My 21 Month Old Hates His Baby Brother and Is Regressing!

Everything the other moms suggested is great- I just wanted to say that my daughter went through this when her brother was born. She had just turned 2 as well. I would not even leave the baby on the floor unless I was right next to him because I was afraid she would throw a block at his head. Anyway, the phase did pass. I just ignored the baby regression she was having the best I could and tried to give her one on one time. They are now 4 and 2 and best buddies and my daughter is right on track with age appropriate stages. It is very hard when her husband is gone a lot. Try to get out of the house every day and go to a play area or park, library story time etc. Having some fun activities will make it easier on you and give your toddler an environment with less focus on the new baby. It is just jealousy and a big adjustment for everyone. It will pass!

He is looking for comfort no matter what his motive is, don't worry about spoiling him, lay it on thick!! Don't neglect other responsibilities, the key is to keep him moving AND fill his quota, which is higher because he's grappling with the changes and the idea of sharing you! Just keep being as cheerful as you can without giving in to his whims. He will see that life is exactly as it should be and that there is enough of you to go around!

Hi G.!

I don't think your oldest hates your baby at all...sounds like a case of jealousy. My daughter went through that when her sister was born. She was the only child before then and of course all the attention was on her....

I talked to her and started to make special time for just her and me. Your oldest is seeing you fuss over the baby and he wnants just as much attention, so how does he get it..by acting like his little brother.

Maybe you could have some special mom, big brother and baby brother time. I know you do it all, but big brother will eventually see it as sharing. And then just some special mom - big brother time...time that he KNOWS is set aside for him.

He could be missing his dad too and needs some extra attention...I know..hard on you. I set up a "girls night" where my oldest and me put blankets on the floor and watch tv and eat snakcks...she LOVES it!

Tell your big little guy you love him and you need some special mom BIG brother alone time....I bet he will love it!!!

Good luck!

I agree with what the previous mom said, and I thought I'd just add that perhaps if you have him "help" as much as he can at his age. Fetch a diaper, hand you a wipe, help hold the bottle when you feed baby it may help make him feel involved, important (especially if you make a job his "own" like he ALWAYS get baby a diaper or his blankie) and it will also make him feel like the big boy, which will in turn bring him back to age appropriate behavior. You might be surprized at how "grown up" he wants to be if you give him some "big boy" things to do. Even helping set the table and be mommy's big helper can go a long way toward him feeling included and important.

Another thought is to have cuddle time when you are feeding or rocking your baby. Believe it or not, your lap IS big enough! I watched my sister-in-law nurse her newborn while her 4 y/o climbed up and sat on her lap and I thought, "You have GOT to be kidding!" Well, a few months later it was my turn and I realized my lap was plenty big for my 2 y/o and her baby brother. Hope this helps! :-)

As a point of reference in my case, I had a worry that this would happen. My sons are 18 months apart and I thought my oldest would hate my youngest...not the case ever. I set aside cuddle time with my eldest. When the youngest took a nap, I told my oldest that it was his time. He loved it. Sure, the house went but my boys are wonderfully happy and content with who they are. I did so much research when I found out I was pregnant for the second time and it came to making sure that the special time for mom and first born was duely noted on his part. I gave him special projects to do and "help" with the baby. He was wonderful. Now they are 4 (almost 5) and 6 and they are BEST FRIENDS. They play with each other, learn about school together. I just made sure that both boys would feel a part of the family and helpers. Now my 4 year old wants to help my 6 year old do his homework and vise versa (preschool). My eldest has taken on a role of mommy helper and sets the table and makes sure that his'little brother" gets just as much as he does. I really do count my blessings.
Just set aside time for your oldest boy. Tell him that he matters, show him that he matters and that his little brother is a wonderful addition to the family and that he has to help because HE is the BIG BROTHER and the LIttle brother will COUNT on him. Make him special.

Mine did the same mine are 20 months apart and my daughter did the same she at first was real good with her but then turned evil not as evil as yours but all kids are different. Some say ignore some of it dont make a huge deal others will say dont let them do it at all nip it now. What I did was a little in both I tried the time out and we do not hit, I spanked and then I think she grew out of it she is now just turned 3 and my little one is 17 months. So I think you have a little time before this happens in the mean time maybe while baby naps spend time with the almost 2 year old it will work out.

As far as the talking and acting like a baby just say I dont understand you when you talk like that my daughter is still doing that and I just wont answer I say talk like a big girl.

Good luck

My oldest did the same thing when her sister came home. She started sucking her thumb and biting her nails. She would pinch the baby mercilessly if she thought no one was looking. She even wanted to nurse again! We gave her A LOT of attention, lots of one-on-one time and it all passed. They now get along like two peas in a pod. I hope things are getting better already for you.