soccer coach that doesn't put him in the game for enough time, every boss that gives him an unpleasant but necessary task, every teacher that doesn't give him an "A" and every girlfriend who breaks up with him. Teach him what real honest effort is and what the difference is between "failing" and "didn't do as well as I had hoped although I tried my best, and I'm proud of my efforts".

I may be a little confused by your question.
Do you mean compere as in a master of ceremonies for a production of some kind?
I would talk to the teacher to find out exactly what was said and what happened. If the class was trying out for parts in a play, for instance, obviously not everyone can play the same part. From experience with my kids, all kids get a part to play. Maybe not the one they wanted, but they all get to participate. It's kindergarten. I would ask to understand what the "competition" entailed. At that age, competition isn't usually a part of anything beyond running a race or something of that nature.
It's hard, but you need to help your son understand that not getting a specific part or something of that nature does not equal failure. It's okay not to be the tallest or the fastest in class. Everyone is good at something, but nobody is the best at everything. It just isn't possible.
Talk to the teacher and get her take on things and see if she can help you with helping your son understand he is not a failure.

Like I said, I'm not sure I'm understanding your question entirely, but enlist the help of the teacher in any case.

Best wishes.

It will not be his last! We all have to learn to accept disapointment, usually, disapointment in our selves for big things like competition is reserved for older children and adults who are ready to learn how to use these kinds of feelings to either better thier skills or move on to something they find more accessable. Some people find that competion is not for them altogether. If he is having that much trouble, I would hold off on more events like this until he is ready to handle them without such a stinging blow.

Good news is, we don't have to make our kids happy 100% of the time. It is unrealistic, and not as good for them as is popular to think right now. Life can throw all kinds of bad turns, and when we know that, and have lived through a few of them and still know that life goes on undamaged, we are more well rounded human beings. Hard knocks are not avoidable, you really don't want him to expereince his first disapointment when he is 18, cause that is not pretty!

Give him a lot of cuddles, and tell him that he is still the terrific kid he was before the competition. If it is not a big deal to you, it will soon not be a big deal to him either.

M.

"Failure" is a natural part of life. The problem is that we define 'failure' negatively. Therefore, we tend to see challenges as a win/lose situations to be avoided rather than just opportunities for growth and learning.

Your son has a right to his feelings. Let him feel them and support him in expressing his feelings appropriately. Having a good cry while you simply hold him is actually the healthiest thing for him. As soon as he expresses his emotion fully, he will naturally start to move past the experience and look for the next thing to do.

We have a tendency to stop our children's natural processes by not wanting them to ever feel bad. Not possible. We need to allow space for them to feel their feelings, give them good tools for expressing those feelings, and then allow more space for them to come up with solutions or move on to the next idea.

Children are much more capable of moving through disappointment and sadness than we give them credit for. We think we need to control everything in their lives so that they don't experience negative emotions. This is actually harmful to them. Life is full experiences that evoke both positive and negative emotions. Having those feelings is not the bad thing. It is how we express them or deny them that becomes the issue.

Let your little boy be sad. It won't last long and he will move to the next interesting thing for him.

When I was in kindergarten, our class did a play "Goldilocks and the Three Bears". I was perfect as Goldilocks (I knew the lines, I spoke loud enough to be heard, etc), but they picked another girl to play the lead. I was very disappointed and cried like there was no tomorrow. Later I was told they picked her not because she was perfect but because she was shy and they wanted to build up her confidence. Sometimes it's not always about picking the best person for the job, but it's hard for kids that age to understand why.

Well, kids are going to experience failure at some point. While competition in Kindergarten may be too soon (but then, I don't know the details, maybe it was something fairly age appropriate and he just took it to heart), I think the key here is how you help him deal with it.

Let him know that his value as a person and your love for him have nothing to do with success of failure in anything (whether it's a competition or grades in school or whatever). Help him come up with ways in the future to do well in things he knows are coming up (such as practicing, asking for help, etc.)
Let him feel disappointed. Part of growing up is acknowledging feelings and learning how to deal with them. If you tell him not to feel bad, he may learn to bottle things up rather than dealing with them, which isn't really healthy. Let him know you understand he's disappointed, and that sometimes things don't go like we expect, but that you love him, he's a great kid, and there will be more chances later on for things.

Lots of hugs help too!

I just read the post before me (Julia N from Salt Lake City) and she said it perfectly. None of us want our children to fail and hate when they are hurt in any way but she is right, they have to learn how to fail at some point. Life will be easier to deal with if they start to fail here and there early on. I imagine at some level, this is hard on you because it feels like you failed too. Don't take it personally. I'm sure your little guy is wonderful at other things!
Peace,
M. P

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Just remind him that it is not winning that matters, but participating enough and enjoying the experience that matters.

And emphasize that at least he tried, and that you are proud of him for trying!!!!

Some kids and adults compete to win and forget to enjoy the experience!
Thus focus on enjoying the experience rather than the loss

R./The Muffin Lady

If it were me, I would explain to him that he tried his best and that it does hurt when other people get picked to do something, but that it doesn't mean he shouldn't try doing what he likes again. If he's interested in being on stage, consider finding a young person's acting/theater class, so he can become more comfortable. Sounds tough,though, to have a group of 5 year old's competing for something. Couldn't the teacher just use their intuition and just select a child to do the job instead of making them "audition"? It seems purposelessly unfair.

I'd have a talk with that teacher... not because of the failure, but I just don't think competition like this builds healthy communities for young children. Instead, it just pits them against each other and causes them to be more likely to watch out for themselves instead of working together. Had the teacher just chosen a child whom they felt could act as compere, there would have been no rejection in the first place.